Embracing My Sentimentalism

In true Brene Brown style, I looked up the definition of sentimentalism and Google said it means excessive tenderness, sadness or nostalgia. And you know what, I think I'm okay with that because if I'm going to be excessive about anything, I think tenderness is right up there with excessive fruit and vegetable eating. :) I have been sentimental for almost as long as I can remember. Maybe it's my astrological chart with 5 planets in water, maybe it's growing up seeing my sweet momma getting teary-eyed at emotional commercials, maybe it's my love for photography and recording fun memories to look back on. I was even my high school honor society's historian one year. (A perfect role for me really!) Then scrapbooking became popular and I ate that up! Then later on with smartphones and social media, apps like Timehop and Facebook started reminding of pictures and posts we created a year or more ago. 

I love that stuff. I eat it up. And I think it's time to embrace it. I don't want to hide it or cover it up. Yep, I'm sentimental and it makes me who I am and if that involves excessive tenderness and nostalgia, I'm okay with it. The excessive sadness can get pretty heavy at times though, but don't they say that you can't truly cherish the sunshine without some rainy or cloudy days? We who live in the beautiful, mostly gray Pacific Northwest know this metaphor well. It makes us love and appreciate the sunny weather even more. And well, if there are too many days of sunshine in a row like a few weeks ago, we start to even long for the cloudier days.

How can we learn to embrace even our sadness? Of course we don't want to live there all the time, but sadness happens, nostalgia happens, and it's a normal part of life. My baby girl, who I waited years and years to meet and hold in my arms finally, is turning one in a few weeks and I've been feeling very sentimental about it. I love watching her grow and learn and develop her sweet spunky little personality! And at the same time, I want to enjoy every milestone and moment with her so much that I want to slow time down. 

I've been thinking about the amazing past year with her and to be honest, some moments are already foggy and that makes me sad, even though I know it's part of parenthood. The amnesia of those first days. And then sometimes regrets start knocking on my door--I should have written down more memories or taken more videos or this or that--but the truth is we sometimes don't know what we’ll want to have as memories until the time has already past. 

Hindsight really is 20/20. And coming back to gratitude and recognizing all that I have recorded of her first days, of my first days as her mama, is key. It grounds me and reminds me to relish in what I do remember and hug her even tighter in this moment, right now. If only mindfulness were more a part of parenting and childbirth ed classes. Because it's really what gets me through hard times. That and love. The ginormous love I feel for this incredible little human being we created! It's overwhelming and comforting and all-encompassing all at the same time! I love her SO much! Words just don't express the enormity of my feelings about her and being her mama. What a truly awe-inspiring gift! And the most challenging and rewarding journey I've been on. I still try to find words to express how I feel about being her mom but my heart really bursts with so much more than words. And with all that tenderness, of course vulnerability and even anxiety accompany these big feelings. Like our doula put so beautifully when Luna was first born, it's like having our hearts on the outside of our body now. 

How do you process big feelings like this? Both loving and anxiety-causing feelings? And a mix?

If you'd like to learn more about life coaching and wellness education services, check out my sister site at Maret Carrillo Coaching: Owning Your Goodness (http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com).

The Courageous Act of Rest

 

Sometimes I put pressure on myself to get stuff done, to do magic tricks and juggle caring for my four-month-old while taking care of our home and starting my own business. But then there are days when my baby girl has a cold and so do I and both our energy is waning and all we can muster is snuggling on the couch, nursing and napping. And that is productive. It's just not how we’re taught to view productivity. Rest is so underrated but so so necessary for everything to run smoothly. I've come to believe that colds have a way of slowing us down so we’re forced to rest. But what if we incorporated rest in our everyday lives? Would we feel better? Have less colds? I think we just might.

But how can we get everything done that we need to get done while also making time for rest? I know for me, since becoming a mom, I've found time for rest when breastfeeding. But I find myself still trying to multitask and for example write a blog post or read articles while nursing. What if I took more time to take deep belly breaths instead? Or if I distanced myself from technology more and colored instead? Creativity is rest for me. Collaging relaxes me. It's challenging to do though while breastfeeding but visualizing is entirely possible. And using our minds to improve our wellness is also a creative and valuable task.

