Sitting with Discomfort aka. Befriending the “Ick”

Have you ever tried just being with uncomfortable feelings, like anxiety and observing how they move, where they like to hang out, how you can breathe into them and their weight lessens?

All too often we try to zap away icky feelings with distractions like our phones (I’m totally talking to myself here!), food, TV, anything that will get our minds off the ick.

When if we waited a bit and just sat with those feelings? 

I know as busy moms (or people in general) it can be extra challenging to just sit for a bit, but I've found that running around keeping busy is also a distraction.

In order to get to the root of the ick, we must slow down and wait. Or maybe better put, breathe into the ick. 

Often the ick is some part of us that is feeling neglected and just needs some TLC. Think of it like a toddler acting out because they want attention. That's how we can imagine or envision our difficult feelings too.

And once we feel some relief from the pressure that was weighing on us, we can refused on what helped and even what was the greater message the ick was trying to tell us.

Once you've slowed down, waited a bit, breathed into the discomfort, and finally felt a bit of relief, try asking yourself these questions:

Did it help to slow way down?

Was it helpful to breathe into the ick?

How did it feel to show our most vulnerable parts some love?

And what do you feel the ick was trying to tell you?

If the icky feeling were a messenger, what idea or truth was it shining light on?

For this week's Mini Mama Mindfulness Moment over on the Owning Your Goodness Facebook page, I went live to talk more about befriending our uncomfortable or icky feelings. You can watch the replay here. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

May peace be with you and if the ick comes knocking, may it shine light on a helpful truth.

How Mindfulness Helps Us Take Action in the Face of Adversity

When crises hit or natural/political/human disasters occur, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and want to bury our heads because it’s just too painful to imagine what others are going through. This is especially the case when you’re already under a lot of personal stress. It can feel like you’re being sent overboard without knowing how to swim.

Mindfulness can be our buoy during these times though. It not only helps us feel more centered and stable during normal day-to-day stresses but it also helps ground us to our values and goals and reminds us of what really matters in life—love, family, gratitude, helping others—so that we can continue moving forward and taking action, even if only in baby steps. Baby steps can still get us to our goal and can still contribute to a worthy cause if enough of us take these small action steps.

If you’re reeling from all the horrible tragedies unfolding in recent weeks/months/years, mindful breathing can help you return to your center—to your heart and bring you back to what really matters in your life so that you can give back to others and help those who are suffering in the world, even if in a very small way. 

Something that is just as important in the long run as small action steps is showing your children what it looks like to be compassionate and give back to others and fight to end others’ suffering. What a beautiful way to transform a horrible situation into a learning opportunity that you can involve your children in helping others as well. And they will most likely remember this good deed or action for the rest of their lives. I still remember when I was in elementary school and my mom taught me about recycling and how to recycle all our soda pop cans. (Yes, we drank pop back then. :( ) The experience has stuck with me into adulthood and I’ve even been known to dig through a garage or two to fish out cans and paper that can be recycled. 

So how can we take the current human rights crisis at the US border and teach our children to have more empathy and compassion for others?

Depending on how old your children (or nieces/nephews/friends’ kids if you don’t have children of your own) are, you can have them write letters or draw pictures for the immigrant children. If you have very little children like me, it may be more challenging, but donating toys and clothes may be needed. If anything, you can look up a song in Spanish or a Native language in Honduras, El Salvador or Guatemala where the majority of the separated families are from, and sing the songs with your children. 

There are also local marches and protests coming up that you and your family can attend. It helps raise awareness in the community and shows your support for the children and families in crisis. 

If you have older children, you can help them organize a fundraiser and send the money donated to help reunite the parents with their children through legal assistance.

If you’d like more ideas for small action steps you can take, check this article out from Motherly:

https://www.mother.ly/news/how-to-help-immigrant-children-separated-from-parents

If you believe in energy work or sending healing prayers, pray for the children and their parents who are both in such difficult and painful situations. Send them your love and positive energy. Even pray for the people working with the families so that they are extra compassionate and patient. You can repeat the loving-kindness meditation as part of your morning or evening routine. This is a great one to practice with your children as well and start building their compassion muscles at an early age.

May I/you be safe.

May I/you be healthy and strong.

May I/you be happy.

May I/you be peaceful and at ease.

You can read more about loving kindness for kids from mindfulness teacher, Sharon Salzberg’s website: 

https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/teach-children-lovingkindness-meditation/

The basics of it though are saying the phrases for yourself first, then for your loved ones, then for people you feel neutral about, then for people who are difficult, and then for everyone everywhere.

I do it a little differently in my practice but the same general idea of expanding living kindness out. I wish excellent mental/spiritual/physical/emotional health for myself, my baby, my husband, my parents and in-laws, family and friends, their family and friends, our neighbors and colleagues, our pets, our community, the government, our countries (both the US and Ecuador in our family), all the animals and creatures and people of the world, Mother Earth and the Universe. It only takes a minute or two but it helps me visualize radiating love and good health out from within all the way to the far places of the galaxy. I try to do this when I recognize a special number combination in the time, like at 11:11. But you can do it whenever works best for you. And each person will find the best fit for them.

Do you have any special ways you ground yourself or share love and kindness with others?

What are you planning to do to take a small action step towards your goals or for a cause close to your heart?

How will you involve your children and model empathy and compassion for them?

