My Life Before and After Mindfulness

Before I learned about mindfulness and conscious awareness of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and the world around me, I viewed myself and the world differently. Anxious feelings meant something was wrong with me and mean people were just mean. But as I learned to be more mindful, through LOTS of practice--and I still practice and will do so for the rest of my life, I started viewing my anxiety as energy pent up, needing to be released in some way and not as much about me or who I am at my core. 

As Rumi described in the amazing poem, The Guest House, sometimes certain feelings come for a visit but through conscious awareness, we don't have to let them stay for good. By recognizing that they're only visitors, it gets easier to let go of difficult feelings and not that them on as an integral part of us. We’re bigger than our feelings. Our feelings are energy coming and going, not a permanent part of us at all. We are a vessel for life and energy and emotions or feelings flow through us but they don't become us, thankfully. There was so much relief in that realization for me. I am not my feelings. Whew!

Self-love, self-compassion and even self-care become easier to practice when you're not constantly beating yourself up about how you're feeling. Accepting that all feelings--even the amazing ones--come and go helps release us from their power. And as a result, we regain our own power. Power to live in a more relaxed state. Power to step aside and watch feelings come and go, seeing them for what they are, energy and messengers that teach us when to slow down, when to savor, when to give ourselves more love and compassion.

What are your feelings telling you? 

It can sometimes be a balancing act of listening with conscious awareness but also letting go and remembering it's all just energy flowing through our bodies..

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks

If you would like more support on your mindfulness journey, please visit my coaching page at: http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com

Embracing My Sentimentalism

In true Brene Brown style, I looked up the definition of sentimentalism and Google said it means excessive tenderness, sadness or nostalgia. And you know what, I think I'm okay with that because if I'm going to be excessive about anything, I think tenderness is right up there with excessive fruit and vegetable eating. :) I have been sentimental for almost as long as I can remember. Maybe it's my astrological chart with 5 planets in water, maybe it's growing up seeing my sweet momma getting teary-eyed at emotional commercials, maybe it's my love for photography and recording fun memories to look back on. I was even my high school honor society's historian one year. (A perfect role for me really!) Then scrapbooking became popular and I ate that up! Then later on with smartphones and social media, apps like Timehop and Facebook started reminding of pictures and posts we created a year or more ago. 

I love that stuff. I eat it up. And I think it's time to embrace it. I don't want to hide it or cover it up. Yep, I'm sentimental and it makes me who I am and if that involves excessive tenderness and nostalgia, I'm okay with it. The excessive sadness can get pretty heavy at times though, but don't they say that you can't truly cherish the sunshine without some rainy or cloudy days? We who live in the beautiful, mostly gray Pacific Northwest know this metaphor well. It makes us love and appreciate the sunny weather even more. And well, if there are too many days of sunshine in a row like a few weeks ago, we start to even long for the cloudier days.

How can we learn to embrace even our sadness? Of course we don't want to live there all the time, but sadness happens, nostalgia happens, and it's a normal part of life. My baby girl, who I waited years and years to meet and hold in my arms finally, is turning one in a few weeks and I've been feeling very sentimental about it. I love watching her grow and learn and develop her sweet spunky little personality! And at the same time, I want to enjoy every milestone and moment with her so much that I want to slow time down. 

I've been thinking about the amazing past year with her and to be honest, some moments are already foggy and that makes me sad, even though I know it's part of parenthood. The amnesia of those first days. And then sometimes regrets start knocking on my door--I should have written down more memories or taken more videos or this or that--but the truth is we sometimes don't know what we’ll want to have as memories until the time has already past. 

Hindsight really is 20/20. And coming back to gratitude and recognizing all that I have recorded of her first days, of my first days as her mama, is key. It grounds me and reminds me to relish in what I do remember and hug her even tighter in this moment, right now. If only mindfulness were more a part of parenting and childbirth ed classes. Because it's really what gets me through hard times. That and love. The ginormous love I feel for this incredible little human being we created! It's overwhelming and comforting and all-encompassing all at the same time! I love her SO much! Words just don't express the enormity of my feelings about her and being her mama. What a truly awe-inspiring gift! And the most challenging and rewarding journey I've been on. I still try to find words to express how I feel about being her mom but my heart really bursts with so much more than words. And with all that tenderness, of course vulnerability and even anxiety accompany these big feelings. Like our doula put so beautifully when Luna was first born, it's like having our hearts on the outside of our body now. 

How do you process big feelings like this? Both loving and anxiety-causing feelings? And a mix?

If you'd like to learn more about life coaching and wellness education services, check out my sister site at Maret Carrillo Coaching: Owning Your Goodness (http://owningyourgoodness.wordpress.com).

Creativity: One of the Best Elixir's to Life's Stressors

“...the only way to stay creative is to keep moving forward.” ~Dr. Travis Bradberry

 

Whether you think of yourself as a creative person or not, creativity is what fuels any kind of change in our life. This year my creativity has taken on a completely different form--motherhood. It’s active, it’s in-your-face, it’s singing many times everyday, it’s dancing to entertain my baby, it’s creatively getting things done while keeping my baby happy. Over the past 7+ years though, I developed a creative self-care plan for myself which involved collaging, reflection writing on a regular basis, dance, nature photography, teaching workshops--pretty much anything creative is considered self-care for me. 

Since becoming a mom though, I’ve rethought self-care (read my blog from January for instance) but I find myself missing the regular writing that I used to do. I also miss teaching. I taught 2 workshops at the end of this past December and beginning of January and had another scheduled in February but had to cancel it due to snowy weather and low enrollment. Since then, I decided to focus on building up my life coaching business online. This involves some writing, like my daily posts with a different weekly wellness theme. But I crave typing away when I get an inspiration and also recording my favorite memories. 

I have been writing down all of our baby’s first things on a notepad on my smartphone, but there’s something about hearing the clicking away of the keys on the keyboard when I type at a computer that I miss. I started using my 15 minute breaks at work to write about 6 years ago and have a lot of content saved from over the years now. I’ve always wanted to convert what I wrote into a memoir or novel someday. 

Now as my biggest dream has come to fruition to be a momma, I want to be recording all my feelings & emotions but I’m not. Of course being a mom is a constant juggling act and there sometimes isn’t time to even use the restroom, let alone write about my feelings and lessons, but I want to take more time to write. I came across an interesting quote about writer’s block that may also explain my lack of writing these past months:

“Writer’s block is having too much time on your hands.” ~Jodi Picoult

When I’m in the flow creatively, I’m constantly writing. So despite living my dream of being a mom, I feel like I’m missing an important piece without writing about it. And goodness knows, I need my creative well fully filled as a mom. It’s part of my self-care regime, it helps me find creative solutions to everyday tasks as a juggling momma, and expressing my creativity fills me up emotionally too. I think it’s right up there with mindfulness as one of the all-time best elixir’s for life’s stressors. 

Do you have a favorite elixir you use when feeling stressed or juggling many things?

If you’d like support in living a more creative life or in reaching your wellness goals, I’m here for you. You can learn more about my life coaching and creative wellness services here.