Beware: Relapses of Perfectionism May Occur

I had been rather proud of my "recovering perfectionist" self-identified status until recently when I was preparing to give a workshop and felt like I wouldn't be able to do my best job because of limited time and not wanting to let anyone down. I became extremely pessimistic and felt like I would fail. Well, that was the perfectionism rearing its ugly head. Nothing else. I did just fine, got lots of positive feedback and I feel good now about the work I did to prepare for these two recent workshops. So in all honesty I was completely off base when that darned perfectionism relapsed before each workshop. And here I had thought that I was pretty much cured, viewed myself as so much farther along in "perfectionism remission" than other perfectionists I saw. While all along my perfectionism still flares up, like a chronic ache of pain, plaguing my world view and logical thinking, filling me with fear. It would be best to not be so cocky about this from now on. Being a recovering perfectionist is not something to take for granted, I've learned.  It’s hard work and constant work to be ahead of your perfectionism.

Oh, and that fear thing. I've read a lot about fear lately but don't always relate to the specific term “fear,”--well, better put, I feel some resistance inside to the term--but when you put it in the context of perfectionism, the fear of not being perfect is very real and relatable. I don't think I'd realized how much this fear still controls me, or tries to control me. Luckily I think that once we become aware of what is happening inside us, we come from a place of strength and have the power to effect change in that moment then. We are empowered. When I am in this healthy state of mind once again, I think and see myself and my reality more clearly and can talk myself down from irrational thinking and remind myself of what I do well and that I always do my best.  I’m no longer controlled by that nagging voice that visits from time to time when I’m not paying attention, when I’m not aware, when I’ve let my guard down.  But we need to constantly maintain that awareness or else, beware: relapses of perfectionism may occur.