One Month To Go

Lately--obviously--really all that's been on my mind is our sweet baby getting ready for her world debut on or around September 2nd, which is one month from today. I had lofty goals of getting other things done in my life as well before her debut but now I'm really just hunkering down and embracing her pending arrival with love and patience and faith. I can't overdo it at this point. There are many things to get done at my work, many things to complete at home, many to-do lists to check off, and many things I'd like to do between now and when we get to meet our baby girl. The blackhole work has taken a pause--such is life. My budding coaching business has taken a pause as well--stay tuned for coaching packages available in 2017 though. :) And now most of my energy is dedicated to the greatest life transition of all--parenthood. It's really the ultimate lesson in letting go of perfection and embracing our whole selves, embracing the inherent love we have inside each of us. Because with all that love, we can really do anything. I pray I can keep positivity at the forefront throughout this beautiful journey we're about to embark upon, despite not sleeping as much or not knowing what we're doing all of the time. If we can fully embrace the journey, relish in the gratitude of being so blessed to be on this amazing journey, and fill ourselves up over and over again with the absolute love that we have for this sweet baby girl, we can accomplish anything.

You are so loved, Baby Girl!

Letting Go and Starting Anew - A Year in Review

Each New Year’s Eve I like to look back at the past year and take some time to reflect and learn from all I experienced. Last Sunday I participated in one of my New Year's traditions. Five years ago, my dear friend, Julie took me to her family’s church for an end of the year burning bowl ceremony. It’s where you release what is no longer serving you and make room for the new. Ever since, I have looked forward to this ritual each December. 

This ritual reminds me of an Ecuadorian tradition to burn “anoviejos” at midnight on New Year’s. Anoviejos are paper mache figurines that represent the previous year and are burned to release the old year and start afresh. The anoviejos can be range from super heroes to even political figures. 

Although I probably won’t be burning an anoviejo this year, one of the best examples of letting go today may be with this blog post. I had just completed and hit “publish” on a beautiful post that I spent the morning working on just now and then lost it! Puff! Vanished into thin cyberspace air. Devastating to lose my creative work but then I began to shift my perspective and see what a lesson it is of the very subject I was writing about. We just have to keep going and start fresh again. Just like the new year. I’m sad to not be able to share my original post with all of you but I did save an earlier version of the content so I will do my best to start again. (Like in life, huh?) And tonight I will eat 12 grapes at midnight, another favorite Ecuadorian tradition of mine.

So here goes...

Almost a year ago, I officially started my journey to become a transformational life coach. (In reality, I had begun this journey years before as I researched ways to better manage stress and help people around as well.) I met some of the most amazing and caring people in my coaching class. I also gained the experience and confidence to offer more workshops and even facilitate a session at an in-service day for support staff where I work. Professionally, I also got a new job that’s closer to my home and is in a more supportive environment with a window that has a few of a protected green area where I’ve seen deer, coyote, and even an owl. 

We took several trips to fun places, both nearby and far away. Our travels took us to beautiful, tranquil Whidbey Island to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary, to Yakima and wine country to celebrate the last of summer, to Portland to visit close friends and their babies, to Grayland, WA for my dear cousin’s graduation party.

We also found a little piece of heaven on Earth in Canoa - Ecuador and up above the clouds of Quito - Ecuador as we visited many wonderful friends and family. 

Our friends and family took us to most amazing places in Ecuador, like a waterfall hike by the famous Otavalo marketplace, fresh fish in Salango for Thanksgiving after an adventure in driving down the Ruta del Sol on the Ecuadorian coast, standing at the Westernmost point of South America and watching the sea lions sunbathe, driving over the Andes Mountains in 3 hours through some of the most breathtaking countryside I've seen, getting a little lost in the valleys near Cuenca but in the end finding a delicious traditional lunch, playing with wonderful children. We are truly blessed to have had the chance to spend 3 weeks in our second home of Ecuador this year!

My husband, Geovanny and I went on beautiful nature hikes and drove late at night to stargaze and see supermoons, Venus and Jupiter, and even the Star of Bethelem! We enjoyed parties with friends and family in our still new apartment and spent time by my brother-in-law’s pool over the summer. I got to see and hear the amazing orca whales pass right below while staying in an incredible house on San Juan Island with dear friends from middle school. I went on my first business trip flying to Spokane for a conference and venturing to see my dad in beautiful Idaho one evening as well. 

I trained with my best bud, Emily to walk my first half-marathon in September. (We completed it in a little over 4 hours.) I decided to take out most gluten, corn, soy, caffeine, and sugar from my diet (that last one is still a journey though of course). And I no longer have to take allergy pills everyday as a result! 

I’m very grateful to have had the opportunity and Divine timing to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends, help her feel safe in her journey to Heaven, and hold her family in love and light. My faith increased as signs from my new angel friend graced the skies over and over again before and after her passing. I feel blessed to have captured so many in photos, as they serve as reminders to look up more often and trust in a higher power.

