Beware: Relapses of Perfectionism May Occur

I had been rather proud of my "recovering perfectionist" self-identified status until recently when I was preparing to give a workshop and felt like I wouldn't be able to do my best job because of limited time and not wanting to let anyone down. I became extremely pessimistic and felt like I would fail. Well, that was the perfectionism rearing its ugly head. Nothing else. I did just fine, got lots of positive feedback and I feel good now about the work I did to prepare for these two recent workshops. So in all honesty I was completely off base when that darned perfectionism relapsed before each workshop. And here I had thought that I was pretty much cured, viewed myself as so much farther along in "perfectionism remission" than other perfectionists I saw. While all along my perfectionism still flares up, like a chronic ache of pain, plaguing my world view and logical thinking, filling me with fear. It would be best to not be so cocky about this from now on. Being a recovering perfectionist is not something to take for granted, I've learned.  It’s hard work and constant work to be ahead of your perfectionism.

Oh, and that fear thing. I've read a lot about fear lately but don't always relate to the specific term “fear,”--well, better put, I feel some resistance inside to the term--but when you put it in the context of perfectionism, the fear of not being perfect is very real and relatable. I don't think I'd realized how much this fear still controls me, or tries to control me. Luckily I think that once we become aware of what is happening inside us, we come from a place of strength and have the power to effect change in that moment then. We are empowered. When I am in this healthy state of mind once again, I think and see myself and my reality more clearly and can talk myself down from irrational thinking and remind myself of what I do well and that I always do my best.  I’m no longer controlled by that nagging voice that visits from time to time when I’m not paying attention, when I’m not aware, when I’ve let my guard down.  But we need to constantly maintain that awareness or else, beware: relapses of perfectionism may occur.

I Trust Life Because I Know Angels Are Real

Tomorrow marks the 3rd anniversary of when my dear friend, Jill became an Angel.  I am so blessed to have been touched by her grace and friendship in my life and in the past three years since her passing, I have continued to feel her presence and guidance and support in my life.  I have been through hell and Heaven these past three years in more ways than one might imagine, but I have grown leaps and bounds as a human being, with my intuition blossoming, my spirit beaming, my awareness of self developing more and more with each new day and experience, my heart opening wide after being punched and filling with more love than I could have ever imagined three or four years ago.

I would like to write that I wish my amiga, Julita (her nickname en español) had been there to see all these amazing changes, but I know she has been there for each and every one of them.  When I see a hummingbird in the dead of winter, I know it’s her.  Or when I hearing the buzz of a baby hummingbird’s delicate wings, I am comforted that her spirit still accompanies me.  When I see a beautiful, colorful sunset or a break in the clouds with a glimmer of sunshine or blue sky peeking through, I know her light will always surround us all with love.  When I remember to breathe while feeling especially stressed, I know she is holding my hand and encouraging me.

I also know that Jill would want me to take credit for all these incredible triumphs as well, and I’m slowly learning the importance of recognizing one’s own strengths and giving myself credit when credit is due.  But my confidence grows even more when I remember that I’m never alone, I’m always accompanied by loving, caring angels who help me journey into my soul and learn from within more and more everyday.

I trust life because I know Angels are real.  I heard this last spring from the inspiring astrologist/psychologist, Debra Silverman, as a mantra for overcoming fear, and I used to repeat it to myself.  Now it’s more of a reminder of what I already know to help strength my trust muscle. This muscle needs regular workouts and lots of TLC. If left unattended, it can wither back into a big scared cat, but when I remember my angel friend watching over me, along with my angel grandparents and angel babysitter and other angel friends, I know I am taken care of and can fall back into the net of love and relax and try to really enjoy this beautiful life we're living.   

Gracias, Julita, por compartir tu espíritu tan bello y fuerte con nosotros, aun cuando ya no estás aquí con nosotros en forma física. Estoy tan bendecida de haberte conocido hace casi una década y siempre estarás conmigo en lo bueno y lo difícil, apoyandome y dandome animo para seguir adelante. Te quiero mucho, Amiga linda. Te extraño muchísimo.  

