Staying Grounded and Blogging from the Blackhole: Week 3

So I've begun to notice that the "Blackhole" can really be anything that triggers overwhelm. It doesn't just have to be a corner in the closet that overwhelms me or a pile of papers still lingering by the dresser, but it can also be a purse filled with a variety of to-do lists! That is what I discovered this week in my quest to blog from the Blackhole. Yes, I know--I'm probably starting to nest a bit as I have a little more than 9 weeks to go before we get to meet our beautiful baby girl. :) But I am also working through overwhelm and want to share a thought I've had recently.

One of the lessons I've begun to realize from my time with overwhelm and the Blackhole is that staying grounded is key. This is actually key for most of life's challenges and joys. Because no matter how happy, grateful, blessed, or stressed we're feeling, staying grounded will help us either relish in the beautiful moment or shift our view of the difficult moment and find the lesson in the present moment. And finding a lesson within a difficult moment is one of the only sure ways to gain perspective and start living in joy again.

I know that life isn't just about living in joy, because life's difficult moments help bring us to gratitude for the full range of feelings, emotions, and lessons we get to experience here. And that gratitude is what makes life matter.

With gratitude we are truly alive.

So my lesson for the next 9 or so weeks until I get to meet our truly miraculous and wonderful baby girl is to stay grounded in gratitude and in love.

It's a lesson for more than just the next few amazing months; it's a way of living life.

Live Life Fully

 

Live Life Fully. In honor of departed friends and family’s lives. I am almost 100% certain that that is what they would want for us. To LIVE. I write this on the one-year anniversary of my good friend, Autumn’s parting. And the 4-year anniversary of my friend, Christian’s parting. Both from stomach cancer. It’s an emotionally challenging day but after reading a message from Autumn’s dear mom yesterday, something stuck with me. Rather than getting caught in the whirlwind of painful and sad emotions and memories from this day, I want to honor my angel friends by living full out. That might mean something different for everyone but whatever living fully means to you, I recommend doing it. We have been given this incredible gift of life and part of that is learning to fully enjoy this gift and live life fully.

 

 “LLF” is what I wrote on my hand this morning before coming into work. I needed something to help me through the day, especially being surrounded by caring individuals all day but who had no idea what I experienced one year ago today. I was thinking and LLF can also stand for “Love Life Freely” and “Laugh, Love, Flow.” However you interpret it, LLF is a reminder to stay in the present moment, feel gratitude for this moment, and choose life.

 

 

So I dedicate this day and this post to my angel friends and to their families, friends & loved ones living fully in their honor.

 

I Welcome Big Miracles Here and Now!

I'm tired of the thought pattern we're ingrained with about not deserving something horrible that happens to us or "deserving more." It's not a question of deserving. I don't believe anyone deserves pain or suffering. So when I hear myself asking why or how someone could deserve such an awful thing to happen to them, I need to stop and become aware that that thought doesn't serve me or anyone. Does that thought lift me up? Does it bring joy? Does it help anyone? No. It's not a question of asking why. I'm not even sure it's a question.

My dear friend, Jill, was so vibrant and joyous, so loving and with so much to share and teach others, so very full of life--the complete opposite of fatal brain cancer. It's incomprehensible that my buen amigo, Christian, whose laughter made everyone feel joyful around him, could die of stomach cancer in less than six short months. And my wonderful, devoted, fun-loving mom lost her own dear parents at the tender age of 16, was then cheated on and left with a rundown house and 5-year-old daughter to raise, and now has been put through such horrible suffering from a brain bleed last August, which is thought to have originated at the time of the car accident which killed her parents.

How do we make sense of these events? Or do we even try? What good comes to us or anyone when we struggle to "make sense" of incomprehensible suffering? I think the true answer lies in getting out of our heads and sinking into our bodies and opening up our hearts to find peace in our souls with what's happened. To cultivate faith continually through centering ourselves to the earth and giving thanks for even the simplest beauty we have been graced to witness during this life--the full moon, the blooming daffodils, the green grass, the giant all-knowing redwoods, ripe sweet fruit, purring kittens, and as Julie Andrews would sing, "raindrops on roses," to name just a few.

When we can get back into our bodies and out of our analyzing heads, I believe then we will begin to feel greater peace. It might not answer our mind's nagging questions, but it will bring openness back to our hearts and hopefully with practice through that openness, a growing connection to our souls where we can trust in a greater knowing, from within, from God, from the Universe, from our ancestors, from the angels, from the Divine, from positivity, from altruism, from your God of understanding, from your spiritual practice. Opening our hearts, when all we want to do is hunker down and close up shop, is in and of itself a daily spiritual practice that develops and tones our trust muscles. And the key ingredient is self-compassion. Gently returning to this practice when we go astray and not judging ourselves or others when this happens.

