3 Ways to Transform Mommy Guilt

Disclaimer: Even if you're not a parent, these tips can be helpful in transforming any nagging, pesky feelings like anxiety, other kinds of guilt, or plain old stress. 

8 and a half months into this amazing and wild journey of motherhood and I'm beginning to see how detrimental a thing called “mommy guilt” can be. If you're a mom or know someone who is a mom really well, then you probably know what I'm talking about. All those parenting books, “helpful” tips and pediatric association recommendations have wonderful intentions, but for those of us trying to do our absolute best with little sleep (or in my case, interrupted night sleep every few hours to dream feed) and high expectations and hopes for our incredible little humans we're raising, the pressure to get everything “right” can feel unbearable at times and downright paralyzing.

When I was pregnant, I got a few books to begin “preparing” for motherhood but all the facts and information overwhelmed me and I knew that wasn't the way I was going to figure things out. Trusting in my natural ability to mother was my intention and challenge. My husband and I thankfully took an empowering childbirth ed class called Birthing From Within, which focused more on our emotional preparation than on facts and information overload. That was the style that resonated most with me. I didn't feel as much pressure to do things perfectly and it was really good preparation for the days, weeks and months that would follow with our baby girl.

But the darker days of winter arrived a few months after my baby girl was born, lack of uninterrupted sleep compiled and post-inaugural angst mixed with postpartum hormones and I slowly found myself easily overwhelmed, highly anxious, and at times feeling underprepared and inadequate at being a mother. It's a truly awful feeling to not know what to do next when you know time is flying by faster than ever and you don't want to miss a precious second with your growing and changing little one.

I think I went through a clingy phase just like my daughter experiences now. I grew her inside me and she was attached to me nursing for practically three months straight so I can see how hard it is for our babies to accept the fact we are separate beings because I had a hard time getting used to it too.

And then you begin to get used to being separated for a little bit longer, perhaps to get some self-care time in while your partner gets bonding time with the baby or if you decide to go back to work. But that realization can feel a bit depressing because you miss being so connected to another human being, to who you grew inside you. And wanting time for yourself can trigger the pesky “mommy guilt” alarm in your head...”What if my baby purple cries while I'm away?” And maybe even harder yet, “What if she doesn't miss me? What if she does just fine?”

And then my milk comes in and my baby instinctively knows it and that intuitive, almost spiritual connection is felt again.

So how to transform Mommy guilt, that is the question. I like to enlist 3 of my favorite remedies that work for a lot of what ails me.

Apply these everyday if you can (or at least at first as often as you remember):

• A dose of MINDFULNESS--staying in the present moment and relishing in what you’re doing right now, in this instance (rather than dwelling in what you should have done or could have done if you’d known more, been smarter, read more, had more money, etc. etc. etc.) helps ground you and with grounding, you regain your footing and don’t feel as wobbly. Feeling secure in what’s happening in this moment is so important in building back our intuition and confidence.
• Daily GRATITUDE--remembering regularly how truly grateful you are for this precious human being you’ve brought into the world--it’s a kind of gratitude that is almost beyond words, I’ve found, but it’s necessary to reflect on it each day and dwell in thankfulness each day. And if it’s a really hard day, focusing on the air you’re breathing, on the roof over your head, and the bed you sleep in also help us soak up feelings of gratefulness. Those feelings are what fill our hearts back up when we are tired and/or feeling depleted emotionally from “mommy guilt.”
• More CREATIVITY--unleashing your creative side by doing something you love to do helps bring you into the present by focusing on that one thing, helps build back your confidence in yourself because you’re doing something you enjoy and grows your intuitive nature in the process as you create something new and reconnect with your joy. Trust me, I know there’s not a lot of time between naps and early (or late) bedtimes, but finding a little bit of time to create something at least each week will help. And it can be as simple or complicated as trying a new recipe, ripping up paper and making a quick mosaic or mini collage/vision board, coloring (inside or outside the lines!), singing, taking pictures, knitting, dancing, writing, whatever it is that you enjoyed creating before you created a beautiful little human.