Love always,

Marita

Never Take For Granted The Good Days

I was home sick today and felt incredibly miserable at one point. I didn't have enough energy to sit up and the lower abdominal pain radiated all the way down my legs. But as the pain eased a little, I was able to remind myself that this is only one or two days a month, instead of everyday. Last year I felt an aching pain everyday (see My Nut Notes blog post from last year on my rare vascular condition for more details)--when I stood for more than 10 minutes, when I went shopping, when I walked for more than 10 minutes, when I sat on a hard surface, even when I went to the movies. It was a nagging debilitating pain that affected my everyday life. But now I have been given the gift (read about my surgery on my One Year Post-Op blog post)--because it truly is a gift and I am so lucky to have been given this--of feeling pretty darn healthy throughout the month and only have a day or two when I feel terrible. A few months ago, I didn't even feel that terrible. So I really need to remember to count my many blessings and never take for granted all those good days--the 28 out of 30 days each month that I live virtually pain-free now.

One thing that seems to help that my wonderful husband has taught me is to name the feeling I'm experiencing in those desperate moments. This morning he asked me what I was feeling in that moment of agony and I would call out "pain," then "nausea," followed by "dizziness," etc. and it seemed to give those feelings a voice so they wouldn't all glob together in one big pain attack anymore. In a sense, I also felt more in control of the pain because I had named the different parts of it; I had identified the culprits and communicated them out loud.

As I'm typing this now, I feel a slight twinge of pain and a headache and a little dizziness if I turn my head too quickly, but overall I feel much more human again and that is such a blessing. I know we all struggle with daily stresses and things that frustrate us or get us down, but I feel so fortunate to be able to walk and talk and sit and go about most of my days without much pain or nausea or dizziness. It feels great to be alive and human and for the most part pain-free!

So I share these thoughts here as reminders for myself in the future, if the pain returns, and also to stay focused on all the beauty of each day and all the simple joys, despite all the troubles, that we are blessed with each and everyday. We can breathe in and out deeply. We can go outside and enjoy nature in all her splendor. We are alive. We are blessed.

A Strengths-Based Approach to Life

My mind has just been brimming with ideas of different possible applications for what I learned last week at a very inspiring and thought-provoking training called Dependable Strengths.  What are Dependable Strengths, you might ask?  Well, I think the definition may be a little different for everyone who experiences this training.  For me, the essence of the Dependable Strengths Articulation Process, which was created by the late Bernard Haldane back in 1945 after World War II, involves a group of individuals who share positive life experiences with one another and through this purposeful storytelling, begin to identify and uncover the inner talents and gifts that lie within each of us.  This process has been used with job-seekers, veterans, alumni, the elderly, church members, elementary-aged children, middle schoolers, high schoolers, and college students, but I think the sky is truly the limit!  Through the careful discovery of our natural talents, we can then propel ourselves into a life that we long for, a life of fulfillment, a life of purpose.  It’s really a completely different mindset to live by.  Seeing yourself from a point of strength--multiple points of strength actually, you begin to see others from their points of strengths as well.  It helps build patience and understanding. Community. 

At a more personal level, I feel like I had to really work to uncover and reclaim some of my natural strengths, because we sometimes try to hide or deny our true talents as a result of painful events or criticism.  But once we can really own our true, authentic self again and believe in our talents and strengths, we can then begin to help others uncover their innate strengths as well.  That is one of my visions.  In order to heal old wounds, we must stir them up a bit so they can resurface and then be freed.  This process has definitely been a healing one for me, and I believe it can help others in this way too.  

Stay tuned for more. My creative waves are flowing freely once again and I'm plotting my next move. I hope to share the gift of this incredible experience with others very soon.

Inside My Anti-Stress Backpack

I first learned how to truly relax and let go when I lived abroad in Ecuador and started taking long, leisurely walks on the beach to work each day.  I was also intrigued by the more laid-back way of life in the small town where I taught English and learned to embrace this attitude wholeheartedly.  When I returned to the States though, I began to research ways to maintain that sense of peace and relaxation I found on the beaches of Ecuador and live a more relaxed life despite being in a sometimes chaotic, rushed and ever-changing environment back in America.  I feel it is important to keep a list of the tools I've found helpful in discovering ways to relax and find peace in a stressful world, and I LOVE lists!  So I have created a list of some of my favorite relaxation techniques as a way of sharing my research with others and reminding myself to follow my own advice during chaotic times.

