Leaping Forward on Leap Day

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” ~Mary Ann Radmacher

Today is February 29^th. It feels kind of funny—and fun to write that because it’s not a common day, is it? I was just thinking about it actually and we won’t have this day again until 2020. Wow. Think about that for a bit. What do you think you’ll be doing on February 29^th, 2020? How will your life be different? How will it be similar? Who will you be spending your day with then? Maybe that’s why it’s called Leap Year. Because we can take a leap into the future (and past if we choose) and imagine all we’ll accomplish in the next four years. All the adventures we’ll go on. All the love we’ll give. 

Sometimes it’s helpful to look back as well, but only in reflection upon the lessons we’ve learned, I think, and on how far we’ve come. What were you doing on February 29^th, 2012? I love numbers and dates so I’m pretty sure I celebrated in some way, but I don’t remember many specifics from that day. I do know I had just had my first surgery ever four years ago this month. And it pretty much confirmed that I had a rare condition called the Nutcracker Syndrome, in which my left renal vein was trapped or smooshed by my aorta and superior mesenteric artery, causing the blood to flow from my kidney in a different direction towards my left ovary, creating internal varicose veins which when swollen caused achy pain and during certain times of the month, excruciating pain. I’m very grateful to say that four years later, my renal vein is flowing properly now, the varicose veins are not causing hardly any discomfort, and I’m 13 weeks pregnant! An amazing little miracle is growing inside me and that wonderful little being will be 3 and a half years old next time we have a February 29^th and celebrate Leap Day!

Do you do anything special on Leap Day or during Leap Year? If not, would you like to start a new tradition? It seems like a good time to reflect on our journey in this beautiful life and to envision what the future may hold for us. It’s also a great time to start taking consistent baby steps towards reaching those goals and dreams of yours. You don’t have to wait until New Year’s to do so. Or if you had a plan that you began on January 1^st and it’s been hard to keep, now is as good of a time as any to reevaluate why that plan may have been difficult to maintain and adjust and start again. 

What’s one way you can create a new positive habit today that will get you one step closer to your dreams? Because once it becomes a habit, each day you will take one more step and before you know it, you’ll be creating new dreams or adding to your current dream. And when you look back to reflect on those steps, you’ll be in awe of all you’ve accomplished because you took that one step today on February 29^th. Let me know how it goes. :-)

I Welcome Big Miracles Here and Now!

I'm tired of the thought pattern we're ingrained with about not deserving something horrible that happens to us or "deserving more." It's not a question of deserving. I don't believe anyone deserves pain or suffering. So when I hear myself asking why or how someone could deserve such an awful thing to happen to them, I need to stop and become aware that that thought doesn't serve me or anyone. Does that thought lift me up? Does it bring joy? Does it help anyone? No. It's not a question of asking why. I'm not even sure it's a question.

My dear friend, Jill, was so vibrant and joyous, so loving and with so much to share and teach others, so very full of life--the complete opposite of fatal brain cancer. It's incomprehensible that my buen amigo, Christian, whose laughter made everyone feel joyful around him, could die of stomach cancer in less than six short months. And my wonderful, devoted, fun-loving mom lost her own dear parents at the tender age of 16, was then cheated on and left with a rundown house and 5-year-old daughter to raise, and now has been put through such horrible suffering from a brain bleed last August, which is thought to have originated at the time of the car accident which killed her parents.

How do we make sense of these events? Or do we even try? What good comes to us or anyone when we struggle to "make sense" of incomprehensible suffering? I think the true answer lies in getting out of our heads and sinking into our bodies and opening up our hearts to find peace in our souls with what's happened. To cultivate faith continually through centering ourselves to the earth and giving thanks for even the simplest beauty we have been graced to witness during this life--the full moon, the blooming daffodils, the green grass, the giant all-knowing redwoods, ripe sweet fruit, purring kittens, and as Julie Andrews would sing, "raindrops on roses," to name just a few.

When we can get back into our bodies and out of our analyzing heads, I believe then we will begin to feel greater peace. It might not answer our mind's nagging questions, but it will bring openness back to our hearts and hopefully with practice through that openness, a growing connection to our souls where we can trust in a greater knowing, from within, from God, from the Universe, from our ancestors, from the angels, from the Divine, from positivity, from altruism, from your God of understanding, from your spiritual practice. Opening our hearts, when all we want to do is hunker down and close up shop, is in and of itself a daily spiritual practice that develops and tones our trust muscles. And the key ingredient is self-compassion. Gently returning to this practice when we go astray and not judging ourselves or others when this happens.

I welcome big miracles here and now!

A New Chapter of Goodness

Two days ago on June 1st, I decided to focus on recognizing and really owning my goodness for this month. This is something I've been thinking about for awhile now and something that was articulated into words during an inspiring life coaching session with the amazing Lena Meyer back in March. As wonderful as it sounds though, this has been a bit of a difficult topic for me, so I felt it was important to practice it this month as an act of cultivating more self-love, self-compassion and self-confidence in my life. And very appropriately, just yesterday, I started my new job! So this added boost of confidence, care and compassion is greatly welcomed as I put myself out there, take risks, try new things, and join a new community of colleagues.