When we feel more grounded and our intuition and confidence are back up, we can better tackle nasty things like “mommy guilt.” We’ll recognize the nagging feelings more quickly and apply any and all of these remedies to them before they get the better of us.

If you need support, I became a certified transformational life coach to be able to help inspire people on their journeys to greater wellness, creativity and joy for life. I’m happy to help. Send me a note on my sister site here, even if just to say hola!

If you're sleep deprived and just barely getting through this blog post, know at least this: you are IMPORTANT and it is necessary for us to praise all the AMAZING things we do and treat ourselves with the same KINDNESS we offer to our sweet babies or other people's sweet babies.

With love and gratitude,

Maret

Rethinking Productivity and Self-Care as a New Mom

 

For more than 7 years, I read and studied about how to better manage stress, how to increase wellness, and how to practice more self-care. When pieces on parenting and stress management or self-care would come up, I would skim through them, not giving them as much consideration because I wasn’t a mom yet. For as long as I can remember though, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would be a mom someday and for the past 6 or more years, I have been preparing for this beautiful roller coaster journey I’m now on as a new mom.

As much as one can prepare for a big event though, you never know how you’ll truly feel once you’re living in the actual event. And as many new parents have shared, sleep deprivation plays a big piece too. I consider us very lucky though because our baby girl, who is now almost 7 weeks old, has been a pretty good sleeper and hasn’t been particularly colicky thankfully either. We’re learning her cues and trying to figure out the signs of when she’s tired versus gassy versus hungry versus with a wet or dirty diaper. She is very expressive which makes our job that much easier. Or we are just psychic. :) I like to think the latter but I also love how expressive she is. Hee hee!

Apart from the general sleep deprivation everyone talks about, a more sensitive, emotional topic comes to my mind and heart that isn’t discussed as much, I don’t think. The feeling moms feel of birthing a part of their physical body and having that being detached from you. The simple act of cutting of the umbilical cord didn’t seem that monumental at that time, but it really was. It symbolized the journey of becoming a parent and of letting go little by little of our very creations. I don’t want to think about all the letting go yet that is to come in the far future when our baby girl grows up and moves on to live her big beautiful life, because for now, it’s the little things, the baby steps. Like for instance, today I had a dentist appointment, so I asked my mom to come with me to the appointment and watch Luna while I got my teeth cleaned. It went great thankfully and I only heard crying from my sweet girl towards the end of the appointment so my heart didn’t break open like it can when I hear her cry too much.

As our doula put it so beautifully, becoming a parent is like wearing our hearts on the outside of us. I most definitely feel that! And as my love grows for our sweet daughter, I feel it more and more. My heart aches physically almost when I can’t comfort her. Thankfully I have been able to stay home with her to care for her and respond to her needs so that her cries don’t go unanswered very often, but as time advances—way too quickly I might add—I know I’ll need to go to more appointments of my own and eventually my husband and I will want to go on a date night and we’ll have to leave our baby girl with family or friends or a babysitter. It’s just a part of life. So for now, little by little, baby steps is all I’m taking. It’s all my heart can take. I know my heart will stretch and my faith will grow so that it won’t break every time someone else watches her, but it’s really painful and tough at first. She’s my greatest creation. My magnum opus, as my own mother puts it.

But getting back to the title of this post, with all this in mind, I have had to begin to rethink what productivity means now. I am a list girl. That doesn’t necessarily mean I get everything done that I write down on my lists, but making to-do lists and project lists and self-care lists help give me a sense of control. If you were to give me a sheet of paper right now, I know I could easily jot down a whole page-full of things I want to do with Luna, get done around the house, cook for dinner over the next few weeks, etc. etc. But that is coming from my previous way of thinking, my pre-mom days. Now the number one priority on my to-do list is to feed my daughter and care for her. Then I also need to feed myself and care for myself. But what does that mean now? It’s a new paradigm for me. Since my baby is like an extension of myself and I care for her everyday, it almost feels like I can get away without caring for myself because I’m caring for her needs. But I know that’s not really the case. I need to care for my own needs too. How to juggle caring for a newborn and caring for the new momma that was just created as well? It’s truly a juggling act. But small baby step ideas are beginning to pop up in my head.

