Releasing the "Gunk" We Sometimes Carry Around With Us

I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like to lately. Of course as a new mom with a mobile 10.5 month old, it’s easy to imagine why, but writing centers me, it gives me space to reflect and share my experiences, to record what I’m feeling, and to release what no longer serves me. Without that, where am I to let go of the gunk that comes up occasionally in all our lives? 

Letting the gunk hang out too long is really not an option because stuck gunk is a recipe for disaster for a highly sensitive, emotional person like myself. It’s not good for any of us really. Letting go of it is of course easier said than done. And what do I mean by “gunk?” I refer to “gunk” as the doubts, overwhelm, pain, and fear that we carry around if we don’t have a regular way of releasing it. And let me tell you, carrying this gunk is a heavy business. 

I know I haven’t spent enough time releasing it when I feel heaviness in my heart center or chest area, when it’s hard to breathe really deeply. I also know I’m carrying too much of the “gunk” when I feel unorganized and almost flighty, like I’m floating around without any direction. I like having some kind of direction, even if I’m not the most organized person in the world. I like feeling grounded in my breath and trusting that everything we experience helps us grow and learn. I like feeling lighter once I’ve let go of the doubts, overwhelm, pain, and fears that have been collected along the path of too-busy-ness. 

This is where regular self-care routines come into play. Over the past few years before becoming a mom, I did my best to keep a daily practice to enhance my well-being and self-care. Becoming a mama has definitely created a new element to it but this work is so vital at any point in our journey.

I’ve started sharing simple self-care ideas on my Instagram feed, if you’d like to follow along. 

What self-care routines do you practice or hope to begin?

Stress Awareness with Love

Lately it's been increasingly difficult to stay grounded and manage the stresses of life. I think a great deal of the stress I'm feeling is from the collective--the high levels of anxiety this political year has brought. And as we are expecting a baby later this year, I also have newfound concerns--first to not let the stress consume me because I know it's not healthy for the baby or for me, and second how safe will this world be for our baby. 

I really feel that one of the most powerful things we can do in any trying time is to do our best to shine our loving light bright into the world. So that involves some filtering of news for me. If it's going to get me hyped up and angry, and I'm already tired of feeling particularly ungrounded, then maybe it's not the best time to read about or hear those news or stories. Not that they don't matter but in order for my light to continue to shine bright to bring hope to others, feeling grounded and peaceful is key.

I've also felt more annoyed lately than I normally feel, and I know in part it's a result of the baby making hormones, but I also like to reflect on how or whatever or whoever is bothering me is shining a light on a part of myself that I find annoying or that I'm not comfortable or that pleased with. A good dose of self-love and compassion can really help remedy this, but also the sheer awareness that it might not really be about the other person or event that is annoying. Everyone serves as our guides and teachers if we choose to see them from that light.

Much more reflective work needs to be done before many of us can figure out what certain presidential candidates are here to teach us, but I think we can begin by practicing on smaller annoyances or things that rub us wrong. Because through practice and greater awareness, many “ah ha”s are released and we’ll receive the answers we may have forgotten that we asked.

Life is truly about increasing our awareness and our ability to give and receive love.

What do you think?

Befriending Stress

I’ve started to grow tired of hearing or reading over and over again about “avoiding stress” or “combating stress.”  Do we really have to be at battle or go to war with a natural process? I know some forms of stress don’t feel very good in the moment, but I don’t think it’s actually the stress itself that is the issue. It’s how we react and respond to the stressors. So instead of avoiding or combating, wouldn’t it be more effective to actually befriend it and show it compassion so that responding--instead of reacting--can be made easier? Wouldn’t you rather respond gently to a friend than react violently to an enemy? Which do you think is better for your overall health? I’m thinking friendly interactions feel better and thus are better for us. And if stress is such a common phenomenon that we really deal with every day, wouldn’t it be more helpful and beneficial to our overall well-being to learn how to interact with it, rather than avoid it or fight it all the time? I’m tired of fighting it. I surrender. Now I want to befriend it and show it compassion like I would a friend. Because it’s a real part of our lives and as I learn how to respond gently to stress, won’t I feel lighter and more peaceful and gentle myself?

