Like a Diamond, I Am Multifaceted

I am a multifaceted being and my dominant intent for being is for the experience of my freedom, for the expression of my growth, and for the receiving of my joy.

- Abraham-Hicks

Like a diamond, I am multifaceted. While reading Brene Brown's inspiring book, The Gifts of Imperfection earlier this year, I became aware of the option or opportunity to choose to identify myself with more than one title or role. Brene referenced a term called "The Slash," which is coined in the book, One Person/Multiple Careers, A New Model For Work/Life Success by Marci Alboher, who is an author/speaker/coach. Since then, I have started to really embrace my multiple interests, talents, passions and causes. For example, my "slashes" on my LinkedIn profile now read as follows: Certified Dependable Strengths Instructor/Creative Stress Management Blogger/Pre-College English Language Advisor. But I could easily add my other identities, such as "Freelance Nature Photographer" and "Dance Enthusiast;" the sky's the limit, because I'm a multifaceted being! We all are, if only we choose to see our many shiny sides.

I have also gained more power in pursuing my "hobbies" and reclaiming them as part of my multiple career identities and interests. My independent research on wellness topics and writing for this blog have also taken on a newfound importance and identity that I now include as one of my roles. This allows me to feel more freedom to be who I really am and not solely depend on one role or job to fulfill all my interests and passions. Learning that it's okay to be in multiple roles and identify my creative interests, in particular, as part of my greater calling or lifelong career is very empowering, freeing and inspiring. I no longer feel held back by a job title or duties that don't always utilize my most dependable strengths, because I can now name my various identities/callings, see real value in them, and seek out or create new opportunities to express my gifts and share them with the world. And in sharing my gifts, I feel that I'm creating a positive impact in others' lives and in my own.

If I catch myself feeling frustrated or tired or not in the flow of things, chances are it's because I've somehow forgotten or not had a chance to express my creativity lately, and with this awareness, I can now take action to feel more positive and more fulfilled by giving myself the gift of time for creativity. Whether it be for writing, taking nature pictures, collaging, dancing, singing in the car, visualizing, creating jewelry, or planning parties or workshops, being creative brings my soul great joy and peace.

I have found that in reframing or renaming the language of my already established traditional job title on my LinkedIn profile or personal email title, for example, I can better reflect on the richness of my career experiences and feel I'm moving forward on my path. But the joy of the "slash" is also that we can choose additional descriptions of what we do in our lives. A lot happens before and after the official business of work, and I believe that these activities are equally as important for our personal and professional development. Naming what I do outside of my official job brings a certain accountability to my creative work and I don't feel that it's an option anymore to stop working on my creativity. I know now that in order for my soul to shine, I must tap into my creative energies and let my heart sing through these activities. Because it's a part of my "job." My "job" here on Earth is what I create for myself and what I share with others.

What unofficial or non-traditional titles best describe your "extracurricular" gifts, talents, interests, and activities? Do you consider these activities a part of your identity?

Human beings are multifaceted jewels. We have many important dimensions to our being. These include the physical, emotional, mental, intellectual and the spiritual. Seek your perfection in all of these together, and neglect none. Seek balance and harmony in all aspects of yourself.

- Sri Dharma Pravartaka Acharya

I Am Whole.

I am love. 

I am whole. 

I am safe.

This was my mantra today during my dentist appointment, and it worked! I feel calm, thank goodness! I had a rather traumatic flashback of my open wound (from surgery over a year and a half ago) during my last dental visit, which motivated me to come to this appointment better prepared & equipped to handle any possible anxiety and fear with grace and love. And I am happy to report that I did it! (I feel almost like a little girl who was brave despite a scary event.)