How to Care for My New Momma Self While Caring for My New Baby…

•  Read positive affirmations or articles/Meditate/Pray while breastfeeding
• Take deep breaths during each of Baby’s naps and/or relish in the joy of napping myself
• Mindfully and joyfully complete tasks like washing dishes, doing laundry, changing diapers
• Recognize and acknowledge what I’ve accomplished each day, even if nothing on the bigger to-do list got done, because the number one priority is feeding and caring for Baby and for myself these days
• Take walks outside with the stroller or baby wrap
• Make play dates with friends with babies for social interaction, connection, support, and fun
• Invite people over to visit Baby when needing more adult time and/or support
• Shower—and even take baths when possible!
• Say yes when help is offered
• Choose healthier food options to nourish the body
• Snack on fruits and veggies and protein
• Drink more water
• Stretch with Baby or while Baby naps
• Dance with Baby :)
• Sing to Baby and learn new songs!
• Read to Baby
• Share responsibilities with partner when possible
• Treat yourself—remember one or more of your favorite things and do that!
• Create something—make art again! Baby-related art counts!

See, this kind of list isn’t as overwhelming as my regular lists, because I can embed many of these items into my daily routine. I have to admit though that looking at the entire list does seem a bit daunting, but the blessing of a self-care to-do list is that you can try one thing at a time, add one thing per day or week or whenever you feel you need to, and its purpose is to help you recover from overwhelm and fill yourself back up, so there’s no need to overachieve or check everything off by a certain date. This is a list that will never be completed because it’s constantly needing to be repeated, and that’s a good thing. 

So let’s salute to self-care and rethinking how we look at productivity. Just checking one thing off my self-care list should be considered productive now in my new role as a momma. It’s going to take some time to get used to this new view, as with everything new, but little by little, I’ll take the baby steps necessary to care for both my sweet baby girl and this new momma I’ve become.

 

Creative Stress Management--The Class

This coming Sunday I'll be facilitating a class on creative stress management, a topic that has been near and dear to my heart for many years. Through trial and error and working in social services, giving my heart and energy to others, I realized that I needed to focus more on managing stress and developing wellness practices. Through many years of research and a passion for shining light on others' creativity, I've developed a class that I'm happy to present to the world this Sunday.

Nearly two years ago in 2014, I facilitated my first official workshop on creative stress management through collage for a professional development day at Edmonds Community College, where I then worked. I provided blank notebooks and each participant used the cover page as the backing for their collage. They were instructed to rip or cut out any images or words that spoke to them. They could then use the notebooks later to record their dreams and goals or for anything they liked. There were no other rules. They were the bosses, and they loved it! And I fell in love! I realized quickly that this is something I want to share with more people and at the same time, something that puts me in my own creative flow.

Several months later, I had the opportunity to combine mindful breathing with collage at another professional development day but this time at Bellevue College. I absolutely loved seeing the relaxation on participants' faces and in their shoulders as they followed a simple breathing exercise. Our collages that day also focused on specifically on work-life balance.

Then last summer in 2015, I had the opportunity to lead another mindful breathing exercise and collage session for a wellness challenge at Lake Washington Institute of Technology. Again, the experience reaffirmed my passion for helping others feel stress relief and move towards a greater level of well-being. And people began to request more opportunities to rip and tear inspirational images and words from magazines and flyers to create their own unique visual oasis! I offered 3 more sessions--one focusing on goal setting, another on our personal missions, and the latest session with a group of early childhood education employees on a professional development day.

In addition to workplace creative stress management, I've hosted several collage parties for friends over the past several years as well, at first to try out my ideas and make sure they flowed well and then to continue spreading the creative stress management love. And it's more fun to create and inspire when you're in the company of friends!

