Releasing the "Gunk" We Sometimes Carry Around With Us

I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like to lately. Of course as a new mom with a mobile 10.5 month old, it’s easy to imagine why, but writing centers me, it gives me space to reflect and share my experiences, to record what I’m feeling, and to release what no longer serves me. Without that, where am I to let go of the gunk that comes up occasionally in all our lives? 

Letting the gunk hang out too long is really not an option because stuck gunk is a recipe for disaster for a highly sensitive, emotional person like myself. It’s not good for any of us really. Letting go of it is of course easier said than done. And what do I mean by “gunk?” I refer to “gunk” as the doubts, overwhelm, pain, and fear that we carry around if we don’t have a regular way of releasing it. And let me tell you, carrying this gunk is a heavy business. 

I know I haven’t spent enough time releasing it when I feel heaviness in my heart center or chest area, when it’s hard to breathe really deeply. I also know I’m carrying too much of the “gunk” when I feel unorganized and almost flighty, like I’m floating around without any direction. I like having some kind of direction, even if I’m not the most organized person in the world. I like feeling grounded in my breath and trusting that everything we experience helps us grow and learn. I like feeling lighter once I’ve let go of the doubts, overwhelm, pain, and fears that have been collected along the path of too-busy-ness. 

This is where regular self-care routines come into play. Over the past few years before becoming a mom, I did my best to keep a daily practice to enhance my well-being and self-care. Becoming a mama has definitely created a new element to it but this work is so vital at any point in our journey.

I’ve started sharing simple self-care ideas on my Instagram feed, if you’d like to follow along. 

What self-care routines do you practice or hope to begin?

Staying Grounded and Blogging from the Blackhole: Week 3

So I've begun to notice that the "Blackhole" can really be anything that triggers overwhelm. It doesn't just have to be a corner in the closet that overwhelms me or a pile of papers still lingering by the dresser, but it can also be a purse filled with a variety of to-do lists! That is what I discovered this week in my quest to blog from the Blackhole. Yes, I know--I'm probably starting to nest a bit as I have a little more than 9 weeks to go before we get to meet our beautiful baby girl. :) But I am also working through overwhelm and want to share a thought I've had recently.

One of the lessons I've begun to realize from my time with overwhelm and the Blackhole is that staying grounded is key. This is actually key for most of life's challenges and joys. Because no matter how happy, grateful, blessed, or stressed we're feeling, staying grounded will help us either relish in the beautiful moment or shift our view of the difficult moment and find the lesson in the present moment. And finding a lesson within a difficult moment is one of the only sure ways to gain perspective and start living in joy again.

I know that life isn't just about living in joy, because life's difficult moments help bring us to gratitude for the full range of feelings, emotions, and lessons we get to experience here. And that gratitude is what makes life matter.

With gratitude we are truly alive.

So my lesson for the next 9 or so weeks until I get to meet our truly miraculous and wonderful baby girl is to stay grounded in gratitude and in love.

It's a lesson for more than just the next few amazing months; it's a way of living life.

Overcoming Organization Overwhelm: Blogging From the Blackhole Week 2

As week 2 is almost halfway over already, I sit here on the couch contemplating the overwhelm that sometimes comes with getting organized by a deadline. I want to overcome overwhelm, and I also want to conquer my organizational challenges. 

But at the same time, I want to say YES to social functions we're invited to and fully enjoy the beautiful summer that has just begun. Nesting is one thing but having fun and enjoying friends' company is important as well. I wish there were a magic key to balancing it all. And I'm aware--or at least I think I am--of how much juggling we'll begin doing once our baby girl is here. That is after all a huge part of parenthood, isn't it? Finding harmony or at least peace with all the obligations and invitations and activities and much needed rest seems like a huge balancing act. 

So what to do? When I start to feel overwhelmed, or when I'm head first deep in overwhelm and find myself having a hard time catching my breath, a quiet voice inside tells me to focus on this moment. To be present. To breathe. To be grateful. If anything, we can always feel grateful for the ability to take a breath. And when we start feeling grateful for the simple things, we're able to start breathing again and our monkey minds may calm down a bit. That is when we can really that action.

It's nearly impossible--or at least very uncomfortable--to take action and move forward when we can't breathe. So I think that's my short answer. The breath is the key. The key to everything. We're learning about it at our childbirth education class and I've attended mindfulness and meditation retreats and classes about it. It can bring us out of the darkness and into the light again. 

What does mindfulness mean to you? How do you feel when you take several deep breaths? What do you already do that feels mindful or that you do with focused awareness of the present moment? How do you feel when you're being mindful? 