I welcome big miracles here and now!

Lessons From Life Coaching

Last month I began a course to become a transformational life coach. Without even knowing, I have been preparing for this for over 7 years. I have researched almost all there is to research about stress management, at first in an attempt to gain more inner peace and balance in my life and then metamorphosing into a passion to cultivate greater wellness in my life and in the lives of others. Through my readings and reflections, I have discovered that stress is quite possibly the number one joy killer in society today. But then again it isn't about stress being bad and joy being good, it goes much deeper than that. It's about releasing the need to control everything and leaning into life and trusting that everything is here to serve us. It's just not always easy to see how sometimes.

Through my adventures in researching everything I could get my hands on about wellness and managing stress, I have slowly gained insight into my own inner struggles and inner strengths, and through that insight, I've gained awareness of my own inner workings, which is the key to transforming anything. Without the ability to see from a little distance with some clarity how I tick, I can't begin to even imagine what steps I could start taking to feel more at peace.

Now after seven years, I'm beginning to grow some fruit from my research and put what I've learned in real action through coaching. I think starting to write regularly on my blog a year and a half ago and naming that I'm a creative wellness & stress management blogger/consultant/coach in training on sites like LinkedIn represented big steps in my journey to put my passion for researching wellness into action and into real baby steps to greater over wellness for myself and to following my dream of making my own schedule and helping motivate and empower others to find their wellness as well.

As I practice different coaching techniques with wonderful and willing guinea pig friends of mine--thank you so much for your support!--I am also practicing the techniques with myself, as I see myself through the mirror of coaching. And I am beginning to acknowledge the little and big steps I've been taking towards living my dreams. It's also building my confidence to hear feedback from others and learn how others really see me--as a capable and compassionate coach. Recognizing the huge disparity in how classmates and friends see me with how I sometimes see myself has been very eye-opening. And as I continue to build my self-compassion muscles, I strive to see myself more and more through the eyes of a loving friend.

Learning about coaching is also like a permission slip to ask myself the big, hairy questions that are normally ignored or brushed under the rug because they're just too big or that we don't feel capable of achieving due to their enormous size. Coaching is asking those big and powerful questions, and through asking others and seeing their positive responses as a result, I feel more compelled to keep asking myself big questions too and write and reflect and talk about them more. Through sharing we can really gain creative momentum and through that we receive support and encouragement which builds up our confidence and believability. Because what we believe is possible can be directly reflected in how and what we experience in life.

So I leave you with one of those big, hairy questions written by Emma-Louise Elsey:

If you were to FULLY live your life, what is the first change you would start to make?

Reverence for Life and Light

As life becomes harder and more threatening, it also becomes richer, because the fewer expectations we have, the more the good things of life become unexpected gifts that we accept with gratitude.   

~Etty Hillesum, An Interrupted Life

On being light:

Back towards the end of October, I started writing the word "light" on the palm of my hand to remind myself to be lighter in spirit and not feel things that happen as heavy but rather to "lighten" my load. I really like how this short and sweet one-syllable word, "light" can be used as a adjective, verb, or noun. Each has different meanings but both generate feelings of relief and hope for me. 

Google defines light with terms like:

radiant energy

something that makes vision possible 

source of illumination

brilliance

luster

dazzle

glowing

shining

luminescence 

Through this palm reminder, more often than not, I decide to choose light. I choose to embody more lightness into my everyday activities, to bring more light to my world, to seek light in every experience and circumstance. LIGHT is a very powerful and positive trigger word for me and yet so simple and beautiful, isn’t it? 

Recently one morning I read a piece from the excellent book, Self-Care for Life, on ease. And so I wrote the word “ease” on my other hand. Light and ease may just be two of the keys of opening my soul’s window to more joy and peace and love.

On having reverence for life:

Speaking of opening up, sometimes it takes feeling a wall inside of me to realize I need and desperately want to open back up my heart. I am a feeling person by nature and when I can't feel fully, I become stifled and I'm not honoring my true self. I feel out of the flow and joy of life. I feel off somehow. 

But from time to time, a protective shield or wall builds up in my heart, sometimes after a traumatic event, but most often, I'm realizing, after chronic stress, fatigue, and/or prolonged absence from my true calling of creativity. 

Thankfully when I most need it, gifts arrive. Last week I was randomly selected to attend an inspiring weekend event hosted and created by the amazing Oprah Winfrey. In these gifts, I often find time to reflect, to feel, to be in awe, to feel inspired, and to become aware of any protective walls that may be up and begin to embrace my yearning to open up and take those walls down. 

