Finding Mindfulness in the Middle of the Night

After 9 months of beautiful anticipation, our sweet baby girl finally arrived three weeks ago today! As new parents, we prepared as best we could by taking classes, reading articles and talking with experienced friends and family, but at the same time we didn't really know what to expect. We knew there'd be sleepless nights and there'd be crying but we also knew we'd fall instantly in love forever with our amazing creation. 

Through that love and exhaustion and because of about 7 years of studying wellness-related topics on my own, I’ve realized that the trick, for me at least, is to practice self-kindness and love as often as possible. And when I feel super tired, I'm more susceptible to stress, but if I remind myself in those moments of afterwards to breathe and ground myself, I feel better.

That is why finding mindfulness throughout the day, but especially in the middle of the night when our baby girl needs us, helps me keep going and focus on the amazing little human in front of me. 

For me, finding mindfulness means taking the time to breathe, to go easy on myself when I don't have all the answers, to go at my own pace, to not feel pressured by others' ideas or expectations. Finding mindfulness really means making it a priority to savor as many moments as possible. I don't want to say every moment because when you haven't slept very many hours, some memories get blurry but practicing self-love and kindness by treating yourself nicely requires not being hard on yourself when you forget to savor every minute. We are human after all. But if we can return to mindful awareness as often as possible or as soon as we remember, we can savor so much more in life and enjoy all the beauty becoming a parent has to offer.

May we never lose sight of the sheer miracle of life we created!

 

How do you practice mindfulness when you're feeling really tired?

A New Perspective on Pain

Three years after major abdominal surgery to relocate a compressed renal vein as a result of a rare syndrome named after the Nutcracker for its “nutcrackering” or clamping down effect on my vein and 125 hours of transformational life coach training later, I successfully managed my cyclical pain without Western medicine this month! This is a big feat for me on so many levels. I’m no longer dependent on pills as my savior when I’m in pain. This summer I’ve been focusing on prevention and self-care before the pain hits, which involves whole-life changes and new healthier habits the whole month long, not just when I’m in pain. I have significantly reduced my intake of:

• gluten because of its connection with inflammation which is known to cause more pain
• soy because of its ability to increase estrogen in the body which increases blood flow and when you have residual varicosities from the Nutcracker Syndrome, excess estrogen is not your friend
• corn due to its links with inflammation and consequently increased allergies, which I’m learning are most likely a result of my body being so inflamed over a long period of time
• sugar—especially refined—because of its connection with greater inflammation in the body as well—this one is especially challenging for me and one I could reduce even more with greater discipline and practice
• dairy, which I had already reduced quite a bit due to gastrointestinal discomfort that started over 10 years ago but which I sometimes still doctored or put a bandaid over with a Lactaid pill
• caffeine because it constricts blood vessels and raises tension levels which can result in increased pain

It’s a big undertaking and that’s why I think it’s been possible for me because of my life coach training. Of course I trained to coach others but I also reap the benefits, and taking on major life changes like this are beginning to seem much more manageable with experience and the tools I’ve learned. I am also incorporating suggestions that my naturopath made a long time ago that I finally feel like I can take on and by adding these self-loving activities into my week, I build up my resilience to stress and my response to pain comes from a calmer place. I remember to breathe through it and not resist or tense up. Through quick morning meditations, lymphatic dry brushing, Epsom salt baths, walking barefoot on the beach, and massage and acupuncture, I am beginning to find regular ways to ground myself into the moment, into gratitude, into trusting. It makes a big difference. It also helps me consider that pain is in our lives for a reason; it’s a messenger and I’m grateful for its message to focus on showing my body move love and dedicate time to improving my health and well-being.

