Befriending Stress

I’ve started to grow tired of hearing or reading over and over again about “avoiding stress” or “combating stress.”  Do we really have to be at battle or go to war with a natural process? I know some forms of stress don’t feel very good in the moment, but I don’t think it’s actually the stress itself that is the issue. It’s how we react and respond to the stressors. So instead of avoiding or combating, wouldn’t it be more effective to actually befriend it and show it compassion so that responding--instead of reacting--can be made easier? Wouldn’t you rather respond gently to a friend than react violently to an enemy? Which do you think is better for your overall health? I’m thinking friendly interactions feel better and thus are better for us. And if stress is such a common phenomenon that we really deal with every day, wouldn’t it be more helpful and beneficial to our overall well-being to learn how to interact with it, rather than avoid it or fight it all the time? I’m tired of fighting it. I surrender. Now I want to befriend it and show it compassion like I would a friend. Because it’s a real part of our lives and as I learn how to respond gently to stress, won’t I feel lighter and more peaceful and gentle myself?

But I consider myself a grass-roots, down-to-earth kind of person and I want some really practical ways to “befriend” our stress.  It’s easy enough to say or write it down, but how do we actually do it? I believe for any positive change to take place, we must come from a grounded space, well-rested and settled into our center--our core, through deep breathing, mindful awareness of everyday activities, taking our sweet time and not rushing, and through relishing in what we love and giving ourselves the gift of time to do what we love. And if we’re feeling uninspired to do what we love, it’s probably time for more rest and especially time for greater self-compassion, because one of the greatest gifts we gain from doing what we love is making time for us. Yes, US! (I know, hard to believe, huh?) I know it might feel like there isn’t enough time--trust me, I feel this way a lot too--but I have to consistently remind myself that we make time for what we love, we don’t necessarily HAVE time for all we love. 

So instead of doing something that’s not necessary and that we don’t really love, why not redirect our focus and our time to doing something that enlivens us and fills us with inspired passion, joy and energy for life?  One big time sucker is social media. I really do believe that feeling that social connection with our friends and family who we don’t get to see regularly can help cultivate deeper relationships, but I also believe that we enter a kind of time warp when we're on social media where time flies by and before we know it, we’ve spent an hour reading random posts that don’t have much to do with our life mission or our passion or even our close family and friends’ updates. At the same time though, I can see the therapeutic value to watching funny videos or seeing cute photos because it gets us out of our head and worries and we de-stress through laughter. But everything is better with moderation. I’m seriously considering setting the timer on my smart phone before I enter a social media site and when I hear the timer go off after a predetermined amount of time, then I can reevaluate if this is really how I want to spend another 15 minutes of my precious free time. And if it isn’t, then there’s a wonderful opportunity to put down the phone and do something creative.

I feel very fortunate to have been introduced to the Fun-A-Day Challenge 2 years ago this month. Through this challenge, I vowed to have fun creating something new each day of the sometimes dreary month of January. And through a group on social media dedicated to “Fun-A-Day” (see, there are multiple benefits indeed...befriend your social media as well, just don’t let it control all your time!) I had one of my first tastes of forming a daily practice and of having accountability partners that awaited my post each day and in turn which motivated me to follow through and fulfill my vow to have fun each day. :-) The sweet taste of a daily practice expanded beyond the month of January and I decided to post something each day that year, in 2014. (You can see links to each of my monthly intentions with corresponding daily posts from 2014 on the left-hand side of this page.) And I think this was a real turning point in my life and in my wellness-focused studies, because I was finally dedicating time each day to what I had studied and read about for years before, what I was so desperately seeking in a well-balanced life was finally coming to fruition through the gift of daily practice. I highly recommend it to anyone feeling stuck or wanting to finally take that next step in their life towards their big dreams.

So maybe that’s my answer to a grass-roots, more down-to-earth way to befriend stress: create a daily practice--if anything, a practice of daily self-kindness, of making time for yourself to do something that inspires you or lights you up, fills you with energy and makes you feel more alive.  Because with that increased energy and inspiration, stress may no longer look like an enemy which can help us shift our perspective and way we view stress. After all, stress may actually be set up to remind us to slow down, take better care of ourselves, ground ourselves through deep breathing, increase our mindful awareness, and make time for what we love. That does sound more like a friend now, huh?

