10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

Last year at this time, my husband and I were busily yet joyously planning our unforgettable wedding day for early April, after only having gotten engaged on Valentine's Day, so that my in-laws could be there since they had already planned a visit from Ecuador that spring. When we began to think about the exact date for our wedding and after doing the math, we quickly realized that we had less than 6 weeks to plan everything--get a dress, pick a venue, send out invitations, taste cake, select a menu, assemble favors, decide on flowers, arrange photography, choose our vows, and the list goes on and on, as you may know if you have ever planned a wedding.

After attending several meditation classes and retreats and after doing a ton of reading on various personal development topics and after going through major surgery--all in the previous several years, I knew that staying mindful was key in planning everything so quickly and in not becoming a bridezilla. I wanted to savor each and every moment of the process and each and every minute of our very special day. 

It pained me very deeply when we began to do the calculations and realize that we couldn't afford to invite everyone we cared about. The last thing I wanted to do in such a glorious time was hurt anyone's feelings. I struggled with this a lot. But I was so fortunate to have loving people around me who understood me and my tendencies to fret and worry too much, and they kept reminding me that I couldn't control how others feel or react, as much as I tried, and that we could only do what we could do with limited finances and time but with great love. Amazing things happened for us in a very short amount of time, everything came together almost seamlessly, with the overwhelming support of our close family and friends and the Divine, making our wedding day truly magical, one of the most love-filled and joy-filled moments of our life.

I learned so much from going through this process and absolutely adored all the love that came to us from everywhere during that time. I want to pay tribute to this incredible time in our lives by writing about 10 life lessons I realized or learned from planning our wedding in less than 6 weeks. This list is a work in progress, as is all of my writing, a glorified draft, because as I type this, I am reminded of so many more wonderful details, incredible helping hands from friends and family, extraordinary generosity, and unconditional support and love. My self-compassion practice though for today is to recognize my energy levels waning and take time to rest, so I will have to leave the list as is, for now.

10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

(Draft, in no particular order)

1. Be really present. REALLY make sure to use ALL your senses and savor every scent, view, color, flavor, song, laugh, hug, kiss, vow, toast, dance on your special day.
2. No matter how hard we try, we simply can’t make everyone happy.
3. Carpe Diem. Hakuna Matata. Seize the day!
4. It takes a village. Accept help from friends and family graciously.
5. Take time for deep breaths and alone time for prayer, reflection, and meditation.
6. Pinterest saves the day and is an excellent creative catalyst!
7. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the preparations leading up to the big day with close friends and family.  Enjoy the countless web searches for venue ideas with your finance(e), the trips to visit wedding venues, the cake tasting, the dress fitting, the favor assembly, the program creation, the invitation preparations, the choosing of the vows, the seating chart. Make each piece of the process a little celebration in and of itself. 
8. Open your heart up and give love freely.
9. Trust that everything on the big day will work out beautifully and lovingly, but not perfectly.
10. Creatively manage your stress in as many ways as you can fit into your busy schedule, because you’re sure to be juggling work and family demands on top of all the wedding planning, so don’t forget to sing, dance, walk, stretch, paint, create, laugh, write, as you lead up to the big day.  This is one of the most important times in your life when you really need to practice stress management techniques in order to truly enjoy your most special day and the process leading up to it.

*Photography generously gifted by Aaron Lawrence and Simone Gomes.

Recognizing My Wings

I went through an amazing transformation about 3 years ago, when my whole life--everything as I knew it--was flipped upside down by a surprise end to a 10-year relationship.  I look back on my healing process in awe now and how I literally came out of my shell and found my wings.  I followed a lot of great advice, followed my heart, gave my creativity time to thrive through regularly dancing and dancing in many different forms—zumba, belly dancing, pole dancing, burlesque dancing, salsa dancing, you name it!—spent a great deal of quality bonding time with friends for support, fun and inspiration, and grew spiritually, because I remained open to all the changes happening and I remained hopeful that one of my life’s most precious goals of becoming a mother and having a family would still happen, despite turning 32 when all this happened.  If I let the gremlins take over, as Brene Brown calls them, I would think that there wasn’t possibly enough time to meet someone new, grow as a couple, get married, and start a family before I got "too old."  But deep down, I KNEW in my heart and soul that it WAS possible and that I would be a mother and create a family.  And lo and behold, as my wings grew bigger and even more brilliant and beautiful, and my self-esteem thrived amidst my creativity and budding friendships, I met my future husband and father of my children. I believed it, and it happened.  We were married just 2 years after first meeting and have now been married 10 months.  We are hoping to start a family later this year.  My vision is becoming reality!