Here is a short video I recorded for my sister site, Owning Your Goodness for my weekly Mini Mama Mindfulness Moment live trainings this week about this topic that may be helpful as well:

https://www.facebook.com/owningyourgoodness/videos/1252153824914854/

May all beings everywhere be free from suffering.

Peace be with each of you.

Holiday Grounding Through Creative Gratitude

This winter solstice I’ve decided to celebrate the increasingly longer days with creative gratitude. The holidays can feel very hectic and rushed at times and that’s when we need to feel grounded most. If not, the stress can get to us and bring our spirit and mood and immune system down.

How do I prefer to get grounded? If it were warm out, I love walking barefoot on the sand or grass, but with it being very frosty out lately, I choose to create art instead. Being creative and expressing ourselves helps us return to the present moment we’re living right now and let go of worries or concerns or to-do lists for a little bit while we dive into a creative project or canvas.

One of my favorite ways to create art is through collaging. I love the freedom of ripping and tearing inspiring images and words out of magazines or junk mail and making something beautiful and unique from it. I also love that it’s a green, eco-friendly art form, using old or unwanted magazines and other printed material in a new and artistic way.

This evening I’m hosting my first online class to demonstrate just this–how to feel more grounded this holiday season by creating gratitude art. We’ll be focusing our collage on what we’re grateful for from this past year. I find reflection around this time of year so helpful and grounding as well so what better way to celebrate the increasing light coming with this solstice than by reflecting on what we’re grateful for.

If you’d like to join me live, follow this link to the Facebook event where I’ll be broadcasting my free class this evening at 5:30pm PST. Looking forward to feeling more grounded and creative with you!

Happiest of holidays!

Maret

3 Ways Gratitude Can Cultivate More Mindfulness in Our Lives

On my journey to greater well-being, creativity and mindfulness, I started out by recording what I was grateful for on a daily basis, thanks to the inspiration of Oprah Winfrey who talked a lot about the importance of having a gratitude practice. It helped me feel more positive and I began to feel a little less anxious. While on this path, I was invited to a dear friend’s spiritual center because she thought I would enjoy the talks because they talked about gratitude a lot. I loved it there! This led me to studying more about mindfulness, which led me to transformative experiences like going on a 5-day silent meditation retreat, starting my own wellness blog, and signing up to become a certified life coach to be able to teach and help others on this incredible journey! All sparked by focusing on gratitude.

So I wanted to share 3 ways that gratitude can lead us to live a more mindful, peaceful, and fulfilling life.

1. Taking a few minutes to remember what we’re grateful for slows us down and has us focusing on one task or feeling or thought in that moment: what we’re thankful for.
2. Recording our gratitude everyday in a journal brings us back to the present moment after a busy day through the action of sitting or standing still for a few minutes, writing or typing most likely with our hands and bringing our attention to the positive and/or simple things in our lives.
3. Feeling thankful helps us stop negative thoughts or spiraling worries or feelings of lack and brings us to a place of peace by remembering all we already have.

Do you have a regular practice of remembering what you’re grateful for in life? 

I find it’s especially important during life’s darkest moments but if it can sustained during the joyful moments too, you’ll create a positive habit that will see you through future challenges when they arise and ground you in the present grateful moment.

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m grateful you’re reading this.

Namaste,

Maret

P.S. Would you like support in cultivating more mindfulness in your life? Contact me on my sister site, Maret Carrillo Coaching: Owning Your Goodness to find out more about my transformational life coaching packages.

My Life Before and After Mindfulness

Before I learned about mindfulness and conscious awareness of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and the world around me, I viewed myself and the world differently. Anxious feelings meant something was wrong with me and mean people were just mean. But as I learned to be more mindful, through LOTS of practice--and I still practice and will do so for the rest of my life, I started viewing my anxiety as energy pent up, needing to be released in some way and not as much about me or who I am at my core. 

As Rumi described in the amazing poem, The Guest House, sometimes certain feelings come for a visit but through conscious awareness, we don't have to let them stay for good. By recognizing that they're only visitors, it gets easier to let go of difficult feelings and not that them on as an integral part of us. We’re bigger than our feelings. Our feelings are energy coming and going, not a permanent part of us at all. We are a vessel for life and energy and emotions or feelings flow through us but they don't become us, thankfully. There was so much relief in that realization for me. I am not my feelings. Whew!

Self-love, self-compassion and even self-care become easier to practice when you're not constantly beating yourself up about how you're feeling. Accepting that all feelings--even the amazing ones--come and go helps release us from their power. And as a result, we regain our own power. Power to live in a more relaxed state. Power to step aside and watch feelings come and go, seeing them for what they are, energy and messengers that teach us when to slow down, when to savor, when to give ourselves more love and compassion.

What are your feelings telling you? 

It can sometimes be a balancing act of listening with conscious awareness but also letting go and remembering it's all just energy flowing through our bodies..

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks

If you would like more support on your mindfulness journey, please visit my coaching page at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com

Embracing My Sentimentalism

In true Brene Brown style, I looked up the definition of sentimentalism and Google said it means excessive tenderness, sadness or nostalgia. And you know what, I think I'm okay with that because if I'm going to be excessive about anything, I think tenderness is right up there with excessive fruit and vegetable eating. :) I have been sentimental for almost as long as I can remember. Maybe it's my astrological chart with 5 planets in water, maybe it's growing up seeing my sweet momma getting teary-eyed at emotional commercials, maybe it's my love for photography and recording fun memories to look back on. I was even my high school honor society's historian one year. (A perfect role for me really!) Then scrapbooking became popular and I ate that up! Then later on with smartphones and social media, apps like Timehop and Facebook started reminding of pictures and posts we created a year or more ago. 

