Chipping Away at the Walls Around Us

Have you ever felt stuck and couldn't quite figure out why?

Sometimes we find ourselves going along in life, growing and changing and enjoying the process and then all of the sudden, we feel like we've hit a rut.  Why?

There is a chance that we may have at some point on the journey been hurt or fearful or betrayed and begun to put up a wall somewhere in our life to protect us from the outside world and sometimes even from ourselves, maybe without even realizing we did so.  In order to move forward again in our life, we need to start chipping away at that wall, brick by brick until we feel it start to budge a little--or a lot, if we're lucky.  Even a slight move can be enough to jumpstart our enthusiasm and get us out of the slump we were stuck in.

How, you might ask, can we move the walls we've put up around us?

I think we can literally start moving our physical bodies and get out of our heads in order to start wiggling the protective wall.  Probably for some, running works.  For others, dancing.  (That has been my experience in the past.)  For me, most recently, it was yoga set to joyful music and reflective writing.

But why would we even want to jiggle this wall out of place that has been supposedly "protecting" us from harm?  That may sound kind of scary, like taking the shell off of a snail.  Ah, but this is where the richness of life lies.  Once we wiggle free from this wall that's been holding us in place, we can begin to feel life again.  We may feel some sadness or confusion or frustration at first but with time and reflection, we can realize greater vulnerability in our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones and a greater understanding and appreciation of our situation and our journey.

For me, the first step is recognizing I have constructed this wall in the first place.  With awareness comes understanding and thankfully wisdom to start chipping away at the protective wall that is not only keeping away potential dangers but also potential joys.  I noticed that I had this tough wall up around me this past weekend while attending a workshop on fear.  This one-of-a-kind workshop was held in a yoga studio and involved many creative activities, such as writing, singing, dancing, doing yoga while singing, listening to joyful music and reflecting and sharing on some very deep and important topics.  This was also the first time I tried yoga since my surgery last year and I am happy to report that I was able to do most things, although I did feel some interesting sensations around my scar during the child's pose, normally my favorite yoga pose.  But I noticed the sensation and stuck with it, which was important for me in beginning to regain my courage and take back my former zest for life before my surgery last year.  This inspiring yoga/writing workshop on fear was created and presented by the amazing Jennifer Pastiloff.

In the process of writing and reflecting on what moves us and who we're grateful for in life, I realized I did not feel as moved as I normally would with such a powerful topic.  And my first reaction was, what is wrong with me?  Why do I feel so cold?  But I quickly realized that this "coldness" was the wall I had put up to protect me from past hurts and that this wall was preventing me from feeling my true, joyful, emotional self.  Just by recognizing this, I began to warm a little.  Not as much as I normally would, but that is why I use the word "budge" and "wiggle" because after constructing such a strong, protective wall up around you, it takes hard work to knock it down.  We must begin to first wiggle and nudge it out of its secure location so that we can begin to move forward again and feel fresh and energetic and hopeful again.  Even one brick chipped from the wall can make a world of a difference if we are aware of the progress we've made in taking that brick down.  Because we are the ones who are responsible for its construction and demolition.  We have the power to take down the walls around us so that we can truly experience life and love with our hearts wide open.


To read more about how important being vulnerable truly is, I highly recommend reading about Brene Brown's work, Pema Chodron's writing, any of my favorite creative author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)'s books or take an awe-inspiring workshop on manifestation from Jennifer Pastiloff.

No lions...No tigers!

Here's a meditation or thought to ponder upon today:

Choose to turn things around.

Is your day not going the way you'd like? (Or have you ever had a day like this?) Or is your energy sagging and you feel the life slowly draining from you? Turn it around. 

How? You may ask.

It has to be a conscious decision on your part and it's definitely not easy--it's really hard work, but I believe that it's possible to turn your day around and still make it a good one. It might not be perfect, things might not be going exactly how you want them to, but there is hope, there is a way to turn your mood around and it starts by making the choice.

I know from recent experiments on myself actually that this is way harder than it seems, especially when your mood is really low because you have to work extra hard to make the conscious choice to try and turn your day around. But I think the energy put forth in attempting to improve the day is so much better invested than using energy to complain or feel down in the dumps.

When I feel spun around in circles by multiple stressors or demands, I sometimes feel a sense of loss of control and my mind and spirit begin to protest. This is when I must start really listening to my inner self--the wise one inside me who always knows what to say or how to bring me peace if I choose to listen to her carefully.

