Remembering what I learned at the recent Heart of Mindfulness retreat I attended at the beautiful Talaris Center in Seattle, presented by Erica Rayner-Horn, it's essential not to get caught up with preferences, of what I like or don’t like, what I want or don’t want, and instead accept what is right now in this moment and know and gain great relief from the fact that everything changes. One great technique I also learned at the retreat is to take as many “mindfulness pauses” as I need throughout each day. And to “perk up and lean in” rather than “tense and avoid.” As I reflect on these wise teachings, I realize that I’m tensing and avoiding as I think about upcoming potential changes. Instead I need to shift my perspective and become curious about the sensations happening in my mind, body and heart/spirit and perk up and lean into this feeling. It’s counter-intuitive but I know that it’s important not to avoid uncomfortable things, but instead confront them and let them have their way with me so that I can let go and be free again.
Here are some specific examples of what I learned at this wonderful retreat:
- A review of what mindfulness is (the awareness that comes from paying attention in the present moment, in a non-judgmental way).
- Different methods to apply mindfulness to our daily lives, at work or at home: mindfulness pauses, daily meditation or deep breathing practice, body scan exercise, mindful walking and movement, mindful eating, slowing down to notice our feelings, sensations and surroundings.
- Suffering is equal to pain multiplied by resistance, and escalation plays a big role in suffering also. So much of suffering is because we’re not okay with what is, right now.
- Getting away from preferences or opposite “poles”--wanting or not wanting, liking or disliking and instead accepting what is right now in this moment.
- When faced with a difficult feeling or emotion, perk up and lean into it, rather than tense and avoid, which we tend to do naturally when afraid.
- Maintain a sense of openness and curiosity, especially when in physical or emotional pain, rather than tensing and anticipating something “bad” will happen.
- Release and let go of the constant need to judge things/people/events/memories/thoughts/emotions/feelings as good or bad; they just are.
- Accept what is, right now, knowing that change will always come.
- When triggered by stress, stop and take a mindfulness pause.
- Stay with the uncomfortable feeling and be aware.
- Bow to your experience and name it. Label it and see how much easier it is to let it rest.
- Train yourself to notice your stress triggers faster and recognize how your mind, body and heart react.
- Note a particular thought or emotion and then release it or let it rest.
Written June 20, 2013