I love that stuff. I eat it up. And I think it's time to embrace it. I don't want to hide it or cover it up. Yep, I'm sentimental and it makes me who I am and if that involves excessive tenderness and nostalgia, I'm okay with it. The excessive sadness can get pretty heavy at times though, but don't they say that you can't truly cherish the sunshine without some rainy or cloudy days? We who live in the beautiful, mostly gray Pacific Northwest know this metaphor well. It makes us love and appreciate the sunny weather even more. And well, if there are too many days of sunshine in a row like a few weeks ago, we start to even long for the cloudier days.

How can we learn to embrace even our sadness? Of course we don't want to live there all the time, but sadness happens, nostalgia happens, and it's a normal part of life. My baby girl, who I waited years and years to meet and hold in my arms finally, is turning one in a few weeks and I've been feeling very sentimental about it. I love watching her grow and learn and develop her sweet spunky little personality! And at the same time, I want to enjoy every milestone and moment with her so much that I want to slow time down. 

I've been thinking about the amazing past year with her and to be honest, some moments are already foggy and that makes me sad, even though I know it's part of parenthood. The amnesia of those first days. And then sometimes regrets start knocking on my door--I should have written down more memories or taken more videos or this or that--but the truth is we sometimes don't know what we’ll want to have as memories until the time has already past. 

Hindsight really is 20/20. And coming back to gratitude and recognizing all that I have recorded of her first days, of my first days as her mama, is key. It grounds me and reminds me to relish in what I do remember and hug her even tighter in this moment, right now. If only mindfulness were more a part of parenting and childbirth ed classes. Because it's really what gets me through hard times. That and love. The ginormous love I feel for this incredible little human being we created! It's overwhelming and comforting and all-encompassing all at the same time! I love her SO much! Words just don't express the enormity of my feelings about her and being her mama. What a truly awe-inspiring gift! And the most challenging and rewarding journey I've been on. I still try to find words to express how I feel about being her mom but my heart really bursts with so much more than words. And with all that tenderness, of course vulnerability and even anxiety accompany these big feelings. Like our doula put so beautifully when Luna was first born, it's like having our hearts on the outside of our body now. 

How do you process big feelings like this? Both loving and anxiety-causing feelings? And a mix?

If you'd like to learn more about life coaching and wellness education services, check out my sister site at Maret Carrillo Coaching: Owning Your Goodness (http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com).

Releasing the "Gunk" We Sometimes Carry Around With Us

I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like to lately. Of course as a new mom with a mobile 10.5 month old, it’s easy to imagine why, but writing centers me, it gives me space to reflect and share my experiences, to record what I’m feeling, and to release what no longer serves me. Without that, where am I to let go of the gunk that comes up occasionally in all our lives? 

Letting the gunk hang out too long is really not an option because stuck gunk is a recipe for disaster for a highly sensitive, emotional person like myself. It’s not good for any of us really. Letting go of it is of course easier said than done. And what do I mean by “gunk?” I refer to “gunk” as the doubts, overwhelm, pain, and fear that we carry around if we don’t have a regular way of releasing it. And let me tell you, carrying this gunk is a heavy business. 

I know I haven’t spent enough time releasing it when I feel heaviness in my heart center or chest area, when it’s hard to breathe really deeply. I also know I’m carrying too much of the “gunk” when I feel unorganized and almost flighty, like I’m floating around without any direction. I like having some kind of direction, even if I’m not the most organized person in the world. I like feeling grounded in my breath and trusting that everything we experience helps us grow and learn. I like feeling lighter once I’ve let go of the doubts, overwhelm, pain, and fears that have been collected along the path of too-busy-ness. 

This is where regular self-care routines come into play. Over the past few years before becoming a mom, I did my best to keep a daily practice to enhance my well-being and self-care. Becoming a mama has definitely created a new element to it but this work is so vital at any point in our journey.

I’ve started sharing simple self-care ideas on my Instagram feed, if you’d like to follow along. 

What self-care routines do you practice or hope to begin?

3 Ways to Transform Mommy Guilt

Disclaimer: Even if you're not a parent, these tips can be helpful in transforming any nagging, pesky feelings like anxiety, other kinds of guilt, or plain old stress. 

8 and a half months into this amazing and wild journey of motherhood and I'm beginning to see how detrimental a thing called “mommy guilt” can be. If you're a mom or know someone who is a mom really well, then you probably know what I'm talking about. All those parenting books, “helpful” tips and pediatric association recommendations have wonderful intentions, but for those of us trying to do our absolute best with little sleep (or in my case, interrupted night sleep every few hours to dream feed) and high expectations and hopes for our incredible little humans we're raising, the pressure to get everything “right” can feel unbearable at times and downright paralyzing.

When I was pregnant, I got a few books to begin “preparing” for motherhood but all the facts and information overwhelmed me and I knew that wasn't the way I was going to figure things out. Trusting in my natural ability to mother was my intention and challenge. My husband and I thankfully took an empowering childbirth ed class called Birthing From Within, which focused more on our emotional preparation than on facts and information overload. That was the style that resonated most with me. I didn't feel as much pressure to do things perfectly and it was really good preparation for the days, weeks and months that would follow with our baby girl.