But I consider myself a grass-roots, down-to-earth kind of person and I want some really practical ways to “befriend” our stress.  It’s easy enough to say or write it down, but how do we actually do it? I believe for any positive change to take place, we must come from a grounded space, well-rested and settled into our center--our core, through deep breathing, mindful awareness of everyday activities, taking our sweet time and not rushing, and through relishing in what we love and giving ourselves the gift of time to do what we love. And if we’re feeling uninspired to do what we love, it’s probably time for more rest and especially time for greater self-compassion, because one of the greatest gifts we gain from doing what we love is making time for us. Yes, US! (I know, hard to believe, huh?) I know it might feel like there isn’t enough time--trust me, I feel this way a lot too--but I have to consistently remind myself that we make time for what we love, we don’t necessarily HAVE time for all we love. 

So instead of doing something that’s not necessary and that we don’t really love, why not redirect our focus and our time to doing something that enlivens us and fills us with inspired passion, joy and energy for life?  One big time sucker is social media. I really do believe that feeling that social connection with our friends and family who we don’t get to see regularly can help cultivate deeper relationships, but I also believe that we enter a kind of time warp when we're on social media where time flies by and before we know it, we’ve spent an hour reading random posts that don’t have much to do with our life mission or our passion or even our close family and friends’ updates. At the same time though, I can see the therapeutic value to watching funny videos or seeing cute photos because it gets us out of our head and worries and we de-stress through laughter. But everything is better with moderation. I’m seriously considering setting the timer on my smart phone before I enter a social media site and when I hear the timer go off after a predetermined amount of time, then I can reevaluate if this is really how I want to spend another 15 minutes of my precious free time. And if it isn’t, then there’s a wonderful opportunity to put down the phone and do something creative.

I feel very fortunate to have been introduced to the Fun-A-Day Challenge 2 years ago this month. Through this challenge, I vowed to have fun creating something new each day of the sometimes dreary month of January. And through a group on social media dedicated to “Fun-A-Day” (see, there are multiple benefits indeed...befriend your social media as well, just don’t let it control all your time!) I had one of my first tastes of forming a daily practice and of having accountability partners that awaited my post each day and in turn which motivated me to follow through and fulfill my vow to have fun each day. :-) The sweet taste of a daily practice expanded beyond the month of January and I decided to post something each day that year, in 2014. (You can see links to each of my monthly intentions with corresponding daily posts from 2014 on the left-hand side of this page.) And I think this was a real turning point in my life and in my wellness-focused studies, because I was finally dedicating time each day to what I had studied and read about for years before, what I was so desperately seeking in a well-balanced life was finally coming to fruition through the gift of daily practice. I highly recommend it to anyone feeling stuck or wanting to finally take that next step in their life towards their big dreams.

So maybe that’s my answer to a grass-roots, more down-to-earth way to befriend stress: create a daily practice--if anything, a practice of daily self-kindness, of making time for yourself to do something that inspires you or lights you up, fills you with energy and makes you feel more alive.  Because with that increased energy and inspiration, stress may no longer look like an enemy which can help us shift our perspective and way we view stress. After all, stress may actually be set up to remind us to slow down, take better care of ourselves, ground ourselves through deep breathing, increase our mindful awareness, and make time for what we love. That does sound more like a friend now, huh?

Would you ever consider making friends with your stress? How would you go about it? I'd love to hear from you! Email me at: maritakane@gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook. :-)

With love and gratitude,
Marita

Stay tuned for Marita's coaching and workshop debut!