With that said, I also enjoy creating when watching TV, when I want to refocus on my wellness and goals, when I'm just hanging out, when I feel inspired, so since I created my collage notebook two years ago, I have filled the pages of the notebook with mini-wellness collages. It's now one of my prized possessions. Think vision boards, but in miniature and mobile form. I can take the notebook anywhere or turn to a particular page and focus on it to feel a renewal of inspiration.

As you can tell, I'm wild about creative stress management and I can't wait to share it with more people. If you're interested in attending my upcoming class on May 1st, please send me an email at: maret.carrillo@gmail.com. More information is below or you can visit: www.facebook.com/owningyourgoodness. (You can pay the supplies fee when you arrive on Sunday.)  Looking forward to creating greater wellness with you!

Ecua-Gring@ Miracles

Four more months to motherhood—only 20 or so more weeks before we get to meet our little ecua-gring@! Wow! It’s hard to believe that I’m already 20 weeks along! But then again, we’ve done so much in the last 5 months. Picture this: just 5 months ago, my husband and I were visiting the magical coastal village of Canoa in Ecuador while on vacation. There was a soft breeze, beautiful waves, warm sand under our toes, great people all around, a sense of peace that came over us in this magical place on Earth.

Tragically this past Saturday Canoa and many other coastal villages and towns in Northern and central Ecuador were destroyed after a 7.8 earthquake hit. Over 500 didn’t survive. Hundreds are still missing. Many more are injured and even more have lost their homes and businesses. Hundreds of aftershocks have occurred in the same area since Saturday and one early this morning was 6.2 on the Richter scale! We pray the rescuers can find more survivors today and that the aftershocks finally stop. I just can’t imagine the terror and trauma the survivors are living right now. It has been an extremely emotional week, to say the least.

One uplifting thing though, despite all the devastation and tragedy, is seeing how the Ecuadorian people have united to support the affected areas. Lines of people in the major cities form to provide donated items and caravans of donations are on their way to the Manabi and Esmeraldas provinces, which were most hardly hit by the earthquake. The Ecuadorian community abroad where I live in the Seattle area have come together quickly to put together a fundraising event this Sunday so all the proceeds can go to helping the victims of this tragic natural disaster recover and rebuild their lives.

Blogs and articles have been written about donation sites for those who are far away and still want to help. I know it’s still not enough because the damage is so massive, but it does fill me with a little more optimism and hope for the future for everyone affected by this disaster.

And this very same week on the homefront, our baby has started to tap! I wouldn’t call it a kick or jab yet, but just two nights ago I started feeling a tap-tap from inside, especially after eating something sweet. I know the baby has been moving all around for awhile now but he or she is finally big enough to tap me! Our little ecua-gring@. And tomorrow we get to see our baby on the ultrasound to make sure everything is developing well and to find out the gender!

So many different kinds of emotions, and add pregnancy hormones to the mix and you have one weepy mama here. And on top of it all, the many things I have been meaning to start doing during my pregnancy are starting to catch up with me—prenatal yoga, reading all those great holistic pregnancy books, reading more about bilingualism and child development, learning more lullabies, taking birthing classes, preparing for my maternity leave at work, going on more romantic dates with my hubby, organizing the house, starting my coaching business—eek! And all this is supposed to take place in the next 3.5 months—holy cow! That’s not that much time, is it? It’s amazing how fast 40 weeks can go by. Truly it is! It also helps me think about prioritizing because that is A LOT to try to get done in such a short amount of time when I’m also working full time, when we have a busy social and family schedule, when I’m offering my first stress management class in the community on May 1^st, when we’ve had visitors from Ecuador and New York over the past month, when we sometimes just want to (and need to) rest and relax and have a little fun. So staying realistic about how much I truly expect myself to accomplish while I only have a little over a month left in the 2^nd trimester and then the 3^rd trimester begins! Wow! It’s all very exciting though!

It’s really hard to describe the vast range of emotions I’ve felt this week—the roller coaster of fear, despair, horror, sadness with the news of the earthquake in Ecuador, and then hope and gratitude for all the support of the victims, and love and excitement filling my heart for the new life developing inside me. Wow. This is life, huh? The full range of it. The good, bad, ugly, beautiful, and miraculous parts of life.

