4th Post-Op-Iversary!

Four years ago today I had major open abdominal surgery to move my left renal vein down a little so it would no longer be compressed by my aorta and superior mesenteric artery (SMA), a condition I was born with but that doesn't manifest until your 20s or 30s typically. This condition is interestingly called the Nutcracker Syndrome, because the left renal vein is like a nut being cracked by the aorta and SMA. Symptoms vary but mine were extreme stabbing pain in my lower left pelvic area during menstration, caused by secondary internal varicose veins on my left ovary and the left side of my intestines and also chronic daily achiness from standing or sitting for too long. 

I feel extremely lucky to have had such amazing results after this surgery. The daily achiness virtually gone. The monthly menstrual stabbing pain minimized to a couple of painful hours rather than days. It was like I was given my life back. Early detection played a big part though. The first really bad pain occurred in January 2012, although I had started to feel increased nausea and dizziness the fall before that. Within 8 months, I was having the necessary surgery to open up my renal vein so that the secondary varicose veins could retreat or retire because they're no longer needed. Luckily for me, my body didn't have that much time to create millions of varicosities thankfully. 

I chose to have open surgery over having a stent placed in my renal vein because I knew I wanted to be a mom someday and the stent seemed way too risky with the movement of organs during pregnancy. I was not even married at the time but I knew in my heart that I needed to plan ahead for my future babies. I was however dating an amazing and caring man who is now my husband and father of our baby girl who is due in less than a month. :)

I'm also very thankful for not having a stent put in because my body told me shortly after the surgery how much it despises foreign metal objects by slowly spitting out each of the metal stitches that were placed during the open surgery. I don't know though if my body would have done so if I hadn't had a post-op infection in which the ER doctor, a week after being released from the hospital, had to reopen my wound and let it heal from the bottom up. This was to take about 6 weeks to heal, they told me initially. It didn't heal completely until all the metal stitches were spit out 4 months later. The wound had to be cared for twice or three times per day which my loving boyfriend did before and after work everyday for several months until I was strong enough to clean the wound myself. I couldn't bring myself to look at the open wound for about a month. It was very grotesque and upsetting. The pain of packing the wound with dry gauze multiple times a day was unbearable. This was to stimulate the healing process so the wound could heal from the bottom up, but boy was it awful! 

Soon after the wound had been reopened, one doctor was explaining the process and one term sounded like fireworks or something similar but my dear mom, who was caring for me after my surgery, couldn't remember the exact term so she called it a sparkler. And this is how my wound/scar got her name, Sparkle. It really helped to be able to call this big open area on my belly a nice name like Sparkle. She is still affectionately called that today, 4 years later. 

The whole healing process created a lot of anxiety and PTSD in me. Counseling and life coaching have helped immensely. And I'm so grateful to report that I'm now 36 weeks pregnant with our first baby and have had minimal pain, hardly any of which have anything to do with the Nutcracker or residual pelvic varicosities. My husband and I also feel blessed in a way to have experienced such intense pain together because I always said the pain was preparing me for labor and now we're only weeks away from meeting our sweet baby girl who we hope to have naturally at a birth center. I never thought it'd even be possible with my past medical history but everything shows that I'm healthy and my body likes being pregnant. I feel so lucky to be able to experience such awe in creating a baby human being and be able to carry her for nine months while she develops. In all our checkups with the midwife, the baby seems very healthy and is growing so well. :)

It's been a long road but we're now going to be parents within the next month and we're overjoyed with this incredible blessing! Happy, grateful tears stream down my face as I type this. What an amazing journey!

 

 

Maternity photos by Kristina Slaney of Family Work Life at: https://familyworklife.myportfolio.com 

One Month To Go

Lately--obviously--really all that's been on my mind is our sweet baby getting ready for her world debut on or around September 2nd, which is one month from today. I had lofty goals of getting other things done in my life as well before her debut but now I'm really just hunkering down and embracing her pending arrival with love and patience and faith. I can't overdo it at this point. There are many things to get done at my work, many things to complete at home, many to-do lists to check off, and many things I'd like to do between now and when we get to meet our baby girl. The blackhole work has taken a pause--such is life. My budding coaching business has taken a pause as well--stay tuned for coaching packages available in 2017 though. :) And now most of my energy is dedicated to the greatest life transition of all--parenthood. It's really the ultimate lesson in letting go of perfection and embracing our whole selves, embracing the inherent love we have inside each of us. Because with all that love, we can really do anything. I pray I can keep positivity at the forefront throughout this beautiful journey we're about to embark upon, despite not sleeping as much or not knowing what we're doing all of the time. If we can fully embrace the journey, relish in the gratitude of being so blessed to be on this amazing journey, and fill ourselves up over and over again with the absolute love that we have for this sweet baby girl, we can accomplish anything.

