Learning To Laugh At Myself

I just attended a great class near my home by a laughologist named Donna Oiland.  Isn’t that a cool title?!  She was trained through The World Laughter Tour. It wasn’t a Laughter Yoga session or a laughter club, which I have wanted to try out for several years now, but it was about all the many benefits of laughter and different practical ways to become more purposeful with our laughter in our everyday lives.  The laughologist even suggested keeping a laughter journal.  I love this idea!  

On Sunday, I’m organizing an art party precisely to create collages or paper mosaics with inspirational phrases on the covers of notebooks to be used as gratitude journals, art journals, reflection journals--the sky’s the limit.  Now I think I know what theme I want my notebook to have this Sunday: laughter!  What a neat way to incorporate more laughter into my life and focus on laughing more often too.  

The laughologist recommended writing down or recording the moments when we have “mirthful belly laughter,” the times when you can barely breathe from laughing so much, when tears roll down your cheeks, when you might even snort, and when your stomach muscles hurt afterwards.  She also said that we can keep funny jokes or cartoons we find in the journal.  And the final piece she mentioned was recording stories of our most embarrassing moments.  This is because of the importance of learning to laugh at ourselves.  

Throughout the class, we were encouraged to share funny or embarrassing stories.  I thought of the importance of storytelling and sharing funny moments with loved ones, and I remembered a funny story I recently told my husband of a time when I was about 6 years old and my dad told me we were going to drive by a perfume factory.  He even said to roll down the window when we got close and take a big, deep breath.  Milliseconds later, I realized we were driving by a manure plant.  I think I cried!  I remember being really mad about being tricked AND being laughed at.  Thinking about this now funny memory made me realize how important it is to develop the ability to laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously.  

Donna Oiland described this as a gift of laughter for ourselves, to look for ways to laugh more, and take better care of ourselves as a result.  So today, for my self-love practice, I have gifted myself the time to laugh--at this class and now watching reruns of Friends and by creating a laughter journal this weekend.  I’m also grateful for the mirthful belly laughter my husband and I took part in two nights ago after a weekend snowshoeing trip.  We were a bit delirious from exhaustion but boy, did it feel good to laugh so hard tears rolled down my cheeks. :)  

When was the last time you laughed like that?  

Live Life Every Day Like It's Your 21st Birthday!

Written in the morning on March 18, 2014-

For some of us, you may be just as excited to turn another year older as you were when you turned 21, but for many of us it can feel daunting and a little overwhelming, and we begin to resist this natural process of life. I for one want to learn to age with grace, I want to learn to embrace my wrinkles, I want to celebrate all the lessons I learned in each previous year and welcome all the beauty and blessings in the year to come. 

When I think of how alive I feel after reading all of the wonderful blessings and wishes for my friends and family on my birthday today, I begin to wonder if it is possible to feel this way every day, or at least more often throughout the year, rather than only on my birthday. I want to live my life with as much joy as when I turned 16 or 18 or 21.  

I started my birthday out today by sleeping in, enjoying a delicious breakfast made lovingly by my husband, reading beautiful messages of birthday blessings online, spending some quiet time in front of my little affirmation altar, singing at the top of my lungs in the car, and bellydancing for a few minutes in the living room, all before work! 

So I ask myself, why don't I start every day like this? What's stopping me? Really nothing. So it's definitely something to consider--how can we live each day with as much joy as we have on our special day or when we turned 21 or whatever age brought us great joy and a genuine feeling of zest for life? I know it's not always realistic to fit all these fun activities in every morning before work but if we show enthusiasm and commitment to our own joy every morning, at least by doing one small thing for ourselves that brings us more joy and a fresh perspective for our day, it might be easier to stay positive when stress and fear and frustrations come up throughout the day. 

We can remember the uplifting songs we sung that morning or the feeling of shimmying and dancing or the love that fills our heart when we remember all that we have to be grateful for in this life.  Our hearts can fill again with the love and blessings that our friends and family send us each year on our birthday when we remember their words and love again and again.  

