Even Superwoman Takes Breaks

Here is a piece I wrote back on October 21st that I haven't had a chance to post yet on the importance of taking breaks, AND not feeling guilty about it. It's an important topic that I need to remember.

I think a really important lesson in life for me is learning to take time to recharge and refresh without feeling guilty. Learning to put myself above work needs or others' needs is a real challenge for me but it is also so important to learn.

I used to work with a smoker who would escape every few hours for a smoke break and I remember having an epiphany one day to take non-smoking breaks--quick breaks outside to breathe in the fresh air or take a few moments to stretch and refresh myself.

In my new workplace, there don't seem to be any smokers so the reminder to take my non-smoking breaks hasn't been quite as apparent. But my body reminds me. My restless, creatively energetic spirit reminds me, if I remember to tune into my own channel and listen within.

It's like what I practiced in my art journaling class last week with Brene Brown--permission slips. Giving myself permission to rest. To take breaks. (I'm writing this on my phone and the autocorrect keeps changing "breaks" to "breaths" which is very insightful for a smart phone, don't you think?) 

I bet even Superwoman takes breaks!

There are little ways to take breaks throughout the day too. I just stirred my coffee and then saw a pretty swirling design in the reflection of the coffee. It's the moments of mindfulness throughout our days that make life more beautiful. Life is always beautiful, it's always waiting for us to notice its immense beauty in the seemingly simple things. Well, I don't think life is waiting but our souls are waiting for us to notice all the beauty around us. 

Like this morning, a rainy morning, a bit dark still when I left for work, and yet I saw a beautiful reflection on the wet road that the red stoplights made. It's how we look at everyday things. How we choose to see them. How we change our focus and give ourselves permission to take the time to enjoy our surroundings and gaze at the beauty before us. That is what helps rejuvenate my soul.

Permission to Choose Positive Thoughts

Today I began an e-course through the Oprah LifeClass series with Brene Brown. I am so grateful for this opportunity to re-visit Brene's amazing book, The Gifts of Imperfection (which I listened to in the car earlier this year after my mom gave me the book CD for Christmas) and express myself and my self-care exploration through art. I have admired art journaling, where the creators mix paint with collage and photos and now I'm finally doing it! I don't know when the last time I used watercolors, but I'm so glad I am doing it now. It's not intimidating at all once I get started, but for some reason, the thought of painting sounded messy to me before. Well, as Brene instructed us, I'm here to give myself the permission to get messy! Here is how I started out, with a blank page:

And here is my first creation on giving myself permission:

Then we were instructed to take a selfie with the following written on our hand, as a pledge to the process of loving our imperfect selves, I'm imperfect and I'm enough!

When I read the instructions to print out the photo, I felt a little push-back because I didn't want to go to the trouble of ordering a print from the store and going to pick it up. But luckily I remembered that we have a printer with some ink and I just printed out the picture I took. Voila!

For the final piece of the class, I wrote the names of people who I can be my imperfect self with and know I'll be loved for being me.

Over the next week, I'm going to think about courage, compassion and connection--the three keys to living wholeheartedly, talked about in Brene's book. I'm going to give myself permission to have fun, dream, try new things, make mistakes, love myself, be goofy, follow my own path, get messy, be my true self, and choose positive thoughts.



I'm going to affirm that I am imperfect and I am enough. That I am an artist by my own definition and on my own terms, and I have fun creating. I enjoy taking time for my self-care and wellness. I love exploring. And I'm lucky to have people in my life who love me no matter what, who love me for all my quirky, goofy, funny, perfect imperfections.

Like a Diamond, I Am Multifaceted

I am a multifaceted being and my dominant intent for being is for the experience of my freedom, for the expression of my growth, and for the receiving of my joy.

- Abraham-Hicks

Like a diamond, I am multifaceted. While reading Brene Brown's inspiring book, The Gifts of Imperfection earlier this year, I became aware of the option or opportunity to choose to identify myself with more than one title or role. Brene referenced a term called "The Slash," which is coined in the book, One Person/Multiple Careers, A New Model For Work/Life Success by Marci Alboher, who is an author/speaker/coach. Since then, I have started to really embrace my multiple interests, talents, passions and causes. For example, my "slashes" on my LinkedIn profile now read as follows: Certified Dependable Strengths Instructor/Creative Stress Management Blogger/Pre-College English Language Advisor. But I could easily add my other identities, such as "Freelance Nature Photographer" and "Dance Enthusiast;" the sky's the limit, because I'm a multifaceted being! We all are, if only we choose to see our many shiny sides.