But the darker days of winter arrived a few months after my baby girl was born, lack of uninterrupted sleep compiled and post-inaugural angst mixed with postpartum hormones and I slowly found myself easily overwhelmed, highly anxious, and at times feeling underprepared and inadequate at being a mother. It's a truly awful feeling to not know what to do next when you know time is flying by faster than ever and you don't want to miss a precious second with your growing and changing little one.

I think I went through a clingy phase just like my daughter experiences now. I grew her inside me and she was attached to me nursing for practically three months straight so I can see how hard it is for our babies to accept the fact we are separate beings because I had a hard time getting used to it too.

And then you begin to get used to being separated for a little bit longer, perhaps to get some self-care time in while your partner gets bonding time with the baby or if you decide to go back to work. But that realization can feel a bit depressing because you miss being so connected to another human being, to who you grew inside you. And wanting time for yourself can trigger the pesky “mommy guilt” alarm in your head...”What if my baby purple cries while I'm away?” And maybe even harder yet, “What if she doesn't miss me? What if she does just fine?”

And then my milk comes in and my baby instinctively knows it and that intuitive, almost spiritual connection is felt again.

So how to transform Mommy guilt, that is the question. I like to enlist 3 of my favorite remedies that work for a lot of what ails me.

Apply these everyday if you can (or at least at first as often as you remember):

• A dose of MINDFULNESS--staying in the present moment and relishing in what you’re doing right now, in this instance (rather than dwelling in what you should have done or could have done if you’d known more, been smarter, read more, had more money, etc. etc. etc.) helps ground you and with grounding, you regain your footing and don’t feel as wobbly. Feeling secure in what’s happening in this moment is so important in building back our intuition and confidence.
• Daily GRATITUDE--remembering regularly how truly grateful you are for this precious human being you’ve brought into the world--it’s a kind of gratitude that is almost beyond words, I’ve found, but it’s necessary to reflect on it each day and dwell in thankfulness each day. And if it’s a really hard day, focusing on the air you’re breathing, on the roof over your head, and the bed you sleep in also help us soak up feelings of gratefulness. Those feelings are what fill our hearts back up when we are tired and/or feeling depleted emotionally from “mommy guilt.”
• More CREATIVITY--unleashing your creative side by doing something you love to do helps bring you into the present by focusing on that one thing, helps build back your confidence in yourself because you’re doing something you enjoy and grows your intuitive nature in the process as you create something new and reconnect with your joy. Trust me, I know there’s not a lot of time between naps and early (or late) bedtimes, but finding a little bit of time to create something at least each week will help. And it can be as simple or complicated as trying a new recipe, ripping up paper and making a quick mosaic or mini collage/vision board, coloring (inside or outside the lines!), singing, taking pictures, knitting, dancing, writing, whatever it is that you enjoyed creating before you created a beautiful little human.

When we feel more grounded and our intuition and confidence are back up, we can better tackle nasty things like “mommy guilt.” We’ll recognize the nagging feelings more quickly and apply any and all of these remedies to them before they get the better of us.

If you need support, I became a certified transformational life coach to be able to help inspire people on their journeys to greater wellness, creativity and joy for life. I’m happy to help. Send me a note on my sister site here, even if just to say hola!

If you're sleep deprived and just barely getting through this blog post, know at least this: you are IMPORTANT and it is necessary for us to praise all the AMAZING things we do and treat ourselves with the same KINDNESS we offer to our sweet babies or other people's sweet babies.

With love and gratitude,

Maret

Creativity: One of the Best Elixir's to Life's Stressors

“...the only way to stay creative is to keep moving forward.” ~Dr. Travis Bradberry

 

Whether you think of yourself as a creative person or not, creativity is what fuels any kind of change in our life. This year my creativity has taken on a completely different form--motherhood. It’s active, it’s in-your-face, it’s singing many times everyday, it’s dancing to entertain my baby, it’s creatively getting things done while keeping my baby happy. Over the past 7+ years though, I developed a creative self-care plan for myself which involved collaging, reflection writing on a regular basis, dance, nature photography, teaching workshops--pretty much anything creative is considered self-care for me. 

Since becoming a mom though, I’ve rethought self-care (read my blog from January for instance) but I find myself missing the regular writing that I used to do. I also miss teaching. I taught 2 workshops at the end of this past December and beginning of January and had another scheduled in February but had to cancel it due to snowy weather and low enrollment. Since then, I decided to focus on building up my life coaching business online. This involves some writing, like my daily posts with a different weekly wellness theme. But I crave typing away when I get an inspiration and also recording my favorite memories. 

I have been writing down all of our baby’s first things on a notepad on my smartphone, but there’s something about hearing the clicking away of the keys on the keyboard when I type at a computer that I miss. I started using my 15 minute breaks at work to write about 6 years ago and have a lot of content saved from over the years now. I’ve always wanted to convert what I wrote into a memoir or novel someday. 