You are so loved, Baby Girl!

Staying Grounded and Blogging from the Blackhole: Week 3

So I've begun to notice that the "Blackhole" can really be anything that triggers overwhelm. It doesn't just have to be a corner in the closet that overwhelms me or a pile of papers still lingering by the dresser, but it can also be a purse filled with a variety of to-do lists! That is what I discovered this week in my quest to blog from the Blackhole. Yes, I know--I'm probably starting to nest a bit as I have a little more than 9 weeks to go before we get to meet our beautiful baby girl. :) But I am also working through overwhelm and want to share a thought I've had recently.

One of the lessons I've begun to realize from my time with overwhelm and the Blackhole is that staying grounded is key. This is actually key for most of life's challenges and joys. Because no matter how happy, grateful, blessed, or stressed we're feeling, staying grounded will help us either relish in the beautiful moment or shift our view of the difficult moment and find the lesson in the present moment. And finding a lesson within a difficult moment is one of the only sure ways to gain perspective and start living in joy again.

I know that life isn't just about living in joy, because life's difficult moments help bring us to gratitude for the full range of feelings, emotions, and lessons we get to experience here. And that gratitude is what makes life matter.

With gratitude we are truly alive.

So my lesson for the next 9 or so weeks until I get to meet our truly miraculous and wonderful baby girl is to stay grounded in gratitude and in love.

It's a lesson for more than just the next few amazing months; it's a way of living life.

Overcoming Organization Overwhelm: Blogging From the Blackhole Week 2

As week 2 is almost halfway over already, I sit here on the couch contemplating the overwhelm that sometimes comes with getting organized by a deadline. I want to overcome overwhelm, and I also want to conquer my organizational challenges. 

But at the same time, I want to say YES to social functions we're invited to and fully enjoy the beautiful summer that has just begun. Nesting is one thing but having fun and enjoying friends' company is important as well. I wish there were a magic key to balancing it all. And I'm aware--or at least I think I am--of how much juggling we'll begin doing once our baby girl is here. That is after all a huge part of parenthood, isn't it? Finding harmony or at least peace with all the obligations and invitations and activities and much needed rest seems like a huge balancing act. 

So what to do? When I start to feel overwhelmed, or when I'm head first deep in overwhelm and find myself having a hard time catching my breath, a quiet voice inside tells me to focus on this moment. To be present. To breathe. To be grateful. If anything, we can always feel grateful for the ability to take a breath. And when we start feeling grateful for the simple things, we're able to start breathing again and our monkey minds may calm down a bit. That is when we can really that action.

It's nearly impossible--or at least very uncomfortable--to take action and move forward when we can't breathe. So I think that's my short answer. The breath is the key. The key to everything. We're learning about it at our childbirth education class and I've attended mindfulness and meditation retreats and classes about it. It can bring us out of the darkness and into the light again. 

What does mindfulness mean to you? How do you feel when you take several deep breaths? What do you already do that feels mindful or that you do with focused awareness of the present moment? How do you feel when you're being mindful? 

 

Live Life Fully

 

Live Life Fully. In honor of departed friends and family’s lives. I am almost 100% certain that that is what they would want for us. To LIVE. I write this on the one-year anniversary of my good friend, Autumn’s parting. And the 4-year anniversary of my friend, Christian’s parting. Both from stomach cancer. It’s an emotionally challenging day but after reading a message from Autumn’s dear mom yesterday, something stuck with me. Rather than getting caught in the whirlwind of painful and sad emotions and memories from this day, I want to honor my angel friends by living full out. That might mean something different for everyone but whatever living fully means to you, I recommend doing it. We have been given this incredible gift of life and part of that is learning to fully enjoy this gift and live life fully.

 

 “LLF” is what I wrote on my hand this morning before coming into work. I needed something to help me through the day, especially being surrounded by caring individuals all day but who had no idea what I experienced one year ago today. I was thinking and LLF can also stand for “Love Life Freely” and “Laugh, Love, Flow.” However you interpret it, LLF is a reminder to stay in the present moment, feel gratitude for this moment, and choose life.

 

 

So I dedicate this day and this post to my angel friends and to their families, friends & loved ones living fully in their honor.