Free Spirited (Recovering) Perfectionist

Well, let's just put it out there. I'm a free spirited "recovering" perfectionist. Until recently, I didn't quite grasp how I could be both. In my wellness research over the past few years, I've grown fond of a type of astrology that combines psychology, called esoteric astrology, I think. (My favorite being Debra Silverman.) And just in the past week, I decided to stop wondering and actually download a free birth chart app to dive more deeply into my self-awareness. Because I believe there is great value in exploring our personalities and unique traits. And astrology is another way to learn about myself. I already know who I am and how I am, but it can be very comforting to finally find a description that actually puts into words how I've been experiencing life but not known how to express into words. (Sometimes it's through images too.)

Just yesterday, a friend asked me what my "rising" sign was, and a few weeks ago, I don't think I even knew what that was. But thanks to reading my free birth chart on my phone last week, a somewhat mind blowing factoid came into my awareness. I may be a Pisces and have five planets in water, which I'd been told several years ago on my favorite radio station, but my rising sign is Virgo. And that's where the "aha" lies. A watery, emotional, super sensitive Pisces with perfectionistic & worrywart tendencies. That's me: a Pisces with Virgo rising.

Now I know you may have stopped reading at this point because who believes in astrology, but this aha has really got me thinking in a way the Myers-Briggs, True Colors and other helpful assessment tests just couldn't quite explain for me. The complexity. The dueling traits. The inner struggle. Now I have a name to describe it!

And today I decided to google it--Pisces with Virgo rising--to see what I'd find, and bam! More clarity. It was almost painfully clear. Words like "doormat" and "cave in" and "sell themselves down the river" really stung. But it's been true. I am proud to say that I've grown an awareness of these stinging identifiers through experience though, and thankfully through awareness comes power and strength. The article goes on to explain that if these special souls can learn to harness their Virgo intellect and Piscean imagination  and value themselves as much as they value others, the sky is really the limit.

And of course, the topic returns to self-love, because lately that's what's been truly calling me. For myself. And to help others through workshops and coaching. I know I'm on the right path for me. Right for me, right for doing my part to heal the world. Hallelujah! And so it is!

To be continued...

(View from my blogging spot tonight)

Just Write...and Dream!

I gotta just write. As the month comes to a close today, and I realize I've only posted one blog this month, I want to maintain my commitment to at least post twice per month, until I get back into my more regular weekly habit again. I've been giving myself a free pass for the last 6 or so months, but there is just so much value for me in writing. When I take the time to reflect and put my life lessons into words, the act of processing and sharing releases tension and brings me greater peace.

This past weekend I completed my 60th hour of transformational life coach training at SLCT, and boy has it been transformational for me so far! In some ways the inner transformation happening in me has been subtle--I feel calmer overall, I pause more, I radiate peace more often. In other ways, I'm living out my dreams--when I look back at the vision board I created almost 2 years ago, several months before I began to regularly post blogs here, so many of the concepts I dreamed of are mine now. They are a part of me. They are second nature. And that feels wonderful. I hadn't really had a chance to really look at my dreams this way and see the progress I've already made on manifesting my dreams until I began my life coach training course 3 months ago.

I'm now practicing coaching technologies or tools that invoke and inspire so many of the concepts I included on my board. More than embodying these concepts of wellness, peace, grace, balance, I'm sharing them with others, and that truly feels like a gift. The time flies by when I practice and then I get to enjoy the after effects of flow and being present in the moment to help effect positive awareness and change in someone's life. I get to inspire others to dream. I get to give them permission to dream. I get to shine light on their brilliance and encourage, encourage, encourage. And with enCOURAGEment comes courage. As Brené Brown writes, the word "courage" comes from the Latin word "cor" meaning heart. I am so blessed to get to connect with the heart of others. And help them see they can connect with their own hearts for guidance, support, and love. It is always available to us. That is the most beautiful thing.

In one of the exercises we learned last weekend, we worked on creating a mission statement for our lives. In mine, I included putting myself first more often and I had to list several actions to demonstrate this, like: going to the spa, taking nature walks, resting before fulfilling others' needs, soaking in the bathtub, making my gym dance or yoga class a priority, cooking healthy organic meals, committing to finishing my art journaling e-course, and overall taking my time and loving more fully. In this, I'm also going to add making regular creative reflection time, like right now as I write this blog before continuing with my day. It is so very important to put ourselves first, so that we can fill ourselves up, feel the joy of being full of self-love, and then be able to give more to others in return. To give more authentically and genuinely to others, because we have done so for ourselves. That is my mission.

"Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we'll ever do."
~Brene Brown

(My new dream/vision board!)

The Little Girl Inside

I want to befriend the anxious little girl who lives inside me. I want her to know I love her and support her. I want to tell her that we are doing great and that we will be okay no matter what. But it's sometimes hard to get her messages. I find breathing deeply helps though. She also seems to remember she's ok and can enjoy life again when I'm moving or creating--through dance, photography, nature walks, hiking, collaging, making jewelry, planning workshops. When she is put in a stressful situation or feels pressure of any kind, she begins to tighten and churn. Sometimes only time can rid her of these sensations, even after moving and breathing deeply. This is why it's so important to remind her that these feelings of fear will change and we will once again feel the joy of life. Living in the moment is key but requires constant, LIFELONG commitment, daily practice and self-love, because with anything that you are practicing comes goof-ups and being hard on her is only going to exacerbate the anxiety.

I now see this little girl as beautiful and courageous and intelligent. She's the little girl I was when I was young. She's the part of me who was too scared to develop into an adult. And maybe that was her purpose all along, her intention, to help balance out the rest of my adult self in order to stay young and full of creativity, energy and hope. Because without this little girl, I wouldn't be able to experience the sheer joy of nature and love and life in the same way. I love skipping. I love feeling joyful. I love giggling. The little girl keeps me balanced and filled with zeal for life. After all, when I think about where the sensations of my joy are located in my physical body, more often than not they are in the same places where I feel the anxiety. Anxiety and excitement create virtually the same sensations for me, only one is associated with negative or scary thoughts and emotions and the other with joyful and positive thoughts, albeit sometimes scary too.

When I'm feeling joyful and excited about life, I welcome the scary parts and do the things that scare me anyway, which is where my courage is born. As I practice everyday, I will continue to tell the little girl inside me that she is amazing and talented and so brave and so loved. So needed. So joyful. She must only stop and breathe in that energy so that the situation can shift and the anxiety will dissipate with practice. It will never go away completely. We need anxiety for our safety sometimes but as we shift, we can lean towards excitement and zest for life instead, in order to train our thoughts and emotions to respond differently or shift and lean more quickly towards joy.

Adding A Little Zest To Life

At the beginning of the year, I received a random card at a Seattle Unity service that was entitled zeal. I hadn't really used this term before though but I immediately liked the sound of it. I had already set an intention to have more fun and be more playful, because I found myself getting really serious and not having much fun as a result, so this card reinforced that intention.

That is about the same time when the Fun-A-Day project appeared out of the blue and was like an answer to the winter blues I had been facing. I had SO MUCH FUN during the month of January creating something new each day and posting it on my blog as Daily Creativity! And this started a daily habit or practice for me, of posting a little something each day, like a reflection, a photo, a short poem, or an inspiring quote. I have had a lot of fun sharing and posting everyday on my blog and one of the most fun and creative parts is brainstorming about a new theme for the month or sometimes just listening to my inner voice and focusing on what I need to focus on in the coming month.

So this month, I have chosen Zest & Zeal. I intend to bring more awareness to the art of having fun and how to add more zest and zeal to everyday life. This can be anything really and I can't wait to see where it leads. I really had NO IDEA that joining the Fun-A-Day Challenge back in January would lead to all these different daily practices each month--February brought Abundance, March brought Self-Love, April brought Grace, May brought Surrender, and June brought Goodness. I love that I can sum up 2014 in these beautiful words, actions, intentions, and practices--creativity, prosperity, self-compassion, graceful living, letting go, and owning my goodness.