I also realized as I was trying to visualize sunshine and puppies and beaches--word images that came to my mind at the last appointment after having an awful flashback triggered by the pain and needle for numbing the area in my mouth that they were going to work on--that the people who may have goofed up or didn't do as thorough of a job as we had hoped before, during and after my surgery 20 months ago, are only human. They were trying to help me; they weren't trying to hurt me or make me suffer. And coming from that place really makes me want to forgive each person who I have been holding responsible for a piece of the misery I went through. As Karen Salmansohn says in her awesome book, Instant Happy, we must reframe the stories of our lives. She writes that "mistakes = discoveries" and "anger and resentment = lessons in forgiveness." And I am definitely finding this to be true and the best remedy for letting go of painful memories and feelings.

As I type this on my little iPhone, from the dentist office parking lot, part of my nose is numb, and a little bit ago even my eye felt a little tingly. These sensations, instead of triggering traumatic memories, brought forth the desire to forgive those whose mistakes instigated incredible growth experiences for me. I didn't feel that way at the time or even a year after, but because of the post-traumatic stress I had at my last dental appointment, which came on all of the sudden and totally unexpected, out of the blue, I have now begun to shift my focus off of what happened and onto where I am going and how I can forgive and let go.

So here goes:

I forgive you, anesthesiologist and anesthesiologist-in-training, for not getting the epidural in the exact, correct spot, causing me to awake from surgery actually feeling half of my incision.

I forgive the hospital for not ridding the operation room and supplies of the pseudomonas bacteria.

I forgive the hospital administration who had my recovery wing under construction during my stay.

I forgive the worker who didn't read the orders correctly and gave me food on the first night, when in reality I couldn't eat until several days later.

I forgive the nurse who convinced me to take the catheter out after only a few days, which resulted in extreme pain and discomfort when they had to put it back in.

I forgive the doctors for not seeming very concerned about my 30 pounds of water weight obtained after 5 days in the hospital.

I forgive the doctor from the ER a week after going home who reopened my surgical wound without giving me anything for the pain he caused.

I forgive the medical staff and doctors who kept telling me my wound would heal in just a few more weeks, over and over again, as the weeks turned into months.

Breathe. 

I'm taking deep breaths during this writing session. It's painful to remember all these grievances but it's essential to get these memories out of my head and onto paper--or the screen in this case.

I am safe. I am whole. I am love.

As I remember these trying times in my life, it takes a lot of courage to write them down and share them, and it also takes a lot of courage to just sit with them and feel what I'm feeling and breathe into the painful memories, rather than avoiding them or running from them.

I cannot move forward if I continue to ignore these memories and feelings that have begun to pop up and break through the facade of "everything's better now" and show up in unexpected places like at the dentist. I believe my flashback served a very high purpose and that was to drive me to forgive by really looking at what happened and seeing the good intention of everyone during my surgical experience--they all wanted to help me. And they were trying to do what's best for me with the knowledge they had at the time. 

I forgive them. 

And I send them love and light.

Becoming Grace-Full

Over the years, I haven’t always felt graceful. (I even had an email account long ago that translated from Spanish into “Marita the Klutz.”) But when looking back at extremely difficult times in my life, I am awestruck by the amount of grace that filled my heart, helped me make the best of it all, and carried me through to an even more beautiful place than I could have ever imagined before I went through the darkness. 

Going through the darkness really teaches us to appreciate and honor the light when we see it again. If we had never been through those rocky times, we might not have noticed all the beauty around us today. It’s grace that we gain from walking through the dark. It’s grace that fills us up so we can reach a more appreciative and love-filled state of being. It’s grace that helps us forgive and move forward and heal. It’s grace that teaches us to live and love with our whole hearts.

In recognizing grace in our lives, we begin to feel more grace and when we're in need of it, we ask openly for the grace to get through it. Little by little, before we know it, we're filled with grace; we're grace-full. :)

 

Dear Pain

I had the privilege to write for my surgery sister, Elizabeth Katherine's blog recently and I wanted to share what I wrote her as well. This post was part of a series of "Letters to Pain" that Elizabeth Katherine featured this past month. You can read more about her journey on her blog, These Next 6 Months.