Would you ever consider making friends with your stress? How would you go about it? I'd love to hear from you! Email me at: maritakane@gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook. :-)

With love and gratitude,
Marita

Stay tuned for Marita's coaching and workshop debut!

Letting Go and Starting Anew - A Year in Review

Each New Year’s Eve I like to look back at the past year and take some time to reflect and learn from all I experienced. Last Sunday I participated in one of my New Year's traditions. Five years ago, my dear friend, Julie took me to her family’s church for an end of the year burning bowl ceremony. It’s where you release what is no longer serving you and make room for the new. Ever since, I have looked forward to this ritual each December. 

This ritual reminds me of an Ecuadorian tradition to burn “anoviejos” at midnight on New Year’s. Anoviejos are paper mache figurines that represent the previous year and are burned to release the old year and start afresh. The anoviejos can be range from super heroes to even political figures. 

Although I probably won’t be burning an anoviejo this year, one of the best examples of letting go today may be with this blog post. I had just completed and hit “publish” on a beautiful post that I spent the morning working on just now and then lost it! Puff! Vanished into thin cyberspace air. Devastating to lose my creative work but then I began to shift my perspective and see what a lesson it is of the very subject I was writing about. We just have to keep going and start fresh again. Just like the new year. I’m sad to not be able to share my original post with all of you but I did save an earlier version of the content so I will do my best to start again. (Like in life, huh?) And tonight I will eat 12 grapes at midnight, another favorite Ecuadorian tradition of mine.

So here goes...

Almost a year ago, I officially started my journey to become a transformational life coach. (In reality, I had begun this journey years before as I researched ways to better manage stress and help people around as well.) I met some of the most amazing and caring people in my coaching class. I also gained the experience and confidence to offer more workshops and even facilitate a session at an in-service day for support staff where I work. Professionally, I also got a new job that’s closer to my home and is in a more supportive environment with a window that has a few of a protected green area where I’ve seen deer, coyote, and even an owl. 

We took several trips to fun places, both nearby and far away. Our travels took us to beautiful, tranquil Whidbey Island to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary, to Yakima and wine country to celebrate the last of summer, to Portland to visit close friends and their babies, to Grayland, WA for my dear cousin’s graduation party.

We also found a little piece of heaven on Earth in Canoa - Ecuador and up above the clouds of Quito - Ecuador as we visited many wonderful friends and family. 

Our friends and family took us to most amazing places in Ecuador, like a waterfall hike by the famous Otavalo marketplace, fresh fish in Salango for Thanksgiving after an adventure in driving down the Ruta del Sol on the Ecuadorian coast, standing at the Westernmost point of South America and watching the sea lions sunbathe, driving over the Andes Mountains in 3 hours through some of the most breathtaking countryside I've seen, getting a little lost in the valleys near Cuenca but in the end finding a delicious traditional lunch, playing with wonderful children. We are truly blessed to have had the chance to spend 3 weeks in our second home of Ecuador this year!

My husband, Geovanny and I went on beautiful nature hikes and drove late at night to stargaze and see supermoons, Venus and Jupiter, and even the Star of Bethelem! We enjoyed parties with friends and family in our still new apartment and spent time by my brother-in-law’s pool over the summer. I got to see and hear the amazing orca whales pass right below while staying in an incredible house on San Juan Island with dear friends from middle school. I went on my first business trip flying to Spokane for a conference and venturing to see my dad in beautiful Idaho one evening as well. 

I trained with my best bud, Emily to walk my first half-marathon in September. (We completed it in a little over 4 hours.) I decided to take out most gluten, corn, soy, caffeine, and sugar from my diet (that last one is still a journey though of course). And I no longer have to take allergy pills everyday as a result! 

I’m very grateful to have had the opportunity and Divine timing to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends, help her feel safe in her journey to Heaven, and hold her family in love and light. My faith increased as signs from my new angel friend graced the skies over and over again before and after her passing. I feel blessed to have captured so many in photos, as they serve as reminders to look up more often and trust in a higher power.

I didn't blog as much as I had set out to do, but I did participate in another Fun-A-Day challenge last January. (My first Fun-A-Day challenge in 2014 inspired me to post a little blog nearly everyday of the year that year!) In May I posted nature pictures everyday for about a month as a way to dedicate time just for me. I also added 18 mini-collages to my collage book.