I read a quote earlier today about how we can make any task a meditation by focusing on that one thing mindfully. Or by NOT multitasking. Yes, unitasking may be the key to finding windows of rest in our day. I know, I know, it goes against all we've been taught, but what if we gave it a try for at least a few minutes during each of our days? How would our lives change? How would our health change? How would we feel? I dare you to give it a try. 

What part of your day can you dedicate to unitasking?


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The End of the 4th Trimester

 

Today our baby girl turns 3 months old and this concludes an era some call the “4th trimester.” The end of her newborn stage too. Sniff sniff. Time is moving so fast and our Luna is growing and learning so much! What a difference 3 months can make! It's probably been by far the most meaningful 3 months of my life. I'm so thankful to get to experience motherhood finally and get to know my beautiful daughter and watch her grow and change. 

What I've learned about myself in this “4th trimester” or 1st 3 months of my baby girl’s life is that I'm so much stronger than I ever imagined I was. I’m proud of myself for giving birth naturally with no pain medicine. I've woken up at night every few hours for the past 3 months to feed my baby and I miraculously still have energy at the end of each day now. I haven't read all of the recommended books on child development but my baby is doing amazingly well and learning new things each day. I follow my instincts better than I ever have. I come up with different ways to distract my baby when she gets fussy and it usually works. Of course I also have off days and feel up and down at times with different emotions and fears of not doing a good enough job as a mom. But when I look back at these past amazing 3 months, I'm comforted and reassured that I'm doing just fine. 

Motherhood is so much about finding self-kindness so that we can reflect that image back to our babies. They absorb everything and I have to remind myself to mindfully go about my day soaking up all the incredible baby love (and baby drool!) around me! What an awesome journey we’re so blessed to be on!

Rethinking Productivity and Self-Care as a New Mom

 

For more than 7 years, I read and studied about how to better manage stress, how to increase wellness, and how to practice more self-care. When pieces on parenting and stress management or self-care would come up, I would skim through them, not giving them as much consideration because I wasn’t a mom yet. For as long as I can remember though, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would be a mom someday and for the past 6 or more years, I have been preparing for this beautiful roller coaster journey I’m now on as a new mom.

As much as one can prepare for a big event though, you never know how you’ll truly feel once you’re living in the actual event. And as many new parents have shared, sleep deprivation plays a big piece too. I consider us very lucky though because our baby girl, who is now almost 7 weeks old, has been a pretty good sleeper and hasn’t been particularly colicky thankfully either. We’re learning her cues and trying to figure out the signs of when she’s tired versus gassy versus hungry versus with a wet or dirty diaper. She is very expressive which makes our job that much easier. Or we are just psychic. :) I like to think the latter but I also love how expressive she is. Hee hee!

Apart from the general sleep deprivation everyone talks about, a more sensitive, emotional topic comes to my mind and heart that isn’t discussed as much, I don’t think. The feeling moms feel of birthing a part of their physical body and having that being detached from you. The simple act of cutting of the umbilical cord didn’t seem that monumental at that time, but it really was. It symbolized the journey of becoming a parent and of letting go little by little of our very creations. I don’t want to think about all the letting go yet that is to come in the far future when our baby girl grows up and moves on to live her big beautiful life, because for now, it’s the little things, the baby steps. Like for instance, today I had a dentist appointment, so I asked my mom to come with me to the appointment and watch Luna while I got my teeth cleaned. It went great thankfully and I only heard crying from my sweet girl towards the end of the appointment so my heart didn’t break open like it can when I hear her cry too much.