1. Breathe.  Don't forget to breathe!  I am constantly reminding myself of this and counting to 5 before letting go of my breath several times can be enough to bring peace and calm to my heart and bring me back to balance in frazzled times.  If you have a hard time finding the time and/or patience to sit down and breathe more often, I found that practicing in a group was very helpful, such as in a meditation class or a mindfulness retreat.  I have also found excellent ideas in the Stress Management Guide from Elizabeth Scott, M.S.  

2. Allow.  This is a relatively new practice for me that I read recently from one of my all-time favorite authors, SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy) who wrote about the importance of allowing others to be as they are and not try or wish to change them.  Just reading this statement every now and then throughout my day has helped relax me and helped me focus on the only person I have any control over, which is myself.  I know, it sounds selfish or egotistical but I've learned that this is the best thing for everyone around you, to really take care of yourself and shower yourself with as much love as you can give.

3. Affirm.  I think one of the single most helpful ways of moving forward and letting my resilience shine through is by surrounding myself with positive affirming statements and quotes which inspire me to focus on all the wonder and beauty in my life. I have found many moving quotes and affirmations on the Beliefnet website, along with countless tips and strategies for moving past pain and finding balance in your life.  I also enjoy the uplifting messages I receive every morning from the Universe via TUT.  And on my iPhone, I get reminders every morning to read an encouraging and inspiring quote from Karen Salmansohn. After my second mindfulness retreat, I discovered an excellent mindfulness app for my smart phone called The Now and it sends me food for thought and things to try to help me stay in this present moment.  Since I often need constant reminders during busy, stressful times to stay afloat and in a positive light, these have really helped me.

4. Show Gratitude.  Often I see lists that state we must be grateful for all that we have, but I think it is even more effective if we show gratitude to others and to Mother Nature through our actions so we are putting gratitude in action.  Taking action and showing gratitude helps us remember the feeling that the action creates inside us and can help us relax into the present moment and thus feel grateful for all we have.  Also by focusing on all that we have, we draw more positive energy to ourselves. Oprah has written about this many times.  So I would challenge you, if you're already keeping a gratefulness journal to share one of the things you're thankful for with a close friend or someone you love. It could be simply be through offering a helping hand or being a compassionate listener to a friend in need or through a letter or message of thanks to express how thankful you are for having that person in your life.  But I know that sometimes I'm not in the mood to express my gratitude to another person so I think it can be just as valuable to pay homage or reverence to a beautiful tree, a gorgeous sunset, a colorful, cheerful bird, anything in nature that helps you appreciate this amazing planet in which we live.  I have said "hi" to mountains and little animals out in nature since I was a young girl.  At first I thought it was just something quirky that I did but now I know it was my way of paying tribute to nature and really appreciating all the beauty around me.  I have also found it helpful to publicly express my gratitude via social media sites, like Facebook, everyday for a month.  It helps build a habit of looking for something to be grateful for no matter what your day was like and helps shift your focus back to the positive.  Try to make a habit of showing your gratitude for life everyday.  I think it really does help.  (Now I just need to tattoo this to my arm so I never forget!)

I know lists can sometimes be overwhelming or feel like they're not enough to solve all our problems, but I find that coming upon different lists like this in times of struggle really do help me stay focused in the moment and as I continue to grow my knowledge of wellness and self-care, I add a helpful little something to my anti-stress backpack every time.

May we live life with ease.

Peace be with you.

Declutter To Destress

For the past 7 days, I've been practically eating, breathing, and dreaming about moving boxes!  There is something about changing homes that stirs up your soul, wakes you up and helps you reevaluate all that you have in your life.  I set out with the huge challenge to declutter much of the papers and mementos I had accumulated over the years and I'm pleased to report that I was able to let go of so much--bags and bags to the recycle bin and even more bags and bags and boxes and boxes of things dropped off at the thrift store to donate.  It brings me much peace to pass along items that might be helpful to others and at the same time to free up space both in our home and in myself.  Remembering that I will always keep my memories and that I can take a picture of something to remember it by, rather than keeping everything, helped me let go of so much.  I do have even more to let go of though.  Unfortunately I ran out of time and had to pack away a few boxes of papers and things I haven't gone through so my decluttering challenge continues, which it should, because if we are not constantly reconsidering what we choose to keep in our homes and lives, we will accumulate new things and end up with too much clutter around us again.  I want to create a regular practice of it--a spiritual practice in a sense--to keep moving forward and get unstuck when I may feel like I'm drowning in papers.  If I can regularly evaluate all that I have, I will have more space for breathing, meditating, thinking, writing, dreaming and loving life.  I do not need things to make me whole.  On the contrary, freeing myself of so many things makes me feel more whole and free.  I'm not there yet, but maybe as I said, this is a constant process and something I need to work on on a regular basis.  Similar to studying stress management, there will always be events that bring us stress, but the more we read about managing and responding to the stress, rather than just reacting, the better and faster we'll recover and the more peace we'll feel during and after times of stress.  And clutter stresses me out.  So it makes sense to include decluttering as one of my stress management practices.

