Befriending Stress

I’ve started to grow tired of hearing or reading over and over again about “avoiding stress” or “combating stress.”  Do we really have to be at battle or go to war with a natural process? I know some forms of stress don’t feel very good in the moment, but I don’t think it’s actually the stress itself that is the issue. It’s how we react and respond to the stressors. So instead of avoiding or combating, wouldn’t it be more effective to actually befriend it and show it compassion so that responding--instead of reacting--can be made easier? Wouldn’t you rather respond gently to a friend than react violently to an enemy? Which do you think is better for your overall health? I’m thinking friendly interactions feel better and thus are better for us. And if stress is such a common phenomenon that we really deal with every day, wouldn’t it be more helpful and beneficial to our overall well-being to learn how to interact with it, rather than avoid it or fight it all the time? I’m tired of fighting it. I surrender. Now I want to befriend it and show it compassion like I would a friend. Because it’s a real part of our lives and as I learn how to respond gently to stress, won’t I feel lighter and more peaceful and gentle myself?

But I consider myself a grass-roots, down-to-earth kind of person and I want some really practical ways to “befriend” our stress.  It’s easy enough to say or write it down, but how do we actually do it? I believe for any positive change to take place, we must come from a grounded space, well-rested and settled into our center--our core, through deep breathing, mindful awareness of everyday activities, taking our sweet time and not rushing, and through relishing in what we love and giving ourselves the gift of time to do what we love. And if we’re feeling uninspired to do what we love, it’s probably time for more rest and especially time for greater self-compassion, because one of the greatest gifts we gain from doing what we love is making time for us. Yes, US! (I know, hard to believe, huh?) I know it might feel like there isn’t enough time--trust me, I feel this way a lot too--but I have to consistently remind myself that we make time for what we love, we don’t necessarily HAVE time for all we love. 

So instead of doing something that’s not necessary and that we don’t really love, why not redirect our focus and our time to doing something that enlivens us and fills us with inspired passion, joy and energy for life?  One big time sucker is social media. I really do believe that feeling that social connection with our friends and family who we don’t get to see regularly can help cultivate deeper relationships, but I also believe that we enter a kind of time warp when we're on social media where time flies by and before we know it, we’ve spent an hour reading random posts that don’t have much to do with our life mission or our passion or even our close family and friends’ updates. At the same time though, I can see the therapeutic value to watching funny videos or seeing cute photos because it gets us out of our head and worries and we de-stress through laughter. But everything is better with moderation. I’m seriously considering setting the timer on my smart phone before I enter a social media site and when I hear the timer go off after a predetermined amount of time, then I can reevaluate if this is really how I want to spend another 15 minutes of my precious free time. And if it isn’t, then there’s a wonderful opportunity to put down the phone and do something creative.

I feel very fortunate to have been introduced to the Fun-A-Day Challenge 2 years ago this month. Through this challenge, I vowed to have fun creating something new each day of the sometimes dreary month of January. And through a group on social media dedicated to “Fun-A-Day” (see, there are multiple benefits indeed...befriend your social media as well, just don’t let it control all your time!) I had one of my first tastes of forming a daily practice and of having accountability partners that awaited my post each day and in turn which motivated me to follow through and fulfill my vow to have fun each day. :-) The sweet taste of a daily practice expanded beyond the month of January and I decided to post something each day that year, in 2014. (You can see links to each of my monthly intentions with corresponding daily posts from 2014 on the left-hand side of this page.) And I think this was a real turning point in my life and in my wellness-focused studies, because I was finally dedicating time each day to what I had studied and read about for years before, what I was so desperately seeking in a well-balanced life was finally coming to fruition through the gift of daily practice. I highly recommend it to anyone feeling stuck or wanting to finally take that next step in their life towards their big dreams.

So maybe that’s my answer to a grass-roots, more down-to-earth way to befriend stress: create a daily practice--if anything, a practice of daily self-kindness, of making time for yourself to do something that inspires you or lights you up, fills you with energy and makes you feel more alive.  Because with that increased energy and inspiration, stress may no longer look like an enemy which can help us shift our perspective and way we view stress. After all, stress may actually be set up to remind us to slow down, take better care of ourselves, ground ourselves through deep breathing, increase our mindful awareness, and make time for what we love. That does sound more like a friend now, huh?