I heard today that if we continue to read about new things, it keeps us feeling young. I wrote this poem because I also hope the following as I get older:

A Prayer As I Get Older

I want to become more loving as I get older

I want to open my heart even more

I want to be more patient

I want to truly live in the moment

And relish the joy I feel

So that the mere memory of that joy

Fills my spirit with love

When I am in need of light.

My Journey of Awareness

I would like to share some thoughts from my emotional awareness journey. It's been a long road and there is a long road ahead as well; I believe this is a lifelong journey, but in beginning to learn to accept all of the emotions that I experience, little flowers begin to pop up along the road, the views become more beautiful, and I start to enjoy the adventurous curves and bumps in my unique journey. 

Plain and simple – when I begin to feel grumpy, I now know I need to take a break from what I’m doing.

When I’m feeling anxious or afraid, I need to take deep breaths and try to expand the feelings I’m experiencing into a big bubble until I can lightly touch it and pop! The feelings have been freed. I'm thankful for this visual from the Sedona Method.

When I’m feeling disappointed or misunderstood, I need to make quality time for myself to do loving, compassionate, self-caring, and creative activities to feel more appreciated and understood.

When I’m feeling frustrated or pressured, I need to take a break and meditate on how big the Universe is and how vast Love is too, in order to put everything back into perspective.

When I’m feeling perfectionistic or down about something I could have done better, I need to recognize all the things I do well and enjoy doing.  Maybe even get out a brag book of positive feedback about myself from others for moments of self-criticism and low self-esteem.

When I begin to feel down and feel the spiral of catastrophizing beginning, I need to take a few moments, or maybe even an hour sometimes, to reflect on all that I am grateful for in this Life and watch a funny video or show, read an uplifting story, eat some mangos, go for a walk outside, or belly dance, to refocus my energy on all the miraculous positives of my Life.

What do you do to recognize, honor and learn from different emotions that visit you?

 

10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

Last year at this time, my husband and I were busily yet joyously planning our unforgettable wedding day for early April, after only having gotten engaged on Valentine's Day, so that my in-laws could be there since they had already planned a visit from Ecuador that spring. When we began to think about the exact date for our wedding and after doing the math, we quickly realized that we had less than 6 weeks to plan everything--get a dress, pick a venue, send out invitations, taste cake, select a menu, assemble favors, decide on flowers, arrange photography, choose our vows, and the list goes on and on, as you may know if you have ever planned a wedding.

After attending several meditation classes and retreats and after doing a ton of reading on various personal development topics and after going through major surgery--all in the previous several years, I knew that staying mindful was key in planning everything so quickly and in not becoming a bridezilla. I wanted to savor each and every moment of the process and each and every minute of our very special day. 

It pained me very deeply when we began to do the calculations and realize that we couldn't afford to invite everyone we cared about. The last thing I wanted to do in such a glorious time was hurt anyone's feelings. I struggled with this a lot. But I was so fortunate to have loving people around me who understood me and my tendencies to fret and worry too much, and they kept reminding me that I couldn't control how others feel or react, as much as I tried, and that we could only do what we could do with limited finances and time but with great love. Amazing things happened for us in a very short amount of time, everything came together almost seamlessly, with the overwhelming support of our close family and friends and the Divine, making our wedding day truly magical, one of the most love-filled and joy-filled moments of our life.

I learned so much from going through this process and absolutely adored all the love that came to us from everywhere during that time. I want to pay tribute to this incredible time in our lives by writing about 10 life lessons I realized or learned from planning our wedding in less than 6 weeks. This list is a work in progress, as is all of my writing, a glorified draft, because as I type this, I am reminded of so many more wonderful details, incredible helping hands from friends and family, extraordinary generosity, and unconditional support and love. My self-compassion practice though for today is to recognize my energy levels waning and take time to rest, so I will have to leave the list as is, for now.

