I Welcome Big Miracles Here and Now!

I'm tired of the thought pattern we're ingrained with about not deserving something horrible that happens to us or "deserving more." It's not a question of deserving. I don't believe anyone deserves pain or suffering. So when I hear myself asking why or how someone could deserve such an awful thing to happen to them, I need to stop and become aware that that thought doesn't serve me or anyone. Does that thought lift me up? Does it bring joy? Does it help anyone? No. It's not a question of asking why. I'm not even sure it's a question.

My dear friend, Jill, was so vibrant and joyous, so loving and with so much to share and teach others, so very full of life--the complete opposite of fatal brain cancer. It's incomprehensible that my buen amigo, Christian, whose laughter made everyone feel joyful around him, could die of stomach cancer in less than six short months. And my wonderful, devoted, fun-loving mom lost her own dear parents at the tender age of 16, was then cheated on and left with a rundown house and 5-year-old daughter to raise, and now has been put through such horrible suffering from a brain bleed last August, which is thought to have originated at the time of the car accident which killed her parents.

How do we make sense of these events? Or do we even try? What good comes to us or anyone when we struggle to "make sense" of incomprehensible suffering? I think the true answer lies in getting out of our heads and sinking into our bodies and opening up our hearts to find peace in our souls with what's happened. To cultivate faith continually through centering ourselves to the earth and giving thanks for even the simplest beauty we have been graced to witness during this life--the full moon, the blooming daffodils, the green grass, the giant all-knowing redwoods, ripe sweet fruit, purring kittens, and as Julie Andrews would sing, "raindrops on roses," to name just a few.

When we can get back into our bodies and out of our analyzing heads, I believe then we will begin to feel greater peace. It might not answer our mind's nagging questions, but it will bring openness back to our hearts and hopefully with practice through that openness, a growing connection to our souls where we can trust in a greater knowing, from within, from God, from the Universe, from our ancestors, from the angels, from the Divine, from positivity, from altruism, from your God of understanding, from your spiritual practice. Opening our hearts, when all we want to do is hunker down and close up shop, is in and of itself a daily spiritual practice that develops and tones our trust muscles. And the key ingredient is self-compassion. Gently returning to this practice when we go astray and not judging ourselves or others when this happens.

I welcome big miracles here and now!

Making My Own Declutter Challenge

A few days ago I started a challenge to declutter something from my home everyday and free up space in my life.  Today is Day 5 of my Declutter Challenge.  As I go through this process, I am realizing that one of the biggest points of resistance for me in going through all my stuff is a sense of loss, that I’ll be losing part of my past in this process.  One way I’m trying to come to terms with getting rid of sentimental clutter is by writing about what I’m letting go of.  For probably 4 or 5 years, I have been collecting inspirational quotes and sayings and posting them in places where I can see them throughout the day.  But as I uncover more and more inspirational quotes, there’s no way to keep them all, so I’m going to record them here and honor them as they have been a life preserver or buoy for me at times when stress began to really weigh me down.  They helped me keep going and stay strong despite the chaos happening around me.  So right here and now I take the time to say “thank you” to the countless writers who have shared their wisdom with others and who have moved me to be a better, stronger woman.

• Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.  ~E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
• Live well, Laugh often and Love much.  ~Unknown (although I have a feeling it was printed on the inside of a Dove chocolate wrapper. Yummy wisdom!)
• Though you may not be able to change it, you can handle an ugly situation beautifully.  ~Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, Alchemical Wisdom
• Do your best and then relax. Let things go on in a natural way, rather than force them.  ~Paramahansa Yogananda
• To this day I believe we are here on earth to live, grow, and do what we can to make this world a better place for all people to enjoy freedom.  ~Rosa Parks
• Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.  How do you know this is the experience you need?  Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.  ~Eckhart Tolle
• Flavor your life with TRUST & THANKFULNESS.  ~Unknown  (Does anyone recognize it?  If not, maybe it was me?) 
• Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.  ~MLK, Jr.
• Get comfortable with uncertainity.  ~Pema Chodron
• No blame, no shame, no regret.  ~Unknown
• Life is short!  ~Unknown.  (But my beloved acupuncturist told me this once.)
• 1-Value Yourself.  2-Be Committed to Happiness.  3-Be Open-Minded.  (I added: Visualize blue skies and rainbows with puffy white clouds in my mind. :) )  4-Look after Your Health.  5-Keep Your Sense of Humor.  6-Believe in the Power of Laughter. (Keep the channels to joy open!)  7-Appreciate the Lucky Charm of Happiness.  ~Inna Segal
• Om Mani Padme Hum: Om = body, speech & mind, Mani = jewel—enlightened, compassion & love, Padme = lotus—wisdom, Hum = indivisibility—the immovable, unfluctuating, that which cannot be disturbed by anything…By saying this, invokes the powerful benevolent attention & embodiment of compassion.  ~Tibetan Prayer (Mantra)
• I open new doors to Life.  I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead.  I greet the new with open arms.  I trust life to be wonderful.  ~Louise Hay, Life!: Reflections on Your Journey

As a result of feeling inspired and stronger in the face of a variety of adversities, I have also come up with sayings and steps of my own to help me stay present and de-stress in times of need.  Here are some examples I found in my stuff:

• *Breathe. *Rest. *Reflect. *Protect Myself. * Drink Water. *Laugh! *And start again…
• This week’s priorities are:  *Sleep.  *Perspective  *Exercise!  (for Stress Relief)
• Receta para estar feliz: *Mangos  *Bob Marley  *Zumba 

As I record these here, I am releasing them into the recycle pile, knowing that they have helped me and will continue to help me and hopefully others grow stronger and lead happier lives.  I can let them go while still honoring their place in my path of self-growth and share them with others in the process, on this blog.