Dear Pain,

Since your chronic onset several years ago, I have done all I can to avoid you and get rid of you and this past year after having surgery, try to block you from my mind and not to think about you as much. But lately I have been reading about leaning into all of Life’s experiences and I realize that just as much as I want to lean into joyous moments, I must also learn to lean into difficult circumstances as well, and show kindness and compassion to even my inner critic or anxious thoughts or scared feelings or stabbing pain.

It has taken me a long time and a lot of reading and a lot of reflection to get to this point, and I’m far from mastering the “leaning in” tactic. I still find myself resisting the pain I experience, generally and thankfully only one or two days a month now, but this can also be applied to emotional pain, painful memories, and the trauma of what I have been through—of the hell I visited with stabbing pain, chronic achiness, major surgery, and open wounds.  When I feel myself squinch my face up and tense my entire body up, I am more aware now that I’m trying to fight the pain I’m feeling. Which seems totally logical, doesn’t it? Why wouldn’t we want to fight painful feelings? I’ve been taught to fight back, not bow down and let something take me over.

But from reading more about vulnerability and self-compassion from the great thinkers like Pema Chodron and Brene Brown, I am realizing that surrendering is very powerful and has VERY powerful effects on pain. I heard once at a 5-day silent meditation retreat that I went to several years ago that we should welcome ALL feelings into our being, like guests, but also know that they won’t be staying forever. The Guesthouse by Rumi is a wonderful poem about this.  I also love the quote from Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka. SARK) which reads: “I’m learning to hold the little hands of those scared parts inside of myself, and just sit with them. They love this.” I want to challenge myself to try this even with pain. Because pain, for me, is connected to fear.

Quite frankly, I am afraid of pain. Always have been. I don’t like it. I feel so vulnerable—there’s that word again. So maybe something to try is to become more comfortable with feeling vulnerable.  I have a sticky note on my computer screen which reads “Perk up and lean in.” I heard it at a 2-day mindfulness training I attended last June. I love the metaphorical image it creates in my mind. I picture my kitty cat leaning into me so lovingly. I picture myself leaning into my beloved husband, trusting him completely and openly. I picture my future babies leaning into me with all the love in the world. I want to get to the point where I can lean into ALL circumstances and feelings I experience. It will definitely be a challenge, but I think even baby steps towards this will slowly add up and begin to build up my acceptance of vulnerability and pain and fear.

I cannot tell you how much reading and research I’ve done in search of a way of getting rid of fear, only to find out that the secret is actually to lean into it and befriend it, or at the very least acknowledge its existence and hold its hand. It is quite comforting when I do this.

Now the trick is to remember this the next time I experience pain.  My husband does a wonderful job reminding me to breathe and showing me unconditional love. Sometimes holding my kitty cat and hearing her purr soothes me and reminds me to slow down my breath.  Sometimes I begin to pray and ask for help from the Divine.

I think I will remember to lean in during difficult, painful times if I begin to practice leaning in with uncomfortable feelings that are less painful.  I have several weeks to go before my pain will return to pay me its now monthly visit, so I think I ought to start practicing with some of Life’s daily annoyances now.

But I also want to and must practice self-compassion, because when pain comes, if I don’t remember to lean in, if I get angry again with the pain, if I don’t feel very mindful in those desperate moments, I can at least show myself kindness and not judge myself for not feeling very graceful under these circumstances. We do the best we can and I certainly wouldn’t yell at a good friend for crying out in pain, so why don’t I extend that same kindness and compassion to myself?  Self-compassion is definitely a daily practice thing as well, so taking little steps to show myself more kindness may help me remember to be kind in moments when I don’t feel very graceful.

May I remember to show myself kindness in challenging moments, in all moments for that matter.  May I remember to lean in and make all my feelings feel welcome, rather than tense up and step away from the pain.

Respectfully and lovingly,

Maret

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks

Learning To Laugh At Myself

I just attended a great class near my home by a laughologist named Donna Oiland.  Isn’t that a cool title?!  She was trained through The World Laughter Tour. It wasn’t a Laughter Yoga session or a laughter club, which I have wanted to try out for several years now, but it was about all the many benefits of laughter and different practical ways to become more purposeful with our laughter in our everyday lives.  The laughologist even suggested keeping a laughter journal.  I love this idea!  