Click here for more information about my upcoming class on creative stress management.

Lessons From Life Coaching

Last month I began a course to become a transformational life coach. Without even knowing, I have been preparing for this for over 7 years. I have researched almost all there is to research about stress management, at first in an attempt to gain more inner peace and balance in my life and then metamorphosing into a passion to cultivate greater wellness in my life and in the lives of others. Through my readings and reflections, I have discovered that stress is quite possibly the number one joy killer in society today. But then again it isn't about stress being bad and joy being good, it goes much deeper than that. It's about releasing the need to control everything and leaning into life and trusting that everything is here to serve us. It's just not always easy to see how sometimes.

Through my adventures in researching everything I could get my hands on about wellness and managing stress, I have slowly gained insight into my own inner struggles and inner strengths, and through that insight, I've gained awareness of my own inner workings, which is the key to transforming anything. Without the ability to see from a little distance with some clarity how I tick, I can't begin to even imagine what steps I could start taking to feel more at peace.

Now after seven years, I'm beginning to grow some fruit from my research and put what I've learned in real action through coaching. I think starting to write regularly on my blog a year and a half ago and naming that I'm a creative wellness & stress management blogger/consultant/coach in training on sites like LinkedIn represented big steps in my journey to put my passion for researching wellness into action and into real baby steps to greater over wellness for myself and to following my dream of making my own schedule and helping motivate and empower others to find their wellness as well.

As I practice different coaching techniques with wonderful and willing guinea pig friends of mine--thank you so much for your support!--I am also practicing the techniques with myself, as I see myself through the mirror of coaching. And I am beginning to acknowledge the little and big steps I've been taking towards living my dreams. It's also building my confidence to hear feedback from others and learn how others really see me--as a capable and compassionate coach. Recognizing the huge disparity in how classmates and friends see me with how I sometimes see myself has been very eye-opening. And as I continue to build my self-compassion muscles, I strive to see myself more and more through the eyes of a loving friend.

Learning about coaching is also like a permission slip to ask myself the big, hairy questions that are normally ignored or brushed under the rug because they're just too big or that we don't feel capable of achieving due to their enormous size. Coaching is asking those big and powerful questions, and through asking others and seeing their positive responses as a result, I feel more compelled to keep asking myself big questions too and write and reflect and talk about them more. Through sharing we can really gain creative momentum and through that we receive support and encouragement which builds up our confidence and believability. Because what we believe is possible can be directly reflected in how and what we experience in life.

So I leave you with one of those big, hairy questions written by Emma-Louise Elsey:

If you were to FULLY live your life, what is the first change you would start to make?

What's Your Passion Project?

Today I had a wonderful conversation over lunch with my dear friend, Susan, and among many inspiring topics, we talked about the term, "passion project" that I've heard several times recently. I think I first read this term in Oprah's magazine, which I collected several months worth for my recent collage sessions. There was an article about Drew Barrymore and how her passion project was finding hearts in nature and photographing them. She then made them into a book. And just yesterday, Facebook advertised a new animated film coming out based on the very famous book, The Prophet. When I read about it further, I discovered that this movie was the passion project of Salma Hayek. 

I feel really inspired by this new term and also inspired that famous people, like Drew and Salma are giving back through their inspiring art and passion. 

Susan and I thought it would be neat to ask people we first meet, instead of the common "what do you do?" question, what their passion project is. I'm curious what we'd find out. I mean, I just heard this term but I've been intrigued by it and have started to think about how I'd answer that question too.

I think ever since my participation in the Fun-A-Day project in January, or since I began to write weekly blogs last August, I have been developing my passion project. And learning to own my gift or dependable strength of creativity through my Dependable Strengths training in October acted like a propeller for me! I think there is a creative or reflective process, at least for me, of naming my project, and now that I look back, I can see how it's grown and gotten more defined through my experiences.

