My Life Before and After Mindfulness

Before I learned about mindfulness and conscious awareness of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and the world around me, I viewed myself and the world differently. Anxious feelings meant something was wrong with me and mean people were just mean. But as I learned to be more mindful, through LOTS of practice--and I still practice and will do so for the rest of my life, I started viewing my anxiety as energy pent up, needing to be released in some way and not as much about me or who I am at my core. 

As Rumi described in the amazing poem, The Guest House, sometimes certain feelings come for a visit but through conscious awareness, we don't have to let them stay for good. By recognizing that they're only visitors, it gets easier to let go of difficult feelings and not that them on as an integral part of us. We’re bigger than our feelings. Our feelings are energy coming and going, not a permanent part of us at all. We are a vessel for life and energy and emotions or feelings flow through us but they don't become us, thankfully. There was so much relief in that realization for me. I am not my feelings. Whew!

Self-love, self-compassion and even self-care become easier to practice when you're not constantly beating yourself up about how you're feeling. Accepting that all feelings--even the amazing ones--come and go helps release us from their power. And as a result, we regain our own power. Power to live in a more relaxed state. Power to step aside and watch feelings come and go, seeing them for what they are, energy and messengers that teach us when to slow down, when to savor, when to give ourselves more love and compassion.

What are your feelings telling you? 

It can sometimes be a balancing act of listening with conscious awareness but also letting go and remembering it's all just energy flowing through our bodies..

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks

If you would like more support on your mindfulness journey, please visit my coaching page at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com

Blogging from the Blackhole: My Journey to Organize Certain Hot Spots in Our Home Before Baby Comes (Week 1)

 

I think most people probably have one. They probably don't like to talk about it or even think about it too much. What's that, you say? A blackhole of stuff in your home. I have several. And like a blackhole, they suck my energy. Because I want to be energized from my home and not the opposite, I've been planning to clear one particular blackhole in our bedroom for some time now. But the mere fact that it sucks my energy to just think about it has stopped me from getting too far. That's when I remembered that this blog has been an excellent accountability partner in the past with creating positive habits, so I've decided to blog from the blackhole every week until it's cleared. If you have a similar area in your home, I invite you to join me. :) You never know what you might find!

 

Here are some steps to get started:

1) Think of a treat to reward yourself with when you get started or to motivate you to take the first step. :) Mine’s a root beer float (with coconut milk ice cream). Yum!

 

2) Take only a few things out at a time, especially if you're attempting this in the evening after a busy day. (I've said I'll work on this on the weekend but there's always something more fun to do so weeknights are a better option for me.

3) Remove the items from near the blackhole to work through them. It's important to find a space that isn't as cluttered so you can work more smoothly through the stuff.

4) Take a mini-break if you need to before digging in. You make the rules--it's not a competition so go at your own speed and do what feels right.

5) Dig in! Put on some upbeat music or a funny show you've watched before (nothing too distracting though).

6) You pick the length of time to work on this each day. It can be adjusted to best fit your busy schedule. Remember you're the boss! (This is totally a pep talk for me...hoping as I write this that I'll finally make some headway!)

There are lots of great resources, guides and ideas out there about organizing your living space and decluttering. Where I sometime feel resistance though is in all the steps and/or rules to follow. I don't want to have to look back at a guide to figure out the next correct step when I'm in the middle of the flow of disengaging the blackhole. I like the idea that I'm in charge. It takes some of the performance pressure off, at least for me. 

The balancing act is to show ourselves self-compassion and go at our own pace so we don't start pressuring ourselves to beat our earlier time. Yes, it does feel a bit like a race to the finish line because I'm 7 months pregnant, but I'm not going to let that rush me and cause me stress because then I'll most likely freeze up and be back at square one. 

So sit back, get cozy, and go through the stuff you find in the blackhole, little by little, at your own pace. :)

And take note while and after if your energy increases. I've only gone through two bags of mystery items from the blackhole and I already feel a little better from the baby steps taken tonight. (No pun intended. :) )

 

Coming Back to My Creative, Energetic Self

Again I've had the opportunity to practice a lot of self-compassion and self-care in the past few days. I have been craving more fun and making art everyday again, but my body had other plans. Home sick on Wednesday and Friday with an upset stomach and headaches left me with just enough energy to watch some home improvement shows and good movies. A tiny bit of fun but I would have preferred dancing or yoga or drawing or taking pictures or a nice nature walk or making a collage or a pair of earrings. :)

On Thursday, I had a break from feeling yucky and although it was an overcast day, I enjoyed the beauty of the trees in the fog and tried to draw what I saw.

I took a cute cat photo while stuck at home too. :)

Yesterday I had the pleasure to see one of our flower girls who is 9, and she brewed us up a special blend of tea which was very creative and fun. It made me think of a cool theme for a party! :)

Today in Seattle we were blessed with sunshine and warmth which made it feel like spring in the middle of January! The clouds were gorgeous as the sun set.

So slowly but surely I'm coming back to my creative, energetic self. I am thankful for the internal drive to return to my creativity always.

What drives you?

Yoga for Fun

So for today, I mustered up my energy after a long drive and went to yoga. And the yoga instructor was luckily gentle with us and even passed out little twinkly lights. I love those! So for my Fun-A-Day today, I went to yoga. The end. :)

Here is a flashback from last January when I incorporated yoga into my Fun-A-Day as well.