10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

(Draft, in no particular order)

1. Be really present. REALLY make sure to use ALL your senses and savor every scent, view, color, flavor, song, laugh, hug, kiss, vow, toast, dance on your special day.
2. No matter how hard we try, we simply can’t make everyone happy.
3. Carpe Diem. Hakuna Matata. Seize the day!
4. It takes a village. Accept help from friends and family graciously.
5. Take time for deep breaths and alone time for prayer, reflection, and meditation.
6. Pinterest saves the day and is an excellent creative catalyst!
7. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the preparations leading up to the big day with close friends and family.  Enjoy the countless web searches for venue ideas with your finance(e), the trips to visit wedding venues, the cake tasting, the dress fitting, the favor assembly, the program creation, the invitation preparations, the choosing of the vows, the seating chart. Make each piece of the process a little celebration in and of itself. 
8. Open your heart up and give love freely.
9. Trust that everything on the big day will work out beautifully and lovingly, but not perfectly.
10. Creatively manage your stress in as many ways as you can fit into your busy schedule, because you’re sure to be juggling work and family demands on top of all the wedding planning, so don’t forget to sing, dance, walk, stretch, paint, create, laugh, write, as you lead up to the big day.  This is one of the most important times in your life when you really need to practice stress management techniques in order to truly enjoy your most special day and the process leading up to it.

*Photography generously gifted by Aaron Lawrence and Simone Gomes.

I Welcome Spontaneous Adventures

Today I'm writing a special spontaneous Sunday post for my birthday month, because I’m proclaiming the month of March as a month dedicated to self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and cultivating connections i.e. friendships. So in honor of March, I would like to follow my favorite author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy’s great idea to invite spontaneous adventures into my life. I would love it if any of you wanted to accompany me on some fun excursions this month such as, but not limited to:

laughter yoga  

paint dancing  

collage art parties  

flash mob practices 

fun lunches and/or dinners 

impromptu happy hours 

nature walks  

butterfly house visits 

-and-

Other fun, relaxing, creative endeavors you’ve wanted to try for awhile but haven’t yet.

What is one thing you've been wanting to try but just haven't made the time to do it yet? I challenge you to go out and try it this month!

Fear is Inner Awareness Bubbling To the Surface

More and more I’m feeling a great pull towards helping others feel their creativity alive inside them, as I have felt in myself, because I think that is one of the keys to feeling better about life in general, no matter what’s happening around you. 

Cultivating resilience is also something I feel I want to explore more, not sure if I am expert on it, although others say I’m resilient and it’s even listed as one of my most dependable strengths, but I think the key to really unlocking it within is to really believe that I am resilient, truly own this strength of mine and learn to recognize its presence in many different aspects of my life. 

This leads me to one of the most important things I’ve discovered on this journey of self-awareness and that is self-love. How utterly essential loving yourself is, no matter what, unconditionally, all the time, in every aspect, mood, body part of yourself. Because without that love, without the awareness of all it can do for each of us, I feel lost and overwhelmed with fear. 

I have been struggling with fear a lot in the past few days. I think it’s actually inner awareness that is bubbling to the surface and on the verge of creating more positive change in my life, but it can feel quite uncomfortable and unsettling. It’s a feeling that causes even more worry in my mind sometimes, like: What’s wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way again? Why aren’t all my daily practices helping? Oh, but then my "inner wise self," as SARK describes her, chimes in and reminds me that my daily efforts ARE creating positive change within me and that even though I feel fearful sometimes, that doesn’t change my essence, my true spirit, my God-given talents and strengths. 

The fear doesn’t diminish the love that’s within me. It only clouds my view of it from time to time, and in order to thrive and flourish, I must accept these feelings and embrace “those scared parts inside of myself” (quoted from the incredibly amazing SARK again). Loving oneself truly and unconditionally involves so many wonderful things—

prioritizing self-care, resting, having fun, getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, exercising, drinking water, prioritizing creative expression, making time with supportive friends, laughing, forgiving, praying/affirming/meditating, reflecting, goal setting, dreaming

—whatever works best for you, and I truly believe showing ourselves love is the key to lowering stress levels, accepting what comes to us, and growing into our true potential.