Now as my biggest dream has come to fruition to be a momma, I want to be recording all my feelings & emotions but I’m not. Of course being a mom is a constant juggling act and there sometimes isn’t time to even use the restroom, let alone write about my feelings and lessons, but I want to take more time to write. I came across an interesting quote about writer’s block that may also explain my lack of writing these past months:

“Writer’s block is having too much time on your hands.” ~Jodi Picoult

When I’m in the flow creatively, I’m constantly writing. So despite living my dream of being a mom, I feel like I’m missing an important piece without writing about it. And goodness knows, I need my creative well fully filled as a mom. It’s part of my self-care regime, it helps me find creative solutions to everyday tasks as a juggling momma, and expressing my creativity fills me up emotionally too. I think it’s right up there with mindfulness as one of the all-time best elixir’s for life’s stressors. 

Do you have a favorite elixir you use when feeling stressed or juggling many things?

If you’d like support in living a more creative life or in reaching your wellness goals, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching and creative wellness services here.

Mindful for the Memories

I think I’ve always been the nostalgic kind of person who was totally excited to be the historian of the honor society club in high school, the unofficial family photographer of close friends, the keepsake-scrapbook-trip journaler type. I love making memories. And now it’s even easier to “think back” and “remember when” with technology and social media reminding us everyday of what we were up to–or at least what we posted about–a year or two or eight years ago. (Yes, social media, as we know it, has been around for more than a decade now! Hard to believe and remember our lives without it sometimes, huh?)

And as I’m completing more than half a year as a mother--my baby girl will be 7 months old tomorrow already–I’m struck with an even greater nostalgia. She does something new and adorable and endearing and funny and memorable everyday. EVERYDAY. How am I to record all of these wonderful memories?! It’s almost overwhelming, of course in a good way, to keep track of each beautiful moment, kind of like grabbing at sand made of diamonds as the tide of time takes each brilliant moment and archives it in the past. 

 

I had a somewhat similar feeling when my husband and I got married almost 4 years ago(our anniversary is next week!) and we planned everything in under 6 weeks. There was a lot of adrenaline and many, many details to prepare but I wanted to remember every beautiful moment back then too. And at that point in my life, time moved slower. Now as a new momma, time flies by at the most incredible speed. I sometimes think “slow down” but then I also LOVE seeing how much my baby girl has grown and learned in such a quick period of time. And I’m excited and thrilled to get to watch her continue to grow and learn more and more. I know this excitement will continue for the rest of my life. 

So what’s a momma (or daddy or auntie or uncle) to do? 

 
 

SAVOR EVERY PRECIOUS MOMENT WITH MINDFULNESS.

Stop, pause, take a few deep belly breaths, and savor it all with mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ultimate elixir for nostalgia. It slows us down at least enough to really enjoy the present moment we’re living and with that reduction in the normally chaotic speed of the world, we get to sit back and savor the beautiful gifts we’ve been given in this life. Whether it be the privilege of watching children of our own or nieces and nephews grow, or our wonderful pets, or going on that incredible trip we’ve been longing to take, climbing that huge mountain finally, or meeting that awesome goal, an unbelievable dream reached, we will surely enjoy reliving all the memories if we stop and really notice how we’re feeling, what colors we’re seeing, what scents we’re breathing in, what sounds we’re hearing. Really taking in the moment helps us savor it so much more right then and there and later on when we want to look back and remember the incredible things we’ve done or witnessed.

I remember stopping to notice an adorable momma duck and her ducklings swimming by right before our wedding ceremony began. It may have seemed like a distraction to some but it was actually one of my ways of taking it all in and really noticing that beautiful moment. And I’m so glad I did.

So as I contemplate where the time has gonethese last 7 months since our daughter was born, I really want to remember to be mindful, mindful of my nostalgia even as I look back at my favorite moments and memories with my daughter so far, and mindful of the moments I’m living right now. There’s really no way to turn back the clock to relish a little longer in the little and big things that I love about becoming a mom but I can take the time to relish right now in this incredible moment of my baby turning 7 months old and stay present in as many moments as possible from here on out. It’s not always easy when you have poop on you or you’re sleep deprived, but I know for a fact that I won’t regret choosing mindfulness when it comes to living the rest of my life.

 

Would you like to live your life more mindfully? 

If you’d like support in living a more mindful life or in reaching your goals, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching and creative wellness services here.

The Importance of Mindfulness - Especially on a Rainy Day

 

 

How we turned a previously described “dreary” day into a more “cheery”--or at least more mindful day...

This morning when I got up, my energy was pretty low and when I looked at the window, there was the infamous Seattle area drizzle happening. It didn't feel very inspiring. But staying inside isn't always the answer. My baby girl and I had an errand to run which also corresponded nearly perfectly with her first nap so I showered and we got ready to go out. 

When on maternity leave, getting out of the house everyday is so important. Not just for me, the mommy, but for my baby too. We both tend to do better when we have plans away from home. So I ran the errand and Luna took a power nap of 30 minutes. 

On our way back home, I took a detour to explore a little and discovered a new walking trail. It was only drizzling out so I decided to park and take my baby on a quick walk. She was all bundled up, snug in her stroller, sheltered from the rain, and had just awoken from her nap happy and ready to explore with Mommy. 

 

We didn't discover anything terribly amazing on the new trail, mostly construction but we did enjoy the fresh air, nature sounds like bird singing, and early signs of spring on the trees. And I think we both felt refreshed. 

 

It's days and moments like these where I'm thankful for practicing mindfulness--stopping and observing the simple things in life. And showing them to my daughter, which makes everything even more meaningful now.