I didn't blog as much as I had set out to do, but I did participate in another Fun-A-Day challenge last January. (My first Fun-A-Day challenge in 2014 inspired me to post a little blog nearly everyday of the year that year!) In May I posted nature pictures everyday for about a month as a way to dedicate time just for me. I also added 18 mini-collages to my collage book.

So what's in store for next year? Stay tuned! It's sure to be a bright and promising 2016!

Adding A Little Zest To Life

At the beginning of the year, I received a random card at a Seattle Unity service that was entitled zeal. I hadn't really used this term before though but I immediately liked the sound of it. I had already set an intention to have more fun and be more playful, because I found myself getting really serious and not having much fun as a result, so this card reinforced that intention.

That is about the same time when the Fun-A-Day project appeared out of the blue and was like an answer to the winter blues I had been facing. I had SO MUCH FUN during the month of January creating something new each day and posting it on my blog as Daily Creativity! And this started a daily habit or practice for me, of posting a little something each day, like a reflection, a photo, a short poem, or an inspiring quote. I have had a lot of fun sharing and posting everyday on my blog and one of the most fun and creative parts is brainstorming about a new theme for the month or sometimes just listening to my inner voice and focusing on what I need to focus on in the coming month.

So this month, I have chosen Zest & Zeal. I intend to bring more awareness to the art of having fun and how to add more zest and zeal to everyday life. This can be anything really and I can't wait to see where it leads. I really had NO IDEA that joining the Fun-A-Day Challenge back in January would lead to all these different daily practices each month--February brought Abundance, March brought Self-Love, April brought Grace, May brought Surrender, and June brought Goodness. I love that I can sum up 2014 in these beautiful words, actions, intentions, and practices--creativity, prosperity, self-compassion, graceful living, letting go, and owning my goodness.

And now I'm adding a little more zest and zeal to my days by choosing to focus on:

lively feelings of enjoyment and enthusiasm that increases energy in pursuit of a cause or an objective

And my cause or objective is to be more playful and recognize and honor all the zest and zeal already in my life. :) Just in the past 2 days, I've found zeal in nature through discovering a beautiful pond filled with momma ducks navigating through the lilypads and dragonflies hovering just over the surface.

I have a feeling that I'll be finding zest and zeal everywhere and I can't wait to share with you what I discover this month. :)

Where do you find zest and zeal?

Sweet Surrender in Real Life

Before I even knew it, I decided to dedicate this entire month to the practice of surrendering and letting go. And boy, have I had many opportunities for both this month! Yesterday I said "see you later" to my esteemed colleagues, many of whom I have worked with for almost 7 years advising pre-college immigrant and refugee students from over 35 different countries as they began or continued their educational journeys here in the United States with English classes. Now I have been given a new opportunity in a different college to help students plan their education and future careers through individual advising, coaching, and leading workshops. I feel as though I have been working towards this new adventure for some time now and I look forward to gaining more coaching and workshop experience while helping more students achieve their goals.

From going through all the papers, files, emails, and memories I have accumulated in almost 7 years and feeling so loved and appreciated by many who I have shared the best and worst of times with, I have realized that what really stays with us from an important life experience is who we got to know and what they shared with us or what we learned from them. The inspiring stories of courage from students who fought their way to make a better life here in the United States, the uplifting passion projects of colleagues that have motivated me to work on my very own passion project, the daily care, concern and support from cherished friendships turned lifelong kindred spirits, the vast range of perspective on living life, and the inner awareness gained from all of these experiences are what I want to take with me from this.

So I must keep that in mind as I go through material items, because these items can be replaced or found again, if needed. But they do not compare to the priceless value of friendships made and lessons learned that I will take with me wherever I go in life. No one can take that away from me, it can't be lost or misplaced, it has become a part of me, and I am a better person for it.

Letting go requires A LOT of faith. I must trust that what I wrote is true--I will not lose the value of the many kindred friendships and invaluable lessons I take away from the past 7 years. I trust that these experiences, this wisdom, all the support I feel will help me move forward and help guide me in this new adventure. Nothing is lost. And so much has been gained. From moving on in my career, I am now able to reflect and see these past experiences with a little bit of distance which makes me more aware of all I have gained. And for that, I am grateful.

Gratitude helps us through transitions in life. I am a little nervous about all the unknown that lies ahead but I am also confident that I have what it takes and will be supported on this journey, no matter what. And that's a really good feeling.

Practicing Letting Go Through Collaging

Funny, I've been reading about the benefits of collaging to prepare for a session I'm leading at the end of the week for a campus community event on collage art as a creative stress management tool, and several sources say that collage art is recommended when you're feeling stressed and feeling a lack of control over your present situation. This is because in collaging you get to control which pictures and words you choose to include in your unique expression of art. You're in charge, and this process of creating gives you the sense of control that you felt you were lacking beforehand. 