All the happiness exercises and books in the world won’t amount to much long-standing positive change if we don’t first incorporate into our lives and really truly believe in our own worth and allow ourselves to feel that deep love within us in order to stand up for ourselves, make healthy choices for ourselves, and show ourselves love. Only then will we be able to truly feel happiness. This is what I have come to believe.

Self-Esteem is a Delicate Muscle That Must Be Trained Constantly

I think having a positive self-image might just be one of the most powerful tools we can invest in to ensure true contentment and kindness in this world.  I recognize the importance of building self-esteem, especially as a chubby, four-eyed child who could be a bit clumsy and wasn't involved in any team sports, but then I found dance. And dance literally changed my life. The summer before I started high school, I became a part of a team of strong young women, in the not-always-well-known dance sport of colorguard, through a jazz dance class first and then through four years of choreography, stretching, pilates--before it was popular, and performing together all year round, and these women helped lift me up throughout high school and many of them still do, either virtually or on the occasional visit with dear, old friends. I was given the opportunity to cultivate my creativity and express myself through movement and that helped me feel better about myself in so many ways. I found my flow.

Although I haven't performed in a colorguard since my freshman year in college, dance has continually touched my life and the experience of expressing my creativity through movement has helped me overcome many obstacles. When I begin to feel lost, I can almost always pinpoint the feeling beginning when I stopped dancing.

So you can imagine how difficult it was then two years ago when my regular zumba classes at the gym began to make me nauseous and cause pain to rattle down the left side of my body. It was horrifying. Maybe almost worse than having to actually live with the chronic pain, because dancing is my life force.  I considered chair dancing and looked into Nia and other dance forms I could possibly try while suffering from this pain, but it can be very difficult to get motivated when your mind is running wildly with all the possible explanations for what's going on inside your body and how you can fix it. I lost my rhythm and my self-esteem has suffered greatly as a result.

But like mangos, I CRAVE dance, and my body and mind and spirit constantly cried out for movement throughout my recovery, which doesn't just include the "recovery" of 6 weeks that the doctors talk about--it includes the last year and a half while I've been slowly regaining my strength and spirit after going to hell and back.

Last week I finally couldn't take it any longer and although I don't have a gym membership and have a hard time getting motivated to leave the house after I get home in the evenings, I decided to just go for it and start dancing in our living room with our cable company's available fitness videos. And now only after a week, I'm already looking forward to coming home in the evenings to put on my pretty pink coin scarf and shake my body to belly dancing for 15 to 20 minutes in the living room. It doesn't sound like a lot of time, but it's just what I needed to help me feel more alive and more in touch with my creative spirit. All the writing and picture-taking and art that I create help fill me with positivity, but they truly can't compete with the sheer joy that dancing brings me and has always brought me.

So I've really begun to realize that our self-esteem is a very fragile, delicate muscle that must be trained and massaged and worked or expressed constantly in order to thrive, just like our other muscles. I feel lucky to have found an activity that helps me work this all-important muscle.

Recognizing My Wings

I went through an amazing transformation about 3 years ago, when my whole life--everything as I knew it--was flipped upside down by a surprise end to a 10-year relationship.  I look back on my healing process in awe now and how I literally came out of my shell and found my wings.  I followed a lot of great advice, followed my heart, gave my creativity time to thrive through regularly dancing and dancing in many different forms—zumba, belly dancing, pole dancing, burlesque dancing, salsa dancing, you name it!—spent a great deal of quality bonding time with friends for support, fun and inspiration, and grew spiritually, because I remained open to all the changes happening and I remained hopeful that one of my life’s most precious goals of becoming a mother and having a family would still happen, despite turning 32 when all this happened.  If I let the gremlins take over, as Brene Brown calls them, I would think that there wasn’t possibly enough time to meet someone new, grow as a couple, get married, and start a family before I got "too old."  But deep down, I KNEW in my heart and soul that it WAS possible and that I would be a mother and create a family.  And lo and behold, as my wings grew bigger and even more brilliant and beautiful, and my self-esteem thrived amidst my creativity and budding friendships, I met my future husband and father of my children. I believed it, and it happened.  We were married just 2 years after first meeting and have now been married 10 months.  We are hoping to start a family later this year.  My vision is becoming reality!

