My Life Before and After Mindfulness

Before I learned about mindfulness and conscious awareness of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and the world around me, I viewed myself and the world differently. Anxious feelings meant something was wrong with me and mean people were just mean. But as I learned to be more mindful, through LOTS of practice--and I still practice and will do so for the rest of my life, I started viewing my anxiety as energy pent up, needing to be released in some way and not as much about me or who I am at my core. 

As Rumi described in the amazing poem, The Guest House, sometimes certain feelings come for a visit but through conscious awareness, we don't have to let them stay for good. By recognizing that they're only visitors, it gets easier to let go of difficult feelings and not that them on as an integral part of us. We’re bigger than our feelings. Our feelings are energy coming and going, not a permanent part of us at all. We are a vessel for life and energy and emotions or feelings flow through us but they don't become us, thankfully. There was so much relief in that realization for me. I am not my feelings. Whew!

Self-love, self-compassion and even self-care become easier to practice when you're not constantly beating yourself up about how you're feeling. Accepting that all feelings--even the amazing ones--come and go helps release us from their power. And as a result, we regain our own power. Power to live in a more relaxed state. Power to step aside and watch feelings come and go, seeing them for what they are, energy and messengers that teach us when to slow down, when to savor, when to give ourselves more love and compassion.

What are your feelings telling you? 

It can sometimes be a balancing act of listening with conscious awareness but also letting go and remembering it's all just energy flowing through our bodies..

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks

If you would like more support on your mindfulness journey, please visit my coaching page at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com

Embracing My Sentimentalism

In true Brene Brown style, I looked up the definition of sentimentalism and Google said it means excessive tenderness, sadness or nostalgia. And you know what, I think I'm okay with that because if I'm going to be excessive about anything, I think tenderness is right up there with excessive fruit and vegetable eating. :) I have been sentimental for almost as long as I can remember. Maybe it's my astrological chart with 5 planets in water, maybe it's growing up seeing my sweet momma getting teary-eyed at emotional commercials, maybe it's my love for photography and recording fun memories to look back on. I was even my high school honor society's historian one year. (A perfect role for me really!) Then scrapbooking became popular and I ate that up! Then later on with smartphones and social media, apps like Timehop and Facebook started reminding of pictures and posts we created a year or more ago. 

I love that stuff. I eat it up. And I think it's time to embrace it. I don't want to hide it or cover it up. Yep, I'm sentimental and it makes me who I am and if that involves excessive tenderness and nostalgia, I'm okay with it. The excessive sadness can get pretty heavy at times though, but don't they say that you can't truly cherish the sunshine without some rainy or cloudy days? We who live in the beautiful, mostly gray Pacific Northwest know this metaphor well. It makes us love and appreciate the sunny weather even more. And well, if there are too many days of sunshine in a row like a few weeks ago, we start to even long for the cloudier days.

How can we learn to embrace even our sadness? Of course we don't want to live there all the time, but sadness happens, nostalgia happens, and it's a normal part of life. My baby girl, who I waited years and years to meet and hold in my arms finally, is turning one in a few weeks and I've been feeling very sentimental about it. I love watching her grow and learn and develop her sweet spunky little personality! And at the same time, I want to enjoy every milestone and moment with her so much that I want to slow time down. 

I've been thinking about the amazing past year with her and to be honest, some moments are already foggy and that makes me sad, even though I know it's part of parenthood. The amnesia of those first days. And then sometimes regrets start knocking on my door--I should have written down more memories or taken more videos or this or that--but the truth is we sometimes don't know what we’ll want to have as memories until the time has already past. 

Hindsight really is 20/20. And coming back to gratitude and recognizing all that I have recorded of her first days, of my first days as her mama, is key. It grounds me and reminds me to relish in what I do remember and hug her even tighter in this moment, right now. If only mindfulness were more a part of parenting and childbirth ed classes. Because it's really what gets me through hard times. That and love. The ginormous love I feel for this incredible little human being we created! It's overwhelming and comforting and all-encompassing all at the same time! I love her SO much! Words just don't express the enormity of my feelings about her and being her mama. What a truly awe-inspiring gift! And the most challenging and rewarding journey I've been on. I still try to find words to express how I feel about being her mom but my heart really bursts with so much more than words. And with all that tenderness, of course vulnerability and even anxiety accompany these big feelings. Like our doula put so beautifully when Luna was first born, it's like having our hearts on the outside of our body now. 

How do you process big feelings like this? Both loving and anxiety-causing feelings? And a mix?

If you'd like to learn more about life coaching and wellness education services, check out my sister site at Maret Carrillo Coaching: Owning Your Goodness (http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com).

Mindful for the Memories

I think I’ve always been the nostalgic kind of person who was totally excited to be the historian of the honor society club in high school, the unofficial family photographer of close friends, the keepsake-scrapbook-trip journaler type. I love making memories. And now it’s even easier to “think back” and “remember when” with technology and social media reminding us everyday of what we were up to–or at least what we posted about–a year or two or eight years ago. (Yes, social media, as we know it, has been around for more than a decade now! Hard to believe and remember our lives without it sometimes, huh?)

And as I’m completing more than half a year as a mother--my baby girl will be 7 months old tomorrow already–I’m struck with an even greater nostalgia. She does something new and adorable and endearing and funny and memorable everyday. EVERYDAY. How am I to record all of these wonderful memories?! It’s almost overwhelming, of course in a good way, to keep track of each beautiful moment, kind of like grabbing at sand made of diamonds as the tide of time takes each brilliant moment and archives it in the past. 

