Like a Diamond, I Am Multifaceted

I am a multifaceted being and my dominant intent for being is for the experience of my freedom, for the expression of my growth, and for the receiving of my joy.

- Abraham-Hicks

Like a diamond, I am multifaceted. While reading Brene Brown's inspiring book, The Gifts of Imperfection earlier this year, I became aware of the option or opportunity to choose to identify myself with more than one title or role. Brene referenced a term called "The Slash," which is coined in the book, One Person/Multiple Careers, A New Model For Work/Life Success by Marci Alboher, who is an author/speaker/coach. Since then, I have started to really embrace my multiple interests, talents, passions and causes. For example, my "slashes" on my LinkedIn profile now read as follows: Certified Dependable Strengths Instructor/Creative Stress Management Blogger/Pre-College English Language Advisor. But I could easily add my other identities, such as "Freelance Nature Photographer" and "Dance Enthusiast;" the sky's the limit, because I'm a multifaceted being! We all are, if only we choose to see our many shiny sides.

I have also gained more power in pursuing my "hobbies" and reclaiming them as part of my multiple career identities and interests. My independent research on wellness topics and writing for this blog have also taken on a newfound importance and identity that I now include as one of my roles. This allows me to feel more freedom to be who I really am and not solely depend on one role or job to fulfill all my interests and passions. Learning that it's okay to be in multiple roles and identify my creative interests, in particular, as part of my greater calling or lifelong career is very empowering, freeing and inspiring. I no longer feel held back by a job title or duties that don't always utilize my most dependable strengths, because I can now name my various identities/callings, see real value in them, and seek out or create new opportunities to express my gifts and share them with the world. And in sharing my gifts, I feel that I'm creating a positive impact in others' lives and in my own.

If I catch myself feeling frustrated or tired or not in the flow of things, chances are it's because I've somehow forgotten or not had a chance to express my creativity lately, and with this awareness, I can now take action to feel more positive and more fulfilled by giving myself the gift of time for creativity. Whether it be for writing, taking nature pictures, collaging, dancing, singing in the car, visualizing, creating jewelry, or planning parties or workshops, being creative brings my soul great joy and peace.

I have found that in reframing or renaming the language of my already established traditional job title on my LinkedIn profile or personal email title, for example, I can better reflect on the richness of my career experiences and feel I'm moving forward on my path. But the joy of the "slash" is also that we can choose additional descriptions of what we do in our lives. A lot happens before and after the official business of work, and I believe that these activities are equally as important for our personal and professional development. Naming what I do outside of my official job brings a certain accountability to my creative work and I don't feel that it's an option anymore to stop working on my creativity. I know now that in order for my soul to shine, I must tap into my creative energies and let my heart sing through these activities. Because it's a part of my "job." My "job" here on Earth is what I create for myself and what I share with others.

What unofficial or non-traditional titles best describe your "extracurricular" gifts, talents, interests, and activities? Do you consider these activities a part of your identity?

Human beings are multifaceted jewels. We have many important dimensions to our being. These include the physical, emotional, mental, intellectual and the spiritual. Seek your perfection in all of these together, and neglect none. Seek balance and harmony in all aspects of yourself.

- Sri Dharma Pravartaka Acharya

I Am Whole.

I am love. 

I am whole. 

I am safe.

This was my mantra today during my dentist appointment, and it worked! I feel calm, thank goodness! I had a rather traumatic flashback of my open wound (from surgery over a year and a half ago) during my last dental visit, which motivated me to come to this appointment better prepared & equipped to handle any possible anxiety and fear with grace and love. And I am happy to report that I did it! (I feel almost like a little girl who was brave despite a scary event.)

