Fun is in the Eye of the Beholder

Fun is in the eye of the beholder...

Could it be possible that having fun is all about perspective? 

I've been writing "have more fun" on my calendar each week for several months now and when I look back sometimes I think I did have some fun and other times I think "meh, I need to have more fun." "I need to let loose more." Or do I? If letting loose is fun to you, then yes. But if letting loose causes anxiety and makes you feel uncomfortable, then probably not. I don't know which it is for me. I think it depends on the moment. 

The life of an extroverted introvert is complex. We like having fun with others but we also enjoy having alone time. And if there's not a good balance of both, we're not a lot of fun to be around, in all honesty. At least in my experience I can get really grumpy if I feel overstimulated by too much interaction and don't have enough alone time. And the reverse is the case as well. I can get pretty grumpy with too much alone time too. 

I've been hearing a lot about functional medicine lately though and I think there might be an underlying cause to this grumpiness. (And it might not have as much to do with being extraverted or introverted as I think.) My gut instinct says it's more about worthiness. And a cultural belief possibly that as adults we're not supposed to have that much fun. "Grow up" and "be serious," "act mature," "don't be such a baby" are just some of the phrases that we hear pretty often. But aren't we losing the joy factor released when having fun, the fun that we had when we were kids, the joyous, creative, open-minded type of fun? 

Why is so much emphasis put on acting like an adult in this culture? Is working too many hours and feeling stressed out all the time really an ideal that we want to follow? 

Yes, we have more responsibilities as adults but do we really have to confront all of those responsibilities with grumpy, stressed-out, "mature" behavior? And what's so "mature" about feeling stressed out all the time anyway? Wouldn't it actually be more mature to be resilient and bounce back from day-to-day adult stressors through having more fun and creative time? Aren't we all worthy of that?

What does "to have fun" really actually mean?

As I've learned from Brené Brown, knowing the definition of the terms we regularly use can really shed greater light and increase our awareness of how we use these terms and ideals in our lives.

The Webster dictionary says that the word "fun" means "the feeling of being amused or entertained" or "something that is amusing or enjoyable : an enjoyable experience."

What do you find enjoyable? What does "having fun" mean to you?

For me, it can be a wide variety of things. I have fun creating art, taking pictures, writing, cloud watching, dancing, walking, laughing, telling stories with friends, listening to lively or beautiful music, traveling to a new place, sometimes cooking. :) 

Do you think some mundane things in life can be converted into an enjoyable experience or a fun time?

If I have taken the time to fill my self-love and worthiness cup up with beautiful affirmations, breathing exercises, creative expression, friendly connection, and love, then yes, I think it's possible. 

But if that cup is running low, the grumpy factor swoops in more quickly and even normally fun activities can feel like a drag. It's all about perspective, awareness, attitude, and self-love, huh?

Miracles of Mindfulness

Remembering what I learned at the recent Heart of Mindfulness retreat I attended at the beautiful Talaris Center in Seattle, presented by Erica Rayner-Horn, it's essential not to get caught up with preferences, of what I like or don’t like, what I want or don’t want, and instead accept what is right now in this moment and know and gain great relief from the fact that everything changes.  One great technique I also learned at the retreat is to take as many “mindfulness pauses” as I need throughout each day.  And to “perk up and lean in” rather than “tense and avoid.”  As I reflect on these wise teachings, I realize that I’m tensing and avoiding as I think about upcoming potential changes.  Instead I need to shift my perspective and become curious about the sensations happening in my mind, body and heart/spirit and perk up and lean into this feeling.  It’s counter-intuitive but I know that it’s important not to avoid uncomfortable things, but instead confront them and let them have their way with me so that I can let go and be free again.

Here are some specific examples of what I learned at this wonderful retreat:

• A review of what mindfulness is (the awareness that comes from paying attention in the present moment, in a non-judgmental way).
• Different methods to apply mindfulness to our daily lives, at work or at home: mindfulness pauses, daily meditation or deep breathing practice, body scan exercise, mindful walking and movement, mindful eating, slowing down to notice our feelings, sensations and surroundings.
• Suffering is equal to pain multiplied by resistance, and escalation plays a big role in suffering also. So much of suffering is because we’re not okay with what is, right now.
• Getting away from preferences or opposite “poles”--wanting or not wanting, liking or disliking and instead accepting what is right now in this moment.
• When faced with a difficult feeling or emotion, perk up and lean into it, rather than tense and avoid, which we tend to do naturally when afraid.
• Maintain a sense of openness and curiosity, especially when in physical or emotional pain, rather than tensing and anticipating something “bad” will happen.
• Release and let go of the constant need to judge things/people/events/memories/thoughts/emotions/feelings as good or bad; they just are.
• Accept what is, right now, knowing that change will always come.
• When triggered by stress, stop and take a mindfulness pause.
• Stay with the uncomfortable feeling and be aware.
• Bow to your experience and name it.  Label it and see how much easier it is to let it rest.
• Train yourself to notice your stress triggers faster and recognize how your mind, body and heart react.
• Note a particular thought or emotion and then release it or let it rest.  

Written June 20, 2013