Inside My Anti-Stress Backpack

I first learned how to truly relax and let go when I lived abroad in Ecuador and started taking long, leisurely walks on the beach to work each day.  I was also intrigued by the more laid-back way of life in the small town where I taught English and learned to embrace this attitude wholeheartedly.  When I returned to the States though, I began to research ways to maintain that sense of peace and relaxation I found on the beaches of Ecuador and live a more relaxed life despite being in a sometimes chaotic, rushed and ever-changing environment back in America.  I feel it is important to keep a list of the tools I've found helpful in discovering ways to relax and find peace in a stressful world, and I LOVE lists!  So I have created a list of some of my favorite relaxation techniques as a way of sharing my research with others and reminding myself to follow my own advice during chaotic times.

1. Breathe.  Don't forget to breathe!  I am constantly reminding myself of this and counting to 5 before letting go of my breath several times can be enough to bring peace and calm to my heart and bring me back to balance in frazzled times.  If you have a hard time finding the time and/or patience to sit down and breathe more often, I found that practicing in a group was very helpful, such as in a meditation class or a mindfulness retreat.  I have also found excellent ideas in the Stress Management Guide from Elizabeth Scott, M.S.  

2. Allow.  This is a relatively new practice for me that I read recently from one of my all-time favorite authors, SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy) who wrote about the importance of allowing others to be as they are and not try or wish to change them.  Just reading this statement every now and then throughout my day has helped relax me and helped me focus on the only person I have any control over, which is myself.  I know, it sounds selfish or egotistical but I've learned that this is the best thing for everyone around you, to really take care of yourself and shower yourself with as much love as you can give.

3. Affirm.  I think one of the single most helpful ways of moving forward and letting my resilience shine through is by surrounding myself with positive affirming statements and quotes which inspire me to focus on all the wonder and beauty in my life. I have found many moving quotes and affirmations on the Beliefnet website, along with countless tips and strategies for moving past pain and finding balance in your life.  I also enjoy the uplifting messages I receive every morning from the Universe via TUT.  And on my iPhone, I get reminders every morning to read an encouraging and inspiring quote from Karen Salmansohn. After my second mindfulness retreat, I discovered an excellent mindfulness app for my smart phone called The Now and it sends me food for thought and things to try to help me stay in this present moment.  Since I often need constant reminders during busy, stressful times to stay afloat and in a positive light, these have really helped me.

4. Show Gratitude.  Often I see lists that state we must be grateful for all that we have, but I think it is even more effective if we show gratitude to others and to Mother Nature through our actions so we are putting gratitude in action.  Taking action and showing gratitude helps us remember the feeling that the action creates inside us and can help us relax into the present moment and thus feel grateful for all we have.  Also by focusing on all that we have, we draw more positive energy to ourselves. Oprah has written about this many times.  So I would challenge you, if you're already keeping a gratefulness journal to share one of the things you're thankful for with a close friend or someone you love. It could be simply be through offering a helping hand or being a compassionate listener to a friend in need or through a letter or message of thanks to express how thankful you are for having that person in your life.  But I know that sometimes I'm not in the mood to express my gratitude to another person so I think it can be just as valuable to pay homage or reverence to a beautiful tree, a gorgeous sunset, a colorful, cheerful bird, anything in nature that helps you appreciate this amazing planet in which we live.  I have said "hi" to mountains and little animals out in nature since I was a young girl.  At first I thought it was just something quirky that I did but now I know it was my way of paying tribute to nature and really appreciating all the beauty around me.  I have also found it helpful to publicly express my gratitude via social media sites, like Facebook, everyday for a month.  It helps build a habit of looking for something to be grateful for no matter what your day was like and helps shift your focus back to the positive.  Try to make a habit of showing your gratitude for life everyday.  I think it really does help.  (Now I just need to tattoo this to my arm so I never forget!)

I know lists can sometimes be overwhelming or feel like they're not enough to solve all our problems, but I find that coming upon different lists like this in times of struggle really do help me stay focused in the moment and as I continue to grow my knowledge of wellness and self-care, I add a helpful little something to my anti-stress backpack every time.

May we live life with ease.

Peace be with you.