Really, when I look back, I began this journey way back. Recently I was looking back on the time when I had a volunteer internship in Quito, Ecuador and I worked with young children who were working to help support their families. I remember teaching workshops to help boost their self-esteem, and I still have a picture of the posters the children made on "Que significa la felicidad?" or "What does happiness mean?" This work was very meaningful for me, and still is. After offering a collage workshop nearly two weeks ago and an introduction to Dependable Strengths workshop last week, I have heard very inspiring feedback, which leads me to believe that this work is also helping lift individuals' self-esteem, and that fills me with happiness.

That means I'm meeting my number 1 goal of helping lift people up and helping them feel better, even if just for a little bit. A little bit here, a little bit there starts to add up. That is how I started really studying stress management and wellness. And at a certain point, I decided to fully dive into this work and learn all I can. Now I'm beginning to see the budding fruits of my labor--or studies, and my creative energy bursts are growing in frequency. 

I can't wait to see what comes next!

So you're probably asking: what exactly is my passion project then? All this talk and I haven't named it quite yet. And I'm learning, through the power of daily affirmations, that naming what you want in life is key. 

So here goes--back in February I think, I was brainstorming creative ideas with my bestie, Andrea while at the Korean women's spa--a great place for inspiration! And the idea of offering a series of creative stress management techniques emerged. 

I love being creative and I also find it extremely helpful in managing daily stresses, and I enjoy researching wellness and stress management topics, so this felt right to me. 

My first official workshop in early May at Edmonds Community College was entitled "Creative Stress Management Through Collage Art." I decided to name it with my passion project idea in mind, and it became much more than a passing collage session I offered on a professional development day at work. It became the first part of my Creative Stress Management workshop series. :)

So my suggestion to anyone thinking about their passion project: get started! Do one small--or big--thing towards your dream. Don't wait for the perfect time or place. Just begin. If anything, you'll learn a lot from trying something out. And you may get further inspiration for the next step.

My next step? I would like to invite interested friends over soon--set a date, Marita--within the next month to share stories through the beginning part of the Dependable Strengths process and then collage about our strengths. I'm still working on the title, but it could be something like "Creative Stress Management Through Storytelling." Plus collage. But for my friends, I'll probably call it a "Strengths Collage gathering" or something like that. :)

What's your passion project?

*Photograph taken in Lake Forest Park on beautiful Lake Washington near where I blogged today from my iPhone. 

Practicing Letting Go Through Collaging

Funny, I've been reading about the benefits of collaging to prepare for a session I'm leading at the end of the week for a campus community event on collage art as a creative stress management tool, and several sources say that collage art is recommended when you're feeling stressed and feeling a lack of control over your present situation. This is because in collaging you get to control which pictures and words you choose to include in your unique expression of art. You're in charge, and this process of creating gives you the sense of control that you felt you were lacking beforehand. 

At the same time, through my own collage creations, I'm finding that collaging has helped me let go and just soak in the art that I'm creating. I let go of a need to strive for perfection or stress about where each piece will go in the collage. There are really no rules when I collage and this is a very freeing and forgiving process as a result. I am in charge because it’s my creation, and I always enjoy seeing how the pieces turn out. In creating in this way, I develop and practice a greater sense of self-compassion too, because I'm not hard on myself if I paste a piece I've torn from a magazine in the "wrong" place, because I always paste something over it or bring in other pieces to compliment the misplaced piece if I really don't like how it looks, but that hasn't really happened in my collage process so far. I don't strive for a masterpiece, I simply create and create and enjoy the flow that comes with this freeing practice. I enjoy the energy it gives me, the inspiration it calls forth in me, and I enjoy sharing what I've created with others. So far I've worked on creating an inspirational collage art journal in the company of friends two times and both have been such wonderful experiences. I love seeing what others will come up with and feeling their inspiration levels rise at the same time.