So what's in store for next year? Stay tuned! It's sure to be a bright and promising 2016!

Fun is in the Eye of the Beholder

Fun is in the eye of the beholder...

Could it be possible that having fun is all about perspective? 

I've been writing "have more fun" on my calendar each week for several months now and when I look back sometimes I think I did have some fun and other times I think "meh, I need to have more fun." "I need to let loose more." Or do I? If letting loose is fun to you, then yes. But if letting loose causes anxiety and makes you feel uncomfortable, then probably not. I don't know which it is for me. I think it depends on the moment. 

The life of an extroverted introvert is complex. We like having fun with others but we also enjoy having alone time. And if there's not a good balance of both, we're not a lot of fun to be around, in all honesty. At least in my experience I can get really grumpy if I feel overstimulated by too much interaction and don't have enough alone time. And the reverse is the case as well. I can get pretty grumpy with too much alone time too. 

I've been hearing a lot about functional medicine lately though and I think there might be an underlying cause to this grumpiness. (And it might not have as much to do with being extraverted or introverted as I think.) My gut instinct says it's more about worthiness. And a cultural belief possibly that as adults we're not supposed to have that much fun. "Grow up" and "be serious," "act mature," "don't be such a baby" are just some of the phrases that we hear pretty often. But aren't we losing the joy factor released when having fun, the fun that we had when we were kids, the joyous, creative, open-minded type of fun? 

Why is so much emphasis put on acting like an adult in this culture? Is working too many hours and feeling stressed out all the time really an ideal that we want to follow? 

Yes, we have more responsibilities as adults but do we really have to confront all of those responsibilities with grumpy, stressed-out, "mature" behavior? And what's so "mature" about feeling stressed out all the time anyway? Wouldn't it actually be more mature to be resilient and bounce back from day-to-day adult stressors through having more fun and creative time? Aren't we all worthy of that?

What does "to have fun" really actually mean?

As I've learned from Brené Brown, knowing the definition of the terms we regularly use can really shed greater light and increase our awareness of how we use these terms and ideals in our lives.

The Webster dictionary says that the word "fun" means "the feeling of being amused or entertained" or "something that is amusing or enjoyable : an enjoyable experience."

What do you find enjoyable? What does "having fun" mean to you?

For me, it can be a wide variety of things. I have fun creating art, taking pictures, writing, cloud watching, dancing, walking, laughing, telling stories with friends, listening to lively or beautiful music, traveling to a new place, sometimes cooking. :) 

Do you think some mundane things in life can be converted into an enjoyable experience or a fun time?

If I have taken the time to fill my self-love and worthiness cup up with beautiful affirmations, breathing exercises, creative expression, friendly connection, and love, then yes, I think it's possible. 

But if that cup is running low, the grumpy factor swoops in more quickly and even normally fun activities can feel like a drag. It's all about perspective, awareness, attitude, and self-love, huh?

Honoring Our Angels By Sprinkling More Life into our Days

On Day of the Dead or All Saint's Day, I have my loved ones in mind who are now angels. It's comforting in a way to imagine all my angels watching out for me. But I do miss their earthly presence. Their legacies of living life to the fullest live on though and their memory reminds me to have more fun. A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter to myself about this exact subject. It keeps coming up. I think as adults we sometimes get very "adulty" and forget that having fun is equally--if not more important than getting all the "adulty" things done in our lives. Here's my letter:

Dear Self,

Your job now is to focus on relaxation and sprinkling more fun into everyday. Life is much too precious to go day by day only working and not relaxing or having fun while doing so. Life is about adjusting the lens we use to look at what’s going on and responding differently as our awareness grows and we see the sheer beauty that is available to us if only we look for it. There are little things that we can do everyday to relax more and sprinkle more fun atop our day-to-day duties and activities and routines.

• Create a calendar of all the fun things you do

• Track your gratitude daily for the simple joys in life

• Schedule time every week just for you and dedicate some time to what delights you

• Slow down and breathe, savor the moment when you can, especially when you become aware that you’ve been holding your breath or running around not really living this beautiful life

• Step back to enjoy the view better and see the bigger picture for perspective
• Pace yourself, especially when busy

In sprinkling these seemingly simple yet fun activities into our lives on a daily or even bi-weekly basis, we honor our loved ones' lives by living our lives more fully and having fun while doing so.

