Reverence for Life and Light

As life becomes harder and more threatening, it also becomes richer, because the fewer expectations we have, the more the good things of life become unexpected gifts that we accept with gratitude.   

~Etty Hillesum, An Interrupted Life

On being light:

Back towards the end of October, I started writing the word "light" on the palm of my hand to remind myself to be lighter in spirit and not feel things that happen as heavy but rather to "lighten" my load. I really like how this short and sweet one-syllable word, "light" can be used as a adjective, verb, or noun. Each has different meanings but both generate feelings of relief and hope for me. 

Google defines light with terms like:

radiant energy

something that makes vision possible 

source of illumination

brilliance

luster

dazzle

glowing

shining

luminescence 

Through this palm reminder, more often than not, I decide to choose light. I choose to embody more lightness into my everyday activities, to bring more light to my world, to seek light in every experience and circumstance. LIGHT is a very powerful and positive trigger word for me and yet so simple and beautiful, isn’t it? 

Recently one morning I read a piece from the excellent book, Self-Care for Life, on ease. And so I wrote the word “ease” on my other hand. Light and ease may just be two of the keys of opening my soul’s window to more joy and peace and love.

On having reverence for life:

Speaking of opening up, sometimes it takes feeling a wall inside of me to realize I need and desperately want to open back up my heart. I am a feeling person by nature and when I can't feel fully, I become stifled and I'm not honoring my true self. I feel out of the flow and joy of life. I feel off somehow. 

But from time to time, a protective shield or wall builds up in my heart, sometimes after a traumatic event, but most often, I'm realizing, after chronic stress, fatigue, and/or prolonged absence from my true calling of creativity. 

Thankfully when I most need it, gifts arrive. Last week I was randomly selected to attend an inspiring weekend event hosted and created by the amazing Oprah Winfrey. In these gifts, I often find time to reflect, to feel, to be in awe, to feel inspired, and to become aware of any protective walls that may be up and begin to embrace my yearning to open up and take those walls down. 

At Oprah's Life You Want Weekend event, I felt moved many times but at first I could feel some resistence. And I know from past experience, mainly last year when I attended the inspiring Jennifer Pastiloff's manifestation yoga class, that when I feel that resistence to inspiring wisdom and reflection and don't react in my natural state of feeling moved to tears or moved to inspiration and creativity, I know something is up. Quite literally. A wall. Built up slowly. But to protect my big heart. The window to my soul and spirit. I'm ready to keep this beautiful window open and let the light shine in, let it sparkle and dazzle with its brilliance.

So here are some life-changing take-aways from a weekend with Oprah Winfrey, Liz Gilbert, Rob Bell, and IyanlaVanzant that I think will help me keep my heart open and let more light into my soul:

1. Stop and put my hand on my heart to take a deep, rich breath in and feel grateful for this life
2. See beauty in nature and almost automatically say this phrase to myself, “reverence for life”
3. Imagine and write out my vision
4. Reread my vision for the Life I Want everyday as a new part quite possibly of my daily reflective practice
5. Feel a part of a greater community of spiritual women, all aligned with a similar purpose of living life to the fullest and with gratitude in our hearts

What makes your heart open and let light in?

Vulnerability As Strength

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness." 
~Brene Brown

I’m just going to put this out there: opening up in my writing and publishing these pieces on my blog is pretty scary at times.  Being vulnerable to possible criticism, misunderstanding, anger, pain is a real challenge.  But I have realized through past posts that the times I am most vulnerable and open in my writing are the posts my readers most enjoy.  It is compelling to read someone’s honesty, to see inside someone’s heart.  It can be rare to be given that opportunity.  There has been a lot of buzz about the word and concept of vulnerability lately, thanks to Brene Brown’s amazing work.  (I am super excited and grateful that my dear mom gifted me two of Brene Brown’s books yesterday!  If you haven’t heard of Brene Brown’s work, please check out her website here.)  