Do you practice mindfulness? What does it do for you?

 

If you’d like support, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching services at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com.

Why I Collage: A Reflection

 

Almost 4 years ago I started collaging again, after not having done so since I was a kid. I started with a vision board collage and didn't even have a glue stick. I just sat on the couch while my husband and I were watching TV and plowed through countless magazines I was wanting to recycle and taped together my very first vision board. But what I really discovered was a missing piece in my happiness. I thrive when I'm being creative. And sometimes when we “adult” too much, we forget what brings us to our happy place. Collaging has brought me closer to my creativity and that is so important for me in living a more joy-filled life.

Since rediscovering this vital part of cultivating more creativity in my life, I started sharing my love for collaging with others at get-togethers with friends and later in-services at work and then classes in the community. It filled me up and I loved watching others rediscover a little part of themselves that they may have left in their childhood. 

 

I also collect different scraps from colorful ads or words and phrases that inspire me so that I can create mini-collages fairly quickly. I keep them in a little notebook I started almost 3 years ago and love to go back through the book to see the different themed collages I've created. It's been a really helpful and fun way to destress and reconnect with my creative side. And now I can't wait to share my love for collaging with my daughter!

Do you remember a favorite activity you enjoyed as a child that you could bring back to feel more joyful when you've been "adulting" too much?

 

If you’d like support, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching services at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com.

 

Baby Steps Back to Self-Care

 

Self-care and wellness are two of my favorite things to read about, practice, and share with others. So it's pretty ironic that when I became a mom, I forgot how to care for myself. I guess I figured that my extended maternity leave was enough since it felt like a gigantic step to taking care of my needs and desire to be home longer with my little one, after waiting 37 years to become a mom. 

But now, 4 and a half months in and baby’s first bad cold later, I'm realizing I really need to make a new momma self-care plan and stick to it! This isn't just essential to my health but to my family’s wellbeing too, because everything runs more smoothly when the momma bear is happy and peaceful. I know it's not realistic to be happy all the time and I want to honor all my feelings, but I do want to stay more grounded and feel more peaceful at least. 

Time flies in general but you really truly don't see it with your bare eyes as much as when you watch a baby grow and change! It's incredible all that she's learned and how much she's grown over the past four and a half months! If I think about it too long, I already feel nostalgic and want time to slow down, but I know the only way to “slow time down” is by being more mindful and savoring every moment that we have with this bright-eyed, amazing little human who has chosen us as her parents.

So how to get started? Well, regular, daily bite-sized pieces of self-care (or “baby steps” quite fittingly) are always my go-to way to begin a new habit and help it stick. And what I've found helpful as well is using social media and/or my blog to post my progress and help hold me accountable. So starting today--because why wait until tomorrow when you can do something about it today?!--I will carve out at least a few minutes of each day for myself. That means practicing more self-advocacy, delegating, communicating my needs, and taking better care of myself in return. 

For me, expressing my creativity and being in nature are my favorite things to do for myself. These have been my self-care favorites since before becoming a momma, so in a way, by practicing them a little bit everyday now, I will also be helping reestablish my unique identity apart from my greatest role ever of being my baby's momma. I know my daughter someday will want to learn what her momma likes to do, in addition to playing with and taking care of her children. I also know how important it is to model self-care for my daughter so she can begin good, healthy habits early in her life. So by taking better care of myself, I really am taking better care of my daughter. So here's to guilt free self-care!

What things do you do for yourself? Are you making time for those things right now? How can you sprinkle in a few minutes of one of these things you like to do for yourself everyday?

If you’d like support, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching services at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com.

The Courageous Act of Rest

 

Sometimes I put pressure on myself to get stuff done, to do magic tricks and juggle caring for my four-month-old while taking care of our home and starting my own business. But then there are days when my baby girl has a cold and so do I and both our energy is waning and all we can muster is snuggling on the couch, nursing and napping. And that is productive. It's just not how we’re taught to view productivity. Rest is so underrated but so so necessary for everything to run smoothly. I've come to believe that colds have a way of slowing us down so we’re forced to rest. But what if we incorporated rest in our everyday lives? Would we feel better? Have less colds? I think we just might.

But how can we get everything done that we need to get done while also making time for rest? I know for me, since becoming a mom, I've found time for rest when breastfeeding. But I find myself still trying to multitask and for example write a blog post or read articles while nursing. What if I took more time to take deep belly breaths instead? Or if I distanced myself from technology more and colored instead? Creativity is rest for me. Collaging relaxes me. It's challenging to do though while breastfeeding but visualizing is entirely possible. And using our minds to improve our wellness is also a creative and valuable task.

I read a quote earlier today about how we can make any task a meditation by focusing on that one thing mindfully. Or by NOT multitasking. Yes, unitasking may be the key to finding windows of rest in our day. I know, I know, it goes against all we've been taught, but what if we gave it a try for at least a few minutes during each of our days? How would our lives change? How would our health change? How would we feel? I dare you to give it a try. 