On Sunday, I’m organizing an art party precisely to create collages or paper mosaics with inspirational phrases on the covers of notebooks to be used as gratitude journals, art journals, reflection journals--the sky’s the limit.  Now I think I know what theme I want my notebook to have this Sunday: laughter!  What a neat way to incorporate more laughter into my life and focus on laughing more often too.  

The laughologist recommended writing down or recording the moments when we have “mirthful belly laughter,” the times when you can barely breathe from laughing so much, when tears roll down your cheeks, when you might even snort, and when your stomach muscles hurt afterwards.  She also said that we can keep funny jokes or cartoons we find in the journal.  And the final piece she mentioned was recording stories of our most embarrassing moments.  This is because of the importance of learning to laugh at ourselves.  

Throughout the class, we were encouraged to share funny or embarrassing stories.  I thought of the importance of storytelling and sharing funny moments with loved ones, and I remembered a funny story I recently told my husband of a time when I was about 6 years old and my dad told me we were going to drive by a perfume factory.  He even said to roll down the window when we got close and take a big, deep breath.  Milliseconds later, I realized we were driving by a manure plant.  I think I cried!  I remember being really mad about being tricked AND being laughed at.  Thinking about this now funny memory made me realize how important it is to develop the ability to laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously.  

Donna Oiland described this as a gift of laughter for ourselves, to look for ways to laugh more, and take better care of ourselves as a result.  So today, for my self-love practice, I have gifted myself the time to laugh--at this class and now watching reruns of Friends and by creating a laughter journal this weekend.  I’m also grateful for the mirthful belly laughter my husband and I took part in two nights ago after a weekend snowshoeing trip.  We were a bit delirious from exhaustion but boy, did it feel good to laugh so hard tears rolled down my cheeks. :)  

When was the last time you laughed like that?  

Live Life Every Day Like It's Your 21st Birthday!

Written in the morning on March 18, 2014-

For some of us, you may be just as excited to turn another year older as you were when you turned 21, but for many of us it can feel daunting and a little overwhelming, and we begin to resist this natural process of life. I for one want to learn to age with grace, I want to learn to embrace my wrinkles, I want to celebrate all the lessons I learned in each previous year and welcome all the beauty and blessings in the year to come. 

When I think of how alive I feel after reading all of the wonderful blessings and wishes for my friends and family on my birthday today, I begin to wonder if it is possible to feel this way every day, or at least more often throughout the year, rather than only on my birthday. I want to live my life with as much joy as when I turned 16 or 18 or 21.  

I started my birthday out today by sleeping in, enjoying a delicious breakfast made lovingly by my husband, reading beautiful messages of birthday blessings online, spending some quiet time in front of my little affirmation altar, singing at the top of my lungs in the car, and bellydancing for a few minutes in the living room, all before work! 

So I ask myself, why don't I start every day like this? What's stopping me? Really nothing. So it's definitely something to consider--how can we live each day with as much joy as we have on our special day or when we turned 21 or whatever age brought us great joy and a genuine feeling of zest for life? I know it's not always realistic to fit all these fun activities in every morning before work but if we show enthusiasm and commitment to our own joy every morning, at least by doing one small thing for ourselves that brings us more joy and a fresh perspective for our day, it might be easier to stay positive when stress and fear and frustrations come up throughout the day. 

We can remember the uplifting songs we sung that morning or the feeling of shimmying and dancing or the love that fills our heart when we remember all that we have to be grateful for in this life.  Our hearts can fill again with the love and blessings that our friends and family send us each year on our birthday when we remember their words and love again and again.  

I heard today that if we continue to read about new things, it keeps us feeling young. I wrote this poem because I also hope the following as I get older:

A Prayer As I Get Older

I want to become more loving as I get older

I want to open my heart even more

I want to be more patient

I want to truly live in the moment

And relish the joy I feel

So that the mere memory of that joy

Fills my spirit with love

When I am in need of light.

