Just Write...and Dream!

I gotta just write. As the month comes to a close today, and I realize I've only posted one blog this month, I want to maintain my commitment to at least post twice per month, until I get back into my more regular weekly habit again. I've been giving myself a free pass for the last 6 or so months, but there is just so much value for me in writing. When I take the time to reflect and put my life lessons into words, the act of processing and sharing releases tension and brings me greater peace.

This past weekend I completed my 60th hour of transformational life coach training at SLCT, and boy has it been transformational for me so far! In some ways the inner transformation happening in me has been subtle--I feel calmer overall, I pause more, I radiate peace more often. In other ways, I'm living out my dreams--when I look back at the vision board I created almost 2 years ago, several months before I began to regularly post blogs here, so many of the concepts I dreamed of are mine now. They are a part of me. They are second nature. And that feels wonderful. I hadn't really had a chance to really look at my dreams this way and see the progress I've already made on manifesting my dreams until I began my life coach training course 3 months ago.

I'm now practicing coaching technologies or tools that invoke and inspire so many of the concepts I included on my board. More than embodying these concepts of wellness, peace, grace, balance, I'm sharing them with others, and that truly feels like a gift. The time flies by when I practice and then I get to enjoy the after effects of flow and being present in the moment to help effect positive awareness and change in someone's life. I get to inspire others to dream. I get to give them permission to dream. I get to shine light on their brilliance and encourage, encourage, encourage. And with enCOURAGEment comes courage. As Brené Brown writes, the word "courage" comes from the Latin word "cor" meaning heart. I am so blessed to get to connect with the heart of others. And help them see they can connect with their own hearts for guidance, support, and love. It is always available to us. That is the most beautiful thing.

In one of the exercises we learned last weekend, we worked on creating a mission statement for our lives. In mine, I included putting myself first more often and I had to list several actions to demonstrate this, like: going to the spa, taking nature walks, resting before fulfilling others' needs, soaking in the bathtub, making my gym dance or yoga class a priority, cooking healthy organic meals, committing to finishing my art journaling e-course, and overall taking my time and loving more fully. In this, I'm also going to add making regular creative reflection time, like right now as I write this blog before continuing with my day. It is so very important to put ourselves first, so that we can fill ourselves up, feel the joy of being full of self-love, and then be able to give more to others in return. To give more authentically and genuinely to others, because we have done so for ourselves. That is my mission.

"Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we'll ever do."
~Brene Brown

(My new dream/vision board!)

Lessons From Life Coaching

Last month I began a course to become a transformational life coach. Without even knowing, I have been preparing for this for over 7 years. I have researched almost all there is to research about stress management, at first in an attempt to gain more inner peace and balance in my life and then metamorphosing into a passion to cultivate greater wellness in my life and in the lives of others. Through my readings and reflections, I have discovered that stress is quite possibly the number one joy killer in society today. But then again it isn't about stress being bad and joy being good, it goes much deeper than that. It's about releasing the need to control everything and leaning into life and trusting that everything is here to serve us. It's just not always easy to see how sometimes.

Through my adventures in researching everything I could get my hands on about wellness and managing stress, I have slowly gained insight into my own inner struggles and inner strengths, and through that insight, I've gained awareness of my own inner workings, which is the key to transforming anything. Without the ability to see from a little distance with some clarity how I tick, I can't begin to even imagine what steps I could start taking to feel more at peace.

Now after seven years, I'm beginning to grow some fruit from my research and put what I've learned in real action through coaching. I think starting to write regularly on my blog a year and a half ago and naming that I'm a creative wellness & stress management blogger/consultant/coach in training on sites like LinkedIn represented big steps in my journey to put my passion for researching wellness into action and into real baby steps to greater over wellness for myself and to following my dream of making my own schedule and helping motivate and empower others to find their wellness as well.

As I practice different coaching techniques with wonderful and willing guinea pig friends of mine--thank you so much for your support!--I am also practicing the techniques with myself, as I see myself through the mirror of coaching. And I am beginning to acknowledge the little and big steps I've been taking towards living my dreams. It's also building my confidence to hear feedback from others and learn how others really see me--as a capable and compassionate coach. Recognizing the huge disparity in how classmates and friends see me with how I sometimes see myself has been very eye-opening. And as I continue to build my self-compassion muscles, I strive to see myself more and more through the eyes of a loving friend.

Learning about coaching is also like a permission slip to ask myself the big, hairy questions that are normally ignored or brushed under the rug because they're just too big or that we don't feel capable of achieving due to their enormous size. Coaching is asking those big and powerful questions, and through asking others and seeing their positive responses as a result, I feel more compelled to keep asking myself big questions too and write and reflect and talk about them more. Through sharing we can really gain creative momentum and through that we receive support and encouragement which builds up our confidence and believability. Because what we believe is possible can be directly reflected in how and what we experience in life.

So I leave you with one of those big, hairy questions written by Emma-Louise Elsey:

If you were to FULLY live your life, what is the first change you would start to make?