I have also gained more power in pursuing my "hobbies" and reclaiming them as part of my multiple career identities and interests. My independent research on wellness topics and writing for this blog have also taken on a newfound importance and identity that I now include as one of my roles. This allows me to feel more freedom to be who I really am and not solely depend on one role or job to fulfill all my interests and passions. Learning that it's okay to be in multiple roles and identify my creative interests, in particular, as part of my greater calling or lifelong career is very empowering, freeing and inspiring. I no longer feel held back by a job title or duties that don't always utilize my most dependable strengths, because I can now name my various identities/callings, see real value in them, and seek out or create new opportunities to express my gifts and share them with the world. And in sharing my gifts, I feel that I'm creating a positive impact in others' lives and in my own.

If I catch myself feeling frustrated or tired or not in the flow of things, chances are it's because I've somehow forgotten or not had a chance to express my creativity lately, and with this awareness, I can now take action to feel more positive and more fulfilled by giving myself the gift of time for creativity. Whether it be for writing, taking nature pictures, collaging, dancing, singing in the car, visualizing, creating jewelry, or planning parties or workshops, being creative brings my soul great joy and peace.

I have found that in reframing or renaming the language of my already established traditional job title on my LinkedIn profile or personal email title, for example, I can better reflect on the richness of my career experiences and feel I'm moving forward on my path. But the joy of the "slash" is also that we can choose additional descriptions of what we do in our lives. A lot happens before and after the official business of work, and I believe that these activities are equally as important for our personal and professional development. Naming what I do outside of my official job brings a certain accountability to my creative work and I don't feel that it's an option anymore to stop working on my creativity. I know now that in order for my soul to shine, I must tap into my creative energies and let my heart sing through these activities. Because it's a part of my "job." My "job" here on Earth is what I create for myself and what I share with others.

What unofficial or non-traditional titles best describe your "extracurricular" gifts, talents, interests, and activities? Do you consider these activities a part of your identity?

Human beings are multifaceted jewels. We have many important dimensions to our being. These include the physical, emotional, mental, intellectual and the spiritual. Seek your perfection in all of these together, and neglect none. Seek balance and harmony in all aspects of yourself.

- Sri Dharma Pravartaka Acharya

Recognizing My Wings

I went through an amazing transformation about 3 years ago, when my whole life--everything as I knew it--was flipped upside down by a surprise end to a 10-year relationship.  I look back on my healing process in awe now and how I literally came out of my shell and found my wings.  I followed a lot of great advice, followed my heart, gave my creativity time to thrive through regularly dancing and dancing in many different forms—zumba, belly dancing, pole dancing, burlesque dancing, salsa dancing, you name it!—spent a great deal of quality bonding time with friends for support, fun and inspiration, and grew spiritually, because I remained open to all the changes happening and I remained hopeful that one of my life’s most precious goals of becoming a mother and having a family would still happen, despite turning 32 when all this happened.  If I let the gremlins take over, as Brene Brown calls them, I would think that there wasn’t possibly enough time to meet someone new, grow as a couple, get married, and start a family before I got "too old."  But deep down, I KNEW in my heart and soul that it WAS possible and that I would be a mother and create a family.  And lo and behold, as my wings grew bigger and even more brilliant and beautiful, and my self-esteem thrived amidst my creativity and budding friendships, I met my future husband and father of my children. I believed it, and it happened.  We were married just 2 years after first meeting and have now been married 10 months.  We are hoping to start a family later this year.  My vision is becoming reality!

While dating and growing as a couple, we went through some very serious health trials—4 surgeries, one of which being major, abdominal surgery to fix a vein that had been compressed near my left kidney, and causing daily achiness and pain whenever I danced or walked—two of my most favorite pastimes and stress relievers. My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, nursed me back to health, coming to my mom’s house where I was recovering to change my surgical wound’s dressings, because it got infected and was tracking, so A LOT of pain and suffering occurred after that surgery, but A LOT of unconditional love occurred too, both from my husband and my dear mother, who fed me and took care of me for a month after the surgery and then took turns with my husband changing my wound's dressings for several more months.  I knew without a doubt while going through that health crisis that I had found my soulmate and my future husband.  After my wound healed, we got engaged a few months later and were married 6 weeks after our engagement!  It was a truly magical time, filled with family and close friends, creativity and planning, and coming together to create the most love-filled wedding day.