While dating and growing as a couple, we went through some very serious health trials—4 surgeries, one of which being major, abdominal surgery to fix a vein that had been compressed near my left kidney, and causing daily achiness and pain whenever I danced or walked—two of my most favorite pastimes and stress relievers. My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, nursed me back to health, coming to my mom’s house where I was recovering to change my surgical wound’s dressings, because it got infected and was tracking, so A LOT of pain and suffering occurred after that surgery, but A LOT of unconditional love occurred too, both from my husband and my dear mother, who fed me and took care of me for a month after the surgery and then took turns with my husband changing my wound's dressings for several more months.  I knew without a doubt while going through that health crisis that I had found my soulmate and my future husband.  After my wound healed, we got engaged a few months later and were married 6 weeks after our engagement!  It was a truly magical time, filled with family and close friends, creativity and planning, and coming together to create the most love-filled wedding day.

Since then, we have been adjusting to living together, since we didn’t move in together until after our wedding, and learning about each other at a deeper level.  On a personal level, I have still not fully recovered emotionally from all the health crises I went through two years ago.  All of last year, physically, was dedicated about regaining my strength and energy, but I struggled constantly to keep up with my old ways of dancing regularly and walking all the time.  I can dance and walk now.  But I don’t do it as regularly as I used to or as much as I’d like to.  I think I have a lot is fear of feeling pain again, since my favorite activities triggered the pain and achiness and nausea when I was going through my health crises.  And I’m afraid I’ve fallen out of the habit of exercising daily.  I still crave it, but now I feel frustrated and almost desperate to find a way to be active daily again.  I try to go for walks at lunchtime and I do mini-yoga sessions in my living room from time to time, but nothing as regular and as invigorating as my zumba and other dance classes from 3 years ago.  I know A LOT of my healing process and healing secrets from that time were through my dancing.  I gained a sense of confidence that I hadn’t had in a long time and I also opened up through the process of dancing. After nearly every zumba session, I would feel inspired to write and write about some epiphany or important reflection that came to me during the dancing.  I miss that.  I feel almost disappointed with myself for not having kept up with it.  But my inner voice chimes in and reminds me that I physically COULDN’T for quite awhile, due to the pain triggers and then surgery recovery, which was much longer than anyone had anticipated because of the surgical infection and prolonged wound recovery.  Four months of open wound care can take it out of you.  It felt at times as if it sucked the energy and life force out of me.

I think what has happened is that my beautiful, brilliant wings became transparent during my health crisis and recovery, and although I can’t see them as easily now, I must learn to recognize them again. Recognize my incredible journey.  Recognize how far I’ve come and all I’ve been through and learned to get here.  Be kind to myself. Love myself.  Love my transparent wings.  Love my indented scar. Love my rolly belly.  Love my moods and how they can swing from one day or moment to the next.  Love my joy.  Love my enthusiasm and excitement and ZEST for life when it comes to me, sometimes all of the sudden, like a big bolt of positive, fun energy! Even love my fearful nature.  Even love my anxiousness about the unknown.  Love and accept ALL the parts of me, not just the beautiful, which are easier to love, but the painful and difficult parts as well, where the love is needed the most.

I went to a wonderful talk at the Seattle Life Coach Training school last Friday and the inspiring speaker, Sherra Grasser quoted the school's founder, Richard Seaman in his upcoming book, with a profound statement: "Apply LOVE {here}."

Apply LOVE {here}. {There}.  {Everywhere}.

Start small.  And follow my own advice.  I desperately want to get back into being active again and dancing. But I also know that it’s not practical or realistic to think I can just jump back into my 2-3 times a week at the gym for zumba schedule again.  I need to start small. Something though.  Tonight before cooking or going through boxes or writing this blog or even relaxing and vegging on the couch, I needed and most importantly WANTED to try a dance workout on TV in my living room, and I DID IT! 20 minutes of belly dancing felt so energizing and empowering! And I've hung my belly dancing coin scarf, that I wore around my waist for extra motivation, by the thermostat so it is clearly visible and will remind me to try a little belly dancing every night after work.