Recognizing My Wings

I went through an amazing transformation about 3 years ago, when my whole life--everything as I knew it--was flipped upside down by a surprise end to a 10-year relationship.  I look back on my healing process in awe now and how I literally came out of my shell and found my wings.  I followed a lot of great advice, followed my heart, gave my creativity time to thrive through regularly dancing and dancing in many different forms—zumba, belly dancing, pole dancing, burlesque dancing, salsa dancing, you name it!—spent a great deal of quality bonding time with friends for support, fun and inspiration, and grew spiritually, because I remained open to all the changes happening and I remained hopeful that one of my life’s most precious goals of becoming a mother and having a family would still happen, despite turning 32 when all this happened.  If I let the gremlins take over, as Brene Brown calls them, I would think that there wasn’t possibly enough time to meet someone new, grow as a couple, get married, and start a family before I got "too old."  But deep down, I KNEW in my heart and soul that it WAS possible and that I would be a mother and create a family.  And lo and behold, as my wings grew bigger and even more brilliant and beautiful, and my self-esteem thrived amidst my creativity and budding friendships, I met my future husband and father of my children. I believed it, and it happened.  We were married just 2 years after first meeting and have now been married 10 months.  We are hoping to start a family later this year.  My vision is becoming reality!

While dating and growing as a couple, we went through some very serious health trials—4 surgeries, one of which being major, abdominal surgery to fix a vein that had been compressed near my left kidney, and causing daily achiness and pain whenever I danced or walked—two of my most favorite pastimes and stress relievers. My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, nursed me back to health, coming to my mom’s house where I was recovering to change my surgical wound’s dressings, because it got infected and was tracking, so A LOT of pain and suffering occurred after that surgery, but A LOT of unconditional love occurred too, both from my husband and my dear mother, who fed me and took care of me for a month after the surgery and then took turns with my husband changing my wound's dressings for several more months.  I knew without a doubt while going through that health crisis that I had found my soulmate and my future husband.  After my wound healed, we got engaged a few months later and were married 6 weeks after our engagement!  It was a truly magical time, filled with family and close friends, creativity and planning, and coming together to create the most love-filled wedding day.

Since then, we have been adjusting to living together, since we didn’t move in together until after our wedding, and learning about each other at a deeper level.  On a personal level, I have still not fully recovered emotionally from all the health crises I went through two years ago.  All of last year, physically, was dedicated about regaining my strength and energy, but I struggled constantly to keep up with my old ways of dancing regularly and walking all the time.  I can dance and walk now.  But I don’t do it as regularly as I used to or as much as I’d like to.  I think I have a lot is fear of feeling pain again, since my favorite activities triggered the pain and achiness and nausea when I was going through my health crises.  And I’m afraid I’ve fallen out of the habit of exercising daily.  I still crave it, but now I feel frustrated and almost desperate to find a way to be active daily again.  I try to go for walks at lunchtime and I do mini-yoga sessions in my living room from time to time, but nothing as regular and as invigorating as my zumba and other dance classes from 3 years ago.  I know A LOT of my healing process and healing secrets from that time were through my dancing.  I gained a sense of confidence that I hadn’t had in a long time and I also opened up through the process of dancing. After nearly every zumba session, I would feel inspired to write and write about some epiphany or important reflection that came to me during the dancing.  I miss that.  I feel almost disappointed with myself for not having kept up with it.  But my inner voice chimes in and reminds me that I physically COULDN’T for quite awhile, due to the pain triggers and then surgery recovery, which was much longer than anyone had anticipated because of the surgical infection and prolonged wound recovery.  Four months of open wound care can take it out of you.  It felt at times as if it sucked the energy and life force out of me.

I think what has happened is that my beautiful, brilliant wings became transparent during my health crisis and recovery, and although I can’t see them as easily now, I must learn to recognize them again. Recognize my incredible journey.  Recognize how far I’ve come and all I’ve been through and learned to get here.  Be kind to myself. Love myself.  Love my transparent wings.  Love my indented scar. Love my rolly belly.  Love my moods and how they can swing from one day or moment to the next.  Love my joy.  Love my enthusiasm and excitement and ZEST for life when it comes to me, sometimes all of the sudden, like a big bolt of positive, fun energy! Even love my fearful nature.  Even love my anxiousness about the unknown.  Love and accept ALL the parts of me, not just the beautiful, which are easier to love, but the painful and difficult parts as well, where the love is needed the most.

I went to a wonderful talk at the Seattle Life Coach Training school last Friday and the inspiring speaker, Sherra Grasser quoted the school's founder, Richard Seaman in his upcoming book, with a profound statement: "Apply LOVE {here}."

Apply LOVE {here}. {There}.  {Everywhere}.

Start small.  And follow my own advice.  I desperately want to get back into being active again and dancing. But I also know that it’s not practical or realistic to think I can just jump back into my 2-3 times a week at the gym for zumba schedule again.  I need to start small. Something though.  Tonight before cooking or going through boxes or writing this blog or even relaxing and vegging on the couch, I needed and most importantly WANTED to try a dance workout on TV in my living room, and I DID IT! 20 minutes of belly dancing felt so energizing and empowering! And I've hung my belly dancing coin scarf, that I wore around my waist for extra motivation, by the thermostat so it is clearly visible and will remind me to try a little belly dancing every night after work.

Start small.

Apply love everywhere.

Recognize the richness of my journey.

Love my transparent wings.