My collage creative process reminds me of the balancing act of maintaining control of our responses in life while letting go of the need to control everything else. This is truly an art. I have dedicated this month of May to learning and practicing the art of surrender, and so far this daily focus has been so helpful when I run into a situation that I cannot control. I have also been using a new app I found called Mindfulness Daily that reminds me throughout the day to focus on the moment, notice how I'm feeling both physically and emotionally, and if there is anything beyond my control that I can accept for now. This last part has helped me practice letting go in the moment and has reminded me to take a breath and feel grateful throughout the day. I think the combination of dedicating time to express my creativity, along with focusing on what I can control in each moment is proving very helpful in remaining centered no matter what's going on around me.

These are several of my collage creations that I made on Sunday.

Declutter To Destress

For the past 7 days, I've been practically eating, breathing, and dreaming about moving boxes!  There is something about changing homes that stirs up your soul, wakes you up and helps you reevaluate all that you have in your life.  I set out with the huge challenge to declutter much of the papers and mementos I had accumulated over the years and I'm pleased to report that I was able to let go of so much--bags and bags to the recycle bin and even more bags and bags and boxes and boxes of things dropped off at the thrift store to donate.  It brings me much peace to pass along items that might be helpful to others and at the same time to free up space both in our home and in myself.  Remembering that I will always keep my memories and that I can take a picture of something to remember it by, rather than keeping everything, helped me let go of so much.  I do have even more to let go of though.  Unfortunately I ran out of time and had to pack away a few boxes of papers and things I haven't gone through so my decluttering challenge continues, which it should, because if we are not constantly reconsidering what we choose to keep in our homes and lives, we will accumulate new things and end up with too much clutter around us again.  I want to create a regular practice of it--a spiritual practice in a sense--to keep moving forward and get unstuck when I may feel like I'm drowning in papers.  If I can regularly evaluate all that I have, I will have more space for breathing, meditating, thinking, writing, dreaming and loving life.  I do not need things to make me whole.  On the contrary, freeing myself of so many things makes me feel more whole and free.  I'm not there yet, but maybe as I said, this is a constant process and something I need to work on on a regular basis.  Similar to studying stress management, there will always be events that bring us stress, but the more we read about managing and responding to the stress, rather than just reacting, the better and faster we'll recover and the more peace we'll feel during and after times of stress.  And clutter stresses me out.  So it makes sense to include decluttering as one of my stress management practices.

Do you have a stress management practice of your own?  Please share with us!  :)

Celebrating Our Own Talents and Gifts

Happy October, everyone!  'Tis the season to enjoy pumpkin spice almond milk lattes, corn mazes, accessorizing with pretty scarves and fuzzy boots, and the vibrant colors of the changing leaves. May each of you savor the sights, scents, flavors, fuzziness and songs of the autumn season.

On this edition of Tranquil Tuesdays, I've decided to honor and appreciate myself more.  This was sparked by a wonderful weekly email sent out today by Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka. SARK, my favorite inspirational artistic author) on whether we appreciate ourselves enough.  It got me thinking about a general longing that sometimes comes up for me for greater appreciation and recognition from others of my efforts, my struggles, all I've overcome, and how maybe, just maybe the appreciation that I seek actually needs to come from within.  Maybe I need to truly appreciate and recognize--on a regular basis--all that I've accomplished in order to truly feel appreciated.  Because if we feel at peace with ourselves, we generally feel at peace with the world.

I think this goes hand-in-hand with self-compassion also.  Are we willing to be as compassionate about our own struggles and difficulties as we are with others?  Many are very good at showing care and concern for our loved ones and our friends and the people we serve, if we're in a helping profession, but how often do we show that same care and concern for ourselves?  I attended a training on the topic of compassion fatigue back in May and I think I was truly too burned out to digest any more information on the subject.  It was just too overwhelming to think about all the things I could and should be doing to prevent this type of fatigue from helping others.  Funny how sometimes when we need the advice the most, we can't absorb it as well as we can later on, after the dust has settled, when we feel a little better and can begin to be more proactive.

I've begun to realize that the key is to practice, practice, practice the stress management techniques that work best for me at times when I feel proactive and open to these ideas, and then over time, through habit, I will begin to react in a calmer, more peaceful way, in hopes of responding rather than reacting when stress comes to visit.  My hope is also to study this subject of stress management so much that I remember more frequently and readily many of the helpful tips I've read about and can use them and practice them in difficult times.