Declutter To Destress

For the past 7 days, I've been practically eating, breathing, and dreaming about moving boxes!  There is something about changing homes that stirs up your soul, wakes you up and helps you reevaluate all that you have in your life.  I set out with the huge challenge to declutter much of the papers and mementos I had accumulated over the years and I'm pleased to report that I was able to let go of so much--bags and bags to the recycle bin and even more bags and bags and boxes and boxes of things dropped off at the thrift store to donate.  It brings me much peace to pass along items that might be helpful to others and at the same time to free up space both in our home and in myself.  Remembering that I will always keep my memories and that I can take a picture of something to remember it by, rather than keeping everything, helped me let go of so much.  I do have even more to let go of though.  Unfortunately I ran out of time and had to pack away a few boxes of papers and things I haven't gone through so my decluttering challenge continues, which it should, because if we are not constantly reconsidering what we choose to keep in our homes and lives, we will accumulate new things and end up with too much clutter around us again.  I want to create a regular practice of it--a spiritual practice in a sense--to keep moving forward and get unstuck when I may feel like I'm drowning in papers.  If I can regularly evaluate all that I have, I will have more space for breathing, meditating, thinking, writing, dreaming and loving life.  I do not need things to make me whole.  On the contrary, freeing myself of so many things makes me feel more whole and free.  I'm not there yet, but maybe as I said, this is a constant process and something I need to work on on a regular basis.  Similar to studying stress management, there will always be events that bring us stress, but the more we read about managing and responding to the stress, rather than just reacting, the better and faster we'll recover and the more peace we'll feel during and after times of stress.  And clutter stresses me out.  So it makes sense to include decluttering as one of my stress management practices.

Do you have a stress management practice of your own?  Please share with us!  :)

Turning Gray Clouds into Blue Sky

Focus on the blue sky, whenever possible, no matter what's happening, no matter how gray it might be outside. This thought came to me earlier today when I looked outside through the rain-stained windows and saw a tiny piece of blue popping through. Thank goodness for the tiny glimmers of sunshine! And guess what? The blue sky broke through later on and all the gray and rain went away. Just like how our moods can change when we take a minute to breathe and assess all that's good in our lives. 

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I know I do sometimes! I recently participated in the 21-Day Meditation Challenge offered for free by Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra and learned a wonderful tool that I whip out now when I begin to feel that dreaded overwhelming gray cloud (called stress or fear or anything that's bothering you really) drawing near.

It's quite simple but I have found it very helpful in getting back to the present and remembering to take one breathe at a time. Oprah and Deepak wrote, "Pause. Assess. Reframe. Choose love." That's it. That's really all I need to do to start feeling calmer, more confident, more patient, more loving, more grateful and ready again for anything that comes my way.

I decided to turn these four steps into some hand motions to help me remember them better and return to a calm way of being when stress starts to knock on the door of my soul. Remembering helpful things like this is so important, yet sometimes really hard to do when you start to feel stressed. So making it into something more tactile has helped remind me to follow these steps. It's a learning process though, as with all things, and of course I haven't mastered this yet. So it's practice, practice, practice for me!

Please note that I changed a few of the words to better suit my needs.

Here's how it goes:

Breathe.

Take one big deep cleansing breath to start.

Assess.

Then look around a few times to "assess" the situation and recognize that I'm okay, I'm not in danger, and Life is actually quite good in this precise moment.

Recenter (and Reframe).

Next cross one leg over the other while standing and bow slightly with palms of the hands placed together at the Heart Center (called tree pose in yoga, I think). This helps me regain my balance, grounds me and "recenters" my core, ultimately making it easier to "reframe" the current situation causing me stress.

Choose Love.

And finally, place hands over heart to remember to choose Love. Always for myself first and then spread that neverending love outward into the world.

It's a quiet exercise I can do quite easily in the restroom or stairwell or even while on a walk, and it helps me recenter myself on the present and focus on the goal, which is always LOVE.

And I think love is a great metaphor for blue skies and sunshine, don't you?

I'm writing this from my favorite blogging spot, on a peaceful bench overlooking the Puget Sound, just a few minutes from our home--so grateful--with the sun warming my face, the sea breeze cooling me, the blue skies inspiring me and the calm waters soothing my soul. This is peace.