Do you have a stress management practice of your own?  Please share with us!  :)

Making My Own Declutter Challenge

A few days ago I started a challenge to declutter something from my home everyday and free up space in my life.  Today is Day 5 of my Declutter Challenge.  As I go through this process, I am realizing that one of the biggest points of resistance for me in going through all my stuff is a sense of loss, that I’ll be losing part of my past in this process.  One way I’m trying to come to terms with getting rid of sentimental clutter is by writing about what I’m letting go of.  For probably 4 or 5 years, I have been collecting inspirational quotes and sayings and posting them in places where I can see them throughout the day.  But as I uncover more and more inspirational quotes, there’s no way to keep them all, so I’m going to record them here and honor them as they have been a life preserver or buoy for me at times when stress began to really weigh me down.  They helped me keep going and stay strong despite the chaos happening around me.  So right here and now I take the time to say “thank you” to the countless writers who have shared their wisdom with others and who have moved me to be a better, stronger woman.

• Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.  ~E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
• Live well, Laugh often and Love much.  ~Unknown (although I have a feeling it was printed on the inside of a Dove chocolate wrapper. Yummy wisdom!)
• Though you may not be able to change it, you can handle an ugly situation beautifully.  ~Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, Alchemical Wisdom
• Do your best and then relax. Let things go on in a natural way, rather than force them.  ~Paramahansa Yogananda
• To this day I believe we are here on earth to live, grow, and do what we can to make this world a better place for all people to enjoy freedom.  ~Rosa Parks
• Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.  How do you know this is the experience you need?  Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.  ~Eckhart Tolle
• Flavor your life with TRUST & THANKFULNESS.  ~Unknown  (Does anyone recognize it?  If not, maybe it was me?) 
• Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.  ~MLK, Jr.
• Get comfortable with uncertainity.  ~Pema Chodron
• No blame, no shame, no regret.  ~Unknown
• Life is short!  ~Unknown.  (But my beloved acupuncturist told me this once.)
• 1-Value Yourself.  2-Be Committed to Happiness.  3-Be Open-Minded.  (I added: Visualize blue skies and rainbows with puffy white clouds in my mind. :) )  4-Look after Your Health.  5-Keep Your Sense of Humor.  6-Believe in the Power of Laughter. (Keep the channels to joy open!)  7-Appreciate the Lucky Charm of Happiness.  ~Inna Segal
• Om Mani Padme Hum: Om = body, speech & mind, Mani = jewel—enlightened, compassion & love, Padme = lotus—wisdom, Hum = indivisibility—the immovable, unfluctuating, that which cannot be disturbed by anything…By saying this, invokes the powerful benevolent attention & embodiment of compassion.  ~Tibetan Prayer (Mantra)
• I open new doors to Life.  I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead.  I greet the new with open arms.  I trust life to be wonderful.  ~Louise Hay, Life!: Reflections on Your Journey

As a result of feeling inspired and stronger in the face of a variety of adversities, I have also come up with sayings and steps of my own to help me stay present and de-stress in times of need.  Here are some examples I found in my stuff:

• *Breathe. *Rest. *Reflect. *Protect Myself. * Drink Water. *Laugh! *And start again…
• This week’s priorities are:  *Sleep.  *Perspective  *Exercise!  (for Stress Relief)
• Receta para estar feliz: *Mangos  *Bob Marley  *Zumba 

As I record these here, I am releasing them into the recycle pile, knowing that they have helped me and will continue to help me and hopefully others grow stronger and lead happier lives.  I can let them go while still honoring their place in my path of self-growth and share them with others in the process, on this blog.