Through this process, my hope is to release the fear I have kept inside of losing something by letting go of the material things that mean a lot to me in my life.  Deep down I know and have always known that everything that really matters in life is kept inside my heart, inside my soul and I can ask for its help and strength at any time, whenever I need it.  That is the beautiful thing of having faith. 

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it.  We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.”  ~J. Krishnamurti

Notes to myself as I declutter in the coming days:

• When it gets hard, stop and write about it.  Or take pictures of the sentimental items I’m needing to release and donate.
• Let go of the fear and painful memories that come up when looking through some of the clutter.  The way to do this is by literally letting go of the papers in question and maintaining faith that things will work out beautifully in the end.  Because they will.

Fear and faith go hand in hand so much, don’t they?  If I’m feeling really afraid of something that might happen (which is not a real fear then, but an anxiety), in that moment, I’m forgetting my faith.  When I have complete faith in my life and know in my heart that everything is working out beautifully, then I’m no longer afraid of what “might” happen, because I know it’s for my good, to help me on my journey through life.

So earlier today I wrote myself a note on a sticky that reads:

*Walk through the park for exercise and fresh air.
*Meditate/Pray/Affirm that I am no longer afraid of letting go!
*Go through papers in the dining room, closets and by the dresser and purge.  Be free!

And if I had more room on the sticky note, I would have added:

*Feel the freedom of letting go of these papers that have been weighing you down!

2011’s Lesson: Finding Love Within

I feel like a new woman today, one year after the man who I’d been with for 11 years told me out of the blue that he didn’t love me anymore. I feel like the weight of this first year on my own has lifted and I can focus on my beautiful present and amazing future. I want to release all the pain and anger and just let what happened fade into memory now. I’ve analyzed, brainstormed, reflected and expressed what went wrong and why what happened between my ex and me needed to happen for me to become the woman I am supposed to be. So now I can release all that, let it go and give it to the cosmos and to God and really be present now to enjoy and appreciate all that I have.

I was reminded of this feeling of being a new woman in a dance class at the gym today, because one year ago next week, I went to the same dance class and caught a glimpse of how I would feel and what my life might be like in this new life filled with love and not fear. It’s hard to describe in words but the feeling I had in that glimpse was so powerful that it kept me going this past year, especially during the very difficult times. I reflect on why I may have felt that way so soon after my ex told me how he truly felt about me, and I realize now that it was empowerment and control over my life and my love that I felt that day after dance class one year ago. I caught a glimpse of how it feels to not be trapped in a love that is one-sided and can’t possibly give you what you truly need and desire, to not be dependent on someone else’s love or feel scared that they might not love you as much as you love them, that they might leave you but you’re too afraid to even talk about these real fears at risk they may come true.

It’s empowerment to not depend on a man to make me feel loved. It’s control to no longer believe that I won’t exist without this person’s love or that I cannot be happy or fulfilled in life without this person’s love. I now know with my heart, my big, beautiful, fragile, caring, tender, wide-open heart—or at least I’m learning—that I am worthy of love, of all the LOVE in the world, just for being me, just for being born, just for being my mother’s daughter, just for being one of Mother Nature’s and God’s children. I repeat: I AM WORTHY! I do not have to prove this to anyone or be afraid that this love will be taken away, because this LOVE resides inside me, and always will! God put this love in my heart when I was designed and created. I have just now discovered it and found the awe-inspiring, earth-shaking, powerful, wonderful, life-changing love inside ME! And I now know that through the process of getting my heart broken, I was able to find this love inside me. Sometimes you have to have your heart broken to find out that LOVE—true, beautiful, everlasting love—resides inside you, not outside.

What an incredibly powerful lesson to have learned this year and even more importantly to have realized and expressed, so that now I can truly appreciate the journey I’m on, where I’ve come from and where I am now. Wow! It’s an incredible feeling! Everything seems brighter or crisper or clearer in a way. To really believe or know in my heart that I will always be okay, that I will always survive, no matter what, is so inspiring. And to know that no loss of someone else’s love can take away the love inside me lets me finally rest in the faith I have been seeking this past year. This truly feels like I am discovering and recognizing faith, faith in the love that God designed for me, for each of us, that’s a part of our DNA, a part of our soul. NO ONE can take that from us!

Written on December 20, 2011 for my friend and co-worker, Kathy Jenkins's wonderful blog, Lessons from the Monk I Married. You can see my guest blog post on her site at: http://www.lessonsfromthemonkimarried.blogspot.com/2012/01/31-writers-31-lessons-lesson-17-find.html