So in appreciation of my journey, I want to recognize my tenacity for finding solutions to difficult problems and stressful situations, my creativity for expressing what I've learned in life through movement, photography and the written word, and my outstanding love of nature and beauty.

Phew.  That was a little uncomfortable and challenging to write about publicly, but I think we can all benefit from recognizing our own gifts more often, don't you?

No lions...No tigers!

Here's a meditation or thought to ponder upon today:

Choose to turn things around.

Is your day not going the way you'd like? (Or have you ever had a day like this?) Or is your energy sagging and you feel the life slowly draining from you? Turn it around. 

How? You may ask.

It has to be a conscious decision on your part and it's definitely not easy--it's really hard work, but I believe that it's possible to turn your day around and still make it a good one. It might not be perfect, things might not be going exactly how you want them to, but there is hope, there is a way to turn your mood around and it starts by making the choice.

I know from recent experiments on myself actually that this is way harder than it seems, especially when your mood is really low because you have to work extra hard to make the conscious choice to try and turn your day around. But I think the energy put forth in attempting to improve the day is so much better invested than using energy to complain or feel down in the dumps.

When I feel spun around in circles by multiple stressors or demands, I sometimes feel a sense of loss of control and my mind and spirit begin to protest. This is when I must start really listening to my inner self--the wise one inside me who always knows what to say or how to bring me peace if I choose to listen to her carefully.

And my "Inner Wise Self," as my favorite inspiring author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka. SARK) calls her, says "let go of being in control." She also has told me to relax because things will work out. Take care of yourself first and go at your own pace. Don't compare yourself with others and don't judge others or their journeys. It's okay to be different--we're all different!

My inner self is so smart! If only I had always listened so carefully to her, huh? But it's never too late. We can all start now, or whenever we choose to turn things around, when we deliberately choose to relax and let go of all that tension and fear of future possible events that may never actually occur. 

Something I enjoy doing when I come across a new idea that might be helpful for my stress management and overall wellness is researching and I have started to research the practice of allowing. I have to thank SARK for first introducing this term to me in one of her inspirational emails this summer. Expanding on one of Oprah & Deepak's relaxation techniques to assess the situation when feeling unbalanced or in need of some inner peace, I have begun to look both ways to literally assess my situation in that exact moment. If my heart continues to race out of stress or busyness, I remind my mind and body of a key point--that there are no lions or tigers chasing me right now, that I am not in danger, thankfully. This helps me find peace in almost any situation. I've even started turning my head one way to look around and affirm that there are no lions and then look the other way and say to myself there are no tigers either, which brings a little smile to my face and helps me remember to calm down already because really, I'm not going to get eaten! I'm not in the Serengeti getting chased by wild animals. I'll be okay, I'm not in any immediate danger. 

This practice really helps put things into perspective and has gradually given me the necessary peace of mind and heart to begin a practice of allowing. I believe this practice is mandatory for peace and joy and genuine gratitude to reign in my life. 

What do I mean by "allowing?" Well, as SARK describes it, it's when we don't fight or resist another person's way of being or doing or saying. We allow them to be the way they are, react the way they choose to and live their life the way they please. It also helps us remember that we are only in control of how we react or respond to a situation. We cannot control anyone else. Really. It's impossible. So why spend our energy resisting reality? 

Allowing doesn't solve all of the world's or life's problems, but it has helped me restore balance and peace on stressful days and given me the ability to think more clearly and more lovingly about myself and others. Allowing myself to feel anger or fear or pain also validates my feelings and puts my mind and heart at ease a little more than when just resisting the negative, painful feeling or wallowing in despair.

So I choose to turn things around. I choose to practice allowing others to be the way they are. I choose to allow myself to feel how I feel but to not stay there long, to release any negative feelings by allowing them to be and not resist them. It may seem a bit confusing but try it. It really works. It's almost like magic. ;-)