And now I'm adding a little more zest and zeal to my days by choosing to focus on:

lively feelings of enjoyment and enthusiasm that increases energy in pursuit of a cause or an objective

And my cause or objective is to be more playful and recognize and honor all the zest and zeal already in my life. :) Just in the past 2 days, I've found zeal in nature through discovering a beautiful pond filled with momma ducks navigating through the lilypads and dragonflies hovering just over the surface.

I have a feeling that I'll be finding zest and zeal everywhere and I can't wait to share with you what I discover this month. :)

Where do you find zest and zeal?

The Peace That Comes With Daily Practice

Looking back on the past four months through the lens of the daily practices I began on the first day of this year, I am awe-struck by all the creativity expressed, empowering research shared, and self-discoveries made in just the first third of the year! I think having a positive topic to focus on each day and post here has really given me a direction to take each day, no matter what happens throughout the day. Even when I'm stressed or super-busy or just plain tired, I try to carve away a few minutes for this practice, and I am enjoying the peace that is slowly coming to the surface as a result. This is not a "get-peace-fast" practice. It takes time. But the beauty of it is actually in the time it takes, because it gives me time to reflect at the end of each day and then at the end of each month on all the nuggets of wisdom I've found. And it gives me a new theme of growth to think about, plan, brainstorm about, read about, and affirm in me each month and each day.

I have also found it a bit easier to add on other small daily tasks. Not too many or not too complicated, because the tiredness factor really does need to be considered in, and self-compassion is key, no matter what. But little things like tracking what I eat again and taking my vitamins everyday again are easier to restart now that I have a regular daily practice. I don't feel the usual resistance I used to feel at times when thinking of adding one more thing to do to my plate. My daily practice of prayer/affirmation/visualization each morning also comes easier because it goes hand-in-hand with my daily focus. Also I have been writing about what I'm grateful for at the end of each day since the beginning of this year, and I find this very centering, and it's a calming way to end each day before going to sleep. If I'm too tired to write something though, I add it to my morning practice, which is also a soothing way to start the day. So it's a win-win either way; no need for guilt, only self-compassion and love here.

So what are the key ingredients to my 2014 life recipe so far?

• Creativity. A daily dose is best!
• Abundance. Coming from within, first and foremost.
• A dash of fun everyday!
• Season generously with self-love and compassion.
• Add grace to each of the other ingredients.
• Sprinkle with laughter, love, vulnerability, courage, faith, and joy.

Please note: follow this recipe everyday until it becomes second nature. This food for the soul can be addicting. :)

Fear is Inner Awareness Bubbling To the Surface

More and more I’m feeling a great pull towards helping others feel their creativity alive inside them, as I have felt in myself, because I think that is one of the keys to feeling better about life in general, no matter what’s happening around you. 

Cultivating resilience is also something I feel I want to explore more, not sure if I am expert on it, although others say I’m resilient and it’s even listed as one of my most dependable strengths, but I think the key to really unlocking it within is to really believe that I am resilient, truly own this strength of mine and learn to recognize its presence in many different aspects of my life. 

This leads me to one of the most important things I’ve discovered on this journey of self-awareness and that is self-love. How utterly essential loving yourself is, no matter what, unconditionally, all the time, in every aspect, mood, body part of yourself. Because without that love, without the awareness of all it can do for each of us, I feel lost and overwhelmed with fear. 

I have been struggling with fear a lot in the past few days. I think it’s actually inner awareness that is bubbling to the surface and on the verge of creating more positive change in my life, but it can feel quite uncomfortable and unsettling. It’s a feeling that causes even more worry in my mind sometimes, like: What’s wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way again? Why aren’t all my daily practices helping? Oh, but then my "inner wise self," as SARK describes her, chimes in and reminds me that my daily efforts ARE creating positive change within me and that even though I feel fearful sometimes, that doesn’t change my essence, my true spirit, my God-given talents and strengths. 