I feel a lot of resistance to being vulnerable sometimes, especially because of past hurts.  I’m trying really hard to let these painful memories go so I can free up space for new light and joy in my life.  Holding on to them weighs me down and makes me feel heavy and closed off to the world.  I want to feel open and passionate.  Having your guard up is a natural protection mechanism but it doesn’t bring any joy into your life.  It only stops everything from coming in.  I have been very adamant about remaining open despite getting hurt, but it is easier said than done sometimes, especially when you receive multiple blows and forget to stay centered, or in my case, your center is literally cut open.  This has affected me immensely.  More than I can describe in words.  

I have to reframe how I view what happened to me last year in a more positive light though, because thinking my spirit has been kind of broken from all the pain and suffering endured does not help me move forward and shed all the layers of painful memories from my back.  Only when I focus on all the strength and wisdom and awareness I have gained from the experience can I then begin to put one foot forward and then the other, slowly but at least in a forward direction again.  I must stop turning around to look over my shoulder at all that has happened.  And instead look at where I am right now, in this instant.  If I look too far forward into the future, fear can paralyze also, so my challenge is to stay in the moment.  Enjoy the present.  Be grateful for where I am right now.  Find peace in my heart that everything is going as planned.  Have faith that I am strong enough to handle anything with grace and love.  

I so want to embody this quote by Rumi:

"The wound is the place where the light enters you."  

My physical wound from last year has been healed for one year now.  The emotional trauma however is taking longer to get past, but as Rumi said, it is where the light comes in.  If you let the opening in your armor just be and sit with it, trusting everything will be okay and not fighting the fact that it exists, incredible things can occur in your life.  A light far greater than you could ever imagine can fill your heart and soul and transform the way you think and perceive life.  

I recently listened to a talk at Center for Spiritual Living online and Kathianne Lewis said that angels manifest in our lives whenever we have high thoughts or thoughts of greater awareness--epiphanies as I like to call them.  So even when we feel that we are not moving forward as much as we would like to, perhaps physically if we have had health challenges or with our life goals, if we are having these high thoughts and understanding humanity or ourselves a little better, we are being supported by these angels in our lives who help us understand what is happening and recognize the grace in each situation.  And through this divine assistance, we are growing and changing and moving forward as spiritual beings.

I will leave you with one more quote on vulnerability:

You don’t always have to be strong.

You don’t always have to fight off those tears.

Sometimes it’s good to let them flow and let it go.

All your holding back can just keep building it all up.

It’s alright not to have it all figured out yet.

Give it time to unfold.

~Karen Salmansohn

Deciding to Rewrite My History

Recently I read a great line from Tess Marshall of The Bold Life on rewriting our history and I felt compelled to reflect on this and write about it.  I spent much of 2012 dealing with some quite challenging health issues and feeling a bit beside myself and at times sorry for myself because of the chronic, debilitating pain I experienced before having open, abdominal surgery and the acute, agonizing pain I felt post-op due to an infection and open wound as a result, that took 4 long months to heal.  

But what if I chose to rewrite that history for myself?  What if I chose to view and remember all the wonderful things I learned from these challenges and also all the wonderful things that happened at the same time as all these challenges?  Wouldn’t last year’s traumas then have more value and meaning for my overall story and life experience? I think so!

If I shift my focus and instead of remembering all the pain, instead remember all the love I received and was able to give, 2012 is illuminated in a whole new light. A light of learning to trust with all my being and falling deeply in love with my soulmate and now husband, of being gentle and loving with my other soulmate--me!--and of returning to my childhood home to be cared for so tenderly by my dear, sweet, patient mother.

I get a little teary-eyed and start to beam with love and light when I reflect and remember ALL THIS LOVE that filled my life last year. I would MOST definitely prefer to remember all the love, rather all the pain! So here I begin. To rewrite my history. It feels good. It feels positive. Proactive. And fills me with thanksgiving. Like a gratitude journal for the past. That's it! So whenever there is a painful part of your past that might return to haunt you from time to time, remember what you were grateful for during that time. Even if it seems hard. I know there's something. If you have trouble, remember you're alive. That's a BIG something to be thankful for, isn't it?

Photo taken today in Lake Forest Park, Washington by yours truly, la Ecua-Gringa.