And my "Inner Wise Self," as my favorite inspiring author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka. SARK) calls her, says "let go of being in control." She also has told me to relax because things will work out. Take care of yourself first and go at your own pace. Don't compare yourself with others and don't judge others or their journeys. It's okay to be different--we're all different!

My inner self is so smart! If only I had always listened so carefully to her, huh? But it's never too late. We can all start now, or whenever we choose to turn things around, when we deliberately choose to relax and let go of all that tension and fear of future possible events that may never actually occur. 

Something I enjoy doing when I come across a new idea that might be helpful for my stress management and overall wellness is researching and I have started to research the practice of allowing. I have to thank SARK for first introducing this term to me in one of her inspirational emails this summer. Expanding on one of Oprah & Deepak's relaxation techniques to assess the situation when feeling unbalanced or in need of some inner peace, I have begun to look both ways to literally assess my situation in that exact moment. If my heart continues to race out of stress or busyness, I remind my mind and body of a key point--that there are no lions or tigers chasing me right now, that I am not in danger, thankfully. This helps me find peace in almost any situation. I've even started turning my head one way to look around and affirm that there are no lions and then look the other way and say to myself there are no tigers either, which brings a little smile to my face and helps me remember to calm down already because really, I'm not going to get eaten! I'm not in the Serengeti getting chased by wild animals. I'll be okay, I'm not in any immediate danger. 

This practice really helps put things into perspective and has gradually given me the necessary peace of mind and heart to begin a practice of allowing. I believe this practice is mandatory for peace and joy and genuine gratitude to reign in my life. 

What do I mean by "allowing?" Well, as SARK describes it, it's when we don't fight or resist another person's way of being or doing or saying. We allow them to be the way they are, react the way they choose to and live their life the way they please. It also helps us remember that we are only in control of how we react or respond to a situation. We cannot control anyone else. Really. It's impossible. So why spend our energy resisting reality? 

Allowing doesn't solve all of the world's or life's problems, but it has helped me restore balance and peace on stressful days and given me the ability to think more clearly and more lovingly about myself and others. Allowing myself to feel anger or fear or pain also validates my feelings and puts my mind and heart at ease a little more than when just resisting the negative, painful feeling or wallowing in despair.

So I choose to turn things around. I choose to practice allowing others to be the way they are. I choose to allow myself to feel how I feel but to not stay there long, to release any negative feelings by allowing them to be and not resist them. It may seem a bit confusing but try it. It really works. It's almost like magic. ;-)

Complexly Beautiful

In staying true to my Ecua-Gringa roots, today I would like to pay tribute to the complexly beautiful country of Ecuador, where I called home for four years of my formative young adulthood. I learned so much about life, the world, friendship, relaxation, tranquility and chaos while living in Ecuador.

These posts are from 2008 and 2010 but still ring true for me.

Reasons I love Ecuador:

I love that there are maps drawn on public walls, that from childhood Ecuadorian youth are taught about their country and its boundaries, and that people in Ecuador have a genuine curiosity for the world and where people are from. This could be in part because of territory disputes with Peru and because of the huge population of Ecuadorians living abroad in the U.S. and Europe.

I love the fact that you can just sit around and chat with people spontaneously—no need to plan a “get together,” you can get together with friends while you walk along the waterfront.

I love the fact that I’m never lonely in Ecuador. There are always good friends and family around to talk with me, entertain me, eat and drink with me.

I love how proud most Ecuadorians are of their country, despite its troubles in politics and economy, they love Ecuador and I do too. Along the same lines, I love how the entire country stops to watch the Ecuadorian national soccer team play. For example, when Ecuador played in its first World Cup in 2002, I was in Ecuador working at the Navy base and classes were postponed or cancelled so staff and students could watch the game! Of course they didn’t tell me that until I had already painfully missed the first part of the match while trying to get to work, a little peeved that they hadn’t cancelled.

I love how relaxed people are in Ecuador and how they relax me. Sometimes it drove me crazy because I’m American and need to be productive and always doing something, but it was such a good lesson to learn to calm down and “take it easy” and not worry about rushing to finish everything as soon as I could. “As soon as you can” isn’t a phrase I hear very often in Ecuador and if it is said, it’s definitely not meant with the same intentions as it is here in the United States. Phrases like “mañana” or “más tarde”—translating to “tomorrow” or “later” in English—I’ve learned really mean I’ll get to it when I feel like it or it may never happen. Once I understood this and stopped getting annoyed with people for not doing something when they said they would, once I stopped taking the words literally and placed what they said in an Ecuadorian cultural context, things started to slow down for me too and I didn’t stress out as much.