Through this process, my hope is to release the fear I have kept inside of losing something by letting go of the material things that mean a lot to me in my life.  Deep down I know and have always known that everything that really matters in life is kept inside my heart, inside my soul and I can ask for its help and strength at any time, whenever I need it.  That is the beautiful thing of having faith. 

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it.  We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.”  ~J. Krishnamurti

Notes to myself as I declutter in the coming days:

• When it gets hard, stop and write about it.  Or take pictures of the sentimental items I’m needing to release and donate.
• Let go of the fear and painful memories that come up when looking through some of the clutter.  The way to do this is by literally letting go of the papers in question and maintaining faith that things will work out beautifully in the end.  Because they will.

Fear and faith go hand in hand so much, don’t they?  If I’m feeling really afraid of something that might happen (which is not a real fear then, but an anxiety), in that moment, I’m forgetting my faith.  When I have complete faith in my life and know in my heart that everything is working out beautifully, then I’m no longer afraid of what “might” happen, because I know it’s for my good, to help me on my journey through life.

So earlier today I wrote myself a note on a sticky that reads:

*Walk through the park for exercise and fresh air.
*Meditate/Pray/Affirm that I am no longer afraid of letting go!
*Go through papers in the dining room, closets and by the dresser and purge.  Be free!

And if I had more room on the sticky note, I would have added:

*Feel the freedom of letting go of these papers that have been weighing you down!

Deciding to Rewrite My History

Recently I read a great line from Tess Marshall of The Bold Life on rewriting our history and I felt compelled to reflect on this and write about it.  I spent much of 2012 dealing with some quite challenging health issues and feeling a bit beside myself and at times sorry for myself because of the chronic, debilitating pain I experienced before having open, abdominal surgery and the acute, agonizing pain I felt post-op due to an infection and open wound as a result, that took 4 long months to heal.  

But what if I chose to rewrite that history for myself?  What if I chose to view and remember all the wonderful things I learned from these challenges and also all the wonderful things that happened at the same time as all these challenges?  Wouldn’t last year’s traumas then have more value and meaning for my overall story and life experience? I think so!

If I shift my focus and instead of remembering all the pain, instead remember all the love I received and was able to give, 2012 is illuminated in a whole new light. A light of learning to trust with all my being and falling deeply in love with my soulmate and now husband, of being gentle and loving with my other soulmate--me!--and of returning to my childhood home to be cared for so tenderly by my dear, sweet, patient mother.

I get a little teary-eyed and start to beam with love and light when I reflect and remember ALL THIS LOVE that filled my life last year. I would MOST definitely prefer to remember all the love, rather all the pain! So here I begin. To rewrite my history. It feels good. It feels positive. Proactive. And fills me with thanksgiving. Like a gratitude journal for the past. That's it! So whenever there is a painful part of your past that might return to haunt you from time to time, remember what you were grateful for during that time. Even if it seems hard. I know there's something. If you have trouble, remember you're alive. That's a BIG something to be thankful for, isn't it?

Photo taken today in Lake Forest Park, Washington by yours truly, la Ecua-Gringa.

Celebrating Our Own Talents and Gifts

Happy October, everyone!  'Tis the season to enjoy pumpkin spice almond milk lattes, corn mazes, accessorizing with pretty scarves and fuzzy boots, and the vibrant colors of the changing leaves. May each of you savor the sights, scents, flavors, fuzziness and songs of the autumn season.

On this edition of Tranquil Tuesdays, I've decided to honor and appreciate myself more.  This was sparked by a wonderful weekly email sent out today by Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka. SARK, my favorite inspirational artistic author) on whether we appreciate ourselves enough.  It got me thinking about a general longing that sometimes comes up for me for greater appreciation and recognition from others of my efforts, my struggles, all I've overcome, and how maybe, just maybe the appreciation that I seek actually needs to come from within.  Maybe I need to truly appreciate and recognize--on a regular basis--all that I've accomplished in order to truly feel appreciated.  Because if we feel at peace with ourselves, we generally feel at peace with the world.

I think this goes hand-in-hand with self-compassion also.  Are we willing to be as compassionate about our own struggles and difficulties as we are with others?  Many are very good at showing care and concern for our loved ones and our friends and the people we serve, if we're in a helping profession, but how often do we show that same care and concern for ourselves?  I attended a training on the topic of compassion fatigue back in May and I think I was truly too burned out to digest any more information on the subject.  It was just too overwhelming to think about all the things I could and should be doing to prevent this type of fatigue from helping others.  Funny how sometimes when we need the advice the most, we can't absorb it as well as we can later on, after the dust has settled, when we feel a little better and can begin to be more proactive.