My Journey of Awareness

I would like to share some thoughts from my emotional awareness journey. It's been a long road and there is a long road ahead as well; I believe this is a lifelong journey, but in beginning to learn to accept all of the emotions that I experience, little flowers begin to pop up along the road, the views become more beautiful, and I start to enjoy the adventurous curves and bumps in my unique journey. 

Plain and simple – when I begin to feel grumpy, I now know I need to take a break from what I’m doing.

When I’m feeling anxious or afraid, I need to take deep breaths and try to expand the feelings I’m experiencing into a big bubble until I can lightly touch it and pop! The feelings have been freed. I'm thankful for this visual from the Sedona Method.

When I’m feeling disappointed or misunderstood, I need to make quality time for myself to do loving, compassionate, self-caring, and creative activities to feel more appreciated and understood.

When I’m feeling frustrated or pressured, I need to take a break and meditate on how big the Universe is and how vast Love is too, in order to put everything back into perspective.

When I’m feeling perfectionistic or down about something I could have done better, I need to recognize all the things I do well and enjoy doing.  Maybe even get out a brag book of positive feedback about myself from others for moments of self-criticism and low self-esteem.

When I begin to feel down and feel the spiral of catastrophizing beginning, I need to take a few moments, or maybe even an hour sometimes, to reflect on all that I am grateful for in this Life and watch a funny video or show, read an uplifting story, eat some mangos, go for a walk outside, or belly dance, to refocus my energy on all the miraculous positives of my Life.

What do you do to recognize, honor and learn from different emotions that visit you?

 

10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

Last year at this time, my husband and I were busily yet joyously planning our unforgettable wedding day for early April, after only having gotten engaged on Valentine's Day, so that my in-laws could be there since they had already planned a visit from Ecuador that spring. When we began to think about the exact date for our wedding and after doing the math, we quickly realized that we had less than 6 weeks to plan everything--get a dress, pick a venue, send out invitations, taste cake, select a menu, assemble favors, decide on flowers, arrange photography, choose our vows, and the list goes on and on, as you may know if you have ever planned a wedding.

After attending several meditation classes and retreats and after doing a ton of reading on various personal development topics and after going through major surgery--all in the previous several years, I knew that staying mindful was key in planning everything so quickly and in not becoming a bridezilla. I wanted to savor each and every moment of the process and each and every minute of our very special day. 

It pained me very deeply when we began to do the calculations and realize that we couldn't afford to invite everyone we cared about. The last thing I wanted to do in such a glorious time was hurt anyone's feelings. I struggled with this a lot. But I was so fortunate to have loving people around me who understood me and my tendencies to fret and worry too much, and they kept reminding me that I couldn't control how others feel or react, as much as I tried, and that we could only do what we could do with limited finances and time but with great love. Amazing things happened for us in a very short amount of time, everything came together almost seamlessly, with the overwhelming support of our close family and friends and the Divine, making our wedding day truly magical, one of the most love-filled and joy-filled moments of our life.

I learned so much from going through this process and absolutely adored all the love that came to us from everywhere during that time. I want to pay tribute to this incredible time in our lives by writing about 10 life lessons I realized or learned from planning our wedding in less than 6 weeks. This list is a work in progress, as is all of my writing, a glorified draft, because as I type this, I am reminded of so many more wonderful details, incredible helping hands from friends and family, extraordinary generosity, and unconditional support and love. My self-compassion practice though for today is to recognize my energy levels waning and take time to rest, so I will have to leave the list as is, for now.