What part of your day can you dedicate to unitasking?


~~~~~


Want to read more about my business? Check out Owning Your Goodness.

Collaging for Reflection

A couple of days ago I taught a new collage class. I decided to focus the collaging on reflection for the end of the year. It's something I enjoy doing each year around this time and I thought it would be neat to combine my love for collaging with reflecting on the past year. Before digging into the collaging, I offered some questions to get us in the mindset of reflection before starting our collages.

Since it was a small class, I got to take part in the fun too and created a collage as well. I encouraged everyone to keep in mind what inspired them over the past year and pick images and words from the magazines that grab their attention. When collaging, for me at least, it's important to not overthink it, to just rip and create. 

In the end, I looked at my own collage and wondered what lessons were hidden in the images and words I chose to paste together. So after the class ended, I decided to send the same reflection questions I offered at the beginning of the class to the attendees and invited them to look at their collage creations while thinking about the questions. I did the same with my collage.

 

I found the questions on a site called Minds In Bloom for teachers actually preparing to end the school year with their students, but I thought they really worked for an end of the year reflection too, such as:

What are some things that you did this past year that make you smile?

When did you feel the most joyful or alive this past year?

What was the most challenging part of the year for you?

What are the 3 most important things you learned from 2016?

Reflecting on the year through the eyes of my collage was a really neat exercise and one I'd like to continue doing at the end of each year. It helped me see what I learned in a creative, more abstract way, rather than the more traditional cerebral way of looking back. From my collage, I pulled the following lessons in my life from 2016:

*Giving life and that my motherhood is linked to Mother Earth

*To just keep riding ~ "Ride, Mama, Ride"

*Courage & bravery when scared or uncertain 

*Trusting my wings & that the parachute will catch me when I take leaps of faith 

*Dance when down -or- stand up and dance 

*Home is where the heart is

*"Love, Faith, Attitude, Present Moment, Objectives/Goals, Forgiveness - Keys to Happiness" (translated from Spanish)

*Growing wisdom/knowledge 

*Motherhood is a gift 

 

I'm excited to share my love for creativity with my daughter. Looking forward towards 2017 I know many more gifts, blessings, and lessons will be brought. 

What have you learned from this past year?

The End of the 4th Trimester

 

Today our baby girl turns 3 months old and this concludes an era some call the “4th trimester.” The end of her newborn stage too. Sniff sniff. Time is moving so fast and our Luna is growing and learning so much! What a difference 3 months can make! It's probably been by far the most meaningful 3 months of my life. I'm so thankful to get to experience motherhood finally and get to know my beautiful daughter and watch her grow and change. 

What I've learned about myself in this “4th trimester” or 1st 3 months of my baby girl’s life is that I'm so much stronger than I ever imagined I was. I’m proud of myself for giving birth naturally with no pain medicine. I've woken up at night every few hours for the past 3 months to feed my baby and I miraculously still have energy at the end of each day now. I haven't read all of the recommended books on child development but my baby is doing amazingly well and learning new things each day. I follow my instincts better than I ever have. I come up with different ways to distract my baby when she gets fussy and it usually works. Of course I also have off days and feel up and down at times with different emotions and fears of not doing a good enough job as a mom. But when I look back at these past amazing 3 months, I'm comforted and reassured that I'm doing just fine. 

Motherhood is so much about finding self-kindness so that we can reflect that image back to our babies. They absorb everything and I have to remind myself to mindfully go about my day soaking up all the incredible baby love (and baby drool!) around me! What an awesome journey we’re so blessed to be on!

Sacred Morning Time

  

 

Mornings are so sacred, just as my mom said they'd be, with sweet Baby Luna. She is starting to sleep more in the night and only wakes up a few times to breastfeed so I feel a pattern may finally be emerging. Then this morning I signed up for a coaching call at 9am, thinking she'd be breastfeeding or napping, which is what we usually do in the mornings. And she was! She really has been very calm in the mornings lately, waking up very hungry but after nursing for a bit, sometimes off and on for an hour or so, she takes a delicious nap. It can be another hour or so and then she may have some adorable awake time before napping again, usually in the swing up to this point while Mommy finally prepares and hopefully eats breakfast. 

But because of the call this morning, I have become really aware with the rich silence that can happen each morning. I turned the TV off for a change--it’s had kind of a mindless numbing effect on me this past few months at home. I know my smartphone is also a time and energy sucker but at least I can do some worthwhile things on it, like writing my thoughts and memories down, blogging, staying in touch with friends and family, and reading different articles about parenting and wellness, for example. TV can also be beneficial at times, especially with history programs or funny movies, but I think it affects me when I watch too much because it's not in line with my beliefs of not having Baby Luna watch TV for the first few years. Same goes for the phone actually, which may be why my anxiety is up a bit overall. 

I know that was the case when I finally got organic shampoo for myself last year after hearing about how certain products can affect our overall health from so many chemicals. Something seemingly so simple, but as a result of the switch to organic, I felt so much better about what I was using on my body. Same goes for the food I put in my body too. I have fallen out of alignment with my most precious values and beliefs and this causes angst over time. Sure, it's survival at first because we’re running on little sleep and everything is so new, but 8 weeks in, I'm starting to realize how not staying true to what I believe in--in terms of healthy living for my baby and myself--really can take a toll on my overall wellbeing. 

Since discovering the beautiful silence of the morning, I'm going to start by taking quiet time to reflect and meditate while Luna sleeps, like I'm doing right now. (Writing is a form of meditation for me sometimes.) Through that reflection time, l hope to feel more energized and make choices throughout the day, when it’s possible, around my time and food that fill me up, rather than leaving me depleted.