I've begun to realize that the key is to practice, practice, practice the stress management techniques that work best for me at times when I feel proactive and open to these ideas, and then over time, through habit, I will begin to react in a calmer, more peaceful way, in hopes of responding rather than reacting when stress comes to visit.  My hope is also to study this subject of stress management so much that I remember more frequently and readily many of the helpful tips I've read about and can use them and practice them in difficult times.

So in appreciation of my journey, I want to recognize my tenacity for finding solutions to difficult problems and stressful situations, my creativity for expressing what I've learned in life through movement, photography and the written word, and my outstanding love of nature and beauty.

Phew.  That was a little uncomfortable and challenging to write about publicly, but I think we can all benefit from recognizing our own gifts more often, don't you?

Chipping Away at the Walls Around Us

Have you ever felt stuck and couldn't quite figure out why?

Sometimes we find ourselves going along in life, growing and changing and enjoying the process and then all of the sudden, we feel like we've hit a rut.  Why?

There is a chance that we may have at some point on the journey been hurt or fearful or betrayed and begun to put up a wall somewhere in our life to protect us from the outside world and sometimes even from ourselves, maybe without even realizing we did so.  In order to move forward again in our life, we need to start chipping away at that wall, brick by brick until we feel it start to budge a little--or a lot, if we're lucky.  Even a slight move can be enough to jumpstart our enthusiasm and get us out of the slump we were stuck in.

How, you might ask, can we move the walls we've put up around us?

I think we can literally start moving our physical bodies and get out of our heads in order to start wiggling the protective wall.  Probably for some, running works.  For others, dancing.  (That has been my experience in the past.)  For me, most recently, it was yoga set to joyful music and reflective writing.

But why would we even want to jiggle this wall out of place that has been supposedly "protecting" us from harm?  That may sound kind of scary, like taking the shell off of a snail.  Ah, but this is where the richness of life lies.  Once we wiggle free from this wall that's been holding us in place, we can begin to feel life again.  We may feel some sadness or confusion or frustration at first but with time and reflection, we can realize greater vulnerability in our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones and a greater understanding and appreciation of our situation and our journey.

For me, the first step is recognizing I have constructed this wall in the first place.  With awareness comes understanding and thankfully wisdom to start chipping away at the protective wall that is not only keeping away potential dangers but also potential joys.  I noticed that I had this tough wall up around me this past weekend while attending a workshop on fear.  This one-of-a-kind workshop was held in a yoga studio and involved many creative activities, such as writing, singing, dancing, doing yoga while singing, listening to joyful music and reflecting and sharing on some very deep and important topics.  This was also the first time I tried yoga since my surgery last year and I am happy to report that I was able to do most things, although I did feel some interesting sensations around my scar during the child's pose, normally my favorite yoga pose.  But I noticed the sensation and stuck with it, which was important for me in beginning to regain my courage and take back my former zest for life before my surgery last year.  This inspiring yoga/writing workshop on fear was created and presented by the amazing Jennifer Pastiloff.

In the process of writing and reflecting on what moves us and who we're grateful for in life, I realized I did not feel as moved as I normally would with such a powerful topic.  And my first reaction was, what is wrong with me?  Why do I feel so cold?  But I quickly realized that this "coldness" was the wall I had put up to protect me from past hurts and that this wall was preventing me from feeling my true, joyful, emotional self.  Just by recognizing this, I began to warm a little.  Not as much as I normally would, but that is why I use the word "budge" and "wiggle" because after constructing such a strong, protective wall up around you, it takes hard work to knock it down.  We must begin to first wiggle and nudge it out of its secure location so that we can begin to move forward again and feel fresh and energetic and hopeful again.  Even one brick chipped from the wall can make a world of a difference if we are aware of the progress we've made in taking that brick down.  Because we are the ones who are responsible for its construction and demolition.  We have the power to take down the walls around us so that we can truly experience life and love with our hearts wide open.


To read more about how important being vulnerable truly is, I highly recommend reading about Brene Brown's work, Pema Chodron's writing, any of my favorite creative author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)'s books or take an awe-inspiring workshop on manifestation from Jennifer Pastiloff.