Start small.

Apply love everywhere.

Recognize the richness of my journey.

Love my transparent wings.

Lessons of Gratitude

At the beginning of 2014, I decided to write a page in a journal each night before going to sleep to remember what I was grateful for during that day.  I remember when Oprah talked about gratitude journals years ago and how much I liked the idea, but I never actually created a habit of it until I set it as an intention for this year.  As tired as I am some nights, I still write in my journal and it has really helped me sleep sounder, wake up with a more positive mindset, recover from stressful situations more quickly, and I've only been writing in this journal for a little over a month.  I intend to continue this practice of recognizing gratitude in my life indefinitely.  I have realized that when it is most difficult to sit down and write in my journal and think about what I'm grateful for, that is when I need to write in it most, and when I need to remember my gratitude the most.  If we can only write that we are grateful for breathing and being able to wake up in the morning, that's a wonderful place to start, and a very grounding place to start as well.

I think I didn't really see the effects of this practice until 2 or 3 weeks had passed, so it's very important to keep going with your intention of gratitude, because no habits formed are formed over night and even though I felt good every time I remembered to write in my journal, I didn't notice the overall effects on my wellness until it had become a regular practice for me and I could tell I wasn't upset as long as I used to be when something difficult would happen to me.  Also in the past, when I've missed a day of a practice or habit I wanted to form and maintain, I sometimes felt the perfectionism creep in and say, why bother.  But I am here to say that the benefits are still positive when you pick up where you left off and start again.  Last night, after being sick all day from a stomach infection, I was not up to writing anything anywhere, and so I didn't--the first time since the new year began that I missed a night of gratitude, but when I woke up this morning, still feeling queasy but able to hold down food at least, I decided to pick up where I left off and write about my gratitude from yesterday after I woke up today.  I did the same with my daily abundance practice that I've created for the month of February.  I couldn't post about abundance last night because I was too sick, so I wrote my post for yesterday about an hour ago.  Better late than never!  I refuse to let perfectionism stop me from achieving my goals and intentions.

What are you grateful for?  Have you created a regular practice of gratitude before?  Please share your thoughts on this blog's Facebook page.

Soften to Pain

This past week I was reminded to soften when faced with pain and discomfort. I did not feel my best, I have to admit, but my symptoms are much, much better now than two years ago when the Nutcracker Syndrome first roared its painful head. In moments of experiencing pain last week, I remembered an important tip I heard in yoga to soften my face. This is a phrase I have heard when holding the downward dog pose, because it can be very easy to hold your breath or clench your teeth in this position. Normally I squeeze my face into a big grimace when I feel pain too, as many of us probably do, and I unintentionally tighten most of the other muscles in my body as well.

But when I remembered this tip and tried focusing on softening my face this past weekend, I found it very difficult to keep the grimace and I began to relax more in the moment. Relaxing in the moment and embracing the pain provided me with some relief, for which I am very grateful. Once I could relax a little, I could think more calmly and clearly and be more proactive or distract myself from the fiery sensations I was experiencing.

I have read about embracing one's pain from Pema Chodron and in other Buddhist writing, but I didn't quite know how to actually go about doing this until now. The idea of literally softening all the muscles in our face and forehead when in pain is fairly easy to try and practice, is something we have some control of and is a very practical remedy to the stress that pain can cause us. 

I have found in the past two years that my pain has been greatest when I am most stressed out, so I find the idea of softening and relaxing quite refreshing, compared to my automatic response of tightening, resisting what's happening to me and stressing about what is going on in my body to cause all this pain. That way of thinking doesn't help relieve the pain; it only exacerbates it. It feels almost counterintuitive at first, but it is so valuable to remind yourself of this in a painful moment. I think this practice could be applied to emotionally painful moments as well, although I haven't tried it in that way specifically yet. Please keep me posted if it works for you!

All it took for me was one little phrase and listening to my inner wisdom in that moment to bring me a glimmer of relief in a painful situation. I hope this post brings at least one person the same relief I experienced.