The fear doesn’t diminish the love that’s within me. It only clouds my view of it from time to time, and in order to thrive and flourish, I must accept these feelings and embrace “those scared parts inside of myself” (quoted from the incredibly amazing SARK again). Loving oneself truly and unconditionally involves so many wonderful things—

prioritizing self-care, resting, having fun, getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, exercising, drinking water, prioritizing creative expression, making time with supportive friends, laughing, forgiving, praying/affirming/meditating, reflecting, goal setting, dreaming

—whatever works best for you, and I truly believe showing ourselves love is the key to lowering stress levels, accepting what comes to us, and growing into our true potential.

All the happiness exercises and books in the world won’t amount to much long-standing positive change if we don’t first incorporate into our lives and really truly believe in our own worth and allow ourselves to feel that deep love within us in order to stand up for ourselves, make healthy choices for ourselves, and show ourselves love. Only then will we be able to truly feel happiness. This is what I have come to believe.

2011’s Lesson: Finding Love Within

I feel like a new woman today, one year after the man who I’d been with for 11 years told me out of the blue that he didn’t love me anymore. I feel like the weight of this first year on my own has lifted and I can focus on my beautiful present and amazing future. I want to release all the pain and anger and just let what happened fade into memory now. I’ve analyzed, brainstormed, reflected and expressed what went wrong and why what happened between my ex and me needed to happen for me to become the woman I am supposed to be. So now I can release all that, let it go and give it to the cosmos and to God and really be present now to enjoy and appreciate all that I have.

I was reminded of this feeling of being a new woman in a dance class at the gym today, because one year ago next week, I went to the same dance class and caught a glimpse of how I would feel and what my life might be like in this new life filled with love and not fear. It’s hard to describe in words but the feeling I had in that glimpse was so powerful that it kept me going this past year, especially during the very difficult times. I reflect on why I may have felt that way so soon after my ex told me how he truly felt about me, and I realize now that it was empowerment and control over my life and my love that I felt that day after dance class one year ago. I caught a glimpse of how it feels to not be trapped in a love that is one-sided and can’t possibly give you what you truly need and desire, to not be dependent on someone else’s love or feel scared that they might not love you as much as you love them, that they might leave you but you’re too afraid to even talk about these real fears at risk they may come true.

It’s empowerment to not depend on a man to make me feel loved. It’s control to no longer believe that I won’t exist without this person’s love or that I cannot be happy or fulfilled in life without this person’s love. I now know with my heart, my big, beautiful, fragile, caring, tender, wide-open heart—or at least I’m learning—that I am worthy of love, of all the LOVE in the world, just for being me, just for being born, just for being my mother’s daughter, just for being one of Mother Nature’s and God’s children. I repeat: I AM WORTHY! I do not have to prove this to anyone or be afraid that this love will be taken away, because this LOVE resides inside me, and always will! God put this love in my heart when I was designed and created. I have just now discovered it and found the awe-inspiring, earth-shaking, powerful, wonderful, life-changing love inside ME! And I now know that through the process of getting my heart broken, I was able to find this love inside me. Sometimes you have to have your heart broken to find out that LOVE—true, beautiful, everlasting love—resides inside you, not outside.

What an incredibly powerful lesson to have learned this year and even more importantly to have realized and expressed, so that now I can truly appreciate the journey I’m on, where I’ve come from and where I am now. Wow! It’s an incredible feeling! Everything seems brighter or crisper or clearer in a way. To really believe or know in my heart that I will always be okay, that I will always survive, no matter what, is so inspiring. And to know that no loss of someone else’s love can take away the love inside me lets me finally rest in the faith I have been seeking this past year. This truly feels like I am discovering and recognizing faith, faith in the love that God designed for me, for each of us, that’s a part of our DNA, a part of our soul. NO ONE can take that from us!

Written on December 20, 2011 for my friend and co-worker, Kathy Jenkins's wonderful blog, Lessons from the Monk I Married. You can see my guest blog post on her site at: http://www.lessonsfromthemonkimarried.blogspot.com/2012/01/31-writers-31-lessons-lesson-17-find.html