Striving for Good Enough

This past week I've felt a little bit better about my paper addiction by making some progress and even thinning down some of the piles. I have collected paper since I was a girl. I still have some papers from my childhood. Honestly I love paper. I can't deny it. I'm one of those people who can stare at the scrapbook paper at the craft store for a long time. But my collection has gotten a little out of hand and after moving twice in the past 2 years, I would have liked to have been more organized by now. So this week I think I finally got tired of complaining about not having enough time or energy to go through things. And a few mornings ago, I just started going through some papers in a box in our bedroom before I went to work. It wasn’t that sunny out so I didn’t feel as motivated to get to work early and go for a nice walk in the park like in previous weeks, so I instead went through some papers. I didn’t recycle anything or get rid of anything in that instant, but I at least started. Starting is half the battle, I’m finding! So let this be a reminder to my future self to just get started. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to get finished. It just has to get started and keep restarting until it’s good enough. 

I'm striving for “Good Enough!” It's a new normal for me, as a recovering perfectionist. A more realistic and kinder way of living. A more compassionate process, rather than pushing myself to finish everything perfectly and completely the first try and feeling horribly when I don’t succeed. That’s not helping matters. It’s not helping me feel supported in my development. I am working on many personal growth projects right now and showing kindness to myself is probably the number one predictor of my future success and follow-through.  Life isn’t all about productivity. There are so many more interesting aspects of living. So many wonderful lessons to learn. Observations to be made. Love to share. Laughter to be had. Stories to tell. Tips to teach. Creativity to form!

And because of the small progress I made that morning, the next day I came home after an almost hourlong commute miraculously with enough motivation and energy to go through another box that had been sitting in the closet for almost a year. This time I separated things into different piles, deciding what was worth saving, what was worth photographing so that it could then be recycled, what was worth pitching, and what could be used in a future collage. :) It is a lot easier now that I'm collaging regularly to get rid of cute invitations and cards I had been saving, because I can now use the images and words that really inspire and resonate with me and give them a new life in a unique piece of art. :)

The pressure of having to go through EVERYTHING I've collected that sits in the closet, in the drawers, in boxes, in the bookcase, on the table is frankly too overwhelming. By striving for good enough instead and practicing self-compassion in the process, I can work on a small pile of papers that I pulled from one of the problem places and feel more accomplished going through that small pile than I ever did just staring at the daunting task as a whole before me. Breaking it down into little piles is manageable and helps me feel more successful. Also not focusing on finishing, and instead on getting started--over and over again--is much more realistic and doesn't overwhelm me as much. It takes the pressure off. The pressure to do a perfect job and finish going through years of paperwork in the blink of an eye. This is not going to be a quick process with me. I know myself. I love to relish in nostalgia from time to time. I love history. I love reminiscing. I was after all the historian of an honor society club back in high school. Not everything in life is a rush to the finish line. Many things in life turn out better and more enjoyable when taking our time.

So in order to seek progress rather than completion, I must celebrate each and every little victory. Each time I get started. And remember that life is a process, not a destination. Not everything in life is about completing something--so much of life's joys are found along the way as we step forward.

I'll leave you with some decluttering inspiration that serendipitously found me this very week on Facebook from author, Elizabeth Gilbert:

"Pick up an object. Ask self: 'Does this object fill me with a sense of light and possibility?' If yes, keep it. If not, throw that sh*t away." ~Liz Gilbert

Moving My Goodness

Do you ever get home from work or school and feel so tired you just don't want to do anything? I've felt this way many times but yesterday I was listening to the radio, to the Debra Silverman show, on my way home and Debra talked about the importance of moving our energy. So I decided, instead of going home and lounging on the couch--because after all, I did deserve to rest, I went for a walk instead. And lo and behold after moving my energy around and breathing in fresh air, I felt more energetic and was able to do some grocery shopping and clean the house a bit before I started feeling tired again. And even after all that activity, because I focused on the fact I was still moving, I felt more energetic than the day before when I went home and just sat on the couch checking Facebook. (Although one thing I've learned from my self-compassion practice is that some time to do something just for you that you enjoy is totally okay too.) But checking my phone or computer while sitting doesn't cultivate more energy within me. Actually moving my body is what brings me energy, even when I don't feel like it. Especially then. 

After having major surgery almost 2 years ago--thank goodness it's in the past now--I definitely got out of the habit I'd formed the year before of regularly moving, and I still don't feel the same amount of energy or flexibility as before I got struck with chronic pain. So the simplicity of this reminder to just move our energy is very accessible to me. Not intimidating, like going to the gym or even to a zumba class--I'm sad to report that I still haven't gone back to zumba. :(

And let's face it: much of what we do is sitting, so I'm beginning to think that when I feel tired and as I'd say in Spanish, sin ganas de hacer nada (not feeling like doing anything), it's really my body crying out for a little attention. She wants to move. Jump around. Walk. Run. Dance. Jiggle with laughter. Sing. Whatever sounds doable to move energy around. I didn't bring special walking shoes with me today or yesterday; I just started walking. (Luckily my sandals are pretty comfortable.) And I didn't have to walk a 5K to feel a shift in my energy. Just a 30 minute stroll. Or it could have been a 5 minute long laugh--that sounds refreshing too! It'll really make you feel better, trust me. :)

And isn't energy really just tangible goodness? The kind of goodness you feel in your body when you're having fun, the kind of goodness you sense when you're excited and filled with hope about something, the kind of goodness when you feel love and joy fill your heart. If there's a pretty easy way to access more of that, sign me up. I'm moving more then!

And for those of you who physically can't walk or dance because of pain or an injury, because I've been there, laughing really gets energy moving too. And it's super fun! Singing does too!

So let's all get out there and move our goodness around! :-)