While dating and growing as a couple, we went through some very serious health trials—4 surgeries, one of which being major, abdominal surgery to fix a vein that had been compressed near my left kidney, and causing daily achiness and pain whenever I danced or walked—two of my most favorite pastimes and stress relievers. My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, nursed me back to health, coming to my mom’s house where I was recovering to change my surgical wound’s dressings, because it got infected and was tracking, so A LOT of pain and suffering occurred after that surgery, but A LOT of unconditional love occurred too, both from my husband and my dear mother, who fed me and took care of me for a month after the surgery and then took turns with my husband changing my wound's dressings for several more months.  I knew without a doubt while going through that health crisis that I had found my soulmate and my future husband.  After my wound healed, we got engaged a few months later and were married 6 weeks after our engagement!  It was a truly magical time, filled with family and close friends, creativity and planning, and coming together to create the most love-filled wedding day.

Since then, we have been adjusting to living together, since we didn’t move in together until after our wedding, and learning about each other at a deeper level.  On a personal level, I have still not fully recovered emotionally from all the health crises I went through two years ago.  All of last year, physically, was dedicated about regaining my strength and energy, but I struggled constantly to keep up with my old ways of dancing regularly and walking all the time.  I can dance and walk now.  But I don’t do it as regularly as I used to or as much as I’d like to.  I think I have a lot is fear of feeling pain again, since my favorite activities triggered the pain and achiness and nausea when I was going through my health crises.  And I’m afraid I’ve fallen out of the habit of exercising daily.  I still crave it, but now I feel frustrated and almost desperate to find a way to be active daily again.  I try to go for walks at lunchtime and I do mini-yoga sessions in my living room from time to time, but nothing as regular and as invigorating as my zumba and other dance classes from 3 years ago.  I know A LOT of my healing process and healing secrets from that time were through my dancing.  I gained a sense of confidence that I hadn’t had in a long time and I also opened up through the process of dancing. After nearly every zumba session, I would feel inspired to write and write about some epiphany or important reflection that came to me during the dancing.  I miss that.  I feel almost disappointed with myself for not having kept up with it.  But my inner voice chimes in and reminds me that I physically COULDN’T for quite awhile, due to the pain triggers and then surgery recovery, which was much longer than anyone had anticipated because of the surgical infection and prolonged wound recovery.  Four months of open wound care can take it out of you.  It felt at times as if it sucked the energy and life force out of me.

I think what has happened is that my beautiful, brilliant wings became transparent during my health crisis and recovery, and although I can’t see them as easily now, I must learn to recognize them again. Recognize my incredible journey.  Recognize how far I’ve come and all I’ve been through and learned to get here.  Be kind to myself. Love myself.  Love my transparent wings.  Love my indented scar. Love my rolly belly.  Love my moods and how they can swing from one day or moment to the next.  Love my joy.  Love my enthusiasm and excitement and ZEST for life when it comes to me, sometimes all of the sudden, like a big bolt of positive, fun energy! Even love my fearful nature.  Even love my anxiousness about the unknown.  Love and accept ALL the parts of me, not just the beautiful, which are easier to love, but the painful and difficult parts as well, where the love is needed the most.

I went to a wonderful talk at the Seattle Life Coach Training school last Friday and the inspiring speaker, Sherra Grasser quoted the school's founder, Richard Seaman in his upcoming book, with a profound statement: "Apply LOVE {here}."

Apply LOVE {here}. {There}.  {Everywhere}.

Start small.  And follow my own advice.  I desperately want to get back into being active again and dancing. But I also know that it’s not practical or realistic to think I can just jump back into my 2-3 times a week at the gym for zumba schedule again.  I need to start small. Something though.  Tonight before cooking or going through boxes or writing this blog or even relaxing and vegging on the couch, I needed and most importantly WANTED to try a dance workout on TV in my living room, and I DID IT! 20 minutes of belly dancing felt so energizing and empowering! And I've hung my belly dancing coin scarf, that I wore around my waist for extra motivation, by the thermostat so it is clearly visible and will remind me to try a little belly dancing every night after work.

Start small.

Apply love everywhere.

Recognize the richness of my journey.

Love my transparent wings.