Have you ever fallen out of alignment with your values? How do you get back in line? 

Rethinking Productivity and Self-Care as a New Mom

 

For more than 7 years, I read and studied about how to better manage stress, how to increase wellness, and how to practice more self-care. When pieces on parenting and stress management or self-care would come up, I would skim through them, not giving them as much consideration because I wasn’t a mom yet. For as long as I can remember though, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would be a mom someday and for the past 6 or more years, I have been preparing for this beautiful roller coaster journey I’m now on as a new mom.

As much as one can prepare for a big event though, you never know how you’ll truly feel once you’re living in the actual event. And as many new parents have shared, sleep deprivation plays a big piece too. I consider us very lucky though because our baby girl, who is now almost 7 weeks old, has been a pretty good sleeper and hasn’t been particularly colicky thankfully either. We’re learning her cues and trying to figure out the signs of when she’s tired versus gassy versus hungry versus with a wet or dirty diaper. She is very expressive which makes our job that much easier. Or we are just psychic. :) I like to think the latter but I also love how expressive she is. Hee hee!

Apart from the general sleep deprivation everyone talks about, a more sensitive, emotional topic comes to my mind and heart that isn’t discussed as much, I don’t think. The feeling moms feel of birthing a part of their physical body and having that being detached from you. The simple act of cutting of the umbilical cord didn’t seem that monumental at that time, but it really was. It symbolized the journey of becoming a parent and of letting go little by little of our very creations. I don’t want to think about all the letting go yet that is to come in the far future when our baby girl grows up and moves on to live her big beautiful life, because for now, it’s the little things, the baby steps. Like for instance, today I had a dentist appointment, so I asked my mom to come with me to the appointment and watch Luna while I got my teeth cleaned. It went great thankfully and I only heard crying from my sweet girl towards the end of the appointment so my heart didn’t break open like it can when I hear her cry too much.

As our doula put it so beautifully, becoming a parent is like wearing our hearts on the outside of us. I most definitely feel that! And as my love grows for our sweet daughter, I feel it more and more. My heart aches physically almost when I can’t comfort her. Thankfully I have been able to stay home with her to care for her and respond to her needs so that her cries don’t go unanswered very often, but as time advances—way too quickly I might add—I know I’ll need to go to more appointments of my own and eventually my husband and I will want to go on a date night and we’ll have to leave our baby girl with family or friends or a babysitter. It’s just a part of life. So for now, little by little, baby steps is all I’m taking. It’s all my heart can take. I know my heart will stretch and my faith will grow so that it won’t break every time someone else watches her, but it’s really painful and tough at first. She’s my greatest creation. My magnum opus, as my own mother puts it.

But getting back to the title of this post, with all this in mind, I have had to begin to rethink what productivity means now. I am a list girl. That doesn’t necessarily mean I get everything done that I write down on my lists, but making to-do lists and project lists and self-care lists help give me a sense of control. If you were to give me a sheet of paper right now, I know I could easily jot down a whole page-full of things I want to do with Luna, get done around the house, cook for dinner over the next few weeks, etc. etc. But that is coming from my previous way of thinking, my pre-mom days. Now the number one priority on my to-do list is to feed my daughter and care for her. Then I also need to feed myself and care for myself. But what does that mean now? It’s a new paradigm for me. Since my baby is like an extension of myself and I care for her everyday, it almost feels like I can get away without caring for myself because I’m caring for her needs. But I know that’s not really the case. I need to care for my own needs too. How to juggle caring for a newborn and caring for the new momma that was just created as well? It’s truly a juggling act. But small baby step ideas are beginning to pop up in my head.

How to Care for My New Momma Self While Caring for My New Baby…

•  Read positive affirmations or articles/Meditate/Pray while breastfeeding
• Take deep breaths during each of Baby’s naps and/or relish in the joy of napping myself
• Mindfully and joyfully complete tasks like washing dishes, doing laundry, changing diapers
• Recognize and acknowledge what I’ve accomplished each day, even if nothing on the bigger to-do list got done, because the number one priority is feeding and caring for Baby and for myself these days
• Take walks outside with the stroller or baby wrap
• Make play dates with friends with babies for social interaction, connection, support, and fun
• Invite people over to visit Baby when needing more adult time and/or support
• Shower—and even take baths when possible!
• Say yes when help is offered
• Choose healthier food options to nourish the body
• Snack on fruits and veggies and protein
• Drink more water
• Stretch with Baby or while Baby naps
• Dance with Baby :)
• Sing to Baby and learn new songs!
• Read to Baby
• Share responsibilities with partner when possible
• Treat yourself—remember one or more of your favorite things and do that!
• Create something—make art again! Baby-related art counts!

See, this kind of list isn’t as overwhelming as my regular lists, because I can embed many of these items into my daily routine. I have to admit though that looking at the entire list does seem a bit daunting, but the blessing of a self-care to-do list is that you can try one thing at a time, add one thing per day or week or whenever you feel you need to, and its purpose is to help you recover from overwhelm and fill yourself back up, so there’s no need to overachieve or check everything off by a certain date. This is a list that will never be completed because it’s constantly needing to be repeated, and that’s a good thing. 

So let’s salute to self-care and rethinking how we look at productivity. Just checking one thing off my self-care list should be considered productive now in my new role as a momma. It’s going to take some time to get used to this new view, as with everything new, but little by little, I’ll take the baby steps necessary to care for both my sweet baby girl and this new momma I’ve become.