Since then, we have been adjusting to living together, since we didn’t move in together until after our wedding, and learning about each other at a deeper level.  On a personal level, I have still not fully recovered emotionally from all the health crises I went through two years ago.  All of last year, physically, was dedicated about regaining my strength and energy, but I struggled constantly to keep up with my old ways of dancing regularly and walking all the time.  I can dance and walk now.  But I don’t do it as regularly as I used to or as much as I’d like to.  I think I have a lot is fear of feeling pain again, since my favorite activities triggered the pain and achiness and nausea when I was going through my health crises.  And I’m afraid I’ve fallen out of the habit of exercising daily.  I still crave it, but now I feel frustrated and almost desperate to find a way to be active daily again.  I try to go for walks at lunchtime and I do mini-yoga sessions in my living room from time to time, but nothing as regular and as invigorating as my zumba and other dance classes from 3 years ago.  I know A LOT of my healing process and healing secrets from that time were through my dancing.  I gained a sense of confidence that I hadn’t had in a long time and I also opened up through the process of dancing. After nearly every zumba session, I would feel inspired to write and write about some epiphany or important reflection that came to me during the dancing.  I miss that.  I feel almost disappointed with myself for not having kept up with it.  But my inner voice chimes in and reminds me that I physically COULDN’T for quite awhile, due to the pain triggers and then surgery recovery, which was much longer than anyone had anticipated because of the surgical infection and prolonged wound recovery.  Four months of open wound care can take it out of you.  It felt at times as if it sucked the energy and life force out of me.

I think what has happened is that my beautiful, brilliant wings became transparent during my health crisis and recovery, and although I can’t see them as easily now, I must learn to recognize them again. Recognize my incredible journey.  Recognize how far I’ve come and all I’ve been through and learned to get here.  Be kind to myself. Love myself.  Love my transparent wings.  Love my indented scar. Love my rolly belly.  Love my moods and how they can swing from one day or moment to the next.  Love my joy.  Love my enthusiasm and excitement and ZEST for life when it comes to me, sometimes all of the sudden, like a big bolt of positive, fun energy! Even love my fearful nature.  Even love my anxiousness about the unknown.  Love and accept ALL the parts of me, not just the beautiful, which are easier to love, but the painful and difficult parts as well, where the love is needed the most.

I went to a wonderful talk at the Seattle Life Coach Training school last Friday and the inspiring speaker, Sherra Grasser quoted the school's founder, Richard Seaman in his upcoming book, with a profound statement: "Apply LOVE {here}."

Apply LOVE {here}. {There}.  {Everywhere}.

Start small.  And follow my own advice.  I desperately want to get back into being active again and dancing. But I also know that it’s not practical or realistic to think I can just jump back into my 2-3 times a week at the gym for zumba schedule again.  I need to start small. Something though.  Tonight before cooking or going through boxes or writing this blog or even relaxing and vegging on the couch, I needed and most importantly WANTED to try a dance workout on TV in my living room, and I DID IT! 20 minutes of belly dancing felt so energizing and empowering! And I've hung my belly dancing coin scarf, that I wore around my waist for extra motivation, by the thermostat so it is clearly visible and will remind me to try a little belly dancing every night after work.

Start small.

Apply love everywhere.

Recognize the richness of my journey.

Love my transparent wings.

Vulnerability As Strength

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness." 
~Brene Brown

I’m just going to put this out there: opening up in my writing and publishing these pieces on my blog is pretty scary at times.  Being vulnerable to possible criticism, misunderstanding, anger, pain is a real challenge.  But I have realized through past posts that the times I am most vulnerable and open in my writing are the posts my readers most enjoy.  It is compelling to read someone’s honesty, to see inside someone’s heart.  It can be rare to be given that opportunity.  There has been a lot of buzz about the word and concept of vulnerability lately, thanks to Brene Brown’s amazing work.  (I am super excited and grateful that my dear mom gifted me two of Brene Brown’s books yesterday!  If you haven’t heard of Brene Brown’s work, please check out her website here.)  

I feel a lot of resistance to being vulnerable sometimes, especially because of past hurts.  I’m trying really hard to let these painful memories go so I can free up space for new light and joy in my life.  Holding on to them weighs me down and makes me feel heavy and closed off to the world.  I want to feel open and passionate.  Having your guard up is a natural protection mechanism but it doesn’t bring any joy into your life.  It only stops everything from coming in.  I have been very adamant about remaining open despite getting hurt, but it is easier said than done sometimes, especially when you receive multiple blows and forget to stay centered, or in my case, your center is literally cut open.  This has affected me immensely.  More than I can describe in words.  

I have to reframe how I view what happened to me last year in a more positive light though, because thinking my spirit has been kind of broken from all the pain and suffering endured does not help me move forward and shed all the layers of painful memories from my back.  Only when I focus on all the strength and wisdom and awareness I have gained from the experience can I then begin to put one foot forward and then the other, slowly but at least in a forward direction again.  I must stop turning around to look over my shoulder at all that has happened.  And instead look at where I am right now, in this instant.  If I look too far forward into the future, fear can paralyze also, so my challenge is to stay in the moment.  Enjoy the present.  Be grateful for where I am right now.  Find peace in my heart that everything is going as planned.  Have faith that I am strong enough to handle anything with grace and love.  