Originally posted on October 16, 2008.

The following post is actually a poem I wrote about the beach town where I taught English for three years after graduating from the university in the United States.  I also worked as a Fiora Vanti model (Hee hee! This title still brings a smile to my face! A great story for the grand kids, huh?), giving out free samples of a new Coca-Cola product on a makeshift island in the bay of Salinas. 

Salinas

Oh, mi querido Salinas, como te extraño
Extraño tu malecón, tu iglesia amarilla, tus bares y restaurantes
Extraño tu cevichelandia, tus taxi-rutas, tus edificios y calles
Extraño tus palmas, tu arena, tus canchas de volei
Extraño tus “mangos chupa mangos,” tu Pilsener, tus ricos encebollados
Extraño tu amistad, tus chupas, tus viajes locos a Montaña
Extraño tu gente, tus perros callejeros, tus lagartijas (pero no las cucarachas!)
Extraño tus caídas del sol, tu Mar Bravo, tus focas y surfistas
Extraño tus Patas Moradas, tus viajecitos en bote, tus ballenas (que no he visto todavía)
Extraño las sopitas, los batidos, los patacones y maduros fritos
¡Te extraño, mi lindo Salinas!

 

Originally posted on August 31, 2010.

Someday I may translate this poem, but I have found that the language from which my thoughts originate is much more genuine than trying to find the words in my other language.  It is great exercise for my mind though and quite a challenge trying to find the right words that express the same feelings I'm trying to express.

Writing is a comforting, creative way for me to relieve stress, and sharing my writing with you keeps me accountable to a greater purpose and creates a space for my reflections on wellness and life lessons.

Turning Gray Clouds into Blue Sky

Focus on the blue sky, whenever possible, no matter what's happening, no matter how gray it might be outside. This thought came to me earlier today when I looked outside through the rain-stained windows and saw a tiny piece of blue popping through. Thank goodness for the tiny glimmers of sunshine! And guess what? The blue sky broke through later on and all the gray and rain went away. Just like how our moods can change when we take a minute to breathe and assess all that's good in our lives. 

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I know I do sometimes! I recently participated in the 21-Day Meditation Challenge offered for free by Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra and learned a wonderful tool that I whip out now when I begin to feel that dreaded overwhelming gray cloud (called stress or fear or anything that's bothering you really) drawing near.

It's quite simple but I have found it very helpful in getting back to the present and remembering to take one breathe at a time. Oprah and Deepak wrote, "Pause. Assess. Reframe. Choose love." That's it. That's really all I need to do to start feeling calmer, more confident, more patient, more loving, more grateful and ready again for anything that comes my way.

I decided to turn these four steps into some hand motions to help me remember them better and return to a calm way of being when stress starts to knock on the door of my soul. Remembering helpful things like this is so important, yet sometimes really hard to do when you start to feel stressed. So making it into something more tactile has helped remind me to follow these steps. It's a learning process though, as with all things, and of course I haven't mastered this yet. So it's practice, practice, practice for me!

Please note that I changed a few of the words to better suit my needs.

Here's how it goes:

Breathe.

Take one big deep cleansing breath to start.

Assess.

Then look around a few times to "assess" the situation and recognize that I'm okay, I'm not in danger, and Life is actually quite good in this precise moment.

Recenter (and Reframe).

Next cross one leg over the other while standing and bow slightly with palms of the hands placed together at the Heart Center (called tree pose in yoga, I think). This helps me regain my balance, grounds me and "recenters" my core, ultimately making it easier to "reframe" the current situation causing me stress.

Choose Love.

And finally, place hands over heart to remember to choose Love. Always for myself first and then spread that neverending love outward into the world.

It's a quiet exercise I can do quite easily in the restroom or stairwell or even while on a walk, and it helps me recenter myself on the present and focus on the goal, which is always LOVE.

And I think love is a great metaphor for blue skies and sunshine, don't you?

I'm writing this from my favorite blogging spot, on a peaceful bench overlooking the Puget Sound, just a few minutes from our home--so grateful--with the sun warming my face, the sea breeze cooling me, the blue skies inspiring me and the calm waters soothing my soul. This is peace.