 

I had a somewhat similar feeling when my husband and I got married almost 4 years ago(our anniversary is next week!) and we planned everything in under 6 weeks. There was a lot of adrenaline and many, many details to prepare but I wanted to remember every beautiful moment back then too. And at that point in my life, time moved slower. Now as a new momma, time flies by at the most incredible speed. I sometimes think “slow down” but then I also LOVE seeing how much my baby girl has grown and learned in such a quick period of time. And I’m excited and thrilled to get to watch her continue to grow and learn more and more. I know this excitement will continue for the rest of my life. 

So what’s a momma (or daddy or auntie or uncle) to do? 

 
 

SAVOR EVERY PRECIOUS MOMENT WITH MINDFULNESS.

Stop, pause, take a few deep belly breaths, and savor it all with mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ultimate elixir for nostalgia. It slows us down at least enough to really enjoy the present moment we’re living and with that reduction in the normally chaotic speed of the world, we get to sit back and savor the beautiful gifts we’ve been given in this life. Whether it be the privilege of watching children of our own or nieces and nephews grow, or our wonderful pets, or going on that incredible trip we’ve been longing to take, climbing that huge mountain finally, or meeting that awesome goal, an unbelievable dream reached, we will surely enjoy reliving all the memories if we stop and really notice how we’re feeling, what colors we’re seeing, what scents we’re breathing in, what sounds we’re hearing. Really taking in the moment helps us savor it so much more right then and there and later on when we want to look back and remember the incredible things we’ve done or witnessed.

I remember stopping to notice an adorable momma duck and her ducklings swimming by right before our wedding ceremony began. It may have seemed like a distraction to some but it was actually one of my ways of taking it all in and really noticing that beautiful moment. And I’m so glad I did.

So as I contemplate where the time has gonethese last 7 months since our daughter was born, I really want to remember to be mindful, mindful of my nostalgia even as I look back at my favorite moments and memories with my daughter so far, and mindful of the moments I’m living right now. There’s really no way to turn back the clock to relish a little longer in the little and big things that I love about becoming a mom but I can take the time to relish right now in this incredible moment of my baby turning 7 months old and stay present in as many moments as possible from here on out. It’s not always easy when you have poop on you or you’re sleep deprived, but I know for a fact that I won’t regret choosing mindfulness when it comes to living the rest of my life.

 

Would you like to live your life more mindfully? 

If you’d like support in living a more mindful life or in reaching your goals, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching and creative wellness services here.

The Importance of Mindfulness - Especially on a Rainy Day

 

 

How we turned a previously described “dreary” day into a more “cheery”--or at least more mindful day...

This morning when I got up, my energy was pretty low and when I looked at the window, there was the infamous Seattle area drizzle happening. It didn't feel very inspiring. But staying inside isn't always the answer. My baby girl and I had an errand to run which also corresponded nearly perfectly with her first nap so I showered and we got ready to go out. 

When on maternity leave, getting out of the house everyday is so important. Not just for me, the mommy, but for my baby too. We both tend to do better when we have plans away from home. So I ran the errand and Luna took a power nap of 30 minutes. 

On our way back home, I took a detour to explore a little and discovered a new walking trail. It was only drizzling out so I decided to park and take my baby on a quick walk. She was all bundled up, snug in her stroller, sheltered from the rain, and had just awoken from her nap happy and ready to explore with Mommy. 

 

We didn't discover anything terribly amazing on the new trail, mostly construction but we did enjoy the fresh air, nature sounds like bird singing, and early signs of spring on the trees. And I think we both felt refreshed. 

 

It's days and moments like these where I'm thankful for practicing mindfulness--stopping and observing the simple things in life. And showing them to my daughter, which makes everything even more meaningful now.

Do you practice mindfulness? What does it do for you?

 

If you’d like support, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching services at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com.

Overcoming Organization Overwhelm: Blogging From the Blackhole Week 2

As week 2 is almost halfway over already, I sit here on the couch contemplating the overwhelm that sometimes comes with getting organized by a deadline. I want to overcome overwhelm, and I also want to conquer my organizational challenges. 

But at the same time, I want to say YES to social functions we're invited to and fully enjoy the beautiful summer that has just begun. Nesting is one thing but having fun and enjoying friends' company is important as well. I wish there were a magic key to balancing it all. And I'm aware--or at least I think I am--of how much juggling we'll begin doing once our baby girl is here. That is after all a huge part of parenthood, isn't it? Finding harmony or at least peace with all the obligations and invitations and activities and much needed rest seems like a huge balancing act. 

So what to do? When I start to feel overwhelmed, or when I'm head first deep in overwhelm and find myself having a hard time catching my breath, a quiet voice inside tells me to focus on this moment. To be present. To breathe. To be grateful. If anything, we can always feel grateful for the ability to take a breath. And when we start feeling grateful for the simple things, we're able to start breathing again and our monkey minds may calm down a bit. That is when we can really that action.

It's nearly impossible--or at least very uncomfortable--to take action and move forward when we can't breathe. So I think that's my short answer. The breath is the key. The key to everything. We're learning about it at our childbirth education class and I've attended mindfulness and meditation retreats and classes about it. It can bring us out of the darkness and into the light again. 

What does mindfulness mean to you? How do you feel when you take several deep breaths? What do you already do that feels mindful or that you do with focused awareness of the present moment? How do you feel when you're being mindful?