 

Blogging from the Blackhole: My Journey to Organize Certain Hot Spots in Our Home Before Baby Comes (Week 1)

 

I think most people probably have one. They probably don't like to talk about it or even think about it too much. What's that, you say? A blackhole of stuff in your home. I have several. And like a blackhole, they suck my energy. Because I want to be energized from my home and not the opposite, I've been planning to clear one particular blackhole in our bedroom for some time now. But the mere fact that it sucks my energy to just think about it has stopped me from getting too far. That's when I remembered that this blog has been an excellent accountability partner in the past with creating positive habits, so I've decided to blog from the blackhole every week until it's cleared. If you have a similar area in your home, I invite you to join me. :) You never know what you might find!

 

Here are some steps to get started:

1) Think of a treat to reward yourself with when you get started or to motivate you to take the first step. :) Mine’s a root beer float (with coconut milk ice cream). Yum!

 

2) Take only a few things out at a time, especially if you're attempting this in the evening after a busy day. (I've said I'll work on this on the weekend but there's always something more fun to do so weeknights are a better option for me.

3) Remove the items from near the blackhole to work through them. It's important to find a space that isn't as cluttered so you can work more smoothly through the stuff.

4) Take a mini-break if you need to before digging in. You make the rules--it's not a competition so go at your own speed and do what feels right.

5) Dig in! Put on some upbeat music or a funny show you've watched before (nothing too distracting though).

6) You pick the length of time to work on this each day. It can be adjusted to best fit your busy schedule. Remember you're the boss! (This is totally a pep talk for me...hoping as I write this that I'll finally make some headway!)

There are lots of great resources, guides and ideas out there about organizing your living space and decluttering. Where I sometime feel resistance though is in all the steps and/or rules to follow. I don't want to have to look back at a guide to figure out the next correct step when I'm in the middle of the flow of disengaging the blackhole. I like the idea that I'm in charge. It takes some of the performance pressure off, at least for me. 

The balancing act is to show ourselves self-compassion and go at our own pace so we don't start pressuring ourselves to beat our earlier time. Yes, it does feel a bit like a race to the finish line because I'm 7 months pregnant, but I'm not going to let that rush me and cause me stress because then I'll most likely freeze up and be back at square one. 

So sit back, get cozy, and go through the stuff you find in the blackhole, little by little, at your own pace. :)

And take note while and after if your energy increases. I've only gone through two bags of mystery items from the blackhole and I already feel a little better from the baby steps taken tonight. (No pun intended. :) )

 

Angels All Around

I want to write a quick blog tonight to thank my devoted angels for protecting our baby girl and me yesterday. I was on my way to work like every morning, waiting at a stoplight when boom, I heard a loud noise and everything in my car lurched forward! Someone had just rear ended me. Because I was at a stoplight, thankfully it was at a low speed. But I immediately went into Mommy Mode and held my belly, praying our baby wasn't injured. I didn't feel any pain myself, only concern for my little miracle growing inside. After exchanging information with the guy who hit me, I called my husband and while on the phone felt the wonderful gentle kicks and pokes of our baby girl! Qué alivio! What a relief! She's moving! We still decided to call our midwife who recommended going to the ER to make sure the baby and her placenta were okay. 

We spent 3+ hours in the hospital and I signed the first paperwork as a parent, giving consent to monitor the baby's heartbeat and activity. The nurses were impressed that at only 24 weeks they could hear her heartbeat so clearly. She moved around a lot too which made me feel even more relieved. After monitoring for over an hour, they sent us home to rest. Only after getting home did I really start feeling sore but with a very grateful heart that our baby girl is healthy song wasn't affected by the accident. 

Our angels were truly watching over us and lessening the impact of the crash with their gentle wings. I know not everyone believes in angels but I have had them with me making sure I'm safe my whole life. I believe that my grandparents who I never had the opportunity to meet because they passed in a tragic car accident when my mom was only 16 are always with me. And in the past 5 years I have gained more angels. 4 close friends and my other grandma on my dad's side. I know in my heart that they are with me still, just in a different form. I consistently see hummingbirds, which are symbols from the after life, along with feathers and pennies appearing out of nowhere. I also notice when it's 11:11 and see these numbers frequently, which are said to be signs from the angels as well. 

So this post is dedicated to my angels and my baby's angels. We are forever grateful. Thank you for watching over us and softening the impact of the crash yesterday. And for all you do that we aren't even aware of yet. :)

I trust life because I know angels are real.