I also realized as I was trying to visualize sunshine and puppies and beaches--word images that came to my mind at the last appointment after having an awful flashback triggered by the pain and needle for numbing the area in my mouth that they were going to work on--that the people who may have goofed up or didn't do as thorough of a job as we had hoped before, during and after my surgery 20 months ago, are only human. They were trying to help me; they weren't trying to hurt me or make me suffer. And coming from that place really makes me want to forgive each person who I have been holding responsible for a piece of the misery I went through. As Karen Salmansohn says in her awesome book, Instant Happy, we must reframe the stories of our lives. She writes that "mistakes = discoveries" and "anger and resentment = lessons in forgiveness." And I am definitely finding this to be true and the best remedy for letting go of painful memories and feelings.

As I type this on my little iPhone, from the dentist office parking lot, part of my nose is numb, and a little bit ago even my eye felt a little tingly. These sensations, instead of triggering traumatic memories, brought forth the desire to forgive those whose mistakes instigated incredible growth experiences for me. I didn't feel that way at the time or even a year after, but because of the post-traumatic stress I had at my last dental appointment, which came on all of the sudden and totally unexpected, out of the blue, I have now begun to shift my focus off of what happened and onto where I am going and how I can forgive and let go.

So here goes:

I forgive you, anesthesiologist and anesthesiologist-in-training, for not getting the epidural in the exact, correct spot, causing me to awake from surgery actually feeling half of my incision.

I forgive the hospital for not ridding the operation room and supplies of the pseudomonas bacteria.

I forgive the hospital administration who had my recovery wing under construction during my stay.

I forgive the worker who didn't read the orders correctly and gave me food on the first night, when in reality I couldn't eat until several days later.

I forgive the nurse who convinced me to take the catheter out after only a few days, which resulted in extreme pain and discomfort when they had to put it back in.

I forgive the doctors for not seeming very concerned about my 30 pounds of water weight obtained after 5 days in the hospital.

I forgive the doctor from the ER a week after going home who reopened my surgical wound without giving me anything for the pain he caused.

I forgive the medical staff and doctors who kept telling me my wound would heal in just a few more weeks, over and over again, as the weeks turned into months.

Breathe. 

I'm taking deep breaths during this writing session. It's painful to remember all these grievances but it's essential to get these memories out of my head and onto paper--or the screen in this case.

I am safe. I am whole. I am love.

As I remember these trying times in my life, it takes a lot of courage to write them down and share them, and it also takes a lot of courage to just sit with them and feel what I'm feeling and breathe into the painful memories, rather than avoiding them or running from them.

I cannot move forward if I continue to ignore these memories and feelings that have begun to pop up and break through the facade of "everything's better now" and show up in unexpected places like at the dentist. I believe my flashback served a very high purpose and that was to drive me to forgive by really looking at what happened and seeing the good intention of everyone during my surgical experience--they all wanted to help me. And they were trying to do what's best for me with the knowledge they had at the time. 

I forgive them. 

And I send them love and light.

Becoming Grace-Full

Over the years, I haven’t always felt graceful. (I even had an email account long ago that translated from Spanish into “Marita the Klutz.”) But when looking back at extremely difficult times in my life, I am awestruck by the amount of grace that filled my heart, helped me make the best of it all, and carried me through to an even more beautiful place than I could have ever imagined before I went through the darkness. 

Going through the darkness really teaches us to appreciate and honor the light when we see it again. If we had never been through those rocky times, we might not have noticed all the beauty around us today. It’s grace that we gain from walking through the dark. It’s grace that fills us up so we can reach a more appreciative and love-filled state of being. It’s grace that helps us forgive and move forward and heal. It’s grace that teaches us to live and love with our whole hearts.

In recognizing grace in our lives, we begin to feel more grace and when we're in need of it, we ask openly for the grace to get through it. Little by little, before we know it, we're filled with grace; we're grace-full. :)

 

Dear Pain

I had the privilege to write for my surgery sister, Elizabeth Katherine's blog recently and I wanted to share what I wrote her as well. This post was part of a series of "Letters to Pain" that Elizabeth Katherine featured this past month. You can read more about her journey on her blog, These Next 6 Months.