At Oprah's Life You Want Weekend event, I felt moved many times but at first I could feel some resistence. And I know from past experience, mainly last year when I attended the inspiring Jennifer Pastiloff's manifestation yoga class, that when I feel that resistence to inspiring wisdom and reflection and don't react in my natural state of feeling moved to tears or moved to inspiration and creativity, I know something is up. Quite literally. A wall. Built up slowly. But to protect my big heart. The window to my soul and spirit. I'm ready to keep this beautiful window open and let the light shine in, let it sparkle and dazzle with its brilliance.

So here are some life-changing take-aways from a weekend with Oprah Winfrey, Liz Gilbert, Rob Bell, and IyanlaVanzant that I think will help me keep my heart open and let more light into my soul:

1. Stop and put my hand on my heart to take a deep, rich breath in and feel grateful for this life
2. See beauty in nature and almost automatically say this phrase to myself, “reverence for life”
3. Imagine and write out my vision
4. Reread my vision for the Life I Want everyday as a new part quite possibly of my daily reflective practice
5. Feel a part of a greater community of spiritual women, all aligned with a similar purpose of living life to the fullest and with gratitude in our hearts

What makes your heart open and let light in?

10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

Last year at this time, my husband and I were busily yet joyously planning our unforgettable wedding day for early April, after only having gotten engaged on Valentine's Day, so that my in-laws could be there since they had already planned a visit from Ecuador that spring. When we began to think about the exact date for our wedding and after doing the math, we quickly realized that we had less than 6 weeks to plan everything--get a dress, pick a venue, send out invitations, taste cake, select a menu, assemble favors, decide on flowers, arrange photography, choose our vows, and the list goes on and on, as you may know if you have ever planned a wedding.

After attending several meditation classes and retreats and after doing a ton of reading on various personal development topics and after going through major surgery--all in the previous several years, I knew that staying mindful was key in planning everything so quickly and in not becoming a bridezilla. I wanted to savor each and every moment of the process and each and every minute of our very special day. 

It pained me very deeply when we began to do the calculations and realize that we couldn't afford to invite everyone we cared about. The last thing I wanted to do in such a glorious time was hurt anyone's feelings. I struggled with this a lot. But I was so fortunate to have loving people around me who understood me and my tendencies to fret and worry too much, and they kept reminding me that I couldn't control how others feel or react, as much as I tried, and that we could only do what we could do with limited finances and time but with great love. Amazing things happened for us in a very short amount of time, everything came together almost seamlessly, with the overwhelming support of our close family and friends and the Divine, making our wedding day truly magical, one of the most love-filled and joy-filled moments of our life.

I learned so much from going through this process and absolutely adored all the love that came to us from everywhere during that time. I want to pay tribute to this incredible time in our lives by writing about 10 life lessons I realized or learned from planning our wedding in less than 6 weeks. This list is a work in progress, as is all of my writing, a glorified draft, because as I type this, I am reminded of so many more wonderful details, incredible helping hands from friends and family, extraordinary generosity, and unconditional support and love. My self-compassion practice though for today is to recognize my energy levels waning and take time to rest, so I will have to leave the list as is, for now.

10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

(Draft, in no particular order)

1. Be really present. REALLY make sure to use ALL your senses and savor every scent, view, color, flavor, song, laugh, hug, kiss, vow, toast, dance on your special day.
2. No matter how hard we try, we simply can’t make everyone happy.
3. Carpe Diem. Hakuna Matata. Seize the day!
4. It takes a village. Accept help from friends and family graciously.
5. Take time for deep breaths and alone time for prayer, reflection, and meditation.
6. Pinterest saves the day and is an excellent creative catalyst!
7. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the preparations leading up to the big day with close friends and family.  Enjoy the countless web searches for venue ideas with your finance(e), the trips to visit wedding venues, the cake tasting, the dress fitting, the favor assembly, the program creation, the invitation preparations, the choosing of the vows, the seating chart. Make each piece of the process a little celebration in and of itself. 
8. Open your heart up and give love freely.
9. Trust that everything on the big day will work out beautifully and lovingly, but not perfectly.
10. Creatively manage your stress in as many ways as you can fit into your busy schedule, because you’re sure to be juggling work and family demands on top of all the wedding planning, so don’t forget to sing, dance, walk, stretch, paint, create, laugh, write, as you lead up to the big day.  This is one of the most important times in your life when you really need to practice stress management techniques in order to truly enjoy your most special day and the process leading up to it.

*Photography generously gifted by Aaron Lawrence and Simone Gomes.