(This is my fun costume from Halloween this year. I was a travel bug. :-) It was really hard not to have fun while wearing this!)

Nestling into Fall and Dreaming Bite-Sized

I had the same amount of things to do today than I did last week and yet I didn't feel overwhelmed and I got stuff done. 

Overwhelm is a visitor that has paid me plenty of visits in this life. And as I begin to almost befriend it or take time to learn from it, I realize that when I let the overwhelm rain all over me, I don't get much done. It seems to paralyze me and thus more overwhelm comes.

On the other hand, after taking some time over the weekend to rest--and let's be honest, I even felt a little overwhelmed with personal and household projects--something shifted today and my focus was no longer on Ms. Overwhelm overstaying her visit, it was instead on slowly getting sh...stuff done. 

I know this. I've been coached around this and I myself have coached others on this very topic. It's what I preach--that if you break a big project down into smaller more bite-sized tasks, you'll first of all feel more successful because you've finally gotten something done on the path towards your goals, and you won't be overwhelmed with the sometimes enormity of your dreams. 

I dream big. And I also dream bite-sized.

Another topic that is related to overwhelm that I've been reading about for awhile now is being a highly sensitive person or HSP. Yes, I am an HSP. I believe deep down that we all are, but I have been blessed with hypersensitivity from the get-go. And with this gift comes overwhelm at times, from things that people who aren't as in tune yet with their sensitivity might not have ever imagined. They may at some point though experience flashes of it, especially when they're extremely vulnerable, such as in grieving times or times of illness. 

I, on the other hand, feel overwhelmed by sounds or noise, social interaction without quiet breaks to recover, or the TV or the radio. I'm more resilient and can bounce back quite quickly when I'm fully grounded and have taken time for me on a regular basis. If I take time to slow to my preferred pace, if I take time to do the things I really enjoy like being creative or outside in nature, if I take time to refuel my energy through quiet reflection time, then I don't feel as overwhelmed. 

I think these resilience building activities can help with any kind of overwhelm actually.

It's getting to the point when you stop embodying the overwhelm and instead start taking it one small bite at a time. That takes time and practice. And greater awareness helps the process even more.

My First 13.1 Miles

I think I got the bug. My friends warned me about the bug. 

I walked my very first half marathon on Sunday and the very next day I wanted to go for a walk. And two more days later, I've found myself looking up future races that I might want to sign up for. I love the idea of working towards a goal a few months out that will motivate me to train and regularly walk long distances while connecting with friends who will most likely do the race with me. It’s about wellness, discipline, movement, and friendship. 

I have always loved walking. It gives me time to reflect and collect my thoughts and emotions. It’s soothing to me. But I had never ever considered walking a half marathon! Then in April, one of my coaching classmates, Dena started talking about doing a half marathon in September and her enthusiasm was contagious. Several of us decided to sign up so we can have a little reunion a few months after our coaching certificate classes were completed. I signed up and then didn’t really think about it, because it felt so far away. Then luckily, Dena checked in and asked how our training was. 

This was kind of a new concept for me because the year before I did my first official 5K for my friend, Sarah’s birthday celebration, but that didn’t require as much training since I already walked 3 miles pretty regularly. Dena gave us a training plan which really helped break it down and make the concept of a half marathon so much more tangible. I’m so grateful. So the first goal was to walk 6 miles by July 1^st. Then 10 miles by August 1^st. Once we got up to 10 miles, we were practically there and the additional 3.1 miles would work itself out. 

So I wrote a visual to keep the half marathon goal in mind and put it by my work computer. It listed the date of the half and then the number of miles I needed to walk by a certain date. Of course, there is always room for humanness. I didn’t quite get up to 6 miles by July 1^st but sometime in July I was able to. And then I got up to 8 miles several times in August but didn’t get up to 10 miles until early this month. But I did it! I walked a half marathon this past Sunday! 

It didn’t quite hit me until the morning of that 3 years ago I wouldn’t have been able to even fathom walking so far. My chronic pain made it difficult to even stand for more than 10 minutes without getting achy and dizzy. It nearly brought tears to my eyes to think of the healing that has occurred since then. It may have been slow at times, but steadily I’ve gotten stronger and healthier. And now look what I can do! Wow!