For more than 7 years, I read and studied about how to
better manage stress, how to increase wellness, and how to practice more
self-care. When pieces on parenting and stress management or self-care would
come up, I would skim through them, not giving them as much consideration
because I wasn’t a mom yet. For as long as I can remember though, there wasn’t
a doubt in my mind that I would be a mom someday and for the past 6 or more
years, I have been preparing for this beautiful roller coaster journey I’m now
on as a new mom.
As much as one can prepare for a big event though, you never
know how you’ll truly feel once you’re living in the actual event. And as many
new parents have shared, sleep deprivation plays a big piece too. I consider us
very lucky though because our baby girl, who is now almost 7 weeks old, has
been a pretty good sleeper and hasn’t been particularly colicky thankfully
either. We’re learning her cues and trying to figure out the signs of when
she’s tired versus gassy versus hungry versus with a wet or dirty diaper. She
is very expressive which makes our job that much easier. Or we are just
psychic. :) I like to think the latter but I also love how expressive she is.
Hee hee!
Apart from the general sleep deprivation everyone talks
about, a more sensitive, emotional topic comes to my mind and heart that isn’t
discussed as much, I don’t think. The feeling moms feel of birthing a part of
their physical body and having that being detached from you. The simple act of
cutting of the umbilical cord didn’t seem that monumental at that time, but it
really was. It symbolized the journey of becoming a parent and of letting go
little by little of our very creations. I don’t want to think about all the
letting go yet that is to come in the far future when our baby girl grows up
and moves on to live her big beautiful life, because for now, it’s the little
things, the baby steps. Like for instance, today I had a dentist appointment,
so I asked my mom to come with me to the appointment and watch Luna while I got
my teeth cleaned. It went great thankfully and I only heard crying from my
sweet girl towards the end of the appointment so my heart didn’t break open
like it can when I hear her cry too much.
As our doula put it so beautifully, becoming a parent is
like wearing our hearts on the outside of us. I most definitely feel that! And
as my love grows for our sweet daughter, I feel it more and more. My heart
aches physically almost when I can’t comfort her. Thankfully I have been able
to stay home with her to care for her and respond to her needs so that her
cries don’t go unanswered very often, but as time advances—way too quickly I
might add—I know I’ll need to go to more appointments of my own and eventually
my husband and I will want to go on a date night and we’ll have to leave our
baby girl with family or friends or a babysitter. It’s just a part of life. So
for now, little by little, baby steps is all I’m taking. It’s all my heart can
take. I know my heart will stretch and my faith will grow so that it won’t
break every time someone else watches her, but it’s really painful and tough at
first. She’s my greatest creation. My magnum opus, as my own mother puts it.
But getting back to the title of this post, with all this in
mind, I have had to begin to rethink what productivity means now. I am a list
girl. That doesn’t necessarily mean I get everything done that I write down on
my lists, but making to-do lists and project lists and self-care lists help
give me a sense of control. If you were to give me a sheet of paper right now,
I know I could easily jot down a whole page-full of things I want to do with
Luna, get done around the house, cook for dinner over the next few weeks, etc.
etc. But that is coming from my previous way of thinking, my pre-mom days. Now
the number one priority on my to-do list is to feed my daughter and care for
her. Then I also need to feed myself and care for myself. But what does that
mean now? It’s a new paradigm for me. Since my baby is like an extension of
myself and I care for her everyday, it almost feels like I can get away without
caring for myself because I’m caring for her needs. But I know that’s not
really the case. I need to care for my own needs too. How to juggle caring for
a newborn and caring for the new momma that was just created as well? It’s
truly a juggling act. But small baby step ideas are beginning to pop up in my
head.
How to Care for My New Momma Self While Caring for My New Baby…
- Read positive affirmations or articles/Meditate/Pray while
breastfeeding
- Take deep breaths during each of Baby’s naps and/or relish
in the joy of napping myself
- Mindfully and joyfully complete tasks like washing dishes,
doing laundry, changing diapers
- Recognize and acknowledge what I’ve accomplished each day,
even if nothing on the bigger to-do list got done, because the number one
priority is feeding and caring for Baby and for myself these days
- Take walks outside with the stroller or baby wrap
- Make play dates with friends with babies for social
interaction, connection, support, and fun
- Invite people over to visit Baby when needing more adult
time and/or support
- Shower—and even take baths when possible!
- Say yes when help is offered
- Choose healthier food options to nourish the body
- Snack on fruits and veggies and protein
- Drink more water
- Stretch with Baby or while Baby naps
- Dance with Baby :)
- Sing to Baby and learn new songs!
- Read to Baby
- Share responsibilities with partner when possible
- Treat yourself—remember one or more of your favorite things
and do that!
- Create something—make art again! Baby-related art counts!
See, this kind of list isn’t as overwhelming as my regular
lists, because I can embed many of these items into my daily routine. I have to
admit though that looking at the entire list does seem a bit daunting, but the
blessing of a self-care to-do list is that you can try one thing at a time, add
one thing per day or week or whenever you feel you need to, and its purpose is
to help you recover from overwhelm and fill yourself back up, so there’s no
need to overachieve or check everything off by a certain date. This is a list
that will never be completed because it’s constantly needing to be repeated,
and that’s a good thing.
So let’s salute to self-care and rethinking how we look at
productivity. Just checking one thing off my self-care list should be
considered productive now in my new role as a momma. It’s going to take some
time to get used to this new view, as with everything new, but little by
little, I’ll take the baby steps necessary to care for both my sweet baby girl
and this new momma I’ve become.
