I’ve started to grow tired of hearing or reading over and over again about “avoiding stress” or “combating stress.” Do we really have to be at battle or go to war with a natural process? I know some forms of stress don’t feel very good in the moment, but I don’t think it’s actually the stress itself that is the issue. It’s how we react and respond to the stressors. So instead of avoiding or combating, wouldn’t it be more effective to actually befriend it and show it compassion so that responding--instead of reacting--can be made easier? Wouldn’t you rather respond gently to a friend than react violently to an enemy? Which do you think is better for your overall health? I’m thinking friendly interactions feel better and thus are better for us. And if stress is such a common phenomenon that we really deal with every day, wouldn’t it be more helpful and beneficial to our overall well-being to learn how to interact with it, rather than avoid it or fight it all the time? I’m tired of fighting it. I surrender. Now I want to befriend it and show it compassion like I would a friend. Because it’s a real part of our lives and as I learn how to respond gently to stress, won’t I feel lighter and more peaceful and gentle myself?
But I consider myself a
grass-roots, down-to-earth kind of person and I want some really practical ways to “befriend”
our stress. It’s easy enough to say or write it down, but how do we actually do it?
I believe for any positive change to take place, we must come from a grounded
space, well-rested and settled into our center--our core, through deep
breathing, mindful awareness of everyday activities, taking our sweet time and
not rushing, and through relishing in what we love and giving ourselves the gift of
time to do what we love. And if we’re feeling uninspired to do what we love,
it’s probably time for more rest and especially time for greater
self-compassion, because one of the greatest gifts we gain from doing what we
love is making time for us. Yes, US! (I know, hard to believe, huh?) I know it might feel like there isn’t enough
time--trust me, I feel this way a lot too--but I have to consistently remind
myself that we make time for what we love, we don’t necessarily HAVE time for
all we love.
So instead of doing something that’s not necessary and that we
don’t really love, why not redirect our focus and our time to doing something that
enlivens us and fills us with inspired passion, joy and energy for life? One big
time sucker is social media. I really do believe that feeling that social
connection with our friends and family who we don’t get to see regularly can help
cultivate deeper relationships, but I also believe that we enter a kind of time
warp when we're on social media where time flies by and before we know it, we’ve
spent an hour reading random posts that don’t have much to do with our life mission or our passion or even our close family and friends’ updates. At the
same time though, I can see the therapeutic value to watching funny videos or
seeing cute photos because it gets us out of our head and worries and we
de-stress through laughter. But everything is better with moderation. I’m
seriously considering setting the timer on my smart phone before I enter a
social media site and when I hear the timer go off after a predetermined amount of time, then I can reevaluate if this is
really how I want to spend another 15 minutes of my precious free time. And if it
isn’t, then there’s a wonderful opportunity to put down the phone and do
something creative.
I feel very fortunate to
have been introduced to the Fun-A-Day Challenge 2 years ago this month. Through
this challenge, I vowed to have fun creating something new each day of the
sometimes dreary month of January. And through a group on social media
dedicated to “Fun-A-Day” (see, there are multiple benefits indeed...befriend
your social media as well, just don’t let it control all your time!) I had one
of my first tastes of forming a daily practice and of having accountability
partners that awaited my post each day and in turn which motivated me to follow
through and fulfill my vow to have fun each day. :-) The sweet taste of a daily
practice expanded beyond the month of January and I decided to post something
each day that year, in 2014. (You can see links to each of my monthly intentions with corresponding daily posts from 2014 on the left-hand
side of this page.) And I think this was a real turning point
in my life and in my wellness-focused studies, because I was finally dedicating
time each day to what I had studied and read about for years before, what I was
so desperately seeking in a well-balanced life was finally coming to fruition
through the gift of daily practice. I highly recommend it to anyone feeling
stuck or wanting to finally take that next step in their life towards their big
dreams.
So maybe that’s my answer to a grass-roots, more down-to-earth way to befriend stress: create a daily practice--if anything, a practice of daily self-kindness, of making time for yourself to do something that inspires you or lights you up, fills you with energy and makes you feel more alive. Because with that increased energy and inspiration, stress may no longer look like an enemy which can help us shift our perspective and way we view stress. After all, stress may actually be set up to remind us to slow down, take better care of ourselves, ground ourselves through deep breathing, increase our mindful awareness, and make time for what we love. That does sound more like a friend now, huh?
Would you ever consider making friends with your stress? How would you go about it? I'd love to hear from you! Email me at: maritakane@gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook. :-)
Marita