Would you ever consider making friends with your stress? How would you go about it? I'd love to hear from you! Email me at: maritakane@gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook. :-)

With love and gratitude,
Marita

Stay tuned for Marita's coaching and workshop debut!

What's Your Passion Project?

Today I had a wonderful conversation over lunch with my dear friend, Susan, and among many inspiring topics, we talked about the term, "passion project" that I've heard several times recently. I think I first read this term in Oprah's magazine, which I collected several months worth for my recent collage sessions. There was an article about Drew Barrymore and how her passion project was finding hearts in nature and photographing them. She then made them into a book. And just yesterday, Facebook advertised a new animated film coming out based on the very famous book, The Prophet. When I read about it further, I discovered that this movie was the passion project of Salma Hayek. 

I feel really inspired by this new term and also inspired that famous people, like Drew and Salma are giving back through their inspiring art and passion. 

Susan and I thought it would be neat to ask people we first meet, instead of the common "what do you do?" question, what their passion project is. I'm curious what we'd find out. I mean, I just heard this term but I've been intrigued by it and have started to think about how I'd answer that question too.

I think ever since my participation in the Fun-A-Day project in January, or since I began to write weekly blogs last August, I have been developing my passion project. And learning to own my gift or dependable strength of creativity through my Dependable Strengths training in October acted like a propeller for me! I think there is a creative or reflective process, at least for me, of naming my project, and now that I look back, I can see how it's grown and gotten more defined through my experiences.

Really, when I look back, I began this journey way back. Recently I was looking back on the time when I had a volunteer internship in Quito, Ecuador and I worked with young children who were working to help support their families. I remember teaching workshops to help boost their self-esteem, and I still have a picture of the posters the children made on "Que significa la felicidad?" or "What does happiness mean?" This work was very meaningful for me, and still is. After offering a collage workshop nearly two weeks ago and an introduction to Dependable Strengths workshop last week, I have heard very inspiring feedback, which leads me to believe that this work is also helping lift individuals' self-esteem, and that fills me with happiness.

That means I'm meeting my number 1 goal of helping lift people up and helping them feel better, even if just for a little bit. A little bit here, a little bit there starts to add up. That is how I started really studying stress management and wellness. And at a certain point, I decided to fully dive into this work and learn all I can. Now I'm beginning to see the budding fruits of my labor--or studies, and my creative energy bursts are growing in frequency. 

I can't wait to see what comes next!

So you're probably asking: what exactly is my passion project then? All this talk and I haven't named it quite yet. And I'm learning, through the power of daily affirmations, that naming what you want in life is key. 

So here goes--back in February I think, I was brainstorming creative ideas with my bestie, Andrea while at the Korean women's spa--a great place for inspiration! And the idea of offering a series of creative stress management techniques emerged. 

I love being creative and I also find it extremely helpful in managing daily stresses, and I enjoy researching wellness and stress management topics, so this felt right to me. 

My first official workshop in early May at Edmonds Community College was entitled "Creative Stress Management Through Collage Art." I decided to name it with my passion project idea in mind, and it became much more than a passing collage session I offered on a professional development day at work. It became the first part of my Creative Stress Management workshop series. :)

So my suggestion to anyone thinking about their passion project: get started! Do one small--or big--thing towards your dream. Don't wait for the perfect time or place. Just begin. If anything, you'll learn a lot from trying something out. And you may get further inspiration for the next step.

My next step? I would like to invite interested friends over soon--set a date, Marita--within the next month to share stories through the beginning part of the Dependable Strengths process and then collage about our strengths. I'm still working on the title, but it could be something like "Creative Stress Management Through Storytelling." Plus collage. But for my friends, I'll probably call it a "Strengths Collage gathering" or something like that. :)

What's your passion project?

*Photograph taken in Lake Forest Park on beautiful Lake Washington near where I blogged today from my iPhone.