Dear Pain,

Since your chronic onset several years ago, I have done all I can to avoid you and get rid of you and this past year after having surgery, try to block you from my mind and not to think about you as much. But lately I have been reading about leaning into all of Life’s experiences and I realize that just as much as I want to lean into joyous moments, I must also learn to lean into difficult circumstances as well, and show kindness and compassion to even my inner critic or anxious thoughts or scared feelings or stabbing pain.

It has taken me a long time and a lot of reading and a lot of reflection to get to this point, and I’m far from mastering the “leaning in” tactic. I still find myself resisting the pain I experience, generally and thankfully only one or two days a month now, but this can also be applied to emotional pain, painful memories, and the trauma of what I have been through—of the hell I visited with stabbing pain, chronic achiness, major surgery, and open wounds.  When I feel myself squinch my face up and tense my entire body up, I am more aware now that I’m trying to fight the pain I’m feeling. Which seems totally logical, doesn’t it? Why wouldn’t we want to fight painful feelings? I’ve been taught to fight back, not bow down and let something take me over.

But from reading more about vulnerability and self-compassion from the great thinkers like Pema Chodron and Brene Brown, I am realizing that surrendering is very powerful and has VERY powerful effects on pain. I heard once at a 5-day silent meditation retreat that I went to several years ago that we should welcome ALL feelings into our being, like guests, but also know that they won’t be staying forever. The Guesthouse by Rumi is a wonderful poem about this.  I also love the quote from Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka. SARK) which reads: “I’m learning to hold the little hands of those scared parts inside of myself, and just sit with them. They love this.” I want to challenge myself to try this even with pain. Because pain, for me, is connected to fear.

Quite frankly, I am afraid of pain. Always have been. I don’t like it. I feel so vulnerable—there’s that word again. So maybe something to try is to become more comfortable with feeling vulnerable.  I have a sticky note on my computer screen which reads “Perk up and lean in.” I heard it at a 2-day mindfulness training I attended last June. I love the metaphorical image it creates in my mind. I picture my kitty cat leaning into me so lovingly. I picture myself leaning into my beloved husband, trusting him completely and openly. I picture my future babies leaning into me with all the love in the world. I want to get to the point where I can lean into ALL circumstances and feelings I experience. It will definitely be a challenge, but I think even baby steps towards this will slowly add up and begin to build up my acceptance of vulnerability and pain and fear.

I cannot tell you how much reading and research I’ve done in search of a way of getting rid of fear, only to find out that the secret is actually to lean into it and befriend it, or at the very least acknowledge its existence and hold its hand. It is quite comforting when I do this.

Now the trick is to remember this the next time I experience pain.  My husband does a wonderful job reminding me to breathe and showing me unconditional love. Sometimes holding my kitty cat and hearing her purr soothes me and reminds me to slow down my breath.  Sometimes I begin to pray and ask for help from the Divine.

I think I will remember to lean in during difficult, painful times if I begin to practice leaning in with uncomfortable feelings that are less painful.  I have several weeks to go before my pain will return to pay me its now monthly visit, so I think I ought to start practicing with some of Life’s daily annoyances now.

But I also want to and must practice self-compassion, because when pain comes, if I don’t remember to lean in, if I get angry again with the pain, if I don’t feel very mindful in those desperate moments, I can at least show myself kindness and not judge myself for not feeling very graceful under these circumstances. We do the best we can and I certainly wouldn’t yell at a good friend for crying out in pain, so why don’t I extend that same kindness and compassion to myself?  Self-compassion is definitely a daily practice thing as well, so taking little steps to show myself more kindness may help me remember to be kind in moments when I don’t feel very graceful.

May I remember to show myself kindness in challenging moments, in all moments for that matter.  May I remember to lean in and make all my feelings feel welcome, rather than tense up and step away from the pain.

Respectfully and lovingly,

Maret

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks