Finding the Cozy in a Soggy Day

As the marvelous, complex fall season approaches in Seattle, I find myself noticing how crisp and beautifully clear and colorful some days are and then I turn around and see rain and gray the next day. My hypothesis though is that if I pay attention to all the crisp days, then maybe there will be more of them than it seems. But then I get to thinking about all the rainy days. I had originally thought to call these days "soggy," but the language we use and tell ourselves is so important for our overall outlook in life. Lately I have found myself reading and hearing a lot about a benevolent universe, and I think it's making a positive difference in my subconscious and conscious thoughts today. "Cozy" is a much better word and invokes warm and soothing indoor activities in my mind and in my memories.

So ask yourself: is today (or this moment) crisp or cozy?

Here’s my Crisp or Cozy Challenge for this fall: 

• Record which days of fall are crisp, sunny days or have crisp sunbreaks and relish in the gifts of light and shadows.
• Then also appreciate the cozy/soggy days. These days are especially great for staying in and reading, resting, going through clutter, doing arts and crafts, drinking wine with loved ones, catching up with friends, etc.

“Surrender to what is. Say 'yes' to life—and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”  
~Eckhart Tolle

Gratitude is the Flashlight in the Cave

When I think about discomfort and emotional pain or angst, probably one of the worst culprits is self-criticism or self-judgment and not feeling adequate or being almost paralyzed by the fear of disapproval and what others will think. When I'm grounded and well-rested and have exercised the daily stress away, I can handle these fears with grace. But when I'm tired, scared, feeling alone, not knowing what to do or how to manage it all, and not having enough time to do my very best, I cave. I literally feel like I enter a cave of darkness, and pessimism and self-loathing take over my being. The only physical remedy when I'm so far into this cave is sleeping it off, or walking it off, but with a close friend so my thoughts won't wander off course and venture down Worry Lane anymore.

When I'm in that cave, I begin to have irrational thoughts of inadequency, that I'm not doing a good job, that I should be able to do better. I also wish my way into a darker corner of the cave, wishing circumstances were different, that I could win the lottery, that I could take time off and care for my dear sweet mom, who is recovering from a cerebral hemmorage of her cerebellum and is now home after a month in the hospital.

But that cave and those down-spiraling, de-centering thoughts don't help me feel stronger or more capable or more resilient. They only focus on what's wrong and not on all that's going well and all that there is to be grateful for. Gratitude is the flashlight in the cave. One of the only surefire ways to see my way out of the darkness. That's really what sleep and dreaming and walking and good company bring me back to: gratitude. 

So when you feel in despair and don't know what to do or don't know how you could possibly overcome all the obstacles or hardships turning you closer to the dark cave of self-criticism and negativity, try to combat that darkness with the light of gratitude. When I'm really deep into that cave though, this can be extremely difficult, but try to at least acknowledge the beauty of your surroundings or the love you feel for someone, the air you're breathing, the time--however short that you're taking to think of something to be grateful for, because the very starting of this change in view is key, and it's definitely a practice, not something that comes naturally when you're feeling overwhelmed. I wish it were, but practicing is a big part of life--it teaches us resilience and perseverance, the ability to develop more deeply what we decide to practice.

Living a more grateful life more often takes a lot of practice but you're almost guaranteed to feel better and filled with more light as a result. It guides us lovingly out of the cave of despair. And that's something to be very grateful for.