 

 

 

Grumpiness Hacks

On this lovely Friday afternoon, I'm feeling kind of grumpy. I know. I had to admit it but it's how I feel, and as a student of mindfulness, I've learned to acknowledge and accept all my feelings, even when they're not that pretty. My feet are swollen. My shoulder aches. Other than that, I don't have any physical complaints and I'm happily and gratefully almost 24 weeks pregnant with our first child, a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Just thinking about her cheers me up...which leads me to the title of this blog post: Grumpiness Hacks.

How do you pull yourself out of a grumpy mood? Do you just wait it out? Do you let it fester? Do you think of nice things that bring you joy? Do you go for a walk?

There are many things we can do to not feel grumpy, but my thoughts and intuition come back to what I first mentioned: mindfulness. Mindfulness teaches us that avoiding or putting a bandage over our hurts or irritations isn't actually very helpful. It just prolongs the effect. Or it can make us feel like we're denying a part of ourselves. Which may manifest as frustration or anger if we're not aware of what's going on inside ourselves. And frustration and anger lead to--you named it--more grumpiness.

So I'm steering clear of avoidance and ignoring my grumpiness. Instead I'm writing it out. That's one grumpiness hack that might work for some of you. Letting your creative juices flow in a constructive way--like with a purpose--can really shift your perspective and energy and before long, you may feel some relief from the grumpy cloud overhead.

I also plan to dance it out a little later. I haven't feel like I've been moving enough lately and when I don't move my energy around, I can feel stuck and stiff, which both can lead to grumpiness too. Moving my body to music or to the sway of the trees in the wind or to my own breath can do wonders for my mood, spirit and energy. I get back into the flow of life. I no longer feel stagnant, because I'm physically moving forward. :)

Spending time with funny people helps too, I think. If you can be in the presence of someone who genuinely makes you laugh (watching a funny video may help too but being in the same room with someone or over the phone--live--tends to bring that person's positive energy more quickly to you), the grumpy cloud will most likely shift too. It just depends on your sense of humor and if the kind of funny the person is being is medicine to your ears or if it's just making you feel more grumpy, which can happen.

In that case, taking your shoes off and walking outside in the grass or sand may really help. It brings us back to the earth and we simply walk the grumpiness down into the ground. The earth can handle it--it's okay.

Or if that's not possible, being around cute animals or cute little kids (depending on your personality preferences) can work wonders as well. The bubbly energy of a baby or laughing little one changes our perspective and reminds of our joy. The joy we hold inside always. Animals have an innocence about them (unless they are being sneaky or getting into mischief, that is) that also reminds us of the simple joys in life. A cat purring or a dog's waggy tail can perk you up very quickly, if you pay attention.

There comes the mindfulness again. Paying attention. Really if you have a moment to pay attention to yourself, to your needs, to your dreams, to your breath, then the grumpiness you've been feeling may start pealing away.

And what are you left with after you peal away the grumpiness? Yourself.

Your true self.

Which is made of stardust and sparkles, which exude joy.

And love.

There, I feel a little better already! :-)

Creative Stress Management--The Class

This coming Sunday I'll be facilitating a class on creative stress management, a topic that has been near and dear to my heart for many years. Through trial and error and working in social services, giving my heart and energy to others, I realized that I needed to focus more on managing stress and developing wellness practices. Through many years of research and a passion for shining light on others' creativity, I've developed a class that I'm happy to present to the world this Sunday.

Nearly two years ago in 2014, I facilitated my first official workshop on creative stress management through collage for a professional development day at Edmonds Community College, where I then worked. I provided blank notebooks and each participant used the cover page as the backing for their collage. They were instructed to rip or cut out any images or words that spoke to them. They could then use the notebooks later to record their dreams and goals or for anything they liked. There were no other rules. They were the bosses, and they loved it! And I fell in love! I realized quickly that this is something I want to share with more people and at the same time, something that puts me in my own creative flow.

Several months later, I had the opportunity to combine mindful breathing with collage at another professional development day but this time at Bellevue College. I absolutely loved seeing the relaxation on participants' faces and in their shoulders as they followed a simple breathing exercise. Our collages that day also focused on specifically on work-life balance.

Then last summer in 2015, I had the opportunity to lead another mindful breathing exercise and collage session for a wellness challenge at Lake Washington Institute of Technology. Again, the experience reaffirmed my passion for helping others feel stress relief and move towards a greater level of well-being. And people began to request more opportunities to rip and tear inspirational images and words from magazines and flyers to create their own unique visual oasis! I offered 3 more sessions--one focusing on goal setting, another on our personal missions, and the latest session with a group of early childhood education employees on a professional development day.