10 Life Lessons From Planning My Wedding In Under 6 Weeks

(Draft, in no particular order)

1. Be really present. REALLY make sure to use ALL your senses and savor every scent, view, color, flavor, song, laugh, hug, kiss, vow, toast, dance on your special day.
2. No matter how hard we try, we simply can’t make everyone happy.
3. Carpe Diem. Hakuna Matata. Seize the day!
4. It takes a village. Accept help from friends and family graciously.
5. Take time for deep breaths and alone time for prayer, reflection, and meditation.
6. Pinterest saves the day and is an excellent creative catalyst!
7. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the preparations leading up to the big day with close friends and family.  Enjoy the countless web searches for venue ideas with your finance(e), the trips to visit wedding venues, the cake tasting, the dress fitting, the favor assembly, the program creation, the invitation preparations, the choosing of the vows, the seating chart. Make each piece of the process a little celebration in and of itself. 
8. Open your heart up and give love freely.
9. Trust that everything on the big day will work out beautifully and lovingly, but not perfectly.
10. Creatively manage your stress in as many ways as you can fit into your busy schedule, because you’re sure to be juggling work and family demands on top of all the wedding planning, so don’t forget to sing, dance, walk, stretch, paint, create, laugh, write, as you lead up to the big day.  This is one of the most important times in your life when you really need to practice stress management techniques in order to truly enjoy your most special day and the process leading up to it.

*Photography generously gifted by Aaron Lawrence and Simone Gomes.

I Welcome Spontaneous Adventures

Today I'm writing a special spontaneous Sunday post for my birthday month, because I’m proclaiming the month of March as a month dedicated to self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and cultivating connections i.e. friendships. So in honor of March, I would like to follow my favorite author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy’s great idea to invite spontaneous adventures into my life. I would love it if any of you wanted to accompany me on some fun excursions this month such as, but not limited to:

laughter yoga  

paint dancing  

collage art parties  

flash mob practices 

fun lunches and/or dinners 

impromptu happy hours 

nature walks  

butterfly house visits 

-and-

Other fun, relaxing, creative endeavors you’ve wanted to try for awhile but haven’t yet.

What is one thing you've been wanting to try but just haven't made the time to do it yet? I challenge you to go out and try it this month!

Fear is Inner Awareness Bubbling To the Surface

More and more I’m feeling a great pull towards helping others feel their creativity alive inside them, as I have felt in myself, because I think that is one of the keys to feeling better about life in general, no matter what’s happening around you. 

Cultivating resilience is also something I feel I want to explore more, not sure if I am expert on it, although others say I’m resilient and it’s even listed as one of my most dependable strengths, but I think the key to really unlocking it within is to really believe that I am resilient, truly own this strength of mine and learn to recognize its presence in many different aspects of my life. 

This leads me to one of the most important things I’ve discovered on this journey of self-awareness and that is self-love. How utterly essential loving yourself is, no matter what, unconditionally, all the time, in every aspect, mood, body part of yourself. Because without that love, without the awareness of all it can do for each of us, I feel lost and overwhelmed with fear. 

I have been struggling with fear a lot in the past few days. I think it’s actually inner awareness that is bubbling to the surface and on the verge of creating more positive change in my life, but it can feel quite uncomfortable and unsettling. It’s a feeling that causes even more worry in my mind sometimes, like: What’s wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way again? Why aren’t all my daily practices helping? Oh, but then my "inner wise self," as SARK describes her, chimes in and reminds me that my daily efforts ARE creating positive change within me and that even though I feel fearful sometimes, that doesn’t change my essence, my true spirit, my God-given talents and strengths. 

The fear doesn’t diminish the love that’s within me. It only clouds my view of it from time to time, and in order to thrive and flourish, I must accept these feelings and embrace “those scared parts inside of myself” (quoted from the incredibly amazing SARK again). Loving oneself truly and unconditionally involves so many wonderful things—

prioritizing self-care, resting, having fun, getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, exercising, drinking water, prioritizing creative expression, making time with supportive friends, laughing, forgiving, praying/affirming/meditating, reflecting, goal setting, dreaming

—whatever works best for you, and I truly believe showing ourselves love is the key to lowering stress levels, accepting what comes to us, and growing into our true potential.

All the happiness exercises and books in the world won’t amount to much long-standing positive change if we don’t first incorporate into our lives and really truly believe in our own worth and allow ourselves to feel that deep love within us in order to stand up for ourselves, make healthy choices for ourselves, and show ourselves love. Only then will we be able to truly feel happiness. This is what I have come to believe.