As our doula put it so beautifully, becoming a parent is like wearing our hearts on the outside of us. I most definitely feel that! And as my love grows for our sweet daughter, I feel it more and more. My heart aches physically almost when I can’t comfort her. Thankfully I have been able to stay home with her to care for her and respond to her needs so that her cries don’t go unanswered very often, but as time advances—way too quickly I might add—I know I’ll need to go to more appointments of my own and eventually my husband and I will want to go on a date night and we’ll have to leave our baby girl with family or friends or a babysitter. It’s just a part of life. So for now, little by little, baby steps is all I’m taking. It’s all my heart can take. I know my heart will stretch and my faith will grow so that it won’t break every time someone else watches her, but it’s really painful and tough at first. She’s my greatest creation. My magnum opus, as my own mother puts it.

But getting back to the title of this post, with all this in mind, I have had to begin to rethink what productivity means now. I am a list girl. That doesn’t necessarily mean I get everything done that I write down on my lists, but making to-do lists and project lists and self-care lists help give me a sense of control. If you were to give me a sheet of paper right now, I know I could easily jot down a whole page-full of things I want to do with Luna, get done around the house, cook for dinner over the next few weeks, etc. etc. But that is coming from my previous way of thinking, my pre-mom days. Now the number one priority on my to-do list is to feed my daughter and care for her. Then I also need to feed myself and care for myself. But what does that mean now? It’s a new paradigm for me. Since my baby is like an extension of myself and I care for her everyday, it almost feels like I can get away without caring for myself because I’m caring for her needs. But I know that’s not really the case. I need to care for my own needs too. How to juggle caring for a newborn and caring for the new momma that was just created as well? It’s truly a juggling act. But small baby step ideas are beginning to pop up in my head.

How to Care for My New Momma Self While Caring for My New Baby…

•  Read positive affirmations or articles/Meditate/Pray while breastfeeding
• Take deep breaths during each of Baby’s naps and/or relish in the joy of napping myself
• Mindfully and joyfully complete tasks like washing dishes, doing laundry, changing diapers
• Recognize and acknowledge what I’ve accomplished each day, even if nothing on the bigger to-do list got done, because the number one priority is feeding and caring for Baby and for myself these days
• Take walks outside with the stroller or baby wrap
• Make play dates with friends with babies for social interaction, connection, support, and fun
• Invite people over to visit Baby when needing more adult time and/or support
• Shower—and even take baths when possible!
• Say yes when help is offered
• Choose healthier food options to nourish the body
• Snack on fruits and veggies and protein
• Drink more water
• Stretch with Baby or while Baby naps
• Dance with Baby :)
• Sing to Baby and learn new songs!
• Read to Baby
• Share responsibilities with partner when possible
• Treat yourself—remember one or more of your favorite things and do that!
• Create something—make art again! Baby-related art counts!

See, this kind of list isn’t as overwhelming as my regular lists, because I can embed many of these items into my daily routine. I have to admit though that looking at the entire list does seem a bit daunting, but the blessing of a self-care to-do list is that you can try one thing at a time, add one thing per day or week or whenever you feel you need to, and its purpose is to help you recover from overwhelm and fill yourself back up, so there’s no need to overachieve or check everything off by a certain date. This is a list that will never be completed because it’s constantly needing to be repeated, and that’s a good thing. 

So let’s salute to self-care and rethinking how we look at productivity. Just checking one thing off my self-care list should be considered productive now in my new role as a momma. It’s going to take some time to get used to this new view, as with everything new, but little by little, I’ll take the baby steps necessary to care for both my sweet baby girl and this new momma I’ve become.