At the same time, through my own collage creations, I'm finding that collaging has helped me let go and just soak in the art that I'm creating. I let go of a need to strive for perfection or stress about where each piece will go in the collage. There are really no rules when I collage and this is a very freeing and forgiving process as a result. I am in charge because it’s my creation, and I always enjoy seeing how the pieces turn out. In creating in this way, I develop and practice a greater sense of self-compassion too, because I'm not hard on myself if I paste a piece I've torn from a magazine in the "wrong" place, because I always paste something over it or bring in other pieces to compliment the misplaced piece if I really don't like how it looks, but that hasn't really happened in my collage process so far. I don't strive for a masterpiece, I simply create and create and enjoy the flow that comes with this freeing practice. I enjoy the energy it gives me, the inspiration it calls forth in me, and I enjoy sharing what I've created with others. So far I've worked on creating an inspirational collage art journal in the company of friends two times and both have been such wonderful experiences. I love seeing what others will come up with and feeling their inspiration levels rise at the same time.

My collage creative process reminds me of the balancing act of maintaining control of our responses in life while letting go of the need to control everything else. This is truly an art. I have dedicated this month of May to learning and practicing the art of surrender, and so far this daily focus has been so helpful when I run into a situation that I cannot control. I have also been using a new app I found called Mindfulness Daily that reminds me throughout the day to focus on the moment, notice how I'm feeling both physically and emotionally, and if there is anything beyond my control that I can accept for now. This last part has helped me practice letting go in the moment and has reminded me to take a breath and feel grateful throughout the day. I think the combination of dedicating time to express my creativity, along with focusing on what I can control in each moment is proving very helpful in remaining centered no matter what's going on around me.

These are several of my collage creations that I made on Sunday.

I Am Whole.

I am love. 

I am whole. 

I am safe.

This was my mantra today during my dentist appointment, and it worked! I feel calm, thank goodness! I had a rather traumatic flashback of my open wound (from surgery over a year and a half ago) during my last dental visit, which motivated me to come to this appointment better prepared & equipped to handle any possible anxiety and fear with grace and love. And I am happy to report that I did it! (I feel almost like a little girl who was brave despite a scary event.)

I also realized as I was trying to visualize sunshine and puppies and beaches--word images that came to my mind at the last appointment after having an awful flashback triggered by the pain and needle for numbing the area in my mouth that they were going to work on--that the people who may have goofed up or didn't do as thorough of a job as we had hoped before, during and after my surgery 20 months ago, are only human. They were trying to help me; they weren't trying to hurt me or make me suffer. And coming from that place really makes me want to forgive each person who I have been holding responsible for a piece of the misery I went through. As Karen Salmansohn says in her awesome book, Instant Happy, we must reframe the stories of our lives. She writes that "mistakes = discoveries" and "anger and resentment = lessons in forgiveness." And I am definitely finding this to be true and the best remedy for letting go of painful memories and feelings.

As I type this on my little iPhone, from the dentist office parking lot, part of my nose is numb, and a little bit ago even my eye felt a little tingly. These sensations, instead of triggering traumatic memories, brought forth the desire to forgive those whose mistakes instigated incredible growth experiences for me. I didn't feel that way at the time or even a year after, but because of the post-traumatic stress I had at my last dental appointment, which came on all of the sudden and totally unexpected, out of the blue, I have now begun to shift my focus off of what happened and onto where I am going and how I can forgive and let go.

So here goes:

I forgive you, anesthesiologist and anesthesiologist-in-training, for not getting the epidural in the exact, correct spot, causing me to awake from surgery actually feeling half of my incision.

I forgive the hospital for not ridding the operation room and supplies of the pseudomonas bacteria.

I forgive the hospital administration who had my recovery wing under construction during my stay.

I forgive the worker who didn't read the orders correctly and gave me food on the first night, when in reality I couldn't eat until several days later.

I forgive the nurse who convinced me to take the catheter out after only a few days, which resulted in extreme pain and discomfort when they had to put it back in.

I forgive the doctors for not seeming very concerned about my 30 pounds of water weight obtained after 5 days in the hospital.

I forgive the doctor from the ER a week after going home who reopened my surgical wound without giving me anything for the pain he caused.

I forgive the medical staff and doctors who kept telling me my wound would heal in just a few more weeks, over and over again, as the weeks turned into months.

Breathe. 

I'm taking deep breaths during this writing session. It's painful to remember all these grievances but it's essential to get these memories out of my head and onto paper--or the screen in this case.

I am safe. I am whole. I am love.

As I remember these trying times in my life, it takes a lot of courage to write them down and share them, and it also takes a lot of courage to just sit with them and feel what I'm feeling and breathe into the painful memories, rather than avoiding them or running from them.

I cannot move forward if I continue to ignore these memories and feelings that have begun to pop up and break through the facade of "everything's better now" and show up in unexpected places like at the dentist. I believe my flashback served a very high purpose and that was to drive me to forgive by really looking at what happened and seeing the good intention of everyone during my surgical experience--they all wanted to help me. And they were trying to do what's best for me with the knowledge they had at the time. 

I forgive them. 

And I send them love and light.