I created a special collage (pictured above) in late March to help me remember this mantra of owning my goodness and it also serves as the cover of my first inspirational collage notebook. I also say this to myself every morning and every night as a way to ground myself in my goodness and remember all the good coming to me and coming from me everyday. I have found it soothing as well when I'm feeling frustrated or grumpy.

But now, this month, I would like to fill this "goodness" with actual examples and details--stories or memories or qualities that I possess that I can call upon to remind myself of my goodness. That is why I have created a whole page to this topic and why I'm writing about it each day this month. So far this year, I have written about creativity in January, abundance in February, self-love in March, grace in April, and surrender in May. And I feel each of these topics has had a great influence on how I view life now. So I am confident that focusing on filling in the details of what goodness really means to me and what my own unique goodness looks like and feels like will only bring more goodness into my life and make me more aware of the goodness that comes from within as well.

When I focus on a significant topic each day, a habit is formed and a greater awareness develops. That is why I know recognize so many different opportunities in life to use my creativity. I recognize how abundant the whole world is and how abundant my spirit is as well. I continually focus on strengthening my self-love muscle as this is a difficult muscle to tone and needs constant maintenance. My practice of grace and surrender are also continual focuses in my life and I see more and more ways that grace and surrender show up in my life now--or at least the need for grace and surrender in order to live with ease.

Each of these daily practices this year are actually cumulative--they truly build on each other and it seems that the topic from the month before becomes so interconnected with the current month. I enjoy this focus because before, I would research random topics, because I love researching and reading about wellness, but get overwhelmed by the wealth of information available to me. Now I feel I am really getting to a more unique space where I am creating the resources at times because I can't find other information about what I want to research. I know from writing a senior honors thesis in college that this is the sign of an available and needed subject to write about because there are not many--if any other sources out there on the topic.

So for Day 1 of my goodness practice this month, I found a definition of the word "goodness" that helped me begin the process of recognizing, looking for, and owning my goodness, and goodness all around me. And one of the words that really stuck with me is "essence." What is my true essence? And what does that mean? When you strip away all of life's stressors and all of your memories and pain and trauma, who are you underneath it all? During experiences of loss and health crisis, I was given the chance to see my true essence, what was underneath all the gunk, and at first I was surprised by all the strength and joy and creative energy I found there, but now I'm moving into a space and time when I can write about my essence and not feel as bashful or afraid of exposing my true nature in a public setting, and my intention is to feel as comfortable about these parts of me as I am about my eye color.

What's underneath all the gunk for you? Can you find your true essence? Your unique goodness? Keep looking if you don't see it at first. And if you feel comfortable, let me know what you find.

Lessons of Gratitude

At the beginning of 2014, I decided to write a page in a journal each night before going to sleep to remember what I was grateful for during that day.  I remember when Oprah talked about gratitude journals years ago and how much I liked the idea, but I never actually created a habit of it until I set it as an intention for this year.  As tired as I am some nights, I still write in my journal and it has really helped me sleep sounder, wake up with a more positive mindset, recover from stressful situations more quickly, and I've only been writing in this journal for a little over a month.  I intend to continue this practice of recognizing gratitude in my life indefinitely.  I have realized that when it is most difficult to sit down and write in my journal and think about what I'm grateful for, that is when I need to write in it most, and when I need to remember my gratitude the most.  If we can only write that we are grateful for breathing and being able to wake up in the morning, that's a wonderful place to start, and a very grounding place to start as well.

I think I didn't really see the effects of this practice until 2 or 3 weeks had passed, so it's very important to keep going with your intention of gratitude, because no habits formed are formed over night and even though I felt good every time I remembered to write in my journal, I didn't notice the overall effects on my wellness until it had become a regular practice for me and I could tell I wasn't upset as long as I used to be when something difficult would happen to me.  Also in the past, when I've missed a day of a practice or habit I wanted to form and maintain, I sometimes felt the perfectionism creep in and say, why bother.  But I am here to say that the benefits are still positive when you pick up where you left off and start again.  Last night, after being sick all day from a stomach infection, I was not up to writing anything anywhere, and so I didn't--the first time since the new year began that I missed a night of gratitude, but when I woke up this morning, still feeling queasy but able to hold down food at least, I decided to pick up where I left off and write about my gratitude from yesterday after I woke up today.  I did the same with my daily abundance practice that I've created for the month of February.  I couldn't post about abundance last night because I was too sick, so I wrote my post for yesterday about an hour ago.  Better late than never!  I refuse to let perfectionism stop me from achieving my goals and intentions.

What are you grateful for?  Have you created a regular practice of gratitude before?  Please share your thoughts on this blog's Facebook page.