I so want to embody this quote by Rumi:

"The wound is the place where the light enters you."  

My physical wound from last year has been healed for one year now.  The emotional trauma however is taking longer to get past, but as Rumi said, it is where the light comes in.  If you let the opening in your armor just be and sit with it, trusting everything will be okay and not fighting the fact that it exists, incredible things can occur in your life.  A light far greater than you could ever imagine can fill your heart and soul and transform the way you think and perceive life.  

I recently listened to a talk at Center for Spiritual Living online and Kathianne Lewis said that angels manifest in our lives whenever we have high thoughts or thoughts of greater awareness--epiphanies as I like to call them.  So even when we feel that we are not moving forward as much as we would like to, perhaps physically if we have had health challenges or with our life goals, if we are having these high thoughts and understanding humanity or ourselves a little better, we are being supported by these angels in our lives who help us understand what is happening and recognize the grace in each situation.  And through this divine assistance, we are growing and changing and moving forward as spiritual beings.

I will leave you with one more quote on vulnerability:

You don’t always have to be strong.

You don’t always have to fight off those tears.

Sometimes it’s good to let them flow and let it go.

All your holding back can just keep building it all up.

It’s alright not to have it all figured out yet.

Give it time to unfold.

~Karen Salmansohn

Chipping Away at the Walls Around Us

Have you ever felt stuck and couldn't quite figure out why?

Sometimes we find ourselves going along in life, growing and changing and enjoying the process and then all of the sudden, we feel like we've hit a rut.  Why?

There is a chance that we may have at some point on the journey been hurt or fearful or betrayed and begun to put up a wall somewhere in our life to protect us from the outside world and sometimes even from ourselves, maybe without even realizing we did so.  In order to move forward again in our life, we need to start chipping away at that wall, brick by brick until we feel it start to budge a little--or a lot, if we're lucky.  Even a slight move can be enough to jumpstart our enthusiasm and get us out of the slump we were stuck in.

How, you might ask, can we move the walls we've put up around us?

I think we can literally start moving our physical bodies and get out of our heads in order to start wiggling the protective wall.  Probably for some, running works.  For others, dancing.  (That has been my experience in the past.)  For me, most recently, it was yoga set to joyful music and reflective writing.

But why would we even want to jiggle this wall out of place that has been supposedly "protecting" us from harm?  That may sound kind of scary, like taking the shell off of a snail.  Ah, but this is where the richness of life lies.  Once we wiggle free from this wall that's been holding us in place, we can begin to feel life again.  We may feel some sadness or confusion or frustration at first but with time and reflection, we can realize greater vulnerability in our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones and a greater understanding and appreciation of our situation and our journey.

For me, the first step is recognizing I have constructed this wall in the first place.  With awareness comes understanding and thankfully wisdom to start chipping away at the protective wall that is not only keeping away potential dangers but also potential joys.  I noticed that I had this tough wall up around me this past weekend while attending a workshop on fear.  This one-of-a-kind workshop was held in a yoga studio and involved many creative activities, such as writing, singing, dancing, doing yoga while singing, listening to joyful music and reflecting and sharing on some very deep and important topics.  This was also the first time I tried yoga since my surgery last year and I am happy to report that I was able to do most things, although I did feel some interesting sensations around my scar during the child's pose, normally my favorite yoga pose.  But I noticed the sensation and stuck with it, which was important for me in beginning to regain my courage and take back my former zest for life before my surgery last year.  This inspiring yoga/writing workshop on fear was created and presented by the amazing Jennifer Pastiloff.

In the process of writing and reflecting on what moves us and who we're grateful for in life, I realized I did not feel as moved as I normally would with such a powerful topic.  And my first reaction was, what is wrong with me?  Why do I feel so cold?  But I quickly realized that this "coldness" was the wall I had put up to protect me from past hurts and that this wall was preventing me from feeling my true, joyful, emotional self.  Just by recognizing this, I began to warm a little.  Not as much as I normally would, but that is why I use the word "budge" and "wiggle" because after constructing such a strong, protective wall up around you, it takes hard work to knock it down.  We must begin to first wiggle and nudge it out of its secure location so that we can begin to move forward again and feel fresh and energetic and hopeful again.  Even one brick chipped from the wall can make a world of a difference if we are aware of the progress we've made in taking that brick down.  Because we are the ones who are responsible for its construction and demolition.  We have the power to take down the walls around us so that we can truly experience life and love with our hearts wide open.


To read more about how important being vulnerable truly is, I highly recommend reading about Brene Brown's work, Pema Chodron's writing, any of my favorite creative author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)'s books or take an awe-inspiring workshop on manifestation from Jennifer Pastiloff.