In addition to workplace creative stress management, I've hosted several collage parties for friends over the past several years as well, at first to try out my ideas and make sure they flowed well and then to continue spreading the creative stress management love. And it's more fun to create and inspire when you're in the company of friends!

With that said, I also enjoy creating when watching TV, when I want to refocus on my wellness and goals, when I'm just hanging out, when I feel inspired, so since I created my collage notebook two years ago, I have filled the pages of the notebook with mini-wellness collages. It's now one of my prized possessions. Think vision boards, but in miniature and mobile form. I can take the notebook anywhere or turn to a particular page and focus on it to feel a renewal of inspiration.

As you can tell, I'm wild about creative stress management and I can't wait to share it with more people. If you're interested in attending my upcoming class on May 1st, please send me an email at: maret.carrillo@gmail.com. More information is below or you can visit: www.facebook.com/owningyourgoodness. (You can pay the supplies fee when you arrive on Sunday.)  Looking forward to creating greater wellness with you!

Ecua-Gring@ Miracles

Four more months to motherhood—only 20 or so more weeks before we get to meet our little ecua-gring@! Wow! It’s hard to believe that I’m already 20 weeks along! But then again, we’ve done so much in the last 5 months. Picture this: just 5 months ago, my husband and I were visiting the magical coastal village of Canoa in Ecuador while on vacation. There was a soft breeze, beautiful waves, warm sand under our toes, great people all around, a sense of peace that came over us in this magical place on Earth.

Tragically this past Saturday Canoa and many other coastal villages and towns in Northern and central Ecuador were destroyed after a 7.8 earthquake hit. Over 500 didn’t survive. Hundreds are still missing. Many more are injured and even more have lost their homes and businesses. Hundreds of aftershocks have occurred in the same area since Saturday and one early this morning was 6.2 on the Richter scale! We pray the rescuers can find more survivors today and that the aftershocks finally stop. I just can’t imagine the terror and trauma the survivors are living right now. It has been an extremely emotional week, to say the least.

One uplifting thing though, despite all the devastation and tragedy, is seeing how the Ecuadorian people have united to support the affected areas. Lines of people in the major cities form to provide donated items and caravans of donations are on their way to the Manabi and Esmeraldas provinces, which were most hardly hit by the earthquake. The Ecuadorian community abroad where I live in the Seattle area have come together quickly to put together a fundraising event this Sunday so all the proceeds can go to helping the victims of this tragic natural disaster recover and rebuild their lives.

Blogs and articles have been written about donation sites for those who are far away and still want to help. I know it’s still not enough because the damage is so massive, but it does fill me with a little more optimism and hope for the future for everyone affected by this disaster.

And this very same week on the homefront, our baby has started to tap! I wouldn’t call it a kick or jab yet, but just two nights ago I started feeling a tap-tap from inside, especially after eating something sweet. I know the baby has been moving all around for awhile now but he or she is finally big enough to tap me! Our little ecua-gring@. And tomorrow we get to see our baby on the ultrasound to make sure everything is developing well and to find out the gender!

So many different kinds of emotions, and add pregnancy hormones to the mix and you have one weepy mama here. And on top of it all, the many things I have been meaning to start doing during my pregnancy are starting to catch up with me—prenatal yoga, reading all those great holistic pregnancy books, reading more about bilingualism and child development, learning more lullabies, taking birthing classes, preparing for my maternity leave at work, going on more romantic dates with my hubby, organizing the house, starting my coaching business—eek! And all this is supposed to take place in the next 3.5 months—holy cow! That’s not that much time, is it? It’s amazing how fast 40 weeks can go by. Truly it is! It also helps me think about prioritizing because that is A LOT to try to get done in such a short amount of time when I’m also working full time, when we have a busy social and family schedule, when I’m offering my first stress management class in the community on May 1^st, when we’ve had visitors from Ecuador and New York over the past month, when we sometimes just want to (and need to) rest and relax and have a little fun. So staying realistic about how much I truly expect myself to accomplish while I only have a little over a month left in the 2^nd trimester and then the 3^rd trimester begins! Wow! It’s all very exciting though!

It’s really hard to describe the vast range of emotions I’ve felt this week—the roller coaster of fear, despair, horror, sadness with the news of the earthquake in Ecuador, and then hope and gratitude for all the support of the victims, and love and excitement filling my heart for the new life developing inside me. Wow. This is life, huh? The full range of it. The good, bad, ugly, beautiful, and miraculous parts of life.

Click here for more information about my upcoming class on creative stress management.