 

Nestling into Fall and Dreaming Bite-Sized

I had the same amount of things to do today than I did last week and yet I didn't feel overwhelmed and I got stuff done. 

Overwhelm is a visitor that has paid me plenty of visits in this life. And as I begin to almost befriend it or take time to learn from it, I realize that when I let the overwhelm rain all over me, I don't get much done. It seems to paralyze me and thus more overwhelm comes.

On the other hand, after taking some time over the weekend to rest--and let's be honest, I even felt a little overwhelmed with personal and household projects--something shifted today and my focus was no longer on Ms. Overwhelm overstaying her visit, it was instead on slowly getting sh...stuff done. 

I know this. I've been coached around this and I myself have coached others on this very topic. It's what I preach--that if you break a big project down into smaller more bite-sized tasks, you'll first of all feel more successful because you've finally gotten something done on the path towards your goals, and you won't be overwhelmed with the sometimes enormity of your dreams. 

I dream big. And I also dream bite-sized.

Another topic that is related to overwhelm that I've been reading about for awhile now is being a highly sensitive person or HSP. Yes, I am an HSP. I believe deep down that we all are, but I have been blessed with hypersensitivity from the get-go. And with this gift comes overwhelm at times, from things that people who aren't as in tune yet with their sensitivity might not have ever imagined. They may at some point though experience flashes of it, especially when they're extremely vulnerable, such as in grieving times or times of illness. 

I, on the other hand, feel overwhelmed by sounds or noise, social interaction without quiet breaks to recover, or the TV or the radio. I'm more resilient and can bounce back quite quickly when I'm fully grounded and have taken time for me on a regular basis. If I take time to slow to my preferred pace, if I take time to do the things I really enjoy like being creative or outside in nature, if I take time to refuel my energy through quiet reflection time, then I don't feel as overwhelmed. 

I think these resilience building activities can help with any kind of overwhelm actually.

It's getting to the point when you stop embodying the overwhelm and instead start taking it one small bite at a time. That takes time and practice. And greater awareness helps the process even more.

Turning Gray Clouds into Blue Sky

Focus on the blue sky, whenever possible, no matter what's happening, no matter how gray it might be outside. This thought came to me earlier today when I looked outside through the rain-stained windows and saw a tiny piece of blue popping through. Thank goodness for the tiny glimmers of sunshine! And guess what? The blue sky broke through later on and all the gray and rain went away. Just like how our moods can change when we take a minute to breathe and assess all that's good in our lives. 

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I know I do sometimes! I recently participated in the 21-Day Meditation Challenge offered for free by Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra and learned a wonderful tool that I whip out now when I begin to feel that dreaded overwhelming gray cloud (called stress or fear or anything that's bothering you really) drawing near.

It's quite simple but I have found it very helpful in getting back to the present and remembering to take one breathe at a time. Oprah and Deepak wrote, "Pause. Assess. Reframe. Choose love." That's it. That's really all I need to do to start feeling calmer, more confident, more patient, more loving, more grateful and ready again for anything that comes my way.

I decided to turn these four steps into some hand motions to help me remember them better and return to a calm way of being when stress starts to knock on the door of my soul. Remembering helpful things like this is so important, yet sometimes really hard to do when you start to feel stressed. So making it into something more tactile has helped remind me to follow these steps. It's a learning process though, as with all things, and of course I haven't mastered this yet. So it's practice, practice, practice for me!

Please note that I changed a few of the words to better suit my needs.

Here's how it goes:

Breathe.

Take one big deep cleansing breath to start.

Assess.

Then look around a few times to "assess" the situation and recognize that I'm okay, I'm not in danger, and Life is actually quite good in this precise moment.

Recenter (and Reframe).

Next cross one leg over the other while standing and bow slightly with palms of the hands placed together at the Heart Center (called tree pose in yoga, I think). This helps me regain my balance, grounds me and "recenters" my core, ultimately making it easier to "reframe" the current situation causing me stress.

Choose Love.

And finally, place hands over heart to remember to choose Love. Always for myself first and then spread that neverending love outward into the world.

It's a quiet exercise I can do quite easily in the restroom or stairwell or even while on a walk, and it helps me recenter myself on the present and focus on the goal, which is always LOVE.

And I think love is a great metaphor for blue skies and sunshine, don't you?

I'm writing this from my favorite blogging spot, on a peaceful bench overlooking the Puget Sound, just a few minutes from our home--so grateful--with the sun warming my face, the sea breeze cooling me, the blue skies inspiring me and the calm waters soothing my soul. This is peace.