 

One Month To Go

Lately--obviously--really all that's been on my mind is our sweet baby getting ready for her world debut on or around September 2nd, which is one month from today. I had lofty goals of getting other things done in my life as well before her debut but now I'm really just hunkering down and embracing her pending arrival with love and patience and faith. I can't overdo it at this point. There are many things to get done at my work, many things to complete at home, many to-do lists to check off, and many things I'd like to do between now and when we get to meet our baby girl. The blackhole work has taken a pause--such is life. My budding coaching business has taken a pause as well--stay tuned for coaching packages available in 2017 though. :) And now most of my energy is dedicated to the greatest life transition of all--parenthood. It's really the ultimate lesson in letting go of perfection and embracing our whole selves, embracing the inherent love we have inside each of us. Because with all that love, we can really do anything. I pray I can keep positivity at the forefront throughout this beautiful journey we're about to embark upon, despite not sleeping as much or not knowing what we're doing all of the time. If we can fully embrace the journey, relish in the gratitude of being so blessed to be on this amazing journey, and fill ourselves up over and over again with the absolute love that we have for this sweet baby girl, we can accomplish anything.

You are so loved, Baby Girl!

Staying Grounded and Blogging from the Blackhole: Week 3

So I've begun to notice that the "Blackhole" can really be anything that triggers overwhelm. It doesn't just have to be a corner in the closet that overwhelms me or a pile of papers still lingering by the dresser, but it can also be a purse filled with a variety of to-do lists! That is what I discovered this week in my quest to blog from the Blackhole. Yes, I know--I'm probably starting to nest a bit as I have a little more than 9 weeks to go before we get to meet our beautiful baby girl. :) But I am also working through overwhelm and want to share a thought I've had recently.

One of the lessons I've begun to realize from my time with overwhelm and the Blackhole is that staying grounded is key. This is actually key for most of life's challenges and joys. Because no matter how happy, grateful, blessed, or stressed we're feeling, staying grounded will help us either relish in the beautiful moment or shift our view of the difficult moment and find the lesson in the present moment. And finding a lesson within a difficult moment is one of the only sure ways to gain perspective and start living in joy again.

I know that life isn't just about living in joy, because life's difficult moments help bring us to gratitude for the full range of feelings, emotions, and lessons we get to experience here. And that gratitude is what makes life matter.

With gratitude we are truly alive.

So my lesson for the next 9 or so weeks until I get to meet our truly miraculous and wonderful baby girl is to stay grounded in gratitude and in love.

It's a lesson for more than just the next few amazing months; it's a way of living life.

Angels All Around

I want to write a quick blog tonight to thank my devoted angels for protecting our baby girl and me yesterday. I was on my way to work like every morning, waiting at a stoplight when boom, I heard a loud noise and everything in my car lurched forward! Someone had just rear ended me. Because I was at a stoplight, thankfully it was at a low speed. But I immediately went into Mommy Mode and held my belly, praying our baby wasn't injured. I didn't feel any pain myself, only concern for my little miracle growing inside. After exchanging information with the guy who hit me, I called my husband and while on the phone felt the wonderful gentle kicks and pokes of our baby girl! Qué alivio! What a relief! She's moving! We still decided to call our midwife who recommended going to the ER to make sure the baby and her placenta were okay. 

We spent 3+ hours in the hospital and I signed the first paperwork as a parent, giving consent to monitor the baby's heartbeat and activity. The nurses were impressed that at only 24 weeks they could hear her heartbeat so clearly. She moved around a lot too which made me feel even more relieved. After monitoring for over an hour, they sent us home to rest. Only after getting home did I really start feeling sore but with a very grateful heart that our baby girl is healthy song wasn't affected by the accident. 

Our angels were truly watching over us and lessening the impact of the crash with their gentle wings. I know not everyone believes in angels but I have had them with me making sure I'm safe my whole life. I believe that my grandparents who I never had the opportunity to meet because they passed in a tragic car accident when my mom was only 16 are always with me. And in the past 5 years I have gained more angels. 4 close friends and my other grandma on my dad's side. I know in my heart that they are with me still, just in a different form. I consistently see hummingbirds, which are symbols from the after life, along with feathers and pennies appearing out of nowhere. I also notice when it's 11:11 and see these numbers frequently, which are said to be signs from the angels as well. 

So this post is dedicated to my angels and my baby's angels. We are forever grateful. Thank you for watching over us and softening the impact of the crash yesterday. And for all you do that we aren